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Post by Deleted on May 4, 2017 19:19:33 GMT -5
Well, some more e-mails have been sent about his interpretation of the verdict, which is - of course - something completely different from anybody else's view. I should keep paying all the bills and on top of that the modest temporary alimony the judge said in his verdict. I have made clear I don't agree with that, so probably he indeed will appeal. I wrote that since I left, I have used more than half of my salary to pay his bills and support until the verdict. So (according to me) not much chance he'll get more in appeal. Yesterday he mailed me again to tell me again that I have a legal and moral obligation to him and my daughter. I am clearly evil according to him. And I am destroying his and my daughters' life. At the end of his e-mail he wrote that my behavior is inhumane and his family is praying that the evil will be taken away from me!... I imagine next thing that will happen is a priest knocking at the door for an exorcism treatment... *eye roll* ...Actually, I wouldn't mind if the evil would be taken away. My interpretation is a little different though. This is bullshit. Isn't there anything your lawyer can do to make him stop stealing your money? What would your STBX do if you suddenly disappeared and he had nobody to take money from? Maybe you should fake your own death (just kidding.) |
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Post by baza on May 4, 2017 20:53:49 GMT -5
What your spouse may think of the judges order ain't especially relevant now.
For that matter, what you think about the judges order isn't particularly relevant now either.
The orders are made, you comply with your bit.
End of story.
If he wants to moan about how it has played out, that is entirely his choice.
Whether you want to listen to him moan about his misfortune is up to you.
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Post by tamara68 on May 5, 2017 3:38:48 GMT -5
Well, some more e-mails have been sent about his interpretation of the verdict, which is - of course - something completely different from anybody else's view. I should keep paying all the bills and on top of that the modest temporary alimony the judge said in his verdict. I have made clear I don't agree with that, so probably he indeed will appeal. I wrote that since I left, I have used more than half of my salary to pay his bills and support until the verdict. So (according to me) not much chance he'll get more in appeal. Yesterday he mailed me again to tell me again that I have a legal and moral obligation to him and my daughter. I am clearly evil according to him. And I am destroying his and my daughters' life. At the end of his e-mail he wrote that my behavior is inhumane and his family is praying that the evil will be taken away from me!... I imagine next thing that will happen is a priest knocking at the door for an exorcism treatment... *eye roll* ...Actually, I wouldn't mind if the evil would be taken away. My interpretation is a little different though. This is bullshit. Isn't there anything your lawyer can do to make him stop stealing your money? What would your STBX do if you suddenly disappeared and he had nobody to take money from? Maybe you should fake your own death (just kidding.) I have not payed anything anymore since the verdict in March, but eventually sooner or later I will have to pay the bills until he moves out. He doesn't inform me about anything so I have no idea how soon that will happen. I have spoken with my lawyer about this several times and he doesn't have a solution. According to him I just have to not pay anything and than see what happens. I find that very hard. Fake my own death lol, If I'd die before the divorce is final he would inherit everything. But without an income that wouldn't last very long. He'd beg for money from the state and from his parents. As he is doing now. He blames me that other people have to pay for him now while I should be doing that. I am his wife so I have to take care of him. |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 13:39:13 GMT -5
He blames me that other people have to pay for him now while I should be doing that. I am his wife so I have to take care of him. This kind of entitlement mentality is so frustrating! My STBX constantly told me that it was MY responsibility to make sure that she had a nice house, reliable car, health insurance, and money for whatever. She honestly believed it. But she felt that she had no responsibility to me at all. |
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Post by Deleted on May 5, 2017 16:06:32 GMT -5
He blames me that other people have to pay for him now while I should be doing that. I am his wife so I have to take care of him. This kind of entitlement mentality is so frustrating! My STBX constantly told me that it was MY responsibility to make sure that she had a nice house, reliable car, health insurance, and money for whatever. She honestly believed it. But she felt that she had no responsibility to me at all. Well, partners do have some responsibility for each other - at least in some ways. But it's supposed to be a two-way street. And you're supposed to be with the person because you love them - not because you want to live in a bigger house or you need health insurance. |
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Post by TMD on May 5, 2017 19:11:26 GMT -5
The court system in Canada has an online communication platform that is monitored. Do you have that same resource in Belgium? For those with spouses like yours it's helpful in keeping them in line somewhat.
His threats to withhold your daughter are abusive. And while your daughter has a right to make a decision, is it "right" to allow her to stay with a mentally unstable man? Isn't that more abuse? Can you not request a psychiatric assessment? Or has that already been done?
This is the part of divorce that infuriates me: using children. I'm peeved on your behalf, Tamara.
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Post by tamara68 on May 6, 2017 5:38:20 GMT -5
What your spouse may think of the judges order ain't especially relevant now. For that matter, what you think about the judges order isn't particularly relevant now either. The orders are made, you comply with your bit. End of story. If he wants to moan about how it has played out, that is entirely his choice. Whether you want to listen to him moan about his misfortune is up to you. I find it very hard to ignore. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 6, 2017 5:40:05 GMT -5
He blames me that other people have to pay for him now while I should be doing that. I am his wife so I have to take care of him. This kind of entitlement mentality is so frustrating! My STBX constantly told me that it was MY responsibility to make sure that she had a nice house, reliable car, health insurance, and money for whatever. She honestly believed it. But she felt that she had no responsibility to me at all. He also honestly believes it and if someone like a judge says something different, that judge is just being wrong according to him. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 6, 2017 5:49:38 GMT -5
The court system in Canada has an online communication platform that is monitored. Do you have that same resource in Belgium? For those with spouses like yours it's helpful in keeping them in line somewhat. His threats to withhold your daughter are abusive. And while your daughter has a right to make a decision, is it "right" to allow her to stay with a mentally unstable man? Isn't that more abuse? Can you not request a psychiatric assessment? Or has that already been done? This is the part of divorce that infuriates me: using children. I'm peeved on your behalf, Tamara. No we don't have that here. In fact nearly everything is not very clear over here. And explanations are lacking everywhere. The problem with my daughter is worrying me a lot, but it is very hard to know what to do about it. The judge has ordered an investigation about what is right for my daughter, but unfortunately I have received a message that there is a delay during to work load. Therefore it is going to take months before they even start. I fear that by that time stbx and my daughter will have left Belgium and it will all be too late. I have searched about moving a childe to an other country without permission. It is very unfortunate that the police only retrieves children younger than 16. My daughter turned 16 a few months ago, so if she is taken back to the Netherlands I can't force her to come back to me. My only hope is that something happens before they have left. A youth care lady is trying to get to speak my daughter alone, but stbx doesn't cooperate - as to be expected. He will refuse as long as he can. And knowing him, once he knows when he can move back to the Netherlands, he will make an appointment but not show up. It is clear that authorities don't know what to do about it even though they understand how bad the situation is. So, what can I do apart from contacting them? I feel hopeless. |
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Post by TMD on May 6, 2017 7:44:21 GMT -5
Oh @tamara, I'm so sorry. You are in the most difficult of positions. I can't even imagine. I can only hope your daughter is wise enough to see, one day, how sick and abusive her father is, and make the choice to free herself.
I hope the, "system," comes to your aid; that they don't fail you and your daughter.
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Post by greatcoastal on May 6, 2017 8:07:08 GMT -5
Is your daughter still in school? Can you visit her there? Does she leave the house to buy groceries or do chores? Can you speak with her then? Speaking with your daughter one on one, without his interference, would be to your advantage. Can you get her a doctors appointment, pick her up, then take her home with you? Use his same tactics to your advantage. You do have finances on your side.
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Post by tamara68 on May 6, 2017 9:13:48 GMT -5
Oh @tamara, I'm so sorry. You are in the most difficult of positions. I can't even imagine. I can only hope your daughter is wise enough to see, one day, how sick and abusive her father is, and make the choice to free herself. I hope the, "system," comes to your aid; that they don't fail you and your daughter. I hope so too but I fear they won't do much. |
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Post by tamara68 on May 6, 2017 9:33:24 GMT -5
Is your daughter still in school? Can you visit her there? Does she leave the house to buy groceries or do chores? Can you speak with her then? Speaking with your daughter one on one, without his interference, would be to your advantage. Can you get her a doctors appointment, pick her up, then take her home with you? Use his same tactics to your advantage. You do have finances on your side. She doesn't go to school now till at least September. She needs to find a new school for the next year but stbx won't help much with that. There are not many moments that I know when she is leaving the house, but I did go to such a place yesterday. iliasm.org/thread/2948/losing-hopeI can't get her to a doctor's appointment or anywhere without her cooperation. |
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Post by hopingforachange on May 6, 2017 11:05:06 GMT -5
Hum, does your stbx have a car? Does toy daughter know how to drive yet? If not, maybe see if she wants to learn how to drive?
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Post by bballgirl on May 6, 2017 11:12:09 GMT -5
What your spouse may think of the judges order ain't especially relevant now. For that matter, what you think about the judges order isn't particularly relevant now either. The orders are made, you comply with your bit. End of story. If he wants to moan about how it has played out, that is entirely his choice. Whether you want to listen to him moan about his misfortune is up to you. I find it very hard to ignore. I agree with bazaNext time he complains tell him to take it up with the judge and to fuck off!! |
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