Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 9, 2016 14:44:42 GMT -5
Oh, @smartkat, I agree with you. Not sure if I misstated things in my post re: relationships or not. What is, "normal," is what one defines as such, within the parameters they set out. That said, many of us don't think it through because we are told by conventional norms what is "normal" and what is acceptable in relationships. My AP and I have had some interesting conversations re: relationships. Is he my "life" partner? Quite likely, because he knows I'm not conventional, and is starting to see that he isn't either. And we have already had the opportunity to work through a situation encountered in which I explored my sexual fluidity. ((God, that makes me sound like an amoeba or something. And I don't know that I want to get into the details of what exactly happened on this particular thread)). Anyways, he and I arrived on the other side of the experience with some key learnings and knowledge, and a stronger relationship. No, you're making perfect sense to me. I'm glad you found your guy. I just hope I find somebody, too. |
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maxie
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Post by maxie on May 9, 2016 15:34:09 GMT -5
Gee whiz, everything I'm seeing here is so true for me. I'm in love with my lover who is married. A year ago he said he would never leave his wife. Never has sex with her but just wouldn't leave. No children. He's 10 years younger but credited her with everything he has. About 3 months ago he told her he wants to leave. She's trying to change his mind. He no longer wants her- rejected for too long.
He says he is in love with me and we both miss each other when we are separate. We work together. Being with him made me feel young and sexy again. He desired me. My husband hasn't in decades. My lover tried to break it off last year and we were cool for a little while and then it restarted. I told my husband about it before it restarted. I think it was just to bring things to a head. It was right before my 50th birthday and we were going away to Turks. My husband was mad but forgave me almost immediately. He went away with me, gave me lavish gifts for birthday and then Christmas and actually had sex with me fairly frequently for a few weeks. Then it stopped. It went back to me basically begging for sex. And it was always quick. I know it will always be different with a new love, but still. I keep asking him if his intent is to push me away again to someone else (I know, I am with someone else). His response is always the same, that I am the only girl for him. And that he is tired, or working on something for work, or whatever.
Had I not strayed, I wouldn't know what I was missing. Now my liver wants me to be patient but all I can see is heartache.
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Post by unmatched on May 9, 2016 18:08:36 GMT -5
How is the job hunting going? I feel like I'm in the piggy in the middle and losing the game. That's really tough and I think it is quite common for mothers going back to work. You are over-qualified for half the jobs and the ones you are perfect for you can't get an interview because you haven't worked for a few years. Do you still know people in your profession? I wonder if a bit of networking and using what personal connections you have left could help to bridge the gap? If that doesn't work I guess an entry level position can help you get in somewhere and show them what you can do. It would need to be the right company, though, or you could just get stuck there and with your brain you would get to feeling bored and frustrated after a while. |
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Post by DryCreek on May 9, 2016 18:31:09 GMT -5
My AP and I have had some interesting conversations re: relationships. Is he my "life" partner? Quite likely, because he knows I'm not conventional, and is starting to see that he isn't either. And we have already had the opportunity to work through a situation encountered in which I explored my sexual fluidity. ((God, that makes me sound like an amoeba or something. And I don't know that I want to get into the details of what exactly happened on this particular thread)). Anyways, he and I arrived on the other side of the experience with some key learnings and knowledge, and a stronger relationship. You know you can't leave a loose string dangling like that here... Some of us are eager to hear about all the adventures, missteps, and learning experiences! ;-) |
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Post by TMD on May 9, 2016 19:54:01 GMT -5
I would love to try outsourcing with a partner like trulymadlydeeply's AP. I want to feel truly accepted as I am and with no conditions. The fact that I am not accepted unconditionally is the reason I joined EP in the first place. When he and I began outsourcing, the only rule was that we always kiss upon meeting. I had missed that so much in my marriage. I wanted nothing more than intimacy with him. I didn't want to talk with him about all the personal details of my life or his. But he insisted. And broke down my barriers. We always went on the premise of, "one day at a time," which has served us well -- we rarely get too far ahead of ourselves. I think ultimately, what serves this, "relationship," is that it's based on mutual respect. And the fact that he's tuned in and can talk about the difficult things. So what I'm getting at is that you get what you give -- with the right person who is willing to meet you half way. I think. I can't profess to be an expert on relationships. |
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Post by TMD on May 9, 2016 19:58:10 GMT -5
unmatched, my professional life was in a different city than where I live now. But I will touch base with some old colleagues for some insight. And I have some good connections here who can help point me in the right direction. I regret, in some ways, staying at home for as long as I did, and more so, relying on my roommate financially. My income potential is looking grim compared to the roommates annual salary. And yet, the minimum will be enough to start with. I can't do bored. So trying to find the right opportunity without being too picky is part of the challenge also.
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Post by TMD on May 9, 2016 20:01:13 GMT -5
You know you can't leave a loose string dangling like that here... Some of us are eager to hear about all the adventures, missteps, and learning experiences! ;-) [/quote] Maybe I'll fill you in on a separate thread. Not suitable here. ;-) |
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Post by TMD on May 9, 2016 20:02:26 GMT -5
@smartkat, I am optimistic for you. I'm sure you will.
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Post by TMD on May 9, 2016 20:03:17 GMT -5
maxie, have you read the book I referenced? Might help lend some clarity to your situation.
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maxie
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Post by maxie on May 9, 2016 20:47:39 GMT -5
What is the book?
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Post by itsjustus on May 10, 2016 0:58:39 GMT -5
Your lover is probably not going to leave their marriage. If you fall in love, now you're in love with someone you'll never have. Even if they say "they will" or that they are "working on it" or that "it is a matter of time". It almost never is and they will never leave. I don't know whether it was more painful for me being in a sexless marriage or in another dysfunctional relationship in which the one I fell in love with, prefers to remain with someone who doesn't want him instead of with someone who does. I'm still not over it. And I don't know whether I ever will. Amen..... to both of you, @phinheasgage and @fiery.....amen.  |
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Post by itsjustus on May 10, 2016 1:05:13 GMT -5
Your lover is probably not going to leave their marriage. If you fall in love, now you're in love with someone you'll never have. Even if they say "they will" or that they are "working on it" or that "it is a matter of time". It almost never is and they will never leave. I don't know whether it was more painful for me being in a sexless marriage or in another dysfunctional relationship in which the one I fell in love with, prefers to remain with someone who doesn't want him instead of with someone who does. I'm still not over it. And I don't know whether I ever will. I know this so well.....I'm not ready to even talk about it.... Even reading this thread is painful... |
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Post by Rhapsodee on May 10, 2016 1:43:20 GMT -5
Honestly, it's a combination of major ambivalence about the entire act of outsourcing and not putting myself out there as "looking for a FWB," eternaloptimism. Part of it, is my own poor self image (I'm obese and feel unattractive at times) and a lack of motivation to seek out available men. I'm in a holding pattern right now, and it works for me. Although, I'm more and more frustrated with my situation these days. Stop. I have a true story. I'm a gym rat. I was on the upper level looking down onto the weight floor. A woman was working with one of the male trainers. Every man young and old would turn and watch her as she walked by. They all had that look on their faces they get when they see a sexy woman. So I started watching her. She was petite, olive skin, maybe in her early fifty's. She was medium/large busted. Her stomach was as large and round as her rear. She was probably 30-40 pounds overweight. It wasn't her body or her pretty face that got their attention. She oozed sensuality. She was fascinating! So don't sell yourself short and think a man would not want you because you carry a few extra pounds. If you are sexy they will come. |
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on May 10, 2016 8:58:16 GMT -5
Honestly, it's a combination of major ambivalence about the entire act of outsourcing and not putting myself out there as "looking for a FWB," eternaloptimism. Part of it, is my own poor self image (I'm obese and feel unattractive at times) and a lack of motivation to seek out available men. I'm in a holding pattern right now, and it works for me. Although, I'm more and more frustrated with my situation these days. Stop. I have a true story. I'm a gym rat. I was on the upper level looking down onto the weight floor. A woman was working with one of the male trainers. Every man young and old would turn and watch her as she walked by. They all had that look on their faces they get when they see a sexy woman. So I started watching her. She was petite, olive skin, maybe in her early fifty's. She was medium/large busted. Her stomach was as large and round as her rear. She was probably 30-40 pounds overweight. It wasn't her body or her pretty face that got their attention. She oozed sensuality. She was fascinating! So don't sell yourself short and think a man would not want you because you carry a few extra pounds. If you are sexy they will come. Confidence is NOT something I lack. I was simply expressing MY truth - not seeking validation, or contradictions. I AM obese and feel unattractive at times. Reminds of an interview I saw years ago with Halle Berry, where she said, "even Halle Berry has bad hair days," when asked about her own attractiveness and sex appeal. If anything, I KNOW that if I indicated I was "looking" for an affair, I would find willing suitors. Good on the woman at your gym for making herself, and her health and fitness needs a priority. She's a great role model, and she doesn't even know it.  |
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Post by wewbwb on May 10, 2016 9:13:37 GMT -5
Stop. I have a true story. I'm a gym rat. I was on the upper level looking down onto the weight floor. A woman was working with one of the male trainers. Every man young and old would turn and watch her as she walked by. They all had that look on their faces they get when they see a sexy woman. So I started watching her. She was petite, olive skin, maybe in her early fifty's. She was medium/large busted. Her stomach was as large and round as her rear. She was probably 30-40 pounds overweight. It wasn't her body or her pretty face that got their attention. She oozed sensuality. She was fascinating! So don't sell yourself short and think a man would not want you because you carry a few extra pounds. If you are sexy they will come. Confidence is NOT something I lack. I was simply expressing MY truth - not seeking validation, or contradictions. I AM obese and feel unattractive at times. Reminds of an interview I saw years ago with Halle Berry, where she said, "even Halle Berry has bad hair days," when asked about her own attractiveness and sex appeal. If anything, I KNOW that if I indicated I was "looking" for an affair, I would find willing suitors. Good on the woman at your gym for making herself, and her health and fitness needs a priority. She's a great role model, and she doesn't even know it. You're right Z. |
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