The positive aspects of a SM

"Smile.  It makes people wonder what you're up to."

cagedtiger is very right - I smile at random folks all the time, and it's a special thing to see them light up and smile back.

When you really work up the guts, find remarkable things about other people that you can compliment them on.  Most folks (especially women) will appreciate that you notice something they consider important - hair, nails, earrings, shoes, outfit, or even her smile.  It's a good way to get used to breaking the ice with someone you don't know yet.  And they almost never pepper spray you. ;-)

Oh, I "went there"... offered to add my own secret ingredient then mix the vinaigrette with my "personal pestle": iliasm.org/post/18148/thread

Was I too subtle???

I did this too! On purpose! She wasn't sleeping, just watching tv on the bed in the afternoon. I took a break from yard work, came in, saw her lying there, thought of how it "should be" (Saturday afternoon...the song "Afternoon Delight" running thru my head) and after thinking of the many years and unsuccessful attempts to live out that song, decided....f**k it, I'm doing it! Laid down, just taking a break kind of thing...waited a few seconds...then started. When it became "obvious", she glanced once, and asked disgustedly "Need some help with that?" I said "No thanks, I'm good"...and continued. After a successful....uh....mission, I cleaned up, got up, and walked back out to do more yard work. No idea what she ever thought of that. It never came up. But I felt a lot free're.

And I hummed a little toon to myself the rest of the day while doing yard work......

Now, with only the time wasted as my regret, I view living in a SM was the most important thing that ever happened to me.
(please excuse me for writing here in the SM Forum, rather than the Post SM Forum. But this question is so important to me, to my life now, post SM. My apologies)

When I finally "woke up", and realized that where I was at, the life I had, the marriage I was in, was somehow just...wrong, I went off on a journey of discovery. Looking for why I felt that way. I couldn't see why I felt that way, I had no other frame of reference. It was "normal". What my unhappiness was, the cause of it, my desires and need for affection, was not.

That's when I found EP. That's when I found that I wasn't "wrong" to want that. That's when I found others that had had what I never had. And they wanted it back!! The story of what I went thru, the agony of finding out that what I thought was normal was far, far from it, has already been told. The journey I took to dig deeper into what was wrong with it, my attempt to change it, and my ultimate decision to leave it, has been told a thousand times on EP and here by many others who followed that same path.

But the biggest positive aspect of living in a SM was the start from there of exploring myself, my life, my want's. If that's not normal, what IS normal? More importantly, what do I want for MY normal? If that wasn't love, what IS love. What DOES sharing a life, sharing a relationship, sharing myself, even look like?? What is it about me that I could change to help me enjoy a normal relationship even more? A whole list of looking and discovery. 

But wait!!!! Once I started looking at that, just how far do I think it could it go? How much of a Fairyland Love is even possible and how hard could it be to have that? What do I need to feel that fulfilled, to be that happy, to live, really live, that way, for the rest of my life? What kind of a woman would I want, to share that with? What would she be like? What kind of a woman, what attributes would she have, to help me stretch and grow myself? To make myself a better man, a better lover, a better husband? To learn how to open myself up enough, to even make that possible? Could I even do that???

I don't think there is such a thing as a true Fairyland Love, not like it is in books and movies. There are realities to consider. The basic differences between any two people on this planet. The way the world beats on them and damages them. The dark that everyone has in them that's just inherent. But so what? What if I could not only learn to accept those realities, those differences, and even that darkness, but learn to love that as well....?? How hard would that be?? Could I even do THAT!?!?
Someone I loved so much that I want to work at loving her even more
(it IS work after all...all relationships are, or should be...)

And what if I could find someone who could learn to love those in me as well, to work at it?!?
Someone who loves me so much she wants to work at loving me even more

It won't be a Fairyland Love, but it will be the kind of love that I've seen in a few rare couples marriage and have envied.
You've seen them. We all know them.
It's a deep love. A deep commitment to each other. A deep respect for each other. For each other's needs, desires and thoughts. A love that makes them want to always learn more, feel more, give more, to their other. And a love that holds them together, against the worlds onslaughts. They form their very own, very private, safe place. (((sigh)))

Why can't I have that? Why can't we all have that?

Is it possible for me? I think it is. I've looked into me. I've looked deep into me. I think that at the heart of it, even though it's work, it's easy with the right woman. I think I can do that. I know I deserve it. And I'm going to try like hell to find it. 

And to think, it all started out one day when I said....

"Hey, this can't be right! This is just wrong."

Maybe I should write the ex a thank you card......

Don't forget that you are a lantern, too.  You've helped me many times with your insights and I'm sure you've helped others, too.

Rhapsodee lights the way... with the trail of things she burns!

Rhapsodee, LMAO!! Really laughing out loud, not just using the expression! You crack me up....