Ironhamster, thanks! I’m really not sure what his issue was but I know that for me I think I had a bit of post-marriage “blues” or something like that. He claims that my weight gain had something to do with it, won’t admit to any other issues, other than that we really went through a period where we just couldn’t se to communicate on a level basis. I had my own fears and that may have contributed. What I did was to really take a long hard look , I stopped with the constant verbal digs about sex or the lack of, and started appreciating him as if I were getting the sex too. Acting “ as if”. I have to admit that when the sex dried up I really became not so nice to live with and my thoughts spiraled into if he was cheating. I had to let that thought go and concentrAte on what was good. I tried to remember the things that attracted me to him in the first place, before the sex dried up. Intelligence, stability, a sense of humor. When my attitude was bad I’m almost certain that perpetuated the lack of sex cycle. Granted, the sex isn’t as often as I’d prefer and the intensity has mellowed ( he wears out quicker) but hey, at least it’s there and I’m totally thrilled about that. I still have my “ private moments “ to make up for the difference in our libidos, and we’re both OK with that too. I had to let him know that I appreciated him for who he was, not just the sex. Our relationship is better now than it ever has been, and I love that!
... I stopped with the constant verbal digs about sex or the lack of, ... When my attitude was bad I’m almost certain that perpetuated the lack of sex cycle..... I had to let him know that I appreciated him for who he was, not just the sex. ...
I'm under the impression you started campaigning for a return to intimacy. The difference was "digs" versus....what exactly?
What was the approach? I'm thinking your attitude of appreciation alone didn't strike the match. Ladies seem to get the gears going easier than the fellas, so this info is of special interest.
Hi Mirrorchild! Good question! Well, during the time that I was verbal with the little digs about sex and frequent reminders I also had brought up the fact that I was seriously considering outsourcing. Maybe, just maybe, when I stopped talking about these things he thought I was getting closer to or at the action phase of said proposals. Right now, that’s all that really comes to mind. I got interested in me and changed my demeanor. That actually was one of the “ homework assignments from our marriage counselor. He was supposed to take a step towards intimacy ( be it verbal, hugging or whatever) and I was supposed to back off with the near daily mentioning of sec ( or the lack of). Whatever happened , I’m ecstatic that it did!
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mirrororchid: If something is troubling you and thoughts are keeping the sandman away, venting at 7cups.com may help? If you're just awake inconveniently and want cyber company, chatzy.com may have a group similarly unoccupied.
Mar 28, 2022 6:01:09 GMT -5
jim44444: Thank.you Admin for deleting the spammers
Mar 31, 2022 8:52:13 GMT -5
njsojourner: My advice to those Suffering: screw it! Literally. Everyone deserves a fulfilling sexual life. Get it however you can. Life is short. I have no illusions —when I get caught my wife will have to decide what’s most important to her. I am not stopping!
Mar 31, 2022 21:05:18 GMT -5
desertfather: I just felt lonely lately. Wanted to talk to someone.
Apr 5, 2022 8:29:18 GMT -5
mirrororchid: I mention a few online chat rooms a few posts up, desertfather. Meetup.com provides real live people to chat with. Given your ILIASM situation, a lot of folks locate a therapist. (helpful for touchy subjects you can't go over with friends for over a year.
Apr 6, 2022 4:50:03 GMT -5