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Post by jim44444 on Feb 11, 2018 11:00:08 GMT -5
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 11, 2018 11:07:19 GMT -5
From the article, as of 2017: "As the United States celebrates Presidents Day, an historical oddity continues: President John Tyler, who served from 1841 to 1845, was born in 1790, died in 1862, still has two surviving grandsons.
Lyon Gardiner Tyler Jr. was born in 1924. Harrison Ruffin Tyler was born in 1928. They are the sons of Lyon Gardiner Tyler Sr., one of President Tyler's 15 children.
"Both my grandfather — the president — and my father, were married twice. And they had children by their first wives. And their first wives died, and they married again and had more children. And my father was 75 when I was born, his father was 63 when he was born," Harrison Tyler explained to New York Magazine in 2012."
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 11, 2018 11:15:05 GMT -5
An article about seniors who divorce: "According to a Pew Research Center report from March of this year, the divorce rate for married people in the US age 50 and older is now about double what it was in the 1990s. And, according to data from the National Center for Health Statistics and US Census Bureau, the divorce rate for those 65 and older tripled from 1990 to 2015. Experts say the trend makes sense. When seniors divorce, it tends to be less acrimonious, and, with people living longer, they don’t want to spend their retirement years in an unhappy union. “It’s certainly easier when there are no kids or custody issues involved. It’s like, ‘We raised our kids, made our money, we want to be happy now,’” says Alyssa Eisner, a matrimonial lawyer who has been practicing for 17 years and is based in Forest Hills. “Sometimes they lived solely for the kid or other spouse and think, ‘It’s my turn now.’ Sixty or 70 isn’t old nowadays.” “They look at each other and say, ‘I have more good years. Why should I spend it with someone I don’t love or even like?’” adds Rachel Sussman, a relationship specialist in Union Square. “Retirement doesn’t feel like the end, it feels like the beginning. If you have a partner who doesn’t want to share that with you, why would you stay?” That’s the attitude Geraldine Biordi, 62, took when her husband of 21 years asked for a divorce. While she was blindsided by his request, she ultimately found it liberating. “In your 60s, you realize life is finite,” says Biordi, whose divorce was finalized in March. “It doesn’t go on forever: You start to question, what do I want with the rest of my life?” It was the second divorce for Biordi, who split with her first husband in her 20s when she had a young daughter. This time was less difficult, she says. “This one is much easier, even though this marriage was so much longer,” says the Douglaston, Queens, resident who owns her own real estate company. “The only way to survive divorce is to realize you’re the only person who can make yourself happy. You cannot rely on another person in this life to account for your happiness.” nypost.com/2017/06/14/this-is-what-divorce-looks-like-after-50-years-of-marriage/
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 11, 2018 11:18:52 GMT -5
"HILARY STEPHENS was 57 when she decided she had had enough — enough of her job, of caretaking, of her marriage of 28 years. So she did something many people fantasize about: She walked away from it all. “Sometimes it’s the only solution,” said Ms. Stephens, now 58 and the mother of two adult children. She moved from Washington to the Philadelphia area, where she is now vice president for development at Woods Services, a nonprofit. Late-life divorce (also called “silver” or “gray” divorce) is becoming more common, and more acceptable. In 2014, people age 50 and above were twice as likely to go through a divorce than in 1990, according to the National Center for Family and Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio. For those over 65, the increase was even higher. At the same time, divorce rates have plateaued or dropped among other age groups. One explanation is that many older people are in second marriages; the divorce rate is about two and a half times larger for those who have remarried and are often grappling with blended families or greater financial challenges. Life expectancy also plays a role. In the past, “people died earlier,” said Pepper Schwartz, a professor of sociology at the University of Washington in Seattle, and the love, sex and relationship ambassador for AARP. “Now, let’s say you’re 50 or 60. You could go 30 more years. A lot of marriages are not horrible, but they’re no longer satisfying or loving. They may not be ugly, but you say, ‘Do I really want 30 more years of this?’” Besides realizing that “adequate” does not suffice, separation no longer holds the stigma it once did. Just look at Al and Tipper Gore, who split in 2010 after 40 years of marriage and four children (they have yet to make it official). Or the Alabama governor Robert Bentley, and his wife, Dianne, who filed for divorce in August, one month after their 50th wedding anniversary. But perhaps the biggest reason for the increase in late-life divorce is the changing status of women, who initiate about 60 percent of divorces after age 40, according to AARP. This does not mean that the men aren’t disenchanted too. It just means that women actually take the decisive step. “I think men don’t want to rock the boat, and they’ll put up with a not ideal situation,” said Avivah Wittenberg-Cox, 54, whose marriage dissolved five years ago and who runs 20-first, a gender consulting firm in London. “Part of the shift is that now women have been liberated, empowered, moved around, know how to get what they want. They are increasingly breaking up the relationships to find someone else or to be on their own.” Dr. Schwartz, the sociologist, agrees. “Women have higher expectations for their emotional life,” she said. Dr. Schwartz, 70, has personal insight into the issue: She and her husband divorced 15 years ago. They had been married for 23 years, she said, but “the marriage had run out of juice.” www.nytimes.com/2015/10/31/your-money/after-full-lives-together-more-older-couples-are-divorcing.html
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 11, 2018 11:22:00 GMT -5
"Divorces among people over 60 in England and Wales are steadily increasing, in sharp contrast to the overall trend in marital splits, official figures show. Guardian Today: the headlines, the analysis, the debate - sent direct to you Read more The ageing population is an important factor, but a gradual loss of stigma associated with divorce over two decades may also have contributed to a tripling of the number of divorced people in the age group to 1.3 million, the Office for National Statistics suggests. The increase in women in employment, resulting in greater financial independence, may be another reason. Although the proportions of older men and women getting divorced are still small, the relationship counselling organisation Relate said the issue was of increasing importance to society. It argued that the baby boomer generation, many of whom redefined relationships with higher divorce rates and more fluid family structures when they were younger, needed help to maintain relationships now. Relate's chief executive, Ruth Sutherland, said: "It is clear from today's statistics that there are many pressures facing couples as they grow older. Relationships are often missing in the current debate on our ageing society but 83% of people we surveyed aged over 50 told us that strong personal relationships were the most important factor to a happy later life. This data shows once again that this is a very real issue for many older people." Relate, which co-authored a report, Who will love me when I am 64? (pdf), with the New Philanthropy Capital thinktank in June, is calling for a minister for ageing society to help co-ordinate a strategy that puts healthy relationships on a par with health and financial security in later life. Divorces among people of all ages peaked in 1993 at 165,000, two decades after divorce law reform. In 2011, the last year for which figures are available, there were 118,000 divorces. In that total there were nearly 9,500 men aged 60 or older, an increase of 73% on 1991, and 5,800 women in the same age group, up from 3,200. On average husbands tend to be older than their wives. Advertisement The overall divorce rate fell from 13.6 per 1,000 married men in 1991 to 10.8 in 2011, but for the 60 and overs the rate rose from 1.6 to 2.3 per 1,000 married men, and from 1.2 to 1.6 per 1,000 married women. As couples get older, men are more likely to file for and be granted divorce. In 2011 34% of those granted divorces were men, but in the older age group men were just as likely as women to be granted the divorce. The ONS suggests this may be down to older women being more likely to lose out financially if they divorce because of lower earnings over their lifetimes and lower pensions. The average length of marriage for men getting divorced at 60 or older was 27.4 years, with only 14% having being married for less than a decade. For women in the same age group the average length of marriage was nearly 32 years. Reliable comparisons with the picture for civil partnerships, first granted in 2007, are limited because only four years of figures are available. Over that time there were 92 dissolutions granted to people 60 or over, less than 3% of all dissolutions. In 2011 8% of all divorces were granted to men in that age group and 5% to women. Jonathan West, head of family and matrimonial law at the London solicitors Prolegal, said: "Grey divorce is growing rapidly as many people who have hung on until the children leave home realise they have little keeping them together. Divorce is much simpler and cheaper when you don't have to worry about child maintenance. This is one reason why older men are more likely to initiate divorce proceedings than younger ones. "As they live longer and fuller lives, more people are also refusing to put up with a difficult marriage in their retirement years. There's a lot more to be gained today by getting out of an unhappy marriage." Andrew Newbury, head of the family department at Pannone Solicitors, said: "Those currently over the age of 60 are the last generation for whom marriage would have represented the norm. That is reflected in the length of marriage – more than twice the average across all age groups – suggesting that many of those who are divorcing married in the 1970s, before cohabitation really became an acceptable feature of family life." www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2013/aug/06/divorces-rise-over-60s
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Post by Caris on Feb 12, 2018 21:28:59 GMT -5
Some of us know we are too old, and it has nothing to do with chronological age.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 12, 2018 21:33:41 GMT -5
Interesting trivia. Kids at 60, 70, though? Not even at 40-something for this gal. Shudders. I am happy I got to skip Go and go straight to Gramma status. Life can be cool like that sometimes.
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Post by ironhamster on Feb 12, 2018 21:52:48 GMT -5
I just turned 51. I might very much like to start over, but, at this age, I have no business having kids. I know, Tony Randall had kids in his later years, too. It happens. In my opinion, it is not right for me and not right for the kids.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 13, 2018 0:51:19 GMT -5
I just turned 51. I might very much like to start over, but, at this age, I have no business having kids. I know, Tony Randall had kids in his later years, too. It happens. In my opinion, it is not right for me and not right for the kids. I turned 54 and I like enjoying my household of teenagers! It has it's place! Today i took y 14 and 15 yr old to the store to buy things for themselves. My 15 yr old is driving with her permit. It was " a moment" as I stood back and watched them both use the self check out, paying cash, and my youngest get a little help from an assoc. with her gift card! All by themselves. Why just yesterday i was loading them in the cart and pushing them around! Afterwards we went to the beach and they took pics to share with friends. It's almost heaven to watch them frolic around with a "look at me dad we're having fun" attitude! The time is right! Live in the moment!
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Post by h on Feb 13, 2018 5:58:07 GMT -5
I seriously doubt that I will ever have children. I know I won't with my W. Her clock is running out and even if she decides to start working on a sex life, I doubt she will figure it out in time for procreation. I refuse to adopt unless I have a sex life first so as long as I stay, I will never have a family.
If I ever did get out, I'm not likely to attract someone young enough to have children. That's not pessimism, but realism. I don't make much money and I'm barely average in the looks department. I would have less of a problem finding someone who values more than looks and money but generally, those ladies are more mature. It's like an inversely proportional relationship: the qualities of youth and fertility more often being found in shallow superficial ladies and the qualities of a satisfying loving partner who looks beyond the superficial being more often found in women who are past childbearing years. That's not to say it's a hard and fast rule, just a likely probability. It's a rare thing to find someone who has both and as time goes on, my chances fade. I feel like I went to the casino and put everything on the table... and lost. At least I won't have to worry about my kids hating me. I will have to worry about finding someone to take care of me in my old age though.
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Post by choosinghappy on Feb 13, 2018 6:51:41 GMT -5
I seriously doubt that I will ever have children. I know I won't with my W. Her clock is running out and even if she decides to start working on a sex life, I doubt she will figure it out in time for procreation. I refuse to adopt unless I have a sex life first so as long as I stay, I will never have a family. If I ever did get out, I'm not likely to attract someone young enough to have children. That's nor pessimism, but realism. I don't make much money and I'm barely average in the looks department. I would have less of a problem finding someone who values more tha n looks and money but generally, those ladies are more mature. It's like an inversely proportional relationship: the qualities of youth and fertility more often being found in shallow superficial ladies and the qualities of a satisfying loving partner who looks beyond the superficial being more often found in women who are past childbearing years. That's not to say it's a hard and fast rule, just a likely probability. It's a rare thing to find someone who has both and as time goes on, my chances fade. I feel like I went to the casino and put everything on the table... and lost. At least I won't have to worry about my kids hating me. I will have to worry about finding someone to take care of me in my old age though. Maybe you have this view because of where you live -- in your rural, remote town that might be a reality for you but when you account for the whole big world out there I think this is just pessimism. Would you be willing to move? Based on what I know of your job it sounds like you'd have transferable skills that would enable you to find an equal job somewhere else where there are more people and therefore, more options. Also, don't forget there are women out there looking for a relationship who already have kids. You could be a stepdad if you're open to that. It sounds to me like you aren't even allowing yourself to think of a different life than the one you have so you are resigning yourself to that fact and supporting it with every potential challenge you can think of. Positivity and self-worth are hard things to work on but they will drastically improve your life no matter WHAT happens with your marriage.
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Post by jim44444 on Feb 13, 2018 7:09:19 GMT -5
Some of us know we are too old, and it has nothing to do with chronological age. Good to see you back Caris.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 13, 2018 7:10:15 GMT -5
“It sounds to me like you aren't even allowing yourself to think of a different life than the one you have so you are resigning yourself to that fact and supporting it with every potential challenge you can think of. Positivity and self-worth are hard things to work on but they will drastically improve your life no matter WHAT happens with your marriage.”
Individual therapy, journaling, making friends who appreciate you, volunteering to help strangers or some cause you care about, regularly working out — all can help you develop the confidence in yourself to come to the belief that you’d be better off being single than remaining in a marriage with a person who isn’t capable of loving you in an affirming way.
When I dedicated my life to reclaiming and discovering me, gradually. I became an independent person who had friends who were supportive, activities that caused my eyes to sparkle, confidence and compassion for myself. My husband became superfluous. I hadn’t focused on myself as part of a plan to divorce, but one day I woke up, realized I was happier outside of his presence than when he was around. I divorced without angst.
When I decided to divorce I was 60, I’m an atheist and buddhisyvin the Bible Belt. I’m s lefty in a part of the country where many don’t like lefties. I have stretch marks, c section scars and a slightly deformed hand due to an accident that lopped off 3 fingertips.
To my great surprise, I now have been for 5 years in a relationship with a wonderful man who loves me back the way I’d always wanted to be loved. He was a man of known for years as an acquaintance but never thought of as a potential lover. It ended up he was exactly the right guy for me but we wouldn’t have found each other if I hadn’t let go of my disappointing marriage after finding myself.
Still, even if I had not found love, I’d be happier being out of a marriage that was soul crushing.
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Post by h on Feb 13, 2018 15:05:03 GMT -5
I seriously doubt that I will ever have children. I know I won't with my W. Her clock is running out and even if she decides to start working on a sex life, I doubt she will figure it out in time for procreation. I refuse to adopt unless I have a sex life first so as long as I stay, I will never have a family. If I ever did get out, I'm not likely to attract someone young enough to have children. That's nor pessimism, but realism. I don't make much money and I'm barely average in the looks department. I would have less of a problem finding someone who values more tha n looks and money but generally, those ladies are more mature. It's like an inversely proportional relationship: the qualities of youth and fertility more often being found in shallow superficial ladies and the qualities of a satisfying loving partner who looks beyond the superficial being more often found in women who are past childbearing years. That's not to say it's a hard and fast rule, just a likely probability. It's a rare thing to find someone who has both and as time goes on, my chances fade. I feel like I went to the casino and put everything on the table... and lost. At least I won't have to worry about my kids hating me. I will have to worry about finding someone to take care of me in my old age though. Maybe you have this view because of where you live -- in your rural, remote town that might be a reality for you but when you account for the whole big world out there I think this is just pessimism. Would you be willing to move? Based on what I know of your job it sounds like you'd have transferable skills that would enable you to find an equal job somewhere else where there are more people and therefore, more options. Also, don't forget there are women out there looking for a relationship who already have kids. You could be a stepdad if you're open to that. It sounds to me like you aren't even allowing yourself to think of a different life than the one you have so you are resigning yourself to that fact and supporting it with every potential challenge you can think of. Positivity and self-worth are hard things to work on but they will drastically improve your life no matter WHAT happens with your marriage. I do value myself. I never said I didn't. The honest truth is that even if I did get divorced, I would still choose to live in a similar rural area. I can't stand cities and could never be happy living in one. I don't even live in a small town. I'm outside of one. I need open spaces and realistically, that limits my options due to the obvious lack of population. Also, I couldn't move out of state without losing the retirement I have built up so far. These are all things I need to consider in my decisions. Maybe my marriage will fall apart but it still doesn't change the rest. I may end up alone or maybe I will find someone new. I will make the best of whatever happens but my original post was specifically about having children. Yes, it may happen, but the likelihood isn't high and shrinks each year. I would certainly be open to being a stepfather if it worked out that way. I'm just not going to bet all my hopes on the unknown. I can still have a good life even if I don't get to have children.
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Post by WindSister on Feb 13, 2018 15:19:02 GMT -5
There's no "even" about it, yes, you can! Kids are not the end all, be all of existence.
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