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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 14, 2016 17:59:48 GMT -5
-I don't have to have kinky sex like some -I've been able to spend all my energy on my children because husband didn't want any (of my energy). -It has (finally) taught me to love and put myself first. I can see a " manipulative controlling " spouse such as mine taking this and putting there spin on it. The one time I wanted to be naked together in the kitchen,and the rejection. The other one time when I playfully tossed her on the bed, as too aggressive! After all the times of innovation meeting rejection and excuses. All the other days of not begging would be labeled, " he just didn't want any of my energy!" And a a rejector who puts themselves first, probably calls it " loving thy self". |
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Post by Casiyessie on Jun 14, 2016 18:36:32 GMT -5
How about not needing to shave like I would before getting it on...
Saving money on lingerie? They can be expensive
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2016 23:06:06 GMT -5
1 - More personal growth, psychological growth, etc., than I ever wanted.
2 - Since I moved out of our place a little more than a year before we officially broke up - I have had the experience of living by myself, and being totally responsible for my expenses, household stuff like cleaning/shoveling snow/whatever....and also more responsibility to keep myself occupied and reassure myself, instead of always turning to another person. It has been a way to develop a lot of self-sufficiency, in a lot of different areas of life.
3 - I've had to develop my communication skills, trying to find ways to tell him things I needed him to know - in ways that he could understand.
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Post by Dan on Jun 15, 2016 7:33:00 GMT -5
I just thought of something else probably the true silver lining for me. I found EP and I made some friends there that I know will be my friends for life. Shucks! I was hoping no one listed this one so I could be the first! I was going to add: I got to meet all of you!
That's a pretty big treat, right there. |
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Post by Dan on Jun 15, 2016 7:44:04 GMT -5
There was a woman back on EP that told of similar pranks. Even going so far as to doing things with cucumbers before putting them in her husband's salad. (The irony). That's funny! No I wasn't her. Shit I wish I would have thought of that!! I always peel my cucumbers and deseed them so if I invite the ex over he'll be getting a special vinaigrette.OMG: "Special vinaigrette". I suspect such a vinaigrette would be best prepared not by shaking or stirring, but by pounding with a certain pestle (which I happen to own). I have some special, slightly saline seasoning of my own to add, for that matter. Let's work on the dressing first. We can decide later if we toss the salad... And -- before I move on -- can I just point out the double entendre of "deseed the cucumber"? I mean, wasn't the problem that his cucumber wasn't providing any seed as it was??? You can find some crazy stuff on pinterest! But seriously ... if a woman did that to me, I would consider it a favor  I would consider it a flavor... |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 15, 2016 9:02:54 GMT -5
That's funny! No I wasn't her. Shit I wish I would have thought of that!! I always peel my cucumbers and deseed them so if I invite the ex over he'll be getting a special vinaigrette.OMG: "Special vinaigrette". I suspect such a vinaigrette would be best prepared not by shaking or stirring, but by pounding with a certain pestle (which I happen to own). I have some special, slightly saline seasoning of my own to add, for that matter. Let's work on the dressing first. We can decide later if we toss the salad... And -- before I move on -- can I just point out the double entendre of "deseed the cucumber"? I mean, wasn't the problem that his cucumber wasn't providing any seed as it was??? You can find some crazy stuff on pinterest! But seriously ... if a woman did that to me, I would consider it a favor I would consider it a flavor... So funny Dan!! First off the deseeded cucumber I realized that while I was typing it. I was curious if anyone would comment. I'm not surprised you did. I know you enjoy cooking and entertaining. Now where my mind went with your post was a cooking show with a man and a woman that prepare the recipe together with suggestive words, eye contact, flirting, working each other up. Maybe it's more like SNL skit material. Oh and with enough frequency that would have bottled and in the fridge for the ex, ok now I'm getting silly I better stop. Lol |
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Post by iceman on Jun 16, 2016 10:04:37 GMT -5
I get a lot more sleep. I used to wait up for my W to come to bed in the futile hope that she might be in the mood. (Isn't that the definition of insanity when you do the same thing over and over when nothing is going to change?) She can be in our bathroom for over an hour before coming to bed. No idea what she does in there. I think she's just trying to wait me out so I'll be asleep. Now I just read, maybe watch a little TV, and fall asleep.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 14:23:56 GMT -5
 I'm glad this thread is still going, Chatter Fox . It's making me happy, or at least at peace with what is. Life could be worse. Just read anther thread here that hammers that idea home. Goodness gracious.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 14:55:27 GMT -5
There are people here who want to send their spouses into a meat grinder..... and then there is Elle...
Thanks!
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 16, 2016 15:11:42 GMT -5
1. Being able to study for professional certification exams is easier, since she's not bugging me to do stuff or hang out most of the time.
2. Like others, burning off the excess energy and frustration has me lifting, cycling, and running a lot more the last few months- and it's good to get out of the house.
3. Lots more daddy - doggie time on the trails or in the dog parks.
4. I've started writing again, with a vengeance.
5. More quality time being spent with my closest friends ( the ones the wife doesn't like, doesn't know, or doesn't know and assumes she won't like).
6. Finding this place, and having all you wonderful people to talk with and listen to. Thank you- it's been so good for my psyche already.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 15:41:16 GMT -5
There are people here who want to send their spouses into a meat grinder..... and then there is Elle... Thanks!  Oh, I have my days, @roch649! Today's just not one of them. Lately, I've just been in the mood to *love* no matter what. Because the hate and anger I was feeling before, they were only hurting *me*. I'm trying to be the love I want to see in my marriage. Some days are easier than others. As I've said elsewhere, if I can't manifest what I want, I've got an awesome exit plan in place and I'll have my get out jail free card in 2 more years. I'm in a uniquely empowered place these days. Fingers crossed that it lasts. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 15:43:17 GMT -5
Oh, and @roch649, SMILE! It won't cost you anything! And it might even make you a tiny bit happier. Funny how that works. Happiness can happen backwards, one smile at a time.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 15:47:28 GMT -5
Oh, and @roch649, SMILE! It won't cost you anything! And it might even make you a tiny bit happier. Funny how that works. Happiness can happen backwards, one smile at a time. You know what makes me smile the most?... a little attention from an attractive woman.... since it's been years lacking at home...i have probably forgotten how to smile.... |
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Post by cagedtiger on Jun 16, 2016 16:06:21 GMT -5
Oh, and @roch649, SMILE! It won't cost you anything! And it might even make you a tiny bit happier. Funny how that works. Happiness can happen backwards, one smile at a time. You know what makes me smile the most?... a little attention from an attractive woman.... since it's been years lacking at home...i have probably forgotten how to smile.... Start practicing by smiling at passing strangers on the street- seriously, before you even realize it you won't be forcing yourself to do it, and it'll start feeling natural again. Life is too short, and this world too beautiful, to let one person steal all of your happiness. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 16, 2016 22:32:54 GMT -5
Amen cagedtiger. We can't lie down and let our refusers suck the life out of us. I came here last month in a puddle of tears. I got some great advice and have started putting myself first. The change in me is night and day. We need to get off the couch and live life regardless of what's going on at home. Make yourself happy, no one else is going to. And if that cloud of misery persists, then your new, happy-with-yourself SELF can just keep marching right out the door (bridges intact, of course)! Make a good plan and start working it. Smile more. Love the little things. Exercise. Flirt. Go do the things YOU love to do. The journey of a thousand miles begins with just ONE step. If we keep putting one foot in front of the other, one day we will find we've walked right out of our misery. |
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I'm glad this thread is still going, 
Oh, I have my days, @roch649! Today's just not one of them. Lately, I've just been in the mood to *love* no matter what. Because the hate and anger I was feeling before, they were only hurting *me*. I'm trying to be the love I want to see in my marriage. Some days are easier than others. As I've said elsewhere, if I can't manifest what I want, I've got an awesome exit plan in place and I'll have my get out jail free card in 2 more years. I'm in a uniquely empowered place these days. Fingers crossed that it lasts.