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Post by hopingforachange on May 22, 2017 13:23:37 GMT -5
And, to double-dip here: IMHO, a "good husband" includes having a good sex life. You can have a good brother or a good male roommate, and sex isn't included. In my worldview, being a good husband includes being sexual with your wife. I agree 100%, replace the genders and it still applies |
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Post by shamwow on May 22, 2017 14:03:00 GMT -5
And, to double-dip here: IMHO, a "good husband" includes having a good sex life. You can have a good brother or a good male roommate, and sex isn't included. In my worldview, being a good husband includes being sexual with your wife. I agree 100%, replace the genders and it still applies I'd extend that to same sex couples. Being a good spouse includes being sexual with your partner. |
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Post by h on May 22, 2017 16:07:36 GMT -5
I agree 100%, replace the genders and it still applies I'd extend that to same sex couples. Being a good spouse includes being sexual with your partner. If there's any possible way to extend it, romantically involved persons of any gender variation should be fulfilling each other's needs. |
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Post by orangepeel on May 22, 2017 16:34:49 GMT -5
Thank you so much everyone for all the advice I'd be still walking in circles if it wasn't for a lot of stuff pointed out in here Iv decided to stay, after actually accepting that he I don't do it for him and that more importantly it's no ones fault it has nothing to do with my looks or body, most of the pain has just disappeared, I usually go to the gym every morning and slog it out to the point were I feel sick to ensure my body is the best it cud be in the hopes I cud catch his eye but yesterday I went for coffee with my friends and had a laugh and organised a girls weekend and came home and had a great movie night with my kids and man instead threw on my sweats ltr on not caring about how sexy I looked going to bed and fell asleep stress free with no expectations from him. I'm sure everyday won't be as great or happy and when I need to outsource I'll cross that bridge but to me it's just more important that I raise my kids with my best friend, have the family BBQS the holidays and give them everything I didn't have, I see my 2 year olds face light up when his dad is home from work and the amazing relationship he has with our 12 year old daughter who's just about to become an alien or teenager I mean. It would be great to receive what I long for most nights but the sacrifice is worth it for what we have as a family, some might think I'm crazy but you have to make these decisions for yourself and iv made peace with mine Don't take this amiss, roxanne, but if that's a picture of you, then he's absolutely got something wrong with him. I say this not in the spirit of lechery, but of glaring truth. |
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Post by orangepeel on May 22, 2017 16:36:13 GMT -5
Congratulations on choosing Sister roxxanneThere is a level of serenity to be had by choosing, and owning, that choice. Whatever that choice might be. The key now, under the "stay" choice, is the re-emergence of resentment, and how you will manage that when it happens. It would be smart to try and get out ahead of this issue, so it doesn't erupt again. Perhaps an individual counsellor might be worthwhile. And, it is a hard row you have to hoe now. Accepting a situation is one thing. Accepting a situation without resentment is quite another. Not everyone is capable of doing it. Resentment poisons everything. Good luck on your chosen path. You are a sage, Brother baza. |
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Post by roxxanne on May 22, 2017 17:13:17 GMT -5
Thank you so much everyone for all the advice I'd be still walking in circles if it wasn't for a lot of stuff pointed out in here Iv decided to stay, after actually accepting that he I don't do it for him and that more importantly it's no ones fault it has nothing to do with my looks or body, most of the pain has just disappeared, I usually go to the gym every morning and slog it out to the point were I feel sick to ensure my body is the best it cud be in the hopes I cud catch his eye but yesterday I went for coffee with my friends and had a laugh and organised a girls weekend and came home and had a great movie night with my kids and man instead threw on my sweats ltr on not caring about how sexy I looked going to bed and fell asleep stress free with no expectations from him. I'm sure everyday won't be as great or happy and when I need to outsource I'll cross that bridge but to me it's just more important that I raise my kids with my best friend, have the family BBQS the holidays and give them everything I didn't have, I see my 2 year olds face light up when his dad is home from work and the amazing relationship he has with our 12 year old daughter who's just about to become an alien or teenager I mean. It would be great to receive what I long for most nights but the sacrifice is worth it for what we have as a family, some might think I'm crazy but you have to make these decisions for yourself and iv made peace with mine Don't take this amiss, roxanne, but if that's a picture of you, then he's absolutely got something wrong with him. I say this not in the spirit of lechery, but of glaring truth. I'm a pole dancer instructor, masseuse and personal trainer in a SM, now that's ironic for ye, so is life |
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Post by roxxanne on May 22, 2017 17:23:17 GMT -5
Staying can be a thoughtful, reasonable decision. If you stay for the sake of the children, I also suggest getting counseling so you have the emotional support you need. Also I strongly suggest working at least part time and also staying very informed and involved in the family's financial accounts. That way should you or your husband decide to divorce later, you will still be able to live comfortably. Actually, even if no divorce is in the future, you still need that info. When I finally decided to divorce after my kids were grown, I ended up with much less than I should have due to irresponsible decisions on both my ex and my part. I had been using shopping as a way to fill the void of sexlessnesd. He had been outsourcing money to a mistress and young child he thought he had fathered. He also had spent money on expensive trips to pursue hobbies. Thank you for this point x |
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Post by Deleted on May 22, 2017 17:27:16 GMT -5
I'm a pole dancer instructor, masseuse and personal trainer in a SM, now that's ironic for ye, so is life Very sad to hear this. Of course, it is not uncommon for a refuser to be married to an attractive spouse. From the pictures I have seen here, all of the refused wives are extremely attractive. I have no opinion on the men, but shamwow seems to be attractive to both genders!! LOL  |
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Post by shamwow on May 22, 2017 18:19:25 GMT -5
I'm a pole dancer instructor, masseuse and personal trainer in a SM, now that's ironic for ye, so is life Very sad to hear this. Of course, it is not uncommon for a refuser to be married to an attractive spouse. From the pictures I have seen here, all of the refused wives are extremely attractive. I have no opinion on the men, but shamwow seems to be attractive to both genders!! LOL Jealousy does not suit you, brother... |
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Post by snowman12345 on May 23, 2017 3:49:21 GMT -5
I agree 100%, replace the genders and it still applies I'd extend that to same sex couples. Being a good spouse includes being sexual with your partner. Yeah, I'd make a good lesbian... |
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Post by shamwow on May 24, 2017 8:39:51 GMT -5
I'd extend that to same sex couples. Being a good spouse includes being sexual with your partner. Yeah, I'd make a good lesbian... You may be an interesting man, but you'd have to be the bearded lady at the carnival.... |
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Post by njsojourner on May 31, 2017 6:02:16 GMT -5
I have the same situation. My wife is a wonderful person--everything is actually so good except in this one area and its a big one for me. We have built quite a life together but now we have this brick wall regarding sex. In her case it is more medical than psychological. I go back an forth about throwing away a marriage and its impact on kids, etc. after so many good years. Yet, I miss sex and the intimacy it brought. I am sad, lonely, and feel there is no solution.
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Post by baza on May 31, 2017 6:35:15 GMT -5
Interesting, Brother njsojournerUsing the construction analogy, in your deal you say that you have the individual components to construct an edifice. But you don't have the nails, screws, rivets or glue to connect the individual components together to hold the construction up. Individual components are not of much value if there are no screws (or other bonding agents). The construction will inevitably not hold together. Just as screws (and other bonding agents) are not much value on their own either. |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 12:22:55 GMT -5
I have the same situation. My wife is a wonderful person--everything is actually so good except in this one area and its a big one for me. We have built quite a life together but now we have this brick wall regarding sex. In her case it is more medical than psychological. I go back an forth about throwing away a marriage and its impact on kids, etc. after so many good years. Yet, I miss sex and the intimacy it brought. I am sad, lonely, and feel there is no solution. If she is so wonderful, will she consider letting you fuck other women? |
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Post by shamwow on May 31, 2017 12:46:41 GMT -5
I have the same situation. My wife is a wonderful person--everything is actually so good except in this one area and its a big one for me. We have built quite a life together but now we have this brick wall regarding sex. In her case it is more medical than psychological. I go back an forth about throwing away a marriage and its impact on kids, etc. after so many good years. Yet, I miss sex and the intimacy it brought. I am sad, lonely, and feel there is no solution. If she is so wonderful, will she consider letting you fuck other women? Such eloquence, counselor....  |
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