|
|
Post by sunniedays on Feb 15, 2017 16:12:05 GMT -5
I agree. I was attempting to address the fact that OP was referring to the mother of his children as "not knowing when he was allowed to fuck a dead fish." I was just trying to make the point that maybe OP might want to take a step back and examine his words. Would he gather his children around and describe their mother like that to them? And I acknowledged the fact that if a partner/spouse is behaving badly, it's the incorrect thing to do. Maybe I've never been in a situation where I was so resentful and full of contempt that I would refer to someone whom I chose as a life partner that I would refer to them in this manner. She's still a human being for God's sake. No he wouldn't gather his children around and refer to their mother that way. Sex is something between a husband and wife, it has nothing to do with children. However the lack of sex, intimacy, and affection does have to do with children because it's a poor example of a relationship we model for our children as well as putting the relationship at risk which can result in divorce which isn't easy on children but is better than a dysfunctional household. I think the OP wasn't referring to his wife per say as a dead fish but more describing the manner of the type of sex they have. Some people say vanilla it doesn't mean he's calling his wife an ice cream cone. It's still disrespectful. In my opinion, if you seriously refer to your sex life with your wife as fucking a dead fish it only serves to magnify the lack of character of the person stating such a thing. Who is the villain? The person who willfully treats their partner in an unkind manner; or the mistreated partner, who publicly, verbally disparages the partner who they, themselves, have chosen?Then to proffer the excuse that they can't possibly end the relationship with the "dead fish" because of the children, finances -- whatever, is disingenuous. Either stay and don't complain or leave. Otherwise who looks like the idiot; the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking" or the person who stays with the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking"? |
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 16:16:27 GMT -5
Exactly, bballgirl. I do love my wife and would never refer to her as a dead fish or any other derogatory term. However, our once frequent, passionate love making has evolved to this: (her) "Really? It's been 6 months? OK. Get the lube and hurry up." (as she lays there). I think "fucking a dead fish" is a pretty accurate analogy. WELCOME !!! You completelybaked seem to be in the RIGHT PLACE. The Elephant Graveyard for Dead fish fuckers, Starfish Molestors, and over all Miserable Spouses suffering all kinds of toxic emotions both received and self induced from years if not decades in Sexless Marriage with Lack of Intimacy etc etc . : ) Seriously, there are a tremendous amount of wisdom and guidance in these Forums - my knowledge and ability to be honest - especially with myself about my Marriage has just been phenomenal. Sexless is in my experience just a mere symptom of even more deeper and bigger issues. Hope springs eternal and here ACTION and practical ways forward in an honest and true way as well. Welcome friend! |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 15, 2017 16:30:09 GMT -5
DFTT
|
|
|
|
Post by sunniedays on Feb 15, 2017 16:39:21 GMT -5
I agree. I was attempting to address the fact that OP was referring to the mother of his children as "not knowing when he was allowed to fuck a dead fish." I was just trying to make the point that maybe OP might want to take a step back and examine his words. Would he gather his children around and describe their mother like that to them? And I acknowledged the fact that if a partner/spouse is behaving badly, it's the incorrect thing to do. Maybe I've never been in a situation where I was so resentful and full of contempt that I would refer to someone whom I chose as a life partner that I would refer to them in this manner. She's still a human being for God's sake. I'm not sure where you are from, but "dead fish" is a very common term in North America that is used to describe a person who has unenthusiastic sex. It's common vernacular. The scenarios that you are introducing are still red herrings. I understand exactly what you are doing - shaming and changing the subject. He isn't publicly humiliating her here because this is an anonymous forum. He isn't referring to her as a dead fish to their children. If your point is that maintaining contempt isn't helpful -I'm with you on that. But feeling anger and expressing it here - I'm not clear on the downside of that. Stop with the red herrings, for God's sake. OP clearly stated, "we never know when we get to fuck the dead fish." Yes, "dead fish" is a very common term in North America used to describe a person who has unenthusiastic sex. Not so offensive, unless you're speaking about the person who you've chosen as a life partner, and for whom OP loves or loved at one time. (not sure of that, because I didn't read his entire posting history) True, he isn't PUBLICLY humiliating her because this is an "anonymous" forum. Okay. That makes it perfectly acceptable, I guess. It's all right to disrespect someone, as long as it's "anonymous." That makes him so much of a better person, that it's only "anonymous." Feel free to disrespect your spouse as long as it's on an anonymous forum. Lovely. Makes him sound like a real catch of a husband. No, he isn't referring to her as a dead fish to their children. What kind off horrible father would do that? I wonder if he tries to instill in his children the importance of treating people with respect, including treating yourself with respect. As far as feeling anger and expressing it here; have at it, if it makes you feel better. All the while staying in a relationship which is toxic, demeaning, disrespectful, not loving -- dead-fish fucking. Am I shaming OP? Maybe. Because I was taught that it was shameful to treat a person (especially a person you claim to love) in a shameful manner. Is he angry? I'm sure he is, if his wife treats him unkindly, without remorse. Is the solution to strike back with hurtful name calling? Well, I guess that's what we all did when we were about 10 years old. Look, if his wife "fucks like a dead fish" and it is so distasteful to him, then he should leave. This "I know you are, but what am I?" mentality is immature, whether a person does it in person or "anonymously." By the way, don't be so confident that this site is "anonymous." I was made aware of this site by a co-worker who was speaking about his divorce and unhappy marriage, and how he recognized his spouse as being a member on this site. |
|
|
|
Post by sunniedays on Feb 15, 2017 16:44:04 GMT -5
Exactly, bballgirl. I do love my wife and would never refer to her as a dead fish or any other derogatory term. However, our once frequent, passionate love making has evolved to this: (her) "Really? It's been 6 months? OK. Get the lube and hurry up." (as she lays there). I think "fucking a dead fish" is a pretty accurate analogy. Your definition of your wife's behavior is very unflattering and is obviously not something a loving partner should do. If you believe "fucking a dead fish" is an accurate analogy, why don't you simply have sex with her, and then inform her of that exactly? "Honey, that was exactly like fucking a dead fish. By the way, I do love you. Good night." |
|
|
|
Post by bballgirl on Feb 15, 2017 16:55:47 GMT -5
No he wouldn't gather his children around and refer to their mother that way. Sex is something between a husband and wife, it has nothing to do with children. However the lack of sex, intimacy, and affection does have to do with children because it's a poor example of a relationship we model for our children as well as putting the relationship at risk which can result in divorce which isn't easy on children but is better than a dysfunctional household. I think the OP wasn't referring to his wife per say as a dead fish but more describing the manner of the type of sex they have. Some people say vanilla it doesn't mean he's calling his wife an ice cream cone. It's still disrespectful. In my opinion, if you seriously refer to your sex life with your wife as fucking a dead fish it only serves to magnify the lack of character of the person stating such a thing. Who is the villain? The person who willfully treats their partner in an unkind manner; or the mistreated partner, who publicly, verbally disparages the partner who they, themselves, have chosen?Then to proffer the excuse that they can't possibly end the relationship with the "dead fish" because of the children, finances -- whatever, is disingenuous. Either stay and don't complain or leave. Otherwise who looks like the idiot; the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking" or the person who stays with the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking"? With the upmost respect sunniedays I would like to respond. Here's the thing it may seem disrespectful but when the members of this forum write about their spouse on this anonymous forum it's a vent, it's an outlet, it's a means of coping with a situation that is very sad to say the least. I can assure you that nobody on this forum is a villain. In fact everyone that I have messaged with are some of the kindest people I have ever conversed with. Not only are they kind, they are unselfish and self sacrificing. Sacrificing their own happiness in hopes that their spouse will change so yeah they keep fucking the dead fish hoping maybe the next time will be better and every once in a while it is and what does that lead to? More false hope. I do somewhat agree with you anout the stay or go scenario, BUT there is no cookie cutter solution for everyone or else this place would not exist. Everyone's reason for staying is a valid reason be it finances, kids, they still love their spouse, fear of the unknown, etc. Here's what I do know this is an outlet and a way to vent and the people here trust me they treat their spouses very well in real life and have for many years, decades even. It's a tough situation to love someone so much and want to make love to them and express that love. It's frustrating and confusing to not understand why they don't want to do that with you. I'm an extremely empathetic person for the way someone else feels and I try to put myself in their shoes. I had dealt with a SM for 23 years and finally I set myself free. I'm friends with my ex now and sex with him sucked, I say that with no disrespect to him it's just the truth. We were not compatible. However I now know it wasn't me thanks to EP and forums like this. |
|
|
|
Post by snowman12345 on Feb 15, 2017 17:10:35 GMT -5
sunniedays, I thought I should let you know that if you are expecting me to be politically correct and "respectful" when expressing my feelings here in this forum - you should never, ever read any of my posts. I will show my anger and frustration here as I cannot or will not express them at home. I will be disrespectful and I will be vulgar. So, if you don't like that sort of thing then don't read them.
|
|
|
|
Post by wom360 on Feb 15, 2017 17:26:03 GMT -5
No he wouldn't gather his children around and refer to their mother that way. Sex is something between a husband and wife, it has nothing to do with children. However the lack of sex, intimacy, and affection does have to do with children because it's a poor example of a relationship we model for our children as well as putting the relationship at risk which can result in divorce which isn't easy on children but is better than a dysfunctional household. I think the OP wasn't referring to his wife per say as a dead fish but more describing the manner of the type of sex they have. Some people say vanilla it doesn't mean he's calling his wife an ice cream cone. It's still disrespectful. In my opinion, if you seriously refer to your sex life with your wife as fucking a dead fish it only serves to magnify the lack of character of the person stating such a thing. Who is the villain? The person who willfully treats their partner in an unkind manner; or the mistreated partner, who publicly, verbally disparages the partner who they, themselves, have chosen?Then to proffer the excuse that they can't possibly end the relationship with the "dead fish" because of the children, finances -- whatever, is disingenuous. Either stay and don't complain or leave. Otherwise who looks like the idiot; the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking" or the person who stays with the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking"? I liked this post, not because I agree with everything Sunny is saying but I do agree that choosing to stay for whatever reason and then complaining about it is disingenuous. People should own their choices and not blame others for falling short when they know that's the way it is and choose to stay anyway. In any case, a dose of disrespect would probably do his wife some good. |
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 17:52:24 GMT -5
Learn something new every day I googled it. Got it. LMAO. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 18:00:15 GMT -5
Exactly, bballgirl. I do love my wife and would never refer to her as a dead fish or any other derogatory term. However, our once frequent, passionate love making has evolved to this: (her) "Really? It's been 6 months? OK. Get the lube and hurry up." (as she lays there). I think "fucking a dead fish" is a pretty accurate analogy. Your definition of your wife's behavior is very unflattering and is obviously not something a loving partner should do. If you believe "fucking a dead fish" is an accurate analogy, why don't you simply have sex with her, and then inform her of that exactly? "Honey, that was exactly like fucking a dead fish. By the way, I do love you. Good night." I am the one who used the analogy and I stand by it. I have been abused by this woman for years. She has abused me emotionally, verbally, physically and sexually. She has told me that nothing she says or does is wrong unless she believes it is wrong. The only reason she stopped punching me in the face is because I told her although I will not hit her back, she will go to jail if she does it again. She has maligned and defamed me to almost all of our friends, our children, and our family. Thankfully, she has not been believed by most of them. I have been separated for almost a year, and the divorce has been filed. So you can continue to bash those of us who have been abused by refusers, but I will be responding to every one of your future posts with a different recipe. |
|
|
|
Post by sunniedays on Feb 15, 2017 18:00:52 GMT -5
It's still disrespectful. In my opinion, if you seriously refer to your sex life with your wife as fucking a dead fish it only serves to magnify the lack of character of the person stating such a thing. Who is the villain? The person who willfully treats their partner in an unkind manner; or the mistreated partner, who publicly, verbally disparages the partner who they, themselves, have chosen?Then to proffer the excuse that they can't possibly end the relationship with the "dead fish" because of the children, finances -- whatever, is disingenuous. Either stay and don't complain or leave. Otherwise who looks like the idiot; the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking" or the person who stays with the person who doles out the infrequent "dead fish fucking"? With the upmost respect sunniedays I would like to respond. Here's the thing it may seem disrespectful but when the members of this forum write about their spouse on this anonymous forum it's a vent, it's an outlet, it's a means of coping with a situation that is very sad to say the least. I can assure you that nobody on this forum is a villain. In fact everyone that I have messaged with are some of the kindest people I have ever conversed with. Not only are they kind, they are unselfish and self sacrificing. Sacrificing their own happiness in hopes that their spouse will change so yeah they keep fucking the dead fish hoping maybe the next time will be better and every once in a while it is and what does that lead to? More false hope. I do somewhat agree with you anout the stay or go scenario, BUT there is no cookie cutter solution for everyone or else this place would not exist. Everyone's reason for staying is a valid reason be it finances, kids, they still love their spouse, fear of the unknown, etc. Here's what I do know this is an outlet and a way to vent and the people here trust me they treat their spouses very well in real life and have for many years, decades even. It's a tough situation to love someone so much and want to make love to them and express that love. It's frustrating and confusing to not understand why they don't want to do that with you. I'm an extremely empathetic person for the way someone else feels and I try to put myself in their shoes. I had dealt with a SM for 23 years and finally I set myself free. I'm friends with my ex now and sex with him sucked, I say that with no disrespect to him it's just the truth. We were not compatible. However I now know it wasn't me thanks to EP and forums like this. Thank you for replying respectfully. I appreciate it, and I do appreciate your struggle in your marriage. I agree with most of what you post. Yes, people are unhappy. Yes, they vent. Yes, there is no cookie-cutter solution. Yes, I agree, some people might continue to try to have sex with a spouse in an attempt to salvage or "save" a marriage. But to "keep fucking a dead fish" -- really? You'd willingly stay in a relationship -- try to SAVE a relationship in which you describe sex as "fucking a dead fish"? Can that marriage REALLY be saved? If someone thinks having sex with their spouse is like fucking a dead fish, truly, honestly refers to their spouse -- I mean, look, I understand it's a description of "uneventful unenthusiastic sex". I get it. But come on. It's so disrespectful. And to say it out loud? Even to strangers on the internet? If it is just a harmless benign description, why not just go tell your wife that's how you refer to her as? Tell it to her face. See if that helps your relationship in any beneficial fashion. You know, there's a bounty of sad situations in life. Does being in a sad situation give a person carte blanche to treat another person unkindly? I do have empathy for those in an unhappy relationship. And I can accept that it is difficult to leave for whatever reason. But to find yourself a website where you can rant and disparage your partner is hardly a solution. Yes, to find others in a similar situation, where one can bounce ideas or problems off others in like relationships, I'm sure, is helpful for each individual's state of mind. But I would suggest that to rant endlessly about your own choices, and to include disrespectful terminology when referring to your own choices hardly seems productive. Seems like it would be quite difficult for a person to refer to their partners in disrespectful and unkind terms in print to "anonymous friends," and then be able to turn around and treat their partner respectfully in person. I don't know. Maybe they can. I do believe I am able to understand how difficult it must be to love someone and to feel that the person doesn't reciprocate your feelings in a way one might want. I have thought about how painful it would be to be in that person's shoes; however, it doesn't seem the right solution to throw around unkind terms and resort to name calling, especially of a person you claim to love. It just can't be helpful. As far as reasons for staying -- while I understand people say they have their reasons, I do find it rather unbelievable for someone to say they are staying because they still love their spouse, yet turn around and refer to them as "fucking a dead fish." WHO says that? Jesus. If your relationship is shitty and undesirable, leave. It's immature and unattractive for someone to describe a person whom they presumably loved at one point, who they created children with, so disrespectfully. You might think it. It might be absolutely true. Keep it to yourself, in my opinion. If a spouse treats you so terribly, so unkind, is such a horrible specimen of a human being, WHY --- WHY would you want to stay and try to make them love you? WHY would ANYONE strive to have a terrible, unkind, horrible, dead-fish fucking person love them? Perhaps the person believes they can CHANGE their unkind spouse. It's possible, with the right people, in the right situation. Probably have to recant that "dead-fish fucking" comment. If there's a wife who can forgive and forget being referred to as that, she's a bigger man than I. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 18:04:07 GMT -5
Stop with the red herrings, for God's sake. O Sorry, you don't get to control people here. By the way... Scrambled Eggs Ingredients 4 eggs 1/4 cup milk, half-and-half, or light cream 1/8 teaspoon salt Dash ground black pepper 1 tablespoon butter or margarine Directions In a medium bowl beat together eggs, milk, salt, and pepper with a wire whisk or fork. In a 10-inch skillet melt butter over medium heat; pour in egg mixture. Cook over medium heat, without stirring, until mixture begins to set on the bottom and around the edges. With a spatula or a large spoon, lift and fold the partially cooked egg mixture so that the uncooked portion flows underneath. Continue cooking over medium heat for 2 to 3 minutes or until egg is cooked through, but is still glossy and moist. Remove from heat immediately. Makes 2 servings. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2017 18:06:48 GMT -5
If there's a wife who can forgive and forget being referred to as that, she's a bigger man than I. Being a bigger person than you is no accomplishment. By the way... Directions Dressing: In a medium-size bowl or measuring cup, whisk together the vinegar, mustard, salt and pepper. While whisking, add oil in a thin stream until blended. Set aside. Salad: Heat a medium-size pot of water to boiling. Add green beans and cook 4 minutes or until crisp-tender. Drain and rinse with cold water. Tear basil into bite-size pieces. In a large bowl, toss basil, green beans, tomatoes, mozzarella, and the kidney and white beans. Whisk dressing, then drizzle over salad. Toss gently to coat and serve. |
|
|
|
Post by McRoomMate on Feb 15, 2017 18:10:21 GMT -5
sunniedays If I may ask - Why are you on this forum? Are you in a Sexless Marriage? or a psych grad student or something?
|
|
|
|
Post by sunniedays on Feb 15, 2017 18:28:14 GMT -5
sunniedays , I thought I should let you know that if you are expecting me to be politically correct and "respectful" when expressing my feelings here in this forum - you should never, ever read any of my posts. I will show my anger and frustration here as I cannot or will not express them at home. I will be disrespectful and I will be vulgar. So, if you don't like that sort of thing then don't read them. I never stated that people be "respectful" when expressing their feelings. I said, it's disrespectful to call their partners/spouses derogatory names. Feel free to rant and complain and whine and express your feelings however you want. I don't care about being politically correct. I don't care if you're angry and frustrated. If you want to be disrespectful and vulgar, have at it. I was just pointing out the lack of character of a person who calls someone names, then claims to "love" them, and then continues to stay in a relationship with them. Perhaps you could impart this type of wisdom to your daughter so that she may be able to find herself a partner who treats her in a similar manner. Can't express your disrespectful, vulgar, angry frustrations at home? That's no way to live. Everyone should be able to be disrespectful and vulgar towards their spouse while at home. If you can't refer to having sex with your spouse as like "fucking a dead fish" to their face, what's the point of being married? Perhaps disrespect, vulgarity, anger, frustration, and name-calling are the most important building blocks for a successful marriage. |
|
