|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 4:40:39 GMT -5
I probably cry about 3 times a week about the sexless relationship I'm in and even after confronting the elephant in the room and trying to make things work I'm here again feeling what we all feel on here I don't need to describe it, the question is, is my sexlife worth loosing an amazing father and a good friend, should I just separate the two and satisfy myself elsewhere , or just pack up and go while I'm still in my 30's with only 2 kids.
|
|
|
|
Post by h on May 17, 2017 4:44:39 GMT -5
Nobody but you can determine what level of importance your sex life is in comparison to those other things. Hard situation to be in.😔
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 17, 2017 4:58:50 GMT -5
Sister roxxanneDo you figure that in a theoretical scenario (where you divorced) that your spouse would suddenly become a deadbeat dad, rotten parent, and awful co-parent, and your enemy ? Or do you figure that he would actually remain a reasonable and responsible person, loving and supporting of his kids, and still your friend ? |
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 5:17:55 GMT -5
I guess I grew up in a broken home n always wanted the Christmas card family for my kids , I feel like I'm taking their lovely warm family feeling away from them because I'm not getting any
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 17, 2017 5:31:11 GMT -5
Kids pick up on the vibe in a house, though they may be too young to figure out exactly "what" is not right, they sure as hell know that "something" ain't right.
They likely do not actually have the "christmas card" feeling in any event.
|
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 5:33:47 GMT -5
I just realised how easy it is going from day to day just putting up with it than it is actually facing it head on and actually talking about it with people who know their stuff
|
|
|
|
Post by baza on May 17, 2017 5:46:19 GMT -5
Yep.
Taking the problem on, and doggedly following it along to resolution is indeed a very very hard route to take.
It will actually drive your already high pain level up a notch for a while.
The reward part is at the other end.
As of right now, you are confronting the "long term gain for short term pain" choice, and it is very difficult.
|
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on May 17, 2017 5:55:02 GMT -5
Your also need to consider if the SM is doing anything to your mental Heath.
Many of us have suffered/ still suffering from depression because the SM rocks is right to our value core of what it means to be loved.
I have a friend that has a broken home but her parents still live in the same house. The dad moved into the basement.
My wife comes from her mom's second marriage and for holidays, we get together with the 1st husband's and kids/grandkids.
|
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 5:55:54 GMT -5
It's been what feels like such a long road and iv tried everything, I realise it's no ones fault he's not attracted to me sexually I'm not angry but I do feel I'm at the end now and there's no "try" left in me
|
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 6:08:59 GMT -5
Your also need to consider if the SM is doing anything to your mental Heath. Many of us have suffered/ still suffering from depression because the SM rocks is right to our value core of what it means to be loved. I have a friend that has a broken home but her parents still live in the same house. The dad moved into the basement. My wife comes from her mom's second marriage and for holidays, we get together with the 1st husband's and kids/grandkids. Thnx so much for the feedback x |
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on May 17, 2017 6:09:11 GMT -5
It's been what feels like such a long road and iv tried everything, I realise it's no ones fault he's not attracted to me sexually I'm not angry but I do feel I'm at the end now and there's no "try" left in me I am not angry either, but the wife not wanting me left in a depression. I didn't realize how bad I was until the members here provided an anonymous support network. I am not saying you are depressed, but make sure you step back and make sure. |
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 6:48:26 GMT -5
Im very depressed I'm aware of this all my energy goes on putting on a show for my kids and even my husband the happy show, I will say our lives are so full of good times, the kids are so happy and theirs no family time we don't take advantage of , camping, zoos everywhere and anything and we have such a laugh together he really makes me & the kids so happy but it's just that one area that will never be fixed it's such a hard call
|
|
|
|
Post by worksforme2 on May 17, 2017 7:17:32 GMT -5
If you have tried everything and had all the "talks" about the lack of sex and what it is doing to you and the marriage, then there aren't a lot of options. Stay and continue as is, outsource(with or without his knowledge), separate and divorce. Hard choices all. You know yourself and your H. Could you both live with the situational ethics of a "don't ask, don't tell" arrangement for you to have a FWB?
A couple ladies here did or are outsourcing and they could speak to that approach far better than me.
|
|
|
|
Post by randy53 on May 17, 2017 7:47:29 GMT -5
Im very depressed I'm aware of this all my energy goes on putting on a show for my kids and even my husband the happy show, I will say our lives are so full of good times, the kids are so happy and theirs no family time we don't take advantage of , camping, zoos everywhere and anything and we have such a laugh together he really makes me & the kids so happy but it's just that one area that will never be fixed it's such a hard call I've been in exactly the same situation for years. The truth is that it is never going to get better until you leave and get someone that wants to please you as much as you please him. Refusers like having control of you. By withholding sex they know that they can get it from you whenever they want, because you are starving for it. In this way they control the whole relationship. I bet he holds veto power over everything you do in your relationship. I bet he blames you for everything that ever goes wrong. It's not that refusers don't enjoy sex, it's that they enjoy control more. |
|
|
|
Post by roxxanne on May 17, 2017 9:01:28 GMT -5
It's not that my situation is a toxic relationship of him withdrawing sex, if there was a shred of asshole in him this decision would be done and dusted in a blink , its because he's such a good guy that makes it so hard and painful I know there's nothing he wouldn't do for me or the kids the fact is that he's bi and I don't turn him on as much as other things do he try's but it's not the same, didn't realise till a year ago he was bi , I was fully supportive and try everything to make us work and so does he but I'm just done at this point
|
|
