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Post by eternaloptimism on Jun 7, 2016 7:33:01 GMT -5
Trying as much as he was going to. It says it all like a massive slap round the chops doesn't it. I think that is where I am. Just waiting for my trigger! Waiting , waiting, wasting my life waiting. What do you think it might take to push you over the edge? The state of play currently is that he is 3 weeks into another new job. He already hates it! Called me yesterday to say he was on the verge of walking out. I think he was seeking my permission. If he walks I will be tipped over the edge. For sure. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2016 7:34:09 GMT -5
Trying as much as he was going to. It says it all like a massive slap round the chops doesn't it. I think that is where I am. Just waiting for my trigger! Waiting , waiting, wasting my life waiting. What do you think it might take to push you over the edge? A great question for eternaloptimism, and for the rest of us!! This would make a great thread! |
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Post by unmatched on Jun 7, 2016 7:37:00 GMT -5
What do you think it might take to push you over the edge? A great question for eternaloptimism, and for the rest of us!! This would make a great thread! OK, I'll make one now. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jun 7, 2016 8:56:42 GMT -5
My wife announced that she is going to be gone on business for a week. It is also during her birthday. What a relief! I really want to do nothing for someone who has announced " I detached myself from you two years ago, I don't love you, why don't you leave, sex is not important to me, etc..." I will rest easier knowing I don't have to avoid her for a week. Knowing I can discipline my children without her constant disapproval.
What it does for my attitude toward sex, by living in this SM, is drive my desire to be with someone that week sky high! It will be on my mind all day because I will feel free.
Reality sets in when I do meet other women, just flirting, knowing I have responsibilities to go home to. It sure messes with your mind!
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Post by darstar on Jun 8, 2016 21:23:32 GMT -5
My wife announced that she is going to be gone on business for a week. It is also during her birthday. What a relief! I really want to do nothing for someone who has announced " I detached myself from you two years ago, I don't love you, why don't you leave, sex is not important to me, etc..." I will rest easier knowing I don't have to avoid her for a week. Knowing I can discipline my children without her constant disapproval. What it does for my attitude toward sex, by living in this SM, is drive my desire to be with someone that week sky high! It will be on my mind all day because I will feel free. Reality sets in when I do meet other women, just flirting, knowing I have responsibilities to go home to. It sure messes with your mind! " I don't love you , why don't you just leave " .......that would have been enough for me , for sure ! |
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Post by bballgirl on Jun 10, 2016 19:07:46 GMT -5
My wife announced that she is going to be gone on business for a week. It is also during her birthday. What a relief! I really want to do nothing for someone who has announced " I detached myself from you two years ago, I don't love you, why don't you leave, sex is not important to me, etc..." I will rest easier knowing I don't have to avoid her for a week. Knowing I can discipline my children without her constant disapproval. What it does for my attitude toward sex, by living in this SM, is drive my desire to be with someone that week sky high! It will be on my mind all day because I will feel free. Reality sets in when I do meet other women, just flirting, knowing I have responsibilities to go home to. It sure messes with your mind! " I don't love you , why don't you just leave " .......that would have been enough for me , for sure ! Exactly! Ask and you shall receive!! |
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Post by darstar on Jun 11, 2016 19:33:46 GMT -5
My wife announced that she is going to be gone on business for a week. It is also during her birthday. What a relief! I really want to do nothing for someone who has announced " I detached myself from you two years ago, I don't love you, why don't you leave, sex is not important to me, etc..." I will rest easier knowing I don't have to avoid her for a week. Knowing I can discipline my children without her constant disapproval. What it does for my attitude toward sex, by living in this SM, is drive my desire to be with someone that week sky high! It will be on my mind all day because I will feel free. Reality sets in when I do meet other women, just flirting, knowing I have responsibilities to go home to. It sure messes with your mind! " I don't love you , why don't you just leave " .......that would have been enough for me , for sure ! I think women are different than the average guy. Different in that women are , from birth , survivalist. What ever it takes, in desperation they will do to get what they want. Call it maternal protection , what ever you want, and my wife has never had kids. Women will lie, deceive , plot , plan , and you will never know, guys are fools , and women know it. If a man has an affair , sooner or later he will in a weak moment spill the beans. Women on the other hand will never tell, bottom line , from a guys perspective , women are superior. ( remember I am talking in general, does not cover everyone, both sides ) . |
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Post by solodriver on Aug 14, 2016 1:04:11 GMT -5
No, but seeing how many women here actually enjoy sex has encouraged hope for me.  |
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Post by unmatched on Aug 14, 2016 2:15:37 GMT -5
What do you think it might take to push you over the edge? The state of play currently is that he is 3 weeks into another new job. He already hates it! Called me yesterday to say he was on the verge of walking out. I think he was seeking my permission. If he walks I will be tipped over the edge. For sure.  |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 14, 2016 2:20:00 GMT -5
unmatched. I know I know. Aaarrrggghhhh. You know he has really been making me feel Sorry for him. Puppy dog eyes the lot. Crying into my shoulder saying he knows he should just go. He wishes he was dead. Haven't opened up about that yet here because I feel stupid. I said if he left his job that would be it. But still my brain can't override the protectiveness. No job offers yet either. Fuck fuck fuck!
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Post by unmatched on Aug 14, 2016 2:23:26 GMT -5
unmatched. I know I know. Aaarrrggghhhh. You know he has really been making me feel Sorry for him. Puppy dog eyes the lot. Crying into my shoulder saying he knows he should just go. He wishes he was dead. Haven't opened up about that yet here because I feel stupid. I said if he left his job that would be it. But still my brain can't override the protectiveness. No job offers yet either. Fuck fuck fuck! My wife was doing that last year when she got depressed for a while. 'oh you should just leave me.' etc. She did it one too many times though and it just ended up making me really angry. Like do you really not care enough about this marriage to actually do anything about it? |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 14, 2016 2:48:47 GMT -5
They are very bloody sneaky how they go about it too aren't they.
I must have missed the sneaky gene when they were giving that out. (Well, I must have got a little or I wouldn't be sneaking on here ha ha. )
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Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2016 3:41:20 GMT -5
unmatched. I know I know. Aaarrrggghhhh. You know he has really been making me feel Sorry for him. Puppy dog eyes the lot. Crying into my shoulder saying he knows he should just go. He wishes he was dead. Haven't opened up about that yet here because I feel stupid. I said if he left his job that would be it. But still my brain can't override the protectiveness. No job offers yet either. Fuck fuck fuck! If he wished he was dead he would have killed himself already. He doesn't wish he was dead. He's a psychic vampire sucking the marrow out of your bones. Of course he'll probably say he'll kill himself when you tell him it's over. And then you'll be disgusted to find a month later that instead of pushing up daisies he has found a new host for his sorry parasite ass. (If he does threaten suicide call 911. If he's serious, he needs professional intervention. If he's not serious, he'll never do it again). He doesn't know he should just go. You know what you'll find when the whimpering stops working? This is how you know when tears are a show...when they don't get what they want, the tears turn into blind, spitting, visceral rage. Then you'll see what he really is. And none of it has anything to do with you. It's HIS poor decisions that are catching up with him. It's HIS rage that his little bubble wherein he can be safe from reality is about to burst. It's HIS outrage that he is not the center of the universe. What does any of that have to do with YOU? You think declining to enable a man boy any longer is going to kill someone? Is that a little narcissistic? The world will continue to turn if you start putting yourself first. The universe doesn't run on your sacrifices. Sorry I don't know how to say this in a nicer way. You're a beautiful heart but somewhere you got the idea that the survival of others depends on you. It doesn't. |
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Post by eternaloptimism on Aug 14, 2016 4:22:14 GMT -5
Phin what you say makes perfect sense.
I have seen the rage before when we split in 2002.
When I didn't give him X amount of money to start himself a new life (money I didn't have btw as he had already taken my bank card and got us in stupid debts through gambling and drugs and had been hiding my statements when they came through the door) he went bananas punching the wall inches from my face while I was breastfeeding my now huge 14 yo.
I'll be honest, it scares me how he'll react. Maybe that's why I allow the puppy dog eyes to work on me.
I'm not scared to be without him. And I say I'm not scared of him but I think that's because he hasn't gone ape in me in recent years. I've taken too good care of him so he's had no reason.
When he goes, he goes through. I remember it well.
The tipping point last time we split was him almost throwing me though the (closed) bathroom window
He followed me all round the house trying to get me and I had to scale a 7 foot fence to get away.
That was enough for me.
It's different now. Less cut and dried.
Running away would be better but I can't because of the kids.
Thinking cap on!
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Post by wewbwb on Aug 14, 2016 6:55:17 GMT -5
So you having to scale a fence wasn't enough.
Let me ask you this:
If your younger sister told you this story, what would your reaction be? Your advice? How would you help her?
So what's different when its you?
(Yeah therapy can give you good tools.)
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