Outsourcing... Not sure it's for me

Has the opportunity arisen and you've declined it Z or have you kept your distance intentionally? I swear you feel like a princess.... For a brief while. Until reality hits again with gusto !! Xx

I have serious self image issues too. But for being big in the other direction! I'm over 6foot.

I think the fact they came to me was what made it easy. I didn't actively have to do anything. And the ex made it easy too. I knew what I was getting an I knew I could trust him.

I procrastinate about things for ages then a switch comes on and I pick a direction and fling myself fully into it.... Only considering it properly after the event. I have to say the excitement when a text from the ex comes through is immense! But I feel horrific being deceitful. It's not my nature.

Z I always have walked round oblivious to whether I'm being looked at it not. Only since the hotel friend sat me down and spelled it out did I even think to look out for it.

I swear to god. When you pay attention you will see opportunities everywhere. My default setting is still to be oblivious but if I'm having a good day and feel positive about myself I remember to look. It's a little ego boost. You should make a mental note to notice. Xxx

For me outsourcing is not about fulfillment, it is not about love, and it is not about being a "magic bullet". It is simply the best way to keep my life as it is and still get sex when I need it. That's it. It fills a reoccurring need. Guilt plays a tiny part, but when I get refused (which happens much less often because I don't ask very often) it makes me angry and frustrated - which is why I outsource in the first place.
The euphoria of having been with a lover lasts a few days for me and allows me to continue in a job that takes a toll by boosting my confidence. I am still worthy; I am still wanted.
When our marriage was not a SM I got these things from my wife and never even realized what was missing until I started outsourcing.
I am not in love with anyone anymore and I don't foresee that in my future. I have had enough of it and as selfish as it may seem, I can concentrate on my needs since no one else seems willing to.
Fulfillment comes from my kids and grandkids and seeing what good people they are growing into.

That's the main reason I didn't have an outside partner until after I told my now ex it was over. I just couldn't Iive with myself had I started living a lie, a double life like her (I had caught her in an affair years earlier). I'm not judging those who do it that way; it's none of my business, but I couldn't. I was still married but I was not pretending I wanted to be or that I expected us to remain that way. So I didn't feel guilty.

The way it played out for me was I told my wife we were getting a divorce (a little side advice: don't ask for a divorce, announce it) but that we would stay together another year so she could finish her teaching certificate. Well in my state you have a year waiting period after separating before you can file for divorce. Plus who knows how much legal wrangling. So had I waited until the divorce was final and only then got on the meat market, it could have been three more years before I had sex. And it had already been almost two.

Fook that.

I had been getting flirty with a lady on EP and that then progressed to a sexual relationship. It was long distance so mostly online but we did meet twice for carnal relations. My wife knew, she just couldn't prove it despite having me followed by a gumshoe. I had to end the affair because I was in love with my AP and it was clear she was never going to leave her husband. I wouldn't live on the fringes of her life, so I put a stop to it. So both our hearts ended up broken.

My advice to someone in a SM considering an affair, at least with a married person, is don't unless you can compartmentalize your feelings. Your lover is probably not going to leave their marriage. If you fall in love, now you're in love with someone you'll never have. Just peachy. You have to be able to sweep inconvenient emotions under the rug.

Another bit of advice for those considering outsourcing, find out what the laws are in your state concerning adultery. They vary widely, so you have to do some research. The consequences of being caught could be minimal, or they could have a big impact on child custody and post separation support. In some states your lover could be sued for damages. Know what you're potentially getting into.

I like this a lot. Right now I am thinking it is so much better to let yourself get involved even knowing it will cause you pain than to sit it out on the sidelines and watch your life slip away a bit more every day.