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Post by solodriver on Aug 18, 2016 0:30:38 GMT -5
My wife's statements earlier and later.
On kissing, early: "You are such a great kisser, you turn me on." Later: "That is disgusting"
During sex, early: "Oh that makes me feel so good, Keep going, don't stop." Later: "Can you hurry up, I need to get to sleep"
Cuddling, early: "Mmmmm I love the way your naked body feels on my body." Later: "Can you get off me, you're making me hot." or "Quit hanging on me."
Foreplay, early: "I've been waiting for you to do that to me all day." Later: "Not tonight, I have a very busy day tomorrow."
Waking her up in the middle of the night for lovemaking. early: (smiling) "Mmmmm yes sweetie love me." Later: Don't wake me up, I'll never get back to sleep and I will be tired all day tomorrow."
When I hugged her close and touched her intimately, early: "Mmmmmm yes I want you too baby." Later: "Why are you so horny all the time, is that all you think about?" or "Please don't do that, it hurts me when you touch me there."
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Post by worksforme2 on Aug 18, 2016 5:18:39 GMT -5
A devastating statement while in the middle of intercourse..... "Do you think it will rain today?" If that doesn't kill the moment, I don't know what does. If you think a query about precipitation deflates your bone try "Are you done yet, did you cum"? Hurry up and cum....what happened to the old axiom that it was a good thing not to cum too quickly? |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2016 9:25:09 GMT -5
A devastating statement while in the middle of intercourse..... "Do you think it will rain today?" If that doesn't kill the moment, I don't know what does. If you think a query about precipitation deflates your bone try "Are you done yet, did you cum"? Hurry up and cum....what happened to the old axiom that it was a good thing not to cum too quickly? I got that from both my wives. Hurry up and finish. Nobody else ever told me that. Just the ones I was married too. In duty sex, the quicker the better. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2016 12:07:28 GMT -5
Mine was pretty devastating. (Background: 35 years old, separated from first wife for 2 years, never kissed another woman, because I was depressed and moping about STBX)
Anyway, she came over with our daughter after one of her every other weekend visits with her. She was going out on a date, and was dressed like a slut (looked terrible, could not pull it off), when she said as she was leaving "I don't think I was ever in love with you"!!
The only woman I had ever been with devastated me!
But that punch in the gut woke me up(not to mention pissed me off) and I moved me along and had 12 great single years!
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 23, 2016 12:19:15 GMT -5
she said as she was leaving "I don't think I was ever in love with you"!! The only woman I had ever been with devastated me! On the plus side, it gave you a harsh but solid close to that chapter. I know we all get emotional and rational thought disappears at times, but statements like this are so terribly hurtful and they can't be unspoken. Tell them you hate who they've turned into. Or that they've become a nasty, selfish, vindictive person. But respect the fact that at one time you both thought the world of each other, enough to commit for life. As the saying goes... Don't be too critical of your spouse's judgement; they picked you, after all. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2016 12:52:45 GMT -5
she said as she was leaving "I don't think I was ever in love with you"!! The only woman I had ever been with devastated me! On the plus side, it gave you a harsh but solid close to that chapter. I know we all get emotional and rational thought disappears at times, but statements like this are so terribly hurtful and they can't be unspoken. Tell them you hate who they've turned into. Or that they've become a nasty, selfish, vindictive person. But respect the fact that at one time you both thought the world of each other, enough to commit for life. As the saying goes... Don't be too critical of your spouse's judgement; they picked you, after all. , you are right, that is a big plus side, allowing me to move on. I don't hate her or say terrible things about her or to her. I have no feelings for her at all except she is the mother of my daughter. But the one thing I disagree with in your post is the last sentence "they picked you, after all". I was in love with her, but she should never have picked me if she thought she was not in love with me. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Aug 23, 2016 13:11:22 GMT -5
On the plus side, it gave you a harsh but solid close to that chapter. I know we all get emotional and rational thought disappears at times, but statements like this are so terribly hurtful and they can't be unspoken. Tell them you hate who they've turned into. Or that they've become a nasty, selfish, vindictive person. But respect the fact that at one time you both thought the world of each other, enough to commit for life. As the saying goes... Don't be too critical of your spouse's judgement; they picked you, after all. , you are right, that is a big plus side, allowing me to move on. I don't hate her or say terrible things about her or to her. I have no feelings for her at all except she is the mother of my daughter. But the one thing I disagree with in your post is the last sentence "they picked you, after all". I was in love with her, but she should never have picked me if she thought she was not in love with me. Allow me to add that they picked me because they saw that I help the needy, have compassion for others, am a caring individual, and am a strong team player. All the things a narcissist or manipulative controller feeds off. Things you should change about yourself? Not at all! It is time to re-learn, undo the years of mental abuse that has you thinking you are less than worthy. When you have a spouses judgement that is, and will always be one sided , there comes a time to be critical and stand your ground.Even if that means running the other way. |
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Post by Deleted on Aug 23, 2016 13:40:14 GMT -5
greatcoastal and DryCreek , Even though I don't know either of you, I admire both of your brains. Your posts are always well written and your advice is always well thought out. This happened to me in 1992. I wasted too much time moping about that relationship and how it was manipulative and not productive with my life. I always strive to learn and grow. Thanks for your sharing your thoughts, ideas, and experiences with me.
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Post by DryCreek on Aug 23, 2016 14:32:59 GMT -5
@boulderbob and greatcoastal - fair points, for sure. When you think you were chosen for your wit, wisdom, and allure... only to later learn that she picked you for stability and safety. "Any port in a storm" isn't quite so sexy. For me, there is little more degrading / devastating than realizing your spouse is ashamed to have sex with you. Her issue, but it still screws with your head. |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 2, 2016 0:24:59 GMT -5
The first few years my wife and I had sex, her passion was so hot, she would whisper in my ear to "fuck me" over and over the whole time.
A few weeks ago when I mentioned this to her, her response: "Don't ever talk to me like that again!"
Wow, what a difference a day makes.
God, how I miss white hot passion  |
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Post by deleted on Sept 2, 2016 7:07:03 GMT -5
This one bugs me to this day, "I don't ever think about having sex. It isn't just you. I don't think about having sex with anyone."
I decided that she has one year to change. I'm going to be very explicit about my needs. If nothing changes, I'm planning my Brexit and seceding from the union.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 2, 2016 7:46:06 GMT -5
This one bugs me to this day, "I don't ever think about having sex. It isn't just you. I don't think about having sex with anyone." I decided that she has one year to change. I'm going to be very explicit about my needs. If nothing changes, I'm planning my Brexit and seceding from the union. Don't you mean "Sexit"  ...I think you need a majority vote from the union participants...I think you will be stuck with a plurality... Take up arms and plan for conflict.. |
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Post by csl on Sept 2, 2016 12:36:09 GMT -5
This one bugs me to this day, "I don't ever think about having sex. It isn't just you. I don't think about having sex with anyone." I decided that she has one year to change. I'm going to be very explicit about my needs. If nothing changes, I'm planning my Brexit and seceding from the union. Does she know that she's 'on the clock'? You say you're going to be explicit about needs, but how will she know that this time it's real, that you're eyeing your parachute? |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Sept 2, 2016 23:49:58 GMT -5
Well, I love to travel. But if there isn't going to be any sex, then I don't want to travel with my man at all. In that case, I'll go alone or with friends and just consider it a non-sexual adventure. l Solo trips are so much more fun. I'm planning my next one for October. Maybe I'll go east in the spring. |
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Post by solodriver on Sept 3, 2016 1:30:34 GMT -5
Well, I love to travel. But if there isn't going to be any sex, then I don't want to travel with my man at all. In that case, I'll go alone or with friends and just consider it a non-sexual adventure. l Solo trips are so much more fun. I'm planning my next one for October. Maybe I'll go east in the spring. If not too personal, where are you going?
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...I think you need a majority vote from the union participants...I think you will be stuck with a plurality...
