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Post by Chatter Fox on Jun 13, 2016 22:56:18 GMT -5
A thread dedicated to the positive. Let's hear it. What are some of our silver linings in our situation? They are there. They're always there. There must be some hidden advantages to the situation.
For me, even though I'm not in a state of marital bliss, I must admit that it's nice to not have to worry about not being romantic enough. Seems she doesn't really care for that stuff much. Sooo... I guess I get a free pass on that? Now granted, I like that stuff and I miss it, but at least it's not the other extreme.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 13, 2016 23:04:43 GMT -5
A thread dedicated to the positive. Let's hear it. What are some of our silver linings in our situation? They are there. They're always there. There must be some hidden advantages to the situation. For me, even though I'm not in a state of marital bliss, I must admit that it's nice to not have to worry about not being romantic enough. Seems she doesn't really care for that stuff much. Sooo... I guess I get a free pass on that? Now granted, I like that stuff and I miss it, but at least it's not the other extreme. I have to admit my first reaction was, "Is Beeman high?! Wtf?" I strained to be a good sport and make a drop of lemonade out of my basket of SM lemons (the gift that is still giving even after moving out). To my surprise I found one line to contribute. Birthcontrol, SM is great birthcontrol (especially if it's 100% sexless as mine was for 10 years). |
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Post by angryspartan on Jun 13, 2016 23:05:38 GMT -5
I'm far better at Jeopardy than I was before I married. So there's that.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 14, 2016 1:12:56 GMT -5
Tons of money saved on contraceptives.
Being conditioned at rejection and persistence is useful for a career in sales.
The whole business has forced me to a much greater appreciation and awareness of the human psyche and underlying motivations. Both introspection on myself, and also analyzing behavior of others.
(I still have plenty of flaws and issues, but recognizing them and acknowledging them makes it easier to manage them. Being tuned into others makes it easier to empathize with what troubles them or motivates them, which makes me better at my job.)
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Post by tamara68 on Jun 14, 2016 1:30:24 GMT -5
If we would have continued with civilized clean controlled spotless sex, I'd probably never have discovered how sexy and sensual I can be.
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Post by baza on Jun 14, 2016 2:41:14 GMT -5
Upsides of an ILIASM shithole.
Your powers of endurance get a searching test.
Your techniques and variations in whacking off improve exponentially.
You learn an absolute heap about human nature.
You learn huge amounts about your spouse.
You learn a mountain of stuff about yourself.
In fact, the potential to learn, in the ILIASM shithole environment, is just about unprecedented, as it is real life, in real time.
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It is not something that I personally derived much enjoyment out of at the time, but I am truly grateful I went through it.
In retrospect.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 14, 2016 6:13:47 GMT -5
My first thought was , "I can't think of one thing".
Then I realized, I got really good at masturbation.
Sometimes when passive aggressive baseball girl came out and if he happened to be sleeping in the bed not on the couch I would masturbate with him sleeping and then wake him up to a screaming orgasm and that really pissed him off. Sorry if TMI.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 14, 2016 6:15:50 GMT -5
I just thought of something else probably the true silver lining for me. I found EP and I made some friends there that I know will be my friends for life.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 6:17:11 GMT -5
Chatter Fox, of course you would see the silver lining! Beautiful topic idea. I agree, there are two sides to every coin. Might as well focus on the positive. -I don't have to have kinky sex like some wives do. -I've been forced into some serious soul-searching and have learned more about myself than I might have otherwise. -I've spent many productive years in therapy working on self-improvement because I thought it was all my fault. -I always get my Zs because husband isn't pawing me at night. -I found this forum and all the intelligent/introspective people in it. -I've had to build a support system outside the marriage for lack of one inside. -Divorce or his death will be neither surprise nor heartache for me. -I've been able to spend all my energy on my children because husband didn't want any (of my energy). -It has (finally) taught me to love and put myself first.
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 14, 2016 6:17:42 GMT -5
My first thought was , "I can't think of one thing". Then I realized, I got really good at masturbation. Sometimes when passive aggressive baseball girl came out and if he happened to be sleeping in the bed not on the couch I would masturbate with him sleeping and then wake him up to a screaming orgasm and that really pissed him off. Sorry if TMI. I do it next to mine too... Never been brave enough to make a sound though! I'm desperately trying to think of something positive to add to this list too. Struggling! I might have to come back to this  x |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 14, 2016 6:27:10 GMT -5
My first thought was , "I can't think of one thing". Then I realized, I got really good at masturbation. Sometimes when passive aggressive baseball girl came out and if he happened to be sleeping in the bed not on the couch I would masturbate with him sleeping and then wake him up to a screaming orgasm and that really pissed him off. Sorry if TMI. I do it next to mine too... Never been brave enough to make a sound though! I'm desperately trying to think of something positive to add to this list too. Struggling! I might have to come back to this x I usually stayed quiet too but a few times a year I would and it felt great. One time he was so caught off guard out of his sleep he said, "what was that?" I said very sarcastically "what do you think it is?" He said "I have no idea". I said "well when a woman is breathing fast and screaming in a bed it's not rocket science." He got up and stormed out. Later during the divorce we discussed this because he let me know about all the things I did that turned him off, like sexy text messages. Whatever! Anyway he said to me that when I did that in bed it pissed him off and how would I like it if he was sitting there just jacking it? So I said that would turn me on and I would want to help you with it. He said nothing. EP helped me see that people don't change and we were not compatible. Honey you need to do that!! You'll smile after you do!! |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 14, 2016 6:35:59 GMT -5
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Post by JMX on Jun 14, 2016 6:53:30 GMT -5
I am going to miss his tech prowess. I liked that he would enjoy reading an owner's manual and just tell me what I needed to know. I don't have the patience Besides self-learning and knowing the red flags for the future, as others have suggested, truly not much else. |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 14, 2016 7:17:31 GMT -5
OK so far I am getting mostly, 'I learned a lot because it was really shit.' Bring on war and plague and maybe we can all be truly enlightened. In the meantime I have been trying to think of other positives. Hmmm...  |
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Post by dancingbear70 on Jun 14, 2016 7:25:03 GMT -5
I hesitate to call it a silver lining, but I thought of two things.
1) I am far more in touch with my feelings. Having had to work through the games a SM plays on the head and heart, I have a much better handle on myself.
2) I am a *much* better lover! Not sure if that is a realization or a learned skill, but the difference in sex now vs in my 20's is remarkable!
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