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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 10:48:04 GMT -5
ggold posted this today:
my # 3). Spouse forgives me, continues to want to stay married, tells me to do what I need to regarding sex but don't flaunt it, and is now flirting via, texts w/a co-worker ( doesn't know that I know)
So total game changer!
Also, spouse will never turn into one of my dreams- but has become someone I don't think I really know!
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 10:53:27 GMT -5
You could get a close friend ( an attractive one, send provocative photos) to text him? Do some undercover work! ( no punn intended) looks like your learning the harsh truth about what your man is all about. A n attorney and a judge will have a field day with him!
On a side note, I just came back from an attorney's office. They told me there was a conflict of interest? Game changer!
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 2, 2016 11:14:58 GMT -5
Most states are no fault cheating doesn't matter but it can however be a gift freeing you from the guilt of staying in a bad marriage.
It's sad that it takes the bad actions of one spouse to make us feel ok about freeing ourselves but I get it.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 12:11:53 GMT -5
Most states are no fault cheating doesn't matter but it can however be a gift freeing you from the guilt of staying in a bad marriage. It's sad that it takes the bad actions of one spouse to make us feel ok about freeing ourselves but I get it. Surprisingly, there are still laws against adultery in 21 states of the US, it's even still on the books as a felony in at least one I have heard of. I don't know how often and how severely the statutes are upheld, but it's worth knowing the ramifications before you do it. I have a friend whose husband cheated on her about 10 years ago and she got more of the marital assets as a result. I suspect the legal ramifications of getting caught vary widely from judge to judge. |
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 2, 2016 12:16:15 GMT -5
Most states are no fault cheating doesn't matter but it can however be a gift freeing you from the guilt of staying in a bad marriage. It's sad that it takes the bad actions of one spouse to make us feel ok about freeing ourselves but I get it. Surprisingly, there are still laws against adultery in 21 states of the US, it's even still on the books as a felony in at least one I have heard of. I don't know how often and how severely the statutes are upheld, but it's worth knowing the ramifications before you do it. I have a friend whose husband cheated on her about 10 years ago and she got more of the marital assets as a result. I suspect the legal ramifications of getting caught vary widely from judge to judge. That is true by state it varies. In Mississippi the mistress can be sued by the wife. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 12:32:01 GMT -5
Sounds too, like he is trying to set you up for a trap? Doesn't sound worth it! Hold out until the separation, or divorce is final.
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 2, 2016 12:47:08 GMT -5
Some states have adopted a "collaborative divorce" which is supposed to be quicker, easier and less expensive.
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 13:00:35 GMT -5
Some states have adopted a "collaborative divorce" which is supposed to be quicker, easier and less expensive. My mechanic told me that, " there was a whole lot of money that he had moved/hidden from his wife, that she doesn't know about, and that the attorneys couldn't or didn't bother to find. That she thinks she came out really good,as long as she's happy, he's happy to leave it that way!" Stories like that get my radar up, and have me " concerned" about my wife and her attorney sister! Just a caution about taking the quick, easy, less expensive route. Nothing wrong with getting your fair share after years of mental anguish and depravation. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 2, 2016 13:00:55 GMT -5
Surprisingly, there are still laws against adultery in 21 states of the US, it's even still on the books as a felony in at least one I have heard of. I don't know how often and how severely the statutes are upheld, but it's worth knowing the ramifications before you do it. I have a friend whose husband cheated on her about 10 years ago and she got more of the marital assets as a result. I suspect the legal ramifications of getting caught vary widely from judge to judge. That is true by state it varies. In Mississippi the mistress can be sued by the wife. Many states, NC being one of the more prominent, have "alienation of affection" laws on the books. So while adultery might not actually come into play in the divorce proceedings, it could well cost someone a pile of money if the cheated on spouse chooses to sue. |
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 2, 2016 13:08:14 GMT -5
Some states have adopted a "collaborative divorce" which is supposed to be quicker, easier and less expensive. My mechanic told me that, " there was a whole lot of money that he had moved/hidden from his wife, that she doesn't know about, and that the attorneys couldn't or didn't bother to find. That she thinks she came out really good,as long as she's happy, he's happy to leave it that way!" Stories like that get my radar up, and have me " concerned" about my wife and her attorney sister! Just a caution about taking the quick, easy, less expensive route. Nothing wrong with getting your fair share after years of mental anguish and depravation. So, you believe your mechanic? I have mixed feelings about this. (Joking aside, I think a lot of those stories are simply a "I got over" story. Also, if true, his wife may not have been looking too hard because she was just happy to be out. If lawyers wants to find money, they will.) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 13:14:52 GMT -5
My mechanic told me that, " there was a whole lot of money that he had moved/hidden from his wife, that she doesn't know about, and that the attorneys couldn't or didn't bother to find. That she thinks she came out really good,as long as she's happy, he's happy to leave it that way!" Stories like that get my radar up, and have me " concerned" about my wife and her attorney sister! Just a caution about taking the quick, easy, less expensive route. Nothing wrong with getting your fair share after years of mental anguish and depravation. So, you believe your mechanic? I have mixed feelings about this. (Joking aside, I think a lot of those stories are simply a "I got over" story. Also, if true, his wife may not have been looking too hard because she was just happy to be out. If lawyers wants to find money, they will.) Well...yes, I do. He is the owner of a business, been around for decades, owns many other pieces of real estate, and has his shop right in the middle of the 1%.on beachside. Someone with connections! Then again this is all Star Trek for me! ( exploring new worlds, to boldly go....etc..) |
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Post by ggold on Aug 2, 2016 14:06:59 GMT -5
Most states are no fault cheating doesn't matter but it can however be a gift freeing you from the guilt of staying in a bad marriage. It's sad that it takes the bad actions of one spouse to make us feel ok about freeing ourselves but I get it. Yes, in my state cheating does not matter. When I consulted with the attorney, I asked. She stated it makes no difference with the divorce or custody. She said the only thing it may bring to the divorce is an emotional component. It is VERY sad that the bad actions of my husband NOW make me feel more sure about the actions I need to take. I KNEW all along what needed to be done! I am trying to view this as a hard kick in the ass that I need to get going!! Now to make it happen! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 2, 2016 17:14:38 GMT -5
I hope you know his " I'll take the kids" manipulative controlling ploy is as week as a feather in a windstorm! The best he will get is 50/50 custody.
Once you take your step, ( me too) I am really , really, counting on things working out far better than expected. How many times we worry over things that don't happen.
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Post by baza on Aug 2, 2016 19:52:13 GMT -5
Clearly *you* need specific legal advice applicable in *your* jurisdiction appropriate to "your" specific circumstances.
What might apply in Bumfuck Idaho is not terribly relevant if you live in Oslo.
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Anyway, if this post is actually about the introduction of a 3rd party into an already struggling dynamic being a game changer as the title suggests, here's a few of the tangents I've seen things fly off to.
Starting with Sister ggold's tangent.
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#1 - you cheat, get caught, spouse 'forgives' you and offers a conditional open marriage.
#2 - same as #1, but the offer is suddenly withdrawn, or is held over you indefinitely.
#3 - you cheat, get caught, spouse makes your life a living hell from then on.
#4 - you cheat, get caught, spouse goes apeshit and instigates divorce.
#5 - you cheat, get a glimpse of what could be, and you instigate divorce.
#6 - you cheat, turns out they are your soulmate, you instigate divorce.
#7 - you cheat, it provides a pleasant distraction from your shithole and thus helps you avoid dealing with the core problem.
#8 - you cheat, strike a "Bunny Boiler" and plunge your life in to chaos.
#9 - you cheat, get caught, spouse perpetrates violence upon you.
#10 - you cheat, get caught, spouse has big mental meltdown and engages in self harm.
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I'm sure there are more that members could add on.
For example, you cheat, you get caught, you live in Beirut, you find out how good your rock dodging skills are.
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But the tangent I have never - personally - seen, is the one where you cheat, get caught, spouse realises the error of their ways and transforms in to the partner of your dreams.
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As you might have gathered, I am personally not a big fan of cheating.
Not on any moral basis, cheating is a perfectly valid choice to make. It ain't illegal (in my jurisdiction at least)
My objection to it is that chucks an additional layer of complication over an already complicated situation, thus making the resolvement of the core issue that much harder.
And, the end outcome is invariably divorce..... or ongoing misery.
If things have gotten bad enough for the cheating issue to arise, then personally, I think you are much better served to cut out the bullshit in the middle that cheating involves, and go straight to there.
If things have gotten bad enough already for the cheating issue to arise, then you know where your deal is heading, and you know that right NOW.
There does not seem to be a whole lot of point in letting the situation tank completely before you act.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 2, 2016 21:18:13 GMT -5
Surprisingly, there are still laws against adultery in 21 states of the US, it's even still on the books as a felony in at least one I have heard of. I don't know how often and how severely the statutes are upheld, but it's worth knowing the ramifications before you do it. I have a friend whose husband cheated on her about 10 years ago and she got more of the marital assets as a result. I suspect the legal ramifications of getting caught vary widely from judge to judge. That is true by state it varies. In Mississippi the mistress can be sued by the wife. Yes it varies hugely from state to state. The old adultery laws are rarely enforced as criminal actions but some states do have it written into their divorce laws that cheating can cost you...and yes in a handful of states your lover too. |
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