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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 21, 2017 9:57:56 GMT -5
My STBX and I had 8 hrs. of mediation 2 days ago. Sadly we walked out with very little resolved, and more questions. Our mediation will continue next month. The deposition questioning to my STBX will occur the same day after the few hrs. of Mediation. Appointments with an accountant had to be made to get all of the constant , continuing, moving of assets, straightened out.
I did discover that no matter how truthful the facts are about inheritance money being mine. Myself buying rental properties, by myself. The properties being self sustaining. It still comes down to the fact that both names where put on the deed, in order to get the loan. In other states I would have a much stronger case, but not in Florida.
That comes down to lumping all the equity of the real estate together and dividing it. Not to go into details but my STBX did her best to avoid, con, delay, maneuver, (what ever you want to call it) around selling our house. The more she does that, the more it makes me say, "fine put the house on the market, I demand my half, screw making this easy on everyone else".
My SYBX also was uncooperative in reaching any settlement on alimony. A judge is going to see things much more in my favor.
Even the parenting plan was not settled. The mediator came into the office saying "they (meaning my STBX and her attorney) feel that the parenting plan is all you, and that there isn't any compromising going on". My attorney said to the mediator (who is also an attorney) "There is nothing here to work with, none of it is legal, a judge isn't going to accept any of this!, Give us something to work with."
Very frustrating! true colors are being shown. It all goes back to money, and control. Not about the well being and what's best for the children. Much more about what is best, and convenient, for her.
Ridiculous time was spent on debating about cars with very, very little cash value. While my attorney would have to say, " can we get back to where the $91,000.00 went, and the $21,000, etc..." So this is what I am dealing with.
Here's one crazy example of her behavior (the stories I could tell!) The mediator asked me in the beginning (we are meeting in separate rooms) do you mind if we all meet together for the introduction, that will save us time, which saves us money? I said" that's fine with me, I appreciate that". My STBX refused to! What does that tell you?
My attorney has had to point out all the violations of laws from my STBX regarding money, and see what her attorney is going to do about it. All things that will not be in her favor with a judge.
I avoid her like crazy. I am going for a bunch of dental work. Those bills can sit, for her to eventually pay. I will start spending time/nights over friends houses tying up my vehicle, forcing her to stop blaming me for everything with the children, when it comes to cars and transportation. ( ridiculous , petty stuff, that she sends text messages about. All nicely documented, showing her behavior!)
Just glad that I know it will be over. A new chapter of problems will occur. I get the feeling my attorney and I will be seeing each other for years to come. It will get better and better with time. Just more and more evidence that I am doing the right thing, and that I made the right decision for the whole family.
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 21, 2017 10:39:18 GMT -5
Hang in there!
This is just crazy but proves that you are doing right to get away from
her. Hopefully in a month after her deposition the facts will be revealed and you will get your fair share.
Do you still have to go with the mediation?
Can it be forced to a judge after the deposition?
I'm only asking because a man I've gone out with told me his divorce took two and a half years and his wife was crazy. I'd hate to see things strung out another year for you.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 21, 2017 12:45:51 GMT -5
greatcoastal... a couple quotes seem appropriate: "Never wrestle with pigs. You'll both get dirty, and the pig will enjoy it. "Never argue with stupid people. They will drag you down to their level and then beat you with experience." And finally... "Release the hounds!" Seriously, by not hitting your STBX with both barrels, you are playing into her hand. A game she will deftly dance around, especially in mediation. She's playing a game of trying to BS her way through and wear you down into giving in from frustration. Don't do it. You seem to think that the legal system is fair and justice will be served. It doesn't work like that - you get whatever you can get away with. The system is overwhelmed and has holes the size of Mack trucks. Only the most obvious of insanities will be corrected, and then the penalties are not punitive enough to deter trying - which means, she can try and get away with a lot, she will get her hand slapped for a few where she gets called out, but that will probably just normalize that handful, not spank her. For everything she doesn't get caught doing, she gets away with it. You need to fight back as harshly as she is trying to get away with things. You need someone actively digging in the dirt and running a spreadsheet that holds her accountable to actual figures with no hand-waving. And yeah, if you spent your inheritance on an asset that was jointly titled, you gave away half. It's about as clear-cut a statement one could make that "this is now considered joint property". We've done similar.
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 21, 2017 16:13:34 GMT -5
And I forgot that NYC staple...
"Don't engage the crazies!"
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 22, 2017 22:33:34 GMT -5
Sorry folks that I can't come on here full of good news. Or with a "YES!! It's over! I'm FREE! story.
I think it's better to share a piece of reality. As dull, depressing, and upsetting as it is.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 23, 2017 8:30:49 GMT -5
Hang in there! This is just crazy but proves that you are doing right to get away from her. Hopefully in a month after her deposition the facts will be revealed and you will get your fair share. Do you still have to go with the mediation? Can it be forced to a judge after the deposition? I'm only asking because a man I've gone out with told me his divorce took two and a half years and his wife was crazy. I'd hate to see things strung out another year for you. Thank you friend!! Yes hopefully the facts are being revealed. I am getting an accountant in these final days to assist my attorney. Much of the information has been subpoenaed. Once the mediation is finished, most likely there will still be several things that could not be agreed upon. Those will go before a judge. Not much I can do about that. Whatever twisted, manipulation scheme, my wife has in mind, is what will play out. The deposition is still a very good thing. in fact, if questions are not answered, that is highly in my favor. Everything in deposition is under oath and recorded. My STBX is required to bring forth tons of documentations, ( recent complete pay stubs, 5 yrs of 100% of tax statements, (those go all the way back to when the rental houses where purchased) all her stock and portfolio investments, IRA's 401k's, all and every bank account checking and saving statements for the last 3 months, and credit cards.) {How much cash she has in her safe deposit box? that's a difficult one. That may never be answered. makes me consider using one for myself, for my own future en devours!} A friend of mine told me that his ex went to deposition three times. Since she continued to lie about everything. The last time we spoke with the judge he wanted us to do mediation again. Well that has been done. With a better mediator and an experienced attorney. The results are terrible. So it will be presented to the judge with lots of deposition facts of continuing lying and manipulation of money, and little accomplished through mediation. Will it go another year? Who knows? Every court delay takes another season ( 3 months). Will one deposition be enough? I am hoping with proof from the accountant that my STBX's stalling will come to an end. |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2017 11:41:33 GMT -5
greatcoastal, I am so sorry. I have seen this too many times to mention. One party in a divorce thinks that by hiding assets, or delaying things, they will end up with more. It rarely works out that way. Instead, more money is spent, more feelings are hurt, and nothing gets resolved. The good part is that if a judge gets the feeling that one party is hiding assets or being difficult, that party can really get reamed by the judge. It is so much easier to just put all your cards on the table & then decide how to get things resolved peacefully. And every family lawyer I know tells his/her clients that it is better that way.
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Post by shamwow on Jun 23, 2017 12:44:01 GMT -5
greatcoastal , I am so sorry. I have seen this too many times to mention. One party in a divorce thinks that by hiding assets, or delaying things, they will end up with more. It rarely works out that way. Instead, more money is spent, more feelings are hurt, and nothing gets resolved. The good part is that if a judge gets the feeling that one party is hiding assets or being difficult, that party can really get reamed by the judge. It is so much easier to just put all your cards on the table & then decide how to get things resolved peacefully. And every family lawyer I know tells his/her clients that it is better that way. That's why the day I told my wife I wanted a divorce, I gave her a flash drive with a spreadsheet summary containing a summary of our finances along with quarterly / monthly statements for the past year. I also did it without involving a lawyer (against the advice of many here). But by gathering everything together, I could pursue two strategies....the easy way (amicable) or the hard way (contested). If she had chosen the later, it was a very quick path to go to an attorney and give him/her a copy of the same flash drive with all of the information they need to defend me. Turns out that having the gun on the table wasn't necessary, but if it had been, I was not going in defenseless. |
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Post by DryCreek on Jun 23, 2017 23:31:53 GMT -5
shamwow , a friend had similar success on the basis that they could agree to split their assets 2 ways or they could fight and it'd get split 3 ways (his, hers, lawyers').
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2017 7:48:46 GMT -5
greatcoastal , I am so sorry. I have seen this too many times to mention. One party in a divorce thinks that by hiding assets, or delaying things, they will end up with more. It rarely works out that way. Instead, more money is spent, more feelings are hurt, and nothing gets resolved. The good part is that if a judge gets the feeling that one party is hiding assets or being difficult, that party can really get reamed by the judge. It is so much easier to just put all your cards on the table & then decide how to get things resolved peacefully. And every family lawyer I know tells his/her clients that it is better that way. Time will tell. I understand my attorney not getting my hopes to high. My attorney and the mediator do end up constantly saying "the judge isn't going to like that" when it comes to all the hiding of assets. The other half of that is proving where the money is, and all the moving of it.. Which does seem to be happening. I am looking forward to a lot coming out in deposition. Including the safe deposit box. Sadly I came to the table years ago with all my cards on the table. Only to continue with someone who plays with a marked deck, and knows how to count cards! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 25, 2017 8:17:54 GMT -5
shamwow , a friend had similar success on the basis that they could agree to split their assets 2 ways or they could fight and it'd get split 3 ways (his, hers, lawyers'). Sadly there are those like my STBX. They would rather loose half, give half to a complete stranger, (the attorney) than see their spouse get anything. Even though much of it will go to the kids. It just confirms their selfish, manipulative, controlling, craziness! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 27, 2017 8:26:51 GMT -5
Hang in there! This is just crazy but proves that you are doing right to get away from her. Hopefully in a month after her deposition the facts will be revealed and you will get your fair share. Do you still have to go with the mediation? I've told my attorney to consider selling all of the real estate. This forces my STBX to have to move and relocate. This gives me cash, not $200,000 (a round figure) in a retirement fund that I won't see for 15 yrs. Think of inflation. In 15 yrs it's worth half of that. Then there's how I could invest it for 15 yrs. It also ended going for another three hrs. of mediation. I said" you saw what we are dealing with, after 8 hrs, of mediation. Why continue it. Nothings going to get done." my attorney, agreed. The deposition is next. Then the court date. We will see if it needs to be postponed for a continuance on the deposition. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2017 21:04:04 GMT -5
My STBX had 2 hrs of deposition today. I sat across the table and said nothing. I took notes. There was about 80 questions. With every answer there was another two questions.
I should have kept a running score of how many times the famous " I don't know" answer was used. It seemed like over a hundred!
My mind is still putting it all together. My attorney seemed to have a big grin on her face when it was all over. My STBX's attorney never said a word.
The things my STBX would accuse me of being incapable of doing! Then when it came down to money, well,,,I was quiet capable!
The "convenient loss of memory" over the placement of tens of thousands of dollars, over and over again, in the last few years, even when the evidence was placed right before her was,,,, well .....just mind boggling to watch it and to listen to it all!!
I can only imagine what a judge is going to do with so, so, many lies, hypocrisy, double standards, manipulated, twisted answers, etc...
I still need a couple days to process it all.
It sure does re-enforce my decision to get the heck out of this dead end marriage!!
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 10, 2017 21:40:30 GMT -5
Before i call it a night, I sit and I think of all the continuing moving of money that was discovered today used for attorney fees. Not her salary, but joint account money moved to her own accounts, all during a time of frozen assets!
And how she feels totally justified with all of it!
I am sorry that I can't paint a rosy picture for you of a safe, easy solution to a SM.( maybe with time?) Yet I have been posting too long on here to just let it go. I need a place to vent.
Thanks for your support, and understanding. I hope it's helpful for someone else, some day, in it's own way. Things that I don't pretend to understand or comprehend.
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Post by DryCreek on Jul 11, 2017 1:37:09 GMT -5
greatcoastal, I'd be curious to hear how far back the manipulations of funds have been unearthed. I'll bet it's well before you filed. Separately, I may have already relayed this story, but there was a woman who concealed in her divorce that she'd won a chunk in the lottery (like <$100k). When she got dragged back into court over it, the judge awarded 100% of the winnings to her husband for her underhandedness. You should be so lucky.
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