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Post by theexplorer on Dec 12, 2019 19:21:52 GMT -5
I grew tired of hearing political figures lie and behave badly... Around here, it seems like never ending bad political theater!! Each side tries to out do the other in creating drama, and then blaming their opponents for the mess they caused!
This problem has now been solved!! I eliminated the politicians! Yep, all those creatures were kicked out of my house! Occasionally, someone will mention that they are still babbling away. I don't know, because they have been tuned out. Every time they come on TV, they are immediately muted. If they don't disappear quickly, the channel is changed. Most of the time, I watch channels that do NOT feature political material. I get the news from the internet. The best part is that I can select which stories to hear and ignore the rest. The political stuff gets skipped.
After doing this for several months, it is a relief not to have all that garbage in my head! After disconnecting from it, I realized how much it had been affecting me. I feel noticeably better now! It was a good choice!
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Post by theexplorer on Dec 12, 2019 18:38:31 GMT -5
Testosterone plays a significant role in a man's life. In addition to it's effect on sex drive, low testosterone can cause a bunch of other negative effects. I don't recall all of these effects, but unreasonable fears, lack of motivation / drive, depression, and other outcomes can result from low testosterone. If you look up the effects of low testosterone, you may find he has some of these other symptoms. If so, you may be able to use some of these other symptoms to motivate him to try taking it.
I know some guys have said that taking testosterone made them feel VASTLY better. It can be a real life changer in some cases. If I knew your husband, I would encourage him to try it!
On a somewhat different topic, my wife never says "No" to sex. She typically says something like: "Let's do that later..." "Wait until this week-end..." "I'm to tired...." "I had such a long day...."
She has a lot of other excuses, but stalling is her preferred tactic. When she promises sex the next week-end... It NEVER happens!!!!
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Post by theexplorer on Dec 6, 2019 13:25:05 GMT -5
Can going to see a counselor or other mental health provider cause any potential problems or unintended consequences? It seems like many years ago, I read that some employers will not hire people for certain jobs if they have sought mental health care in the past. Is this true? Are there any other negative effects or results to consider?
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Post by theexplorer on Dec 6, 2019 13:08:42 GMT -5
That phrase, "In sickness and in health" in my wedding vows seemed insignificant on the day of my wedding. At the time, I thought that would apply to other couples. In youthfully optimistic ignorance, I never considered that either of us would have long term chronic health problems. I did not really think about what, "in sickness or in health," could mean for me and my life!
Of course, I never imagined that she would withdraw sex from the marriage either! I was naïve, on MANY subjects!
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Post by theexplorer on Dec 2, 2019 16:06:13 GMT -5
Tooyoungtobeold, Many marriages end during or just after building a new home. Building a home often places a great deal of strain on a relationship.
My wife and I need to find a new home. I would love to design and build our new home, but am not going to risk it. Why build a great house only to lose it if the marriage ends?
As to why I stay...
1. I don't want to renege on the commitment to the marriage. 2. Life time alimony.
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Post by theexplorer on Sept 3, 2019 17:00:31 GMT -5
If I recall correctly, the approach the author of that book recommends is to not weigh the good verses the bad in the marriage. It is advised to search for "deal breakers" in the marriage. If you can't tolerate something about the marriage, then the author advises leaving.
Prior to reading the book, I had tried to weigh the good and the bad in the marriage. That plan did not work out well. I was left confused and couldn't figure out what to do. The book helped me sort out my thoughts and opinions. I would recommend the book.
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Post by theexplorer on Aug 20, 2019 16:40:33 GMT -5
Finding happiness in a celibate life would appear to be the function of how it occurred. Did you choose a celibate life or was one chosen for you?
It is the difference between choosing to retire from your job or being fired. (This line came from a book about celibacy.)
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Post by theexplorer on Jul 2, 2019 11:56:14 GMT -5
Two cents in the car maintenance class... really basic and simple stuff will go a long way. I’d suggest starting with basics like fluid levels, airing tires, changing a flat. Buying a new battery (what’s worth the money, what’s not, warranties); getting batteries tested free, installed free, and a charging system check for free (Autozone). Getting tires rotated for free (Discount Tire). Getting free brake inspections. Understanding brake repairs (as a consumer, not a tech). Checking fuses; having spares. Then, checklists for regular maintenance. Oil changes, transmission fluid, tire rotations, brake checks, blinker fluid. 😉 What to expect when your car needs to be towed (who to call, cost, will the shop pay for it, is AAA worth having).
I've been shocked at how many people can NOT accomplish these types of minor chores. My recollection of a few decades back is that many people performed basic auto care. Today, it is becoming far less common!
Saarinista mentioned erector sets in a thread about cars. I have to tell a brief story.
Years ago, I purchased a sporty car that was owned by a woman. She had placed a bumper sticker on the rear bumper of the car from a crane company. It read:
Having trouble getting it up?
Don't let is get you down.
Call ___________ Crane rental.
When this woman placed the sticker on the car, she folded the last line under the bottom edge of the bumper.
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Post by theexplorer on Jun 27, 2019 12:14:18 GMT -5
Okiedude, I had a job that required travel for several years prior to my marriage. We worked 60 to 80 hours per week to stay on schedule!! After working so many hours, I usually just wanted to rest! After a few years of that, I just couldn't take it any more and had to quit. The long hours, the long drives, eating in restaurants all the time and as you mentioned the lack of friends. It was a tough decision to reach. It was the best paying job I've ever had. It was an excellent job in most respects. Staying in hotels 5 to 6 nights per week really got old!!!
I did find talking with friends on the phone helped during that time. There were a few hotels I went to on a semi-regular basis. In a few instances, I developed friendships with hotel employees.
It may be that your deeper problem is finding someone with whom you would desire a close friendship. This can be a real problem!! I have struggled with this in recent years. My close friends were guys I had known since childhood. Unfortunately, all three of them have gone to an early grave. This is one of the things that sucks in the second half of life!!
Odd as it may seem, I have considered looking for a job that requires travel again. At this point, getting out of the house sounds quite appealing! Unfortunately, the idea is not very practical in my current situation.
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Post by theexplorer on May 13, 2019 11:14:58 GMT -5
Over the last few months, I have been pondering the question of, "Why have I chosen to stay?" Several of the reasons are topics discussed on this website frequently. (Finances, family pressure, etc.) There is also my background. I grew up in a culture where divorce was heavily frowned upon.
There is another factor, for me at least. My sexless marriage has fundamentally changed my view of marriage. I have lost the desire to remarry. I have even lost much of the desire for a romantic relationship or sex. Many years ago, I met guy who said he did not believe in love. We did not talk to much about his experience, because at that point, I could not even begin to relate to what he was saying.
Today, I am questioning the existence of love. If love does exist, does an average, or below average guy, have any reasonable hope of finding it? (Men who are highly desired by women would presumably find love easier, so their experience does not count!) Oddly enough, once I started questioning the existence of love, the depression caused by my marriage seemed to lift. My interest in hobbies has returned. I am sleeping much better. I feel noticeably better overall. This is confusing. Are these changes a result of growing older? Does anyone have any thoughts?
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Post by theexplorer on May 3, 2019 15:21:48 GMT -5
Do you know for certain that his lung cancer was caused by smoking? While smoking is a significant risk factor for lung cancer, it is NOT the only cause of such cancer. If you are not 100% certain what caused his lung cancer, perhaps you should give him the benefit of the doubt.
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Post by theexplorer on Apr 29, 2019 15:15:52 GMT -5
Before having the talk with your wife, I would suggest consulting a divorce attorney. Find out how things work in your area. You may find that you have a window of time to file for divorce before it becomes very expensive to leave. If so, take this into account when making plans.
In my situation, I waited to long, hoping to fix the problems. The problems have never been resolved and now leaving is hardly an option financially. Don't get financially trapped!! It really sucks!!
The early years of my marriage were the best years of my life. Then a major problem developed which changed the course of the marriage. It took me much to long to realize my marriage had fundamentally changed. The wonderful years were gone, never to return. I was stubborn and did everything possible to fix the marriage. That was a complete waste of effort. It can not be fixed!
If I could go back in time and give my younger self some advice, it would be to see reality and don't be afraid to end the marriage. Staying will only cause additional pain and harm!
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Post by theexplorer on Apr 12, 2019 15:24:33 GMT -5
I wonder what the existence of cuddling websites says about a society. People are so starved for affection that they pay for plutonic touch. This could reflect a problem with the basic culture of a society.
These cuddle services are not for me. I love to be touched, both platonically and sexually. Perhaps I'm a bit odd, but trusting the person who is touching me is critically important. Being touched by a stranger is uncomfortable. Having sex with a stranger isn't going to happen! That idea is not even slightly appealing!!
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Post by theexplorer on Apr 9, 2019 12:40:12 GMT -5
Has anyone looked into having a cuddle friend? There are websites to help find someone. Below are two I've looked at, there are other websites as well.
Free cuddles:
www.cuddlecomfort.com/
Pay site:
snugglebuddies.com/
This sure sounds good on the surface. Anyone know anything about this subject?
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Post by theexplorer on Mar 25, 2019 10:25:00 GMT -5
Smitth227, I can also relate to what you are going through. For several years I was almost desperate for touch and human companionship. That experience left some emotional scars for certain. Sorry to hear you are going through this! Below are a few ideas that have helped me cope.
Regular massages over the last several years have helped immensely. (An hour long, full body massage every two weeks.) At first I started this because my back hurt. I realized after a few weeks that the emotional / psychological benefits were even more important than the physiological results. I would LOVE to do this every week...but that doesn't fit in the budget so well! A massage is NOT a substitute for sex or for intimacy. Being touched helps with coping though.
My elderly parents have moved close to my home. I see them most every day. (They are needing help with daily living stuff!) My mother loves to hug, so I'm receiving a few hugs from her as well.
I realize that neither of these suggestions are a replacement for a loving, intimate relationship. Perhaps these ideas will help a little bit though.
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