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Post by obobfla on May 27, 2016 18:08:20 GMT -5
Normally, I would not say what to do. You have years with your husband, and we only know what you tell us. But that being said, there are some major red flags in your story.
He does not visit you after you are hospitalized for suicidal thoughts? That's a huge one. He refuses to seek treatment for his own problems? He is a Pharoah - King of Denial. He keeps you from your daughter? That would ignite my inner grizzly bear. No one comes between me and my child!
I know you have a lot on your plate. But you need some serenity, and you are not getting it at home. I hope you find it.
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 22:35:21 GMT -5
Not sure who to root for. This was the first time I rooted against a Pittsburgh team
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 21:11:41 GMT -5
There is still a period left, Z
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 19:16:29 GMT -5
I want to see it in Tampa!
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 18:30:33 GMT -5
I don't know if I want sex more since I am in a SM, but I value it more. Any sex is good, but sex with that connection is even better. My self-confidence was shot after my and I stopped having sex. She was so scared of getting pregnant, even after I had a vasectomy! (My wife is not all there). Anyway, I started chatting with someone in another defunct sexless marriage group. We progressed to video calls. It was so wonderful just seeing how she looked at me!
We eventually met in a hotel room and went from 0 to f*cking in less than 60 seconds. It was so good. After that, we had two incredible weekends together. Unfortunately, the distance between us killed our relationship. We both had autistic sons, and neither of us wanted to move. She found someone who lived closer.
Since then, I have learned to appreciate having a woman friend next to me - someone more than a one-night stand but not necessarily someone to spend the rest of my life with. I loved getting to know the woman. We talked kids, causes, and personal problems. It was not so much to plan a life together as to just cherish the time we spend together, especially the time being naked in bed together!
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 12:55:09 GMT -5
Thanks nyartgal! I learned a lot reading your post.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 20:22:47 GMT -5
I would love to say keep letting her. But if my wife tried to service me, I would have a hard time ejaculating too. In fact, I would probably turn her away.
I guess I am the refuser now. I see signs that she may want to have sex. But after being rejected and ignored for so long, I don't trust her for sex anymore than a way to keep me around a little longer, and I am no longer attracted to her.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 19:53:51 GMT -5
Twenty-one years ago, I realized I had a problem with alcohol and started going to AA meetings. While there, they gave me the "Big Book," which is pretty much the original Bible of recovery programs. In that book, I found two paragraphs that changed my life. The paragraphs were originally on page 449, but they have been moved to page 417 on the last reprint. It is the closest thing I have found to the secret of life:
And acceptance is the answer to all my problems today. When I am disturbed, it is because I find some person, place, thing, or situation—some fact of my life —unacceptable to me, and I can find no serenity until I accept that person, place, thing, or situation as being exactly the way it is supposed to be at this moment. Nothing, absolutely nothing, happens in God’s world by mistake. Until I could accept my alcoholism, I could not stay sober; unless I accept life completely on life’s terms, I cannot be happy. I need to concentrate not so much on what needs to be changed in the world as on what needs to be changed in me and in my attitudes.
Shakespeare said, “All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women merely players.” He forgot to mention that I was the chief critic. I was always able to see the flaw in every person, every situation. And I was always glad to point it out, because I knew you wanted perfection, just as I did. A.A. and acceptance have taught me that there is a bit of good in the worst of us and a bit of bad in the best of us; that we are all children of God and we each have a right to be here. When I complain about me or about you, I am complaining about God’s handiwork. I am saying that I know better than God.
I am not saying accept a celibate marriage. We can change that. But we cannot change our spouses or our parents. They are who they are.
Sorry if this seems like a hijack. But I have been in therapy and support groups over my SM. The acceptance is the start of successful therapy, no matter what therapist you see.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 18:44:31 GMT -5
I say if he wants to work on himself, you go work on yourself. And if you need a good-looking member of the opposite sex to increase your self esteem, by all means avail yourself the opportunity!
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 18:36:47 GMT -5
The Problem (TM)? Who owns the trademark?
My wife and I don't have sex. She also doesn't communicate well with either me or my son. People who don't get that sex is a wonderful way to communicate are usually out of it.
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Post by obobfla on May 25, 2016 11:54:38 GMT -5
It could happen. All kinds of weird things have involved that cup. I think Red Kelly's baby even peed in it. All true. Just when I was about say I want to eat cereal out of it!
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Post by obobfla on May 24, 2016 22:02:40 GMT -5
I was watching the dancing show on TV and the hockey game on the phone. All the while, I was checking this site on the iPad, and my son was making faces at me. Multitasking!
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Post by obobfla on May 24, 2016 22:00:59 GMT -5
Damn! Hope the Bolts get back and take Game 7 in Pittsburgh.
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Post by obobfla on May 24, 2016 21:33:27 GMT -5
The Bolts are waking up now. Hope it's not too late!
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Post by obobfla on May 24, 2016 19:44:22 GMT -5
They should visit your area. Unbelievable sunsets, spring training baseball, and flamenco dancing!
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