Will She, Won't She.... time will tell

ah.... well those numbers are for playing bedroom roulette....

choose a random number between 1 & 67 and that's tonight's main course sorted out....

LOL

Thanks... sigh.... the voice of the commons may be right.... I am still hanging on for shower and bath sex though ......... 

you know I am not sure W was not confusing that Catherine Wheel with just being tied up in bed by hands and ankles, spread eagle, as she had offered to go spread eagle in a WhatsApp message...... I'll have to ask, as both look fun but one looks like it will cause injury in my poor old 50+ bod..

Well, week5of35years ,if the object of this exercise was for you to have more sexual activity, and now you are, then that’s a success in anyone’s book. But, (isn’t there always a bloody but…) it doesn’t sound like you’re having the sex you were hoping for. So, I guess it depends how much the quality on offer is important to you. 

You speculate about what would happen if you quietly stopped initiating. Given that for three decades this woman turned her back and offered you her buttocks to masturbate with rather than enjoying you inside of her, I would hazard a guess the answer to your speculation would be that she’d do bugger all other than give a hearty sigh of relief. Perhaps I am wrong.

I am intrigued about your issue with finishing via PIV. I do not have a penis, so I don’t know, but I would have anticipated that a lovely silky wet and warm lady garden would have you blowing your load quite happily after three decades of your hand (with the occasional bum cheek option when you’re really lucky). I understand the issue of desensitising of death grip etc, but there are many men here who have moved on from a lifetime of self-service to enjoying very healthy sex with new partners, and I have a hypothesis of my own to float, see what you think about it. 

You describe your W as enjoying your attentions when you initiate, and successfully climaxing. What efforts is she putting in to maximise your pleasure? I wonder whether your finishing issues via PIV would be improved by her showing some effort to initiate, ask what your wildest dreams are, mad keen to surprise and delight you rather than gallantly acquiesce to your requests and then proceed to enjoy herself. In short, she sounds very selfish, and I am wondering whether what you are wanting  and needing is enthusiasm for *you*. If you had sex with a woman whom you were sure authentically wanted you, in a couldn’t keep her hands off you, enjoyed pleasing you, surprising and delighting you, took joy from seeing you enjoy yourself with her; now do you reckon you would you be having the same difficulty? I guess you can never know until you experience that for real. And I’m fairly sure it’s a long wait with your wife. I’d like to be wrong. 

So, is something better than nothing? Deciding it is, is a very valid choice. Aiming higher for the sex you crave is also a valid choice. You don’t get to swerve the choice. 

 

Hi and thanks for the replies!

I appreciate the feedback and wanted to respond. 

isthisit you are 100% right that an unavoidable decision is required. Yes the numbers are up massively, no I am not getting what I thought I wanted and I am still trying TBH.

I am circumcised which reduces sensitivity a lot, but I must say that when we have sex, the more aroused she becomes, the less I feel when I go in PIV TBH.... when we first stated out a long long time ago, I remember feeling that PIV felt like sliding into a soft velvet glove covered hand.... 

For me, there is a point during PIV where I can make the choice to cum or go on..... if I go on then I feel a bit desensitised and then need to work to get back to a point where I can cum... I could just keep going on and on if I felt like it once I have gone past that initial point just by using the right pace/amount of movement... its a bit like when you cum and just keep going rather than stopping, the sensation means you stay hard but desensitised (because you just came) and can just keep going on and on if you wanted to and ignore the post orgasm chill and wind down....

When we are in missionary for example she will reach up and lick my nipples which I find really nice, but then falls back to succumb to her own orgasms.... I cannot decide if she does that "for me" or to "hurry me up".... I suspect the latter and will ask her about it.

I agree with mirrororchid that if I waited 5 days I would be so "ready" for sex that I am pretty sure I would cum really quickly & easily, but assuming no masturbation etc. after 5 days I would be getting really cranky and that takes some of the pleasure away from sex for me as it sometimes means there is less time to enjoy, a lot more liquid  - but less intense orgasm ....mentally I do not want to have to wait that long. I have a lot of lost ground to make up here!!!!

My W has orgasms from foreplay and from PIV sex, she does orgasm reasonably easily I think, but one thing I have said to her is that sometimes I feel she is chasing her own orgasms as quickly as possible and does not want to enjoy the activity that gets her there... it has a purpose and an objective kind of thinking from her...

This I find a bit weird as if we are having foreplay that goes into her having 3 or 4 or 5 orgasms, why would she want that "over with" I really enjoy it of course, but don't get full satisfaction from that activity...

I think I need to talk with her about it because she certainly is enjoying it but when she decides to focus on me, it does feel like she is chasing down my orgasm rather than being interested in it being a great experience for me. Although she has been having immeasurably more orgasms in the last few months, I do wonder if I stopped (as mentioned,) whether she would crave them or just say "oh well..." and not think about it.

I am going to ask her how long it would take for her to be without an orgasm before she self serviced or actually felt inclined to initiate sex... maybe she will answer me honestly, maybe not... I am going to encourage her to take more of an interest in my pleasure (and not just "I'm wet, my legs are spread get stuck in.....") and see what she says, she may actually have never really thought about it and her view may be... I am available and willing, what more is there? ...... so much more I would say.

So in answer to isthisit question of "how much effort is she putting in" I would say, some....but needs to do more..

On the choices that must be made.... yes they are still there... She has responded well enough so that I feel my original @the Talk end of Jan target will be achieved and I am now in what I would think of as a reflective and refinement phase but honestly both choices are still perfectly viable...

Thanks as always for the inputs!!

Thanks, and yes pls do accept my thanks for your inputs.... It helps because I otherwise would have probably no hesitation in NOT pulling on loose threads in what I see of her behaviour/actions and I would not be looking at it from very different perspectives. The example I would offer is that frequency is certainly up, so I should be super duper happy and ignore any negative aspects right? but your queries get me to ask the question "yes, but is she just enjoying the ride, vacantly staring out of the window waiting for the journey to end......" and "how long will I drive before I get tired and want to be the passenger for a while...." all very good counter in sights to the just "everything is going great" dialog that would otherwise be likely.