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Post by DryCreek on Jan 31, 2018 12:09:52 GMT -5
Having positive things to fill in some of the void you'll have when the kids are with their mom is really important for your recovery and general happiness. To that point, greatcoastal, when you get to negotiating custody schedules, make sure there are periods where she has all the kids and you get some free time - and, really, it should be 2 full weekends a month. As much as you might want a lot of custody, kid-free time is also important for rebuilding your social life. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 31, 2018 12:30:19 GMT -5
Having positive things to fill in some of the void you'll have when the kids are with their mom is really important for your recovery and general happiness. To that point, greatcoastal , when you get to negotiating custody schedules, make sure there are periods where she has all the kids and you get some free time - and, really, it should be 2 full weekends a month. As much as you might want a lot of custody, kid-free time is also important for rebuilding your social life. That's where and why I went for parallel parenting, and not co-parenting. One week on, one week off. let the holidays fall where they may. 1) I need weekends too! 2) having a house all to myself for one week on one week off will certainly keep it cleaner and give me time to upgrade it, and have guests over, or travel if I want too. 3) The difference in the $$$ was not worth it. 4) Call me crazy, I still have hope that my teens will benefit from having just as much time with their mom as with their dad. I don't want that to be held against me. 4 1/2) I also read that it only takes as little as two weeks of separation for the detachment to take place between child and parent. I don't wish that for either of us. If my teens decide to be more detached from their mother that will not be because of me. 5) primary custody is a different story. I want that. That remains to be decided. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 31, 2018 12:57:57 GMT -5
Same here! I am expecting a big turn around in my schedule by the beginning of next season. Finalizing the divorce, school, career, full time work, buying a house, moving, home restoration, etc.... That will drastically change my time schedule. I am also looking forward to my posts being more focused on my positives, and some negatives-that I can still find JOY in- as I slowly restore myself. I also want to change my Charlie Brown avatar to a personal pic. Here's to new beginnings, risk, and adventure! Have you thought of what positive things you want to DO when you're out? Things that involve just you since that is the only thing you can control. Having positive things to fill in some of the void you'll have when the kids are with their mom is really important for your recovery and general happiness. Plan for that recovery and happiness now and the odds are better it will turn out that way. Thanks for asking! I certainly do! I plan on posting some of it as it unfolds.,wanting to give hope to others,and receive advice along the way. I could list a whole page of my expectations, and ramble as I often do. Instead I'd rather touch on something more psychological. I'm preparing for a "downgrade" of my social status, based on having to start over with a minimum waged job, and a smaller house in a lower class neighborhood. The house part hardly bothers me at all. Knowing I will still outright own several houses. It's the minimum ,wage work. I haven't done that since H.S. It's a bit humiliating, (after living in the top 5%) yet I strongly seek a joyful, positive, attitude going into it and hope to see it all as another positive learning experience, as I count my blessings! I want work, I need it, it will do a lot for me personally, especially if it's something I enjoy. ( I have an injured foot from 7 yrs ago. It was once healed, but now I'm not even sure if I can stand for 8 to 10 hrs a day) Something I read too much of that has me concerned. "Woman who are in their 40's and 50's will want a man who has a good paying stable career". It's going to be a while before I can offer that, yet I am still the same guy. |
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Post by baza on Jan 31, 2018 17:41:00 GMT -5
We are red hot in here on getting prepped for divorce.
The necessity for a pretty sound strategy for post divorce life does not often get much of a run.
Something like - "see an exit counsellor in your jurisdiction to help you plan your post ILIASM shithole life, develop an entry strategy to re-join the real world, plug in to your support network often, and keep developing your relationship with your kids".
Really, similar to your exit strategy but with a change of focus.
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Post by shamwow on Jan 31, 2018 18:15:04 GMT -5
We are red hot in here on getting prepped for divorce. The necessity for a pretty sound strategy for post divorce life does not often get much of a run. Something like - "see an exit counsellor in your jurisdiction to help you plan your post ILIASM shithole life, develop an entry strategy to re-join the real world, plug in to your support network often, and keep developing your relationship with your kids". Really, similar to your exit strategy but with a change of focus. All the cool people are getting divorced lol |
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 1, 2018 17:23:13 GMT -5
“Something I read too much of that has me concerned. "Woman who are in their 40's and 50's will want a man who has a good paying stable career". It's going to be a while before I can offer that, yet I am still the same guy.”
I’ve seen educated, employed women in their 40s-70s date men who had low paying jobs or even no jobs. Such women can support themselves and their kids or have grown kids or don’t plan on having kids. They date for companionship and sex and perhaps for some help fixing things around their house. A friend brags about the great sex and free flooring installation she got from a handyman boyfriend.
In your situation what could make it difficult to date would be your child rearing responsibilities especially if your stbx is unreliable when it’s her turn.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 6, 2018 8:51:32 GMT -5
Well I am on the "docket" it may be another 2 more weeks. The 24th and 25 th are being pushed back due to another case taking longer. It won't surprise me if mine takes longer than 2 days. I have a new court date. March 5 and 6. (Who knows what might happen to postpone that one!-- I should have been a Limbo dancer! LOL!) This makes my 4th. court date! Also 1 collaboration, 2 meditations, and a deposition. Then there's been all the postponements. my W. hiring/firing (and getting fired) by 4 attorneys, A judge having surgery, and a hurricane. They say trials and tribulations bring patience. I say "tell me about it!!" just waiting and planning for a trial, is a... TRIAL! So for anyone else who has gone through such a circumstance or may endure the same thing in their future, these things do happen. More and more changes happen with every delay. One of my sons will be 18 in April. That changes child support, and the size of house that I will need to purchase. House prices continue to change. I need to stop looking at houses. I get my mind set on a few, I start planning, and then, more delays. Those houses get sold. I have to tell myself, "the right house will be available when the time comes, stop worrying!". I am applying for jobs every week, and hear nothing back. So many have to be done on-line. All I can do is wait to hear from corporate office. However, I joined a different gym ( a cheaper one) yesterday and look forward to going back again 3 times a week. (something for me). |
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 6, 2018 11:06:21 GMT -5
I hope this all ends soon for you. You deserve peace.
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Post by h on Feb 6, 2018 11:32:05 GMT -5
3 times a week to the gym greatcoastal is 3 times more than I go. |
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