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Post by hopingforachange on Oct 26, 2017 10:20:40 GMT -5
“Lets here from the women, lets here from the women, ...sounds like my controlling wife, who wants to reverse things? I already read from the woman on this very sight that want a man to fix their sink, and I recall a fine example of a woman who is very in touch with her femininity who's picture of herself on here was in a rain coat and holding a fish.” I don’t know why you take this so personally and seem so mad about this. I find it a turnoff when men pose on dating sites holding big fish. So what? Obviously we are not trying to date each other. I probably am not the type of woman you are attracted to. Doesn’t bother me. To each his/her own. My point about the big fish pictures is that I think some — not all men — may not realize that at least some women who might otherwise be attracted to those men may not due to the picture. Given that many men here have said it’s very hard for them to get women on dating sites to respond, it seems at least some men might appreciate women’s viewpoints on this so the men can portray themselves in the best way to attract women. The lack of allure of men holding big fish has been a joke among my women friends including women who camp. Women have commented, “is that supposed to be a hint about the size of his dick?” Most women don’t like to fish. Unless one only want to date women who do (and if that’s what’s important for you, go for it! No judgment from me. To each his own.), it probably is a good idea to rethink whether that is how you want to represent yourself in a dating site to attract women partners. At least some might want to consider whether they want that as their only or cover picture. An analogy might be a woman’s using as her main photo one of her wearing a full length tutu. Since relatively few men love ballet, her picture might be a turnoff to many men. She might think she’s portraying feminine beauty. Men might think that with her, they’d be sentenced to long nights in uncomfortable seats watching something boring. When I was on online dating sites, I researched what kind of picture to post to attract men. I learned that men like shots that show one’s whole body because most men want to know what the woman’s figure looks like. So, I made sure that one of my pictures was a head to toe clothed shot of me. 2 words: Dancers Ass 🤤🤤 Any man that can't occasionally go to the ballet can't be a sex person and no one needs that type of negativity in thier life. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2017 10:23:59 GMT -5
"But, why do women read into everything like that? No --- the guy likes to fish, he is sharing an action shot. I don't get why women have made that particular pose a thing to pick on. I genuinely don't get it. " Because when it comes to dating sites, all we have to go on to make a decision about whether to swipe right or send a message is a picture and a few words. That's it. If that picture is somehow an immediate turnoff, on to the next prospect. People-- men and women -- can make their decision about reaching out or not in much less than a minute, probably usually a few seconds. When I was on-line dating, I didn't want to meet just anyone. I was very picky. I didn't want to waste my time or see if something could be there if my first response to a man's picture or overture was, "Ew." or "Boring." I'd rather be by myself or with friends than take a chance by meeting or conversing with a man whose profile or picture sparked no interest in me. If I met a guy and found little about him appealing, I didn't see any reason to see him again. I wasn't into that kind of practice dating. When it comes to the fish pictures: I don't want to date a man who likes to fish. Thus, a man-with-a-fish picture is for me, an immediate turnoff. Man in a costume picture would spark my interest, and did cause me to at least accept a phone call from a man with such a picture. I'm sure there are plenty of women who would be completely turned off by the picture of a guy in a costume. It's funny how it can be hard for people to understand that what they assume all people of the opposite sex like may not be what an individual whom they wish to attract likes. There was a man who was trying to seduce me, and his way of seducing me was to tell me how he could fix things. He learned that my printer didn't work so he insisted on giving me a printer that he had refurbished. I told him I did not want the printer, but he brought it to the place where we were rehearsing a play. In fact, he brought 2 printers and asked me to pick out my choice. I ended up taking one just to get him to leave me alone. I never used that printer. I ended up buying a new one and giving away the one he had bought me. And, no, I never had sex with him. His bait -- being a handy man -- was something that I find repellant. It's similar with our refusers. We think we're offering them something wonderful when we offer them sex. We think sex on a holiday, birthday or vacation is literally icing on the cake. Meanwhile, to them, sex on such occasions is as welcome as would be a turd on the bed. Back to the men-with-a-fish dating pictures, I googled and there really are plenty of women who like such pictures The man's choice of fish to hold can even raise his chances of attracting women. So, those guys who like to fish might want to Google to see what kind of fish to hold to up their odds of luring women.  |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 10:35:44 GMT -5
lol Thanks for your response, Northstarmom.
It's just a matter of preference, exactly. That is what I am saying. BE YOU. Don't worry about "attracting" people, you will attract some people and repel others. That's the nature of the game. JUST BE YOURSELF.
No, not everyone has to practice date or meet as many people as I did but I am just saying -- there's more to people than that picture you are quick to swipe away into eternity. Dating IS about "taking chances" or what is the point? I am just saying, the first time I met a man despite his picture, I was pleasantly surprised he was much better in person, thus, I kept doing it. I actually found the men who had less than perfectly posed pictures to be more genuine in person. They weren't all "computer savvy," thus they lived in the world not the screen, which, was just a personal preference of mine. But, yes, to each her own.
Everyone has preferences. You will be some people's cup of tea and other's not so much. It's how it goes. Some men were turned off by camping poses, no make up, hair in a pony tail. Other's liked it. I wasn't going to bling myself up to attract the kind of man I don't want in the first place. Just be you. BE YOU. BE YOU!!! Do you all hear me yelling??
KNOW THYSELF.
BE THYSELF.
Amen.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2017 10:48:07 GMT -5
Know what you want and what your own boundaries are. Don't be like the woman on Experience Project who was so willing to give everyone a chance that on a first date with a man from a dating site, she allowed herself to get into a situation in which she was in his parked car and he was demonstrating to her how his penis pump worked. That was his way of showing her that he could still perform despite his history of ED. Even though that wasn't her idea of what to do on a ate, she sat there and watched him inflate himself: She didn't want to be rude.
Know your boundaries, and if a date tries to violate them, end the date. Don't give a second chance. If he shows he isn't what you want, move on.
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 11:14:52 GMT -5
Know what you want and what your own boundaries are. Don't be like the woman on Experience Project who was so willing to give everyone a chance that on a first date with a man from a dating site, she allowed herself to get into a situation in which she was in his parked car and he was demonstrating to her how his penis pump worked. That was his way of showing her that he could still perform despite his history of ED. Even though that wasn't her idea of what to do on a ate, she sat there and watched him inflate himself: She didn't want to be rude. Know your boundaries, and if a date tries to violate them, end the date. Don't give a second chance. If he shows he isn't what you want, move on. Yes. Agreed. So much is lost with this group in semantics. I am waving the white flag. Good luck everyone. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 26, 2017 11:40:46 GMT -5
Know what you want and what your own boundaries are. Don't be like the woman on Experience Project who was so willing to give everyone a chance that on a first date with a man from a dating site, she allowed herself to get into a situation in which she was in his parked car and he was demonstrating to her how his penis pump worked. That was his way of showing her that he could still perform despite his history of ED. Even though that wasn't her idea of what to do on a ate, she sat there and watched him inflate himself: She didn't want to be rude. Know your boundaries, and if a date tries to violate them, end the date. Don't give a second chance. If he shows he isn't what you want, move on. Yes. Agreed. So much is lost with this group in semantics. I am waving the white flag. Good luck everyone. Amen! Far to many words that I never said, pure speculation,and manipulation. Especially being labeled as "mad" simply by not allowing my words to be manipulated. Reminds me -painfully- of my STBX. I've never been on a dating sight, I tried to add onto the entire thread which talked about dating and meeting people in general. I also don't fish or hunt, but spoke of many men who I know, and what fine happily married men they are. White flag! Good luck everyone. |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2017 11:51:50 GMT -5
Know what you want and what your own boundaries are. Don't be like the woman on Experience Project who was so willing to give everyone a chance that on a first date with a man from a dating site, she allowed herself to get into a situation in which she was in his parked car and he was demonstrating to her how his penis pump worked. That was his way of showing her that he could still perform despite his history of ED. Even though that wasn't her idea of what to do on a ate, she sat there and watched him inflate himself: She didn't want to be rude. Know your boundaries, and if a date tries to violate them, end the date. Don't give a second chance. If he shows he isn't what you want, move on. Yes. Agreed. So much is lost with this group in semantics. I am waving the white flag. Good luck everyone. - "If most of what I have to go on is a picture and it's of an activity I don't like, I pass" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" @everyoneelse - "Don't be so judgemental / selective. You might be missing out on someone that is perfect for you based on a pre-existing notion" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" To quote the great philosopher, Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?" |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2017 11:55:05 GMT -5
Not sure why anyone needs to raise a white flag. We were all offering our point of view in an effort to be helpful to Rosie the original poster and possibly to help others considering on-line dating. Our personal preferences are our personal preferences. Others' mileage may vary as the expression goes. It doesn't matter if our personal preferences mean we won't date each other. We're not trying to.  One thing I think we all do agree on is the importance of being onself on-line and trying out or going along with only the things that really do appeal to you. Don't try to make yourself into someone else because you think that others might find that other personality more appealing. The more we allow our real selves to be seen on-line or in real life dating, the more likely we will find someone who'll love us the way we want for being exactly who we are. |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 11:57:01 GMT -5
Yes. Agreed. So much is lost with this group in semantics. I am waving the white flag. Good luck everyone. - "If most of what I have to go on is a picture and it's of an activity I don't like, I pass" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" @everyoneelse - "Don't be so judgemental / selective. You might be missing out on someone that is perfect for you based on a pre-existing notion" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" To quote the great philosopher, Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?" Look at you coming in here with your common sense. Good points and yes, we can. We are all just very different creatures with similar struggles but VERY different ways to go about them. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2017 12:05:46 GMT -5
"northstarmom - "If most of what I have to go on is a picture and it's of an activity I don't like, I pass" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips"
@everyoneelse - "Don't be so judgemental / selective. You might be missing out on someone that is perfect for you based on a pre-existing notion" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips"
To quote the great philosopher, Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?""
What does Rodney King have to do with turning down a date with someone whom I'm not attracted to? Those of us here who've been posting just go about dating in different ways. No problem with that. It's just a different way of navigating the world. One person's method may not fit another.
I'm not saying one should be rude in quickly rejecting dating offers from those that don't interest one. I see no reason in connecting in person or otherwise with a person on a dating site who I'm not interested in. I don't see any reason to have a second date with a person who -- initially I thought might be a match, but ends up being someone whom I find to be boring or feel no romantic spark with. I'd rather cut my losses early than hang on trying vainly to feel a warmth or passion for someone who for whatever reason I lack chemistry with. The reason might be trivial, but it's not likely I can reason myself into overcoming it. Heck, when I was young, I couldn't bring myself to date a nice looking guy on track for a good job. His nose twitched when he talked, and that turned me off.
When I did on-line dating, there were few men who interested me. I had in person meetings with a couple. I had telephone or Skype meetings with a couple. The man who most interested me lived 1,000 miles away. We ended up being FB friends, never having met in person and probably never will due to the distance.
Did I miss out on some great match? Maybe. But in the end, it makes no difference because I ended up happily being with someone I already knew in real life.
Truth is there are probably thousands of potential good matches somewhere in the world for any individual person. But each person only needs to find one good match. Missing out on the others doesn't matter.
Rosie might benefit from learning of our different ways of dating so she can figure out what works for her.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 26, 2017 12:11:34 GMT -5
An update. Met the local chap for coffee, nice enough chap I suppose but after 30mins of him droning on I was desperate to get away. I pretended to check my phone so I could interject and say, oh, message, sorry got to go,’ but when he saw my phone he just talked louder and would have drowned out any uttering I made. If hell should freeze over and I do this again does anyone have any tips on how to exit? When I did exit (I just stood up and grabbed my bag) he followed me out and kept hugging me as I waited for the taxi.  |
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Post by WindSister on Oct 26, 2017 12:16:47 GMT -5
An update. Met the local chap for coffee, nice enough chap I suppose but after 30mins of him droning on I was desperate to get away. I pretended to check my phone so I could interject and say, oh, message, sorry got to go,’ but when he saw my phone he just talked louder and would have drowned out any uttering I made. If hell should freeze over and I do this again does anyone have any tips on how to exit? When I did exit (I just stood up and grabbed my bag) he followed me out and kept hugging me as I waited for the taxi. "It was nice meeting you, but I am sorry, I am just not feeling a connection. Take care." There really isn't a way to avoid any and all awkwardness, it's part of the game. You left. You don't have to message him again but if you do, see the above quote. Kudos to you for trying. Unlike others, I don't see such events as a waste of time. You will process this and learn from it. Good luck!! |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 26, 2017 12:33:49 GMT -5
""An update. Met the local chap for coffee, nice enough chap I suppose but after 30mins of him droning on I was desperate to get away. I pretended to check my phone so I could interject and say, oh, message, sorry got to go,’ but when he saw my phone he just talked louder and would have drowned out any uttering I made. If hell should freeze over and I do this again does anyone have any tips on how to exit? When I did exit (I just stood up and grabbed my bag) he followed me out and kept hugging me as I waited for the taxi. " I think you handled things well. When you realized he was boring you, you gracefully left. You were courteous while respecting your own desires. Only things I would suggest are: setting up your potential exit by saying at the beginning that you will need to check your phone as you may have to rush to an appointment; Not letting him keep hugging you. His doing that was creepy. He was not your lover or close friend, only a stranger you'd met for coffee who seems to have felt a connection with you because he was able to monopolize a half hour of your time. You can set boundaries with such a person by stepping back and saying, "I'm not a hugger." If he contacts you again, awakeforthedance gave great advice about what to say. I suggest that you block him afterward since some men think "not interested" means "if you're persistent enough, I'll change my mind." Note to guys following this looking for tips: A date should include conversation by both parties. Some men misconstrue dates as being an opportunity to attract a woman by talking exclusively about oneself. Women in general like men who also demonstrate an interest -- by questions and listening -- in learning about the woman they are out with. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 26, 2017 12:53:04 GMT -5
Fair point Shamwow, about Meetup, thing is my health isn’t up to those kind of active groups. I need infrequent, sedate, sitting down kind of meetings. I’m hoping the age range I’m looking at OLD aren’t that in to getting laid - judging from their pics I think it would be unwise for most of them anyway. Agreed on the health aspect. Perhaps the mountain biking group isn't for you. But there are dinner groups. Break break, sip some wine. Meetup isn't solely about sports, fitness, and active lifestyles. You can find knitting meetups, card playing meetups, leisurely walk meetups, going to movies meetups, going out to eat meetups, ukulele playing meetups, photography meetups. The closer you are to a major metro area (or the further you willing to travel), the more options you have. Meetups can be a great options for ALL PHASES of your in-SM or post-SM life. For more on Meetup.com, see my post at: iliasm.org/thread/3254/website-meetup-com |
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Post by shamwow on Oct 26, 2017 13:10:03 GMT -5
northstarmom - "If most of what I have to go on is a picture and it's of an activity I don't like, I pass" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" @everyoneelse - "Don't be so judgemental / selective. You might be missing out on someone that is perfect for you based on a pre-existing notion" - seems pretty appropriate comment for a thread on "online dating tips" To quote the great philosopher, Rodney King: "Can't we all just get along?" Look at you coming in here with your common sense. Good points and yes, we can. We are all just very different creatures with similar struggles but VERY different ways to go about them. Perhaps later I'll channel more of Mr. King and get hopped up on PCP and lead the cops on a high speed chase... Could be interesting |
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