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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 20:32:35 GMT -5
First, I am not a fan of pageants. To rank one girl as prettier or more accomplished than another is hogwash. If I had a daughter, I don’t know if I would let her in a pageant. I know some girls who were in them, and they said they were positive experiences. But I would need a lot of convincing to let my daughter in one.
As to the two ladies pictured - don’t know the current Miss USA, but Lynda Carter is a dream. She could sing too.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 20:13:31 GMT -5
I think the volcano is erupting, tamara68. No father, no matter how OCD, can keep a teenage girl and her hormones under control. Hopefully, she can get free of her father soon. But now your real work begins. She’s had her mind poisoned by her father, so it’s going to take awhile to regain her trust. Take your time. Maybe take a few trips together. I’d be tempted to take a road trip to Paris and Disneyland. If you are feeling really brave, you might head to the States and Disney World. I know some tour guides.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 14, 2018 12:14:19 GMT -5
Considering how this day affects most of us in the group, I thought about posting some tunes that might be comforting to us deprived souls on Valentine’s Day, such as the J. Geils Band’s “Love Stinks” or Good Charlotte’s “I Don’t Want Be in Love,” but I have to post a memory. Valentine’s Day was actually one of the better days with my wife, and we did have memorable love making sessions on that day. But my most unforgettable moment was one day when we were dating.
She and I were sitting on her living room floor, and she was wearing a teddy. She looked at me and sang “My Funny Valentine” in her absolutely gorgeous voice. I don’t think we made love that night, but her performance was worth it. How could I not marry her after that?
I am posting Ella Fitzgerald’s version here. In spite of all the advances in recording since those days of one-track recording, there are few records that compare to Ella singing this song.
Happy Valentine’s Day
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Post by obobfla on Feb 13, 2018 22:36:30 GMT -5
rhapsodee, I just went through nine months of hell after my wife was diagnosed with breast cancer. The first round of chemo put her in the hospital, where she needed heart surgery. After the heart surgery came the mastectomy. It was all too much, and she succumbed in December. Thanks for giving me a success story. Glad you are getting better.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 13, 2018 21:41:45 GMT -5
I had my son at 42, and I think I got him in under the radar. Even if I could get my vasectomy reversed, I don’t know if I would have the energy required to raise a child.
But I am glad I had mine. We have a lot of fun together and tease each other mercilessly. This past weekend, we were racing each other in go-karts. He does keep me young, even when I want to be old.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 12, 2018 21:50:31 GMT -5
I got as far as Johnny Carson, and lost patience to read the rest. Apart from “are you married?” which I hope I’d know before the first date, these questions are not what I would regard as important. If someone asked me these questions, I’d fail. I want to know about character and values, and interests we may have in common. No sex talk at all. Anyone who starts talking sex on the first date is the last date. One problem with this approach: If we are on a date together, we are evaluating each other as possible sex partners. It doesn’t have to be tonight, next week, or even next month. In fact, we just might say to hell with romance and just be friends. But if we continue seeing each other on a dating basis, one of us will eventually proposition the other, even if it’s to ask for marriage. So if I sizing up someone as a potential sex partner, I think it’s kind of important to know her views on sex. I don’t have to know how many partners she’s had. I really don’t care. I don’t need to know her favorite position or whether she likes oral sex or not. I just need to know if she has a positive attitude towards sex and if she would consider it before marriage. Considering our last relationships, I think it’s only fair. If I don’t find that out on the first date, there won’t be a second date.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 11, 2018 20:13:23 GMT -5
2old2startover, I think you have expressed yourself well. You acknowledged your resentment and told how you cope. I have a friend who gives me non-erotic massages, and they feel wonderful. We all need to be touched. Several of us have tried various solutions, including outsourcing or divorce. IMHO, couples who aren’t having sex aren’t communicating very well. You say she “acts as though it is something that she doesn’t feel much need for,” but what does she say? Is she having medical problems? You resent her. Does she resent you? Normally, the answer is “find someone else,” but understandably you don’t want to do this. However, you might want to point out to your wife that there are more available single women your age than there are men. If she has a problem being affectionate with you, there are others her age who probably wouldn’t.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 11, 2018 13:27:33 GMT -5
I’m not in management, but I’ve interviewed job candidates. More than any job skill, the trait I look for is competency and trustworthiness.
My wife was honest, but she could not hold down a job. Eventually, she had to go on disability. She was not competent to do much more than basic household work. When it came time to make serious medical decisions about me, she didn’t know what to do.
Towards the end, my wife was less of a wife and more of a daughter that would never grow up. If and when I get married again, I am going to make sure that I am not the only adult in the relationship
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Post by obobfla on Feb 11, 2018 12:19:12 GMT -5
I love all these questions. I even liked how they are phrased. For example, the vacation question shows how someone handles money. The “happily ever after” question, which is a major red flag for me, shows how realistic the person is.
If there is one tidbit I got out of my marriage is this: Date all you want. But if you are going to marry, then marry someone you would hire for a job. I sure didn’t. If there is a next time, I will. In the meantime, I am going to work on my own “resume.” Found some holes in mine that I need to fill.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 10, 2018 14:35:40 GMT -5
Once again, no real action plan. First, he says that you and he have to partner to take care of his sexual issues. How? Any good exercises? Mutual massages?
Looking at dating sites. Again, you two have separated. He’s going to Plan B. But shouldn’t he try Plan A first?
You’ve heard enough words. I’ll let Mary Chapin Carpenter say the rest.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 10, 2018 10:49:51 GMT -5
Since this site is public, I don’t dare put my pic. If I’m caught here, at least I have some deniability.
Donald Duck is for my son. When I put him to bed when he was younger, I did Donald Duck imitations before kissing him good night. Plus, I live near Disney World. I don’t work for the Mouse, but my niece does.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 10, 2018 10:11:05 GMT -5
My wife’s refusing came from her mental illness. Still, an awful thought creeped into my head - I must not be very good in bed. Maybe I once was, but not anymore. Is there a problem with me?
Then I had my affair. No, there is nothing wrong with my sex skills. According to my AP, I was pretty damn good! I was a man again.
But there was a lot more than sex. I totally believe we were in love. When we saw each other on video chats, both of our faces would light up. We were friends. I helped her into recovery. We both had autistic kids, so we shared our experiences there.
Although we lived 1,200 miles apart, we chatted almost every night. The distance and our family obligations broke us up. Of course, the distance may have kept the affair going longer than it should have. I’m really not sure.
Whatever it was, the affair was simply magic. I saw where my AP got engaged. I wrote to her, congratulating her and giving her an update of where my son and I are. I thanked her for the time she gave me and said I didn’t regret any of it, including its ending. We came into each other’s lives at a difficult time and carried each other over to better days.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 9, 2018 12:55:26 GMT -5
surfergirl, I am trying to figure out Mr. Surfer here. You’ve mentioned that he is a good provider, excellent business partner, and ok guy. I’ll forgive him for checking out dating sites, as you two are separated. And I give him credit that he is not blaming you or lashing out at you. He knows he’s done you wrong. But he is a horrible communicator. First the companion remark - not a great choice of words. By definition, you and I have been companions. Other people in this forum have been your companions. While I can’t speak for your other companions, I know that you and I have never had sex with each other, don’t have any kids together, and never spent a night under the same roof. You should be much more than a companion to him. Tell him you have plenty of companions. Then there is the lack of sex, one of the greatest forms of communication in the world. Sure, it could be nothing more than mutual masturbation. But it also has messages like “I love you,” “I trust you,” and “You are a desirable person.” He is definitely not communicating on that level! But since you are a businesswoman, I figure actions speak the loudest. I notice you have an action list (trial separation). He has not made one constructive suggestion on how he will improve the situation. Sure he says we’ll work it out. How? And this is all said in email? Email is cheap! How often do you buy an item through email alone? Saving my marriage is worth at least one plane ticket or a long drive. If that is not possible, a phone call would be better. I have always thought that if my wife were my employee, I would have fired her. Her communication skills really sucked. But that was because she was mentally ill. For the most part, she stuck to her treatment. She was my wife, and she could not make it on her own. I stayed with her for that reason. Right now, you have called your husband into your office. You can fire him, put him on probation (separation), or let it slide. I am in no position to tell you which choice to make. But I would suggest that if you are going to keep him, he needs to explain how he will improve his communication, not just speak in generalities. Then he has to follow through and complete each step. And you need to hold him to it. Truthfully, you can do worse than your husband. But you can also do better than he is right now. You said he’s a smart man. Well, even the smartest of us can be awfully stupid. The bottom line is that your needs are not being met, and I don’t just mean sexual needs. He is not meeting them.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 7, 2018 12:59:10 GMT -5
Let me give the male version here. surfergirl and I agreed before meeting that this was not a romantic date. This detail put me at ease. I didn’t have to worry about impressing her or screwing up my chances. If I had hoped to woo or seduce SG, I probably shouldn’t have gone. Instead, I came expecting to have an honest talk with a fellow ILIASM member about the events in our lives. I could talk about my marriage, past lovers, and my wife’s death. I knew that if I cried, she would understand. I might embarrass her in a crowded bar, but I didn’t need to worry about scaring her away. With my wife’s death, I have experienced a wide range of emotions. Talking to a female friend and getting her perspective helped me a lot in my grieving. The fact that SG is as attractive as she is was a very nice plus. I think a problem is that many of us like to “keep score” on dates. Will we have a second date? Did I get to first base/second base/third base/home with her? Considering that I am in no shape to have a serious relationship right now, it doesn’t do me any good to rate a date like that. But for those keeping score at home, I got a nice hug from SG and nothing more. As to a second date/not date - if it happens, I would like some of you to join us and make it a ILIASM party.
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Post by obobfla on Feb 7, 2018 11:39:06 GMT -5
Now, I believe baza (?) and I had a little back-and-forth regarding whether it was honest for me to post not great pics of myself, so that men would be pleasantly delighted instead of disappointed when we meet in person. The pics I posted were/are real, enough to make you say okay to meet, but I know they are not great pics. I'll let Bob weigh in if he wants to regarding whether it was "honest" or not. Did you feel lied to, Bob? Honest question and you know I can take the real answer. The camera was as honest as it could be. Photographs tend to make you look heavier than you are. I don’t feel lied to. I just prefer the 3D version of you over the 2D version.
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