miestas
Junior Member
Posts: 74 
Age Range: 61-65
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Post by miestas on Mar 28, 2016 6:41:26 GMT -5
Wow, Deedle! That sounds awful. I'm so sorry. I second the remarks by Smartkat and Carissimi - what do these people think when they say stuff like that? Do they just have no introspection or empathy at all? Can they not see how much that would hurt if someone who is supposed to love them said that to them?
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Post by unmatched on Mar 28, 2016 20:07:27 GMT -5
"I don't like kissing and foreplay", followed a while afterwards by, "Why can't sex just happen spontaneously and naturally?"
Oops, how did that get in there?
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rain
New Member
Posts: 5 
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Post by rain on Mar 29, 2016 20:35:57 GMT -5
I know this may sound benign compared to many of the other reply's posted, but it broke my heart and my will.
"Im just not attracted to you" - "Nothing you can do will change that, your not to fat, or too skinney or too brunnet or to blond, not what you wear or dont wear, Im just not attracted to you. So you cant fix it" I know he ment well, but there is/was nothing I could do to fix our issue, the loss of hope was the worst.
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 29, 2016 20:55:00 GMT -5
...and what the hell is "down time" why does he need to be alone? This is strange because in our house there is no place for him to be alone unless he leaves the house. If I come out of the bedroom in the night, he is on the couch watching something on his phone. Could it be porn? Watching the things he thinks are too disgusting to do with me? Texting with someone?
No. He's watching documentaries and Russian car crashes on YouTube. Seriously. I kid you not. I can compete with porn but Russian car crashes?
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Post by DryCreek on Mar 29, 2016 21:42:05 GMT -5
Im just not attracted to you. So you cant fix it" I know he ment well, but there is/was nothing I could do to fix our issue, the loss of hope was the worst. Well, he's an ass hat for starters. But his words may give you some solace as you kick him to the curb. Why? Because of the "why". So many of us tear ourselves up and struggle for years (no... decades) trying to figure out what we've done wrong, and what we can do to fix it, but with no success. We're trapped by trying to find out why. Thinking that if we only knew, we could either fix it or at least have some closure. In a warped way, he may be saving you years of twisting in the wind. When you finally pull the plug, you can rest assured that there truly was nothing more you could have tried. You can run for the door without a second look back. DC |
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Mar 29, 2016 22:50:14 GMT -5
My wife is very thin, all her siblings are thin.......I am built like a linebacker. I lift weights, a lot. I'm just a big guy.
But I have heard things like, "I'm not attracted to your body, you need to lose weight", or "I can't be like those wives on The Biggest Loser who seem not to mind," (I am not even remotely like any BL contestant)....."Your body is a wonderland......but not in a good way," and then giggled...............Holy Fucking Shit.
And besides my BODY, she has criticized me about so many other things just about who I am and how I do things (which are NORMAL). She once said, "Hey, let's get some beers and go to the park, get outside for awhile." This was when the sexless stuff was just beginning......I was kinda excited because I thought, 'oh, she wants to spend time with me!'....
....but we get to the park, find a table, and she starts listing out all these criticisms of me......very calmly......just 'i don't like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, or this', basically. And that was our outing. Of course I was a SM newbie back then, holding out hope, giving up control, just being a pussy.
I have grown out of that and I won't be putting up with this shit much longer....like a week or so. I'm out. NO ONE should be subjected to such insults and criticisms, especially from the ONE YOU CHOSE TO MARRY!!
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Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 2:39:29 GMT -5
My wife is very thin, all her siblings are thin.......I am built like a linebacker. I lift weights, a lot. I'm just a big guy. But I have heard things like, "I'm not attracted to your body, you need to lose weight", or "I can't be like those wives on The Biggest Loser who seem not to mind," (I am not even remotely like any BL contestant)....."Your body is a wonderland......but not in a good way," and then giggled...............Holy Fucking Shit. And besides my BODY, she has criticized me about so many other things just about who I am and how I do things (which are NORMAL). She once said, "Hey, let's get some beers and go to the park, get outside for awhile." This was when the sexless stuff was just beginning......I was kinda excited because I thought, 'oh, she wants to spend time with me!'.... ....but we get to the park, find a table, and she starts listing out all these criticisms of me......very calmly......just 'i don't like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, or this', basically. And that was our outing. Of course I was a SM newbie back then, holding out hope, giving up control, just being a pussy. I have grown out of that and I won't be putting up with this shit much longer....like a week or so. I'm out. NO ONE should be subjected to such insults and criticisms, especially from the ONE YOU CHOSE TO MARRY!! I have such a weakness for big, stocky men. So unfair that a refuser gets a big sex-desiring man and I get, well, a refuser (not anymore tho, I'm out). [See the hormones are a bitch thread under flirting, lol]. |
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TheBumble
Junior Member
Posts: 97
Age Range: 51-55
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Post by TheBumble on Mar 30, 2016 2:46:04 GMT -5
Helen......maybe five or six years ago, I stopped lifting and focused solely on becoming 'thin'......I cycle a lot, and bought a trainer to put my bike on, and I rode that sucker day after day, hour after hour. After four months or so, I'd lost 45 pounds.....all to try and 'fit the suit' (Greg Brady reference for those who remember that episode) that she wanted me in.........but despite my work and new 'svelte' figure (I felt shitty, btw), she NEVER SAID A WORD. So, fuck it.......back to the weights and to find my own happiness under the iron.
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Post by sand5280 on Mar 30, 2016 3:27:33 GMT -5
No. He's watching documentaries and Russian car crashes on YouTube. Seriously. I kid you not. I can compete with porn but Russian car crashes? I apologize for making light of a dismal situation, but I usually will find humor in almost anything, and so have you. We have read countless stories of partners being lost to internet porn. You can now start your own site or forum on the car crashes. Russian, Mexican, Australian. Not many members from Greenland. |
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Post by tamara68 on Mar 30, 2016 3:44:20 GMT -5
For many years my husband used to see me naked when I came out of the shower to get dressed in the bedroom. That was the usual moment for him to comment on me being to fat and tell me I really need to lose weight.
For sure he is NOT a reason to do anything about my appearance. The only reason for losing weight if I want to and for me feeling good.
Besides.... I found out that there are men out there who actually love my shape.
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Post by sand5280 on Mar 30, 2016 3:53:42 GMT -5
Back to the weights and to find my own happiness under the iron. I need to follow your cue, body maintenance for my own appreciation. For 12 years I had the most physically demanding job in the steel plant where I work, I was ripped. I liked early summer, I could show off the guns. Secretary offered me a phone book to tear, possible flirt but still I liked it. This took its toll and I moved to an easier machine, thankfully. Yes I am still in good shape, but not so pleased getting out of the shower and seeing the mirror. You describe a desire to look good for someone else, but after no response, you are doing it for yourself. This I need to do. Seems to be a widespread trend for criticizing others' appearance. Why must everyone be so mean! I have complained to sweetie I am getting soft, met with reassurance “oh no, you look great” of course she is going to say this. And I believe the comment to be genuine. Pair this with the fact we are both eating more, she is now upset that she is gaining a few pounds. She has the reassurance from me also, mine is indeed genuine. I don't want an overly skinny girl, and most important her health is improving. It is difficult however to be very enthusiastic about good comments, knowing I don't have much access to that body she has. Maybe I will take your cue, more celery with dinner, less potato chips |
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Post by wewbwb on Mar 30, 2016 7:39:09 GMT -5
22 years ago on my honeymoon I was told, "no one has sex on their wedding day" - ok- doesn't explain the last 5 years though....
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Deleted
Deleted Member
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Post by Deleted on Mar 30, 2016 8:34:26 GMT -5
When I was 21, I had a one year old son and had just had twin girls. He said "You're old and loose now. What happened to the tight teenager I married". Fun. Loose at 21. No, he's old and can't get it up without a blowjob now. We had a rather infuriating thread on EP not long ago about men who can't maintain an erection anymore and blame it on their wife's "loose" vagina. Maybe it's loose because his limp dick isn't stretching it. |
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Post by wewbwb on Mar 30, 2016 9:02:47 GMT -5
For many years my husband used to see me naked when I came out of the shower to get dressed in the bedroom. That was the usual moment for him to comment on me being to fat and tell me I really need to lose weight. For sure he is NOT a reason to do anything about my appearance. The only reason for losing weight if I want to and for me feeling good. Besides.... I found out that there are men out there who actually love my shape. That's when I'd try to "cop a feel" off her - and get told, "leave me alone". So lose weight or not, it's not going to change the situation. Also, yes we are out there. A woman is SUPPOSED to have a shape.  |
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Post by Rhapsodee on Mar 30, 2016 9:56:51 GMT -5
My wife is very thin, all her siblings are thin.......I am built like a linebacker. I lift weights, a lot. I'm just a big guy. But I have heard things like, "I'm not attracted to your body, you need to lose weight", or "I can't be like those wives on The Biggest Loser who seem not to mind," (I am not even remotely like any BL contestant)....."Your body is a wonderland......but not in a good way," and then giggled...............Holy Fucking Shit. And besides my BODY, she has criticized me about so many other things just about who I am and how I do things (which are NORMAL). She once said, "Hey, let's get some beers and go to the park, get outside for awhile." This was when the sexless stuff was just beginning......I was kinda excited because I thought, 'oh, she wants to spend time with me!'.... ....but we get to the park, find a table, and she starts listing out all these criticisms of me......very calmly......just 'i don't like this, this, this, this, this, this, this, or this', basically. And that was our outing. Of course I was a SM newbie back then, holding out hope, giving up control, just being a pussy. I have grown out of that and I won't be putting up with this shit much longer....like a week or so. I'm out. NO ONE should be subjected to such insults and criticisms, especially from the ONE YOU CHOSE TO MARRY!! So you get the talks too. I'm not thin. Far from it. 5'8" and 150# I am about five pounds over what I want to be. But it suits me. To show how much I've changed, I've started asking if it's going to be an "Everything that's wrong with Dee" talk because I don't want to hear it. If I change and become the way he wants me to be, I would no longer be me. I've told him he should have married that cute little contracts specialist that was in love with him. He says she was boring. That's what he wants, right? He says he just wants less chaos. Baby, I am chaos. How much less of me do you want? |
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