westsideblues1
New Member
Would it save you some time if I just gave up and went mad now? [Douglas Adams]
Posts: 3 
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Post by westsideblues1 on May 25, 2016 14:22:03 GMT -5
Ha! Ohms law. Love it. I don't know the fox and the grapes story, but I do know that if you had a loving and caring partner, in three weeks your outlook would change. That is the problem, finding some one who is caring. Since I left my sexless idiot, all iv found is men who want to walk right into the sex thing as if im their personal whore. I don't dance that way !! just because we are talking, had lunch with you, doesn't mean I'm going to f@ck u right away!! the men iv come across make it all about sex and I'm so much more than SEX! |
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Post by dancingbear70 on May 26, 2016 16:59:44 GMT -5
Ha! Ohms law. Love it. I don't know the fox and the grapes story, but I do know that if you had a loving and caring partner, in three weeks your outlook would change. That is the problem, finding some one who is caring. Since I left my sexless idiot, all iv found is men who want to walk right into the sex thing as if im their personal whore. I don't dance that way !! just because we are talking, had lunch with you, doesn't mean I'm going to f@ck u right away!! the men iv come across make it all about sex and I'm so much more than SEX! I apologize in advance if this sounds indelicate... Have you tried it that way? If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed. Just if there is a person or situation that presents an opportunity, then I'm in. I've come to believe there is so little downside. Why not? |
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2016 17:32:14 GMT -5
That is the problem, finding some one who is caring. Since I left my sexless idiot, all iv found is men who want to walk right into the sex thing as if im their personal whore. I don't dance that way !! just because we are talking, had lunch with you, doesn't mean I'm going to f@ck u right away!! the men iv come across make it all about sex and I'm so much more than SEX! I apologize in advance if this sounds indelicate... Have you tried it that way? If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed. Just if there is a person or situation that presents an opportunity, then I'm in. I've come to believe there is so little downside. Why not? While not trying to start a war here, I relate more to westsideblues1 (and have to ask midtown? I grew up there! I digress) If I wanted "jumping in" sex - I'd be on craigslist or backpage - (shut up I just know these things) But I prefer a connection, being with someone I WANT to be with and WANTS to be with me- that makes it so much better. I personally feel that what you're describing is a complicated masturbation session. Possibly at the cost of another persons feelings. And actually - I'd rather use craigslist or backpage than use another person. I think it will cost me less as a person. But I could be wrong. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 26, 2016 17:58:00 GMT -5
I'm leaning more on dancing bear70 on this one. After reading on another post that a woman who is super curious about life and easy to be around. Is more open to having a better sex life.That begins to sound like more of us. Like a mid life crises. Kids leaving the nest, downsizing, escaping the chains of a SM. It brings back thoughts of that certain short lived fling during my youth. Decades have past, their seems to be no damage to anyone. What is there is a life long " brain image of a confidence building time of open sharing of sex and intimacy". Without the huge burden of jumping through someone else's hoops again. Be they societies or someone else's.
Now that sounds out of character for me. That is what 23 yrs of a SM relationship does to you.
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Post by dancingbear70 on May 26, 2016 18:28:03 GMT -5
wewbwb - I think you are taking it farther than I intended. I was talking in the context of dating. If one were on a date, and liked the date, then rather than worry about the grand implication of having sex, then it that case, I would advocate a "just go for it" approach.
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Post by obobfla on May 26, 2016 18:30:33 GMT -5
I don't know if I want sex more since I am in a SM, but I value it more. Any sex is good, but sex with that connection is even better. My self-confidence was shot after my and I stopped having sex. She was so scared of getting pregnant, even after I had a vasectomy! (My wife is not all there). Anyway, I started chatting with someone in another defunct sexless marriage group. We progressed to video calls. It was so wonderful just seeing how she looked at me!
We eventually met in a hotel room and went from 0 to f*cking in less than 60 seconds. It was so good. After that, we had two incredible weekends together. Unfortunately, the distance between us killed our relationship. We both had autistic sons, and neither of us wanted to move. She found someone who lived closer.
Since then, I have learned to appreciate having a woman friend next to me - someone more than a one-night stand but not necessarily someone to spend the rest of my life with. I loved getting to know the woman. We talked kids, causes, and personal problems. It was not so much to plan a life together as to just cherish the time we spend together, especially the time being naked in bed together!
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Post by wewbwb on May 26, 2016 18:35:17 GMT -5
wewbwb - I think you are taking it farther than I intended. I was talking in the context of dating. If one were on a date, and liked the date, then rather than worry about the grand implication of having sex, then it that case, I would advocate a "just go for it" approach. Ok. See your point. As a man. A woman is going to look at that completely different. Furthermore she has every right to. She has far more to "lose". |
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Post by bballgirl on May 27, 2016 10:36:13 GMT -5
If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed.
Exactly! That's exactly one of the things that I have learned! Not that I would want to sleep around but if a man takes me out a few times I definitely want to take it for a test drive to see if there's potential or not.
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Post by bballgirl on May 27, 2016 10:37:00 GMT -5
If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed. Exactly! That's exactly one of the things that I have learned! Not that I would want to sleep around but if a man takes me out a few times I definitely want to take it for a test drive to see if there's potential or not. I was quoting dancingbear |
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Post by itsjustus on May 29, 2016 11:51:53 GMT -5
If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed. Exactly! That's exactly one of the things that I have learned! Not that I would want to sleep around but if a man takes me out a few times I definitely want to take it for a test drive to see if there's potential or not. Soooo....what are you doing Friday night??   Kidding.... I'm more in the connection camp. I'm not sure if I'm built for a quick no connection, "just get some" like westsideblues1 describes. I think that comes right out of being out of my SM marriage. I had 32 years of opportunities for no connection sex. I would like to assure her that there are men out there who may want the intimacy of sex with her, but want to know much more about her as a person and a woman because, as she say's, that's how they dance as well. westsideblues1 , may I have this dance? |
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Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2016 12:29:16 GMT -5
If I had to name the one thing that my SM has taught me, it would be to not be so hung up on sex. Just jump in and do it when you can. Not having to be in love or emotionally committed. Exactly! That's exactly one of the things that I have learned! Not that I would want to sleep around but if a man takes me out a few times I definitely want to take it for a test drive to see if there's potential or not. Soooo....what are you doing Friday night?? Kidding.... I'm more in the connection camp. I'm not sure if I'm built for a quick no connection, "just get some" like westsideblues1 describes. I think that comes right out of being out of my SM marriage. I had 32 years of opportunities for no connection sex. I would like to assure her that there are men out there who may want the intimacy of sex with her, but want to know much more about her as a person and a woman because, as she say's, that's how they dance as well. westsideblues1 , may I have this dance? - you are funny!! That put a smile on my face so thank you. I agree with the connection part and the communication part before jumping into the sack. I think I communicate and ask a lot of questions before I go out with someone. All kinds of questions about all kinds of things to get to know him. I am the type that I like to be asked questions too. I like a man to demonstrate that he is interested in getting to know me as well. A man that doesn't ... I lose interest and he'd never make it to my bed. So even though I may get sexual with someone on date two, we would have communicated a lot. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 29, 2016 18:04:47 GMT -5
bballgirl I knew you would, both laugh and fully vet any suitor. Lol! But you didn't answer what you were doing Friday night yet..... Lol
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Post by bballgirl on May 29, 2016 18:11:25 GMT -5
bballgirl I knew you would, both laugh and fully vet any suitor. Lol! But you didn't answer what you were doing Friday night yet..... Lol Hahaha!! No plans yet honey! |
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Post by tinymouse on May 29, 2016 21:22:09 GMT -5
Funny enough my sexless marriage got me into BDSM. The scenes where a woman is teased and tantalizing into multiple orgasms. I know better now... but at the time...
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Post by Deleted on May 29, 2016 22:53:49 GMT -5
I'm just sitting here daydreaming about life after my SM .... which is likely to be a long while from now as my refuser is a pro at stalling for time! Anyway, it's got me thinking that what if the high sex drive I have is in part down to the fact that we don't have sex? What if I do escape, and go nuts in the first months getting as much as I can, then find that actually I only wanted it so much because of being denied it constantly? Has anyone found this? I'm great at putting doubts in my own mind ha ha. Thanks I just posted about this in another thread. When I was single if I got horny I went out and had sex and didn't think about it between sexual encounters. Now I think about it pretty well all day every day. When I was single I rarely masturbated, Now it's twice a day every day. |
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