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Post by DryCreek on Feb 4, 2017 22:13:49 GMT -5
And the Night Ended with Mad Passionate Lovemaking . . . Time will tell. You *both* have to actively work toward improvement. Maybe you got to the brink and she stepped back from the abyss with a new attitude. Maybe she got turned on by your assertiveness. Or maybe her motivation is shallow, she "reset" you, and will revert to her old behavior shortly. I hope the best for you, but keep your eyes open. Experience has conditioned us to be pessimists. |
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 4, 2017 22:37:02 GMT -5
baza DryCreek greatcoastal Much appreciated your comments and thoughts. Really very much appreciated. I actually asked her how she could go extended periods with no sex - she replied that I knew nothing about woman´s libido and that if a woman does not have sex her libido starts to shrink. I have never heard that before. She also asked me the same question . . . (me guilty as charged) - though I said "self help" . . . actually both are true. Any idea on how long "Reset Sex" works? Is it usually a few weeks or months maximum? I wish I could start a stop watch and test objectively. So frustrating and I am at the mercy of the unknown here.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2017 22:49:18 GMT -5
And the Night Ended with Mad Passionate Lovemaking . . . OK well maybe there was pent up resentment and all that on both sides. We laid in bed . .. on opposite sides and talked - we sort of made each other laugh a little with our arguments in pillow talk mode and then made passionate love after slowly coming together. She seemed to have the biggest orgasm I have heard in years . . . we were interrupted by our 6 year old who was woken up from her room and came in (from my W´s moaning). OK now I am thinking maybe it is fixed. She said we both have to "WANT" to work together. The evening started with a crescending argument that after 15 minutes we agreed for divorce and 6 hours later . . . passionate love making that we have not had in years. Totally perplexed and amazed. Maybe I'm a hopeless romantic or an eternal optimist or maybe your wife reset me too, but I want to be optimistic for you. If you guys can get to where you can make love that is huge. I would say be optimistically cautious, set a time table to see if she can continue to want and desire you and at the same time let her know that you want and desire her and see how she responds. Keep the lines of communication flowing and I would say that you both need to acknowledge and discuss the fact that your marriage is in crisis mode, you need to start over and date each other again in a way, and I hope she knows that one night of sex doesn't make things all better. Your marriage and the family unit is so much more important and should be her priority because a single mother on dating apps is not better than what she has. The grass is not greener on the other side, it's greener where you water it. |
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Post by thebaffledking on Feb 4, 2017 22:58:09 GMT -5
McR, you've got company on the prostitute thing. Almost nine years ago, after dwindling encounters and her knowing i was getting upset, she re-set me on a vacation. It was great. Though I felt totally manipulated, I went for it. Afterwards (like immediately) I told her lovingly and with such hope that I wished this would be a turning point and that we would find our way back to balance and intimacy. Without missing a beat, she looked me right in the eye, without visible or audible malice of any kind, and told me if I wanted sex I had her permission to see prostitutes. We had one more re-set five MONTHS later, and in the midst of that one I knew I would never allow myself to do it again.......I knew that would be the last time.
I stopped bringing it up, stopped asking, stopped touching her, everything stopped. So four years ago when she asked me why I was always so simmering and distant, I told her. She didn't want to hear it. She informed me that our sexlessness was "mutual". Nicely played, asshole. I've been DARVO-ed up the wazoo for years with this one.
P.S. - and she has never been more content!
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Post by DryCreek on Feb 4, 2017 22:59:22 GMT -5
Any idea on how long "Reset Sex" works? Is it usually a few weeks or months maximum? The longer it goes, the better the odds. Sometimes it's a one-shot deal, sometimes it dwindles. The "reset" idea being, "Sex will shut him up for a while" and the other side thinking "We had sex, so maybe everything is better now". What's significant is whether both of you start actively taking steps to improve the situation. When it becomes one-sided, the progress stops. Listen to bballgirl... |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 4, 2017 23:12:37 GMT -5
And the Night Ended with Mad Passionate Lovemaking . . . OK well maybe there was pent up resentment and all that on both sides. We laid in bed . .. on opposite sides and talked - we sort of made each other laugh a little with our arguments in pillow talk mode and then made passionate love after slowly coming together. She seemed to have the biggest orgasm I have heard in years . . . we were interrupted by our 6 year old who was woken up from her room and came in (from my W´s moaning). OK now I am thinking maybe it is fixed. She said we both have to "WANT" to work together. The evening started with a crescending argument that after 15 minutes we agreed for divorce and 6 hours later . . . passionate love making that we have not had in years. Totally perplexed and amazed. Ha ha ha! I am happy for you. I was on the receiving end of the divorce announcement too last year. But I had to wait longer than 6 hrs, maybe 24 or 48.... |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 23:13:04 GMT -5
You can answer that for your self. When are you going to want sex again? You...not her! What are your needs? I was ready the next morning, and then the next evening, especially after being starved to death!!
Is she going to comply? are you going to have to beg again? Has she done this to you before? How long was it then? Is there going to be intimacy received and accepted from her tomorrow? Or will it back to business as usual? Will you be asked to suddenly do more acts of service? Will you no longer be 100% responsible for everything wrong? All red flags to look for!
Her manipulative lie about her shrinking libido is another excuse, alibi, for why you should have to except her forcing celibacy on you. So it starts to shrink? Does that mean that now it's back to normal? Is it going to grow? Does it need a steady diet? Will it then shrink faster, or will it burst?
She would make a great politician, (maybe how she's successful in business.....for now, until she gets sued, but I digress) very talented at multi tasking with words, and actions. Leaving your compartmentalized, male brain, in the dust needing days to untangle it all. (voice of experience) by then the train has left the station, and in order to bring it up again you have to quote everything exactly, word for word, and have stellar tactful questions, and debating points ready to go. Who can deal with that over and over again?
Monday morning,attorney phone calls. I have yet to hear anyone who has regretted getting the info. about their legal status, not when your the victim.
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Post by wom360 on Feb 4, 2017 23:13:58 GMT -5
Don't fall for the false reset. It'll only last as long as it takes to hook you.
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Post by lyn on Feb 4, 2017 23:16:39 GMT -5
And the Night Ended with Mad Passionate Lovemaking . . . OK well maybe there was pent up resentment and all that on both sides. We laid in bed . .. on opposite sides and talked - we sort of made each other laugh a little with our arguments in pillow talk mode and then made passionate love after slowly coming together. She seemed to have the biggest orgasm I have heard in years . . . we were interrupted by our 6 year old who was woken up from her room and came in (from my W´s moaning). OK now I am thinking maybe it is fixed. She said we both have to "WANT" to work together. The evening started with a crescending argument that after 15 minutes we agreed for divorce and 6 hours later . . . passionate love making that we have not had in years. Totally perplexed and amazed. Oh how confusing McRoomMate. You've had a hell of a day - I hate to to say it screams reset sex to me. Please follow the advice to consult an attorney asap!! AND, unless you're unfit (which I'm sure you're not). She cannot dictate visitation and custody plans - Sending you peaceful, positive vibes - |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 4, 2017 23:19:57 GMT -5
baza DryCreek greatcoastal Much appreciated your comments and thoughts. Really very much appreciated. I actually asked her how she could go extended periods with no sex - she replied that I knew nothing about woman´s libido and that if a woman does not have sex her libido starts to shrink. I have never heard that before. She also asked me the same question . . . (me guilty as charged) - though I said "self help" . . . actually both are true. Any idea on how long "Reset Sex" works? Is it usually a few weeks or months maximum? I wish I could start a stop watch and test objectively. So frustrating and I am at the mercy of the unknown here. I think it depends on how creative you are in keeping the sex interesting and the relationship strong. It will probably take a lot of work and love to keep it up. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 23:31:10 GMT -5
baza DryCreek greatcoastal Much appreciated your comments and thoughts. Really very much appreciated. I actually asked her how she could go extended periods with no sex - she replied that I knew nothing about woman´s libido and that if a woman does not have sex her libido starts to shrink. I have never heard that before. She also asked me the same question . . . (me guilty as charged) - though I said "self help" . . . actually both are true. Any idea on how long "Reset Sex" works? Is it usually a few weeks or months maximum? I wish I could start a stop watch and test objectively. So frustrating and I am at the mercy of the unknown here. I think it depends on how creative you are in keeping the sex interesting and the relationship strong. It will probably take a lot of work and love to keep it up. A lot of truth in that statement! And that "love" involves trust. The trust involves being open, honest, and vulnerable. Sorry but your spouse sounds incapable of that. You sound capable and deserving, YOU DESERVE THAT ! |
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 4, 2017 23:40:48 GMT -5
Their are some bright spots from this. You have a better understanding of whom you are dealing with. Sounds like the mask fell off for a moment, revealing her true attitude towards you? It sounds like she has not seen an attorney and is content to string you along for a while longer, thinking she can still threaten you, control you, and manipulate you. You are still serving a purpose in her life. Sadly it's just part of her fake mask to convince herself and the outside world that all is well. Her twisted way of avoiding much deeper problems of her own. Think about having the chance to no longer carry around all that extra baggage of hers? This love bombing, or re-set, doesn't it highlight that your purpose or need for you is to look after the kids, and allow her to keep up her manipulative fakebook status? You know, the look at me , Mrs. top executive, Mrs. 2017 mother of the year, successful with family, kids, career, while constantly bitching at you for everything you do, or don't do? Is that your purpose? That's how I ended up being used and manipulated. We are not alone. Same goes for the ladies out there. |
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Post by lwoetin on Feb 5, 2017 0:21:16 GMT -5
I think it depends on how creative you are in keeping the sex interesting and the relationship strong. It will probably take a lot of work and love to keep it up. A lot of truth in that statement! And that "love" involves trust. The trust involves being open, honest, and vulnerable. Sorry but your spouse sounds incapable of that. You sound capable and deserving, YOU DESERVE THAT ! thank you and I understand your point. But I am still in love with my wife. And she does love me in the way that she knows how. If I am in need of a heart transplant, she would give hers. I hurt at times but it's a hurt I choose to accept. She chooses to accept me as well. We do have sex sometimes. Perhaps she doesn't have to fulfill all my needs. What are my needs... |
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Post by csl on Feb 5, 2017 0:23:36 GMT -5
1- re: diminishing libido. You've never heard "use it or lose it"?
2- morning after - "last night was great, i enjoyed it, and i hope that you enjoyed it as well. but as great as it was, our relationship is so far off track that one night of making whoopee isn't going to solve our marriage. if your actions were signaling that you wanted to work on our marriage, we need to discuss what our game plan will be. and we do have to come up with a game plan, such as counseling. you and i were discussing divorce, and one romp can't solve what years of dysfunction have created."
her response, either yea or nay, will send you the message you need.
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Post by McRoomMate on Feb 5, 2017 4:10:38 GMT -5
McR, you've got company on the prostitute thing. Almost nine years ago, after dwindling encounters and her knowing i was getting upset, she re-set me on a vacation. It was great. Though I felt totally manipulated, I went for it. Afterwards (like immediately) I told her lovingly and with such hope that I wished this would be a turning point and that we would find our way back to balance and intimacy. Without missing a beat, she looked me right in the eye, without visible or audible malice of any kind, and told me if I wanted sex I had her permission to see prostitutes. We had one more re-set five MONTHS later, and in the midst of that one I knew I would never allow myself to do it again.......I knew that would be the last time. I stopped bringing it up, stopped asking, stopped touching her, everything stopped. So four years ago when she asked me why I was always so simmering and distant, I told her. She didn't want to hear it. She informed me that our sexlessness was "mutual". Nicely played, asshole. I've been DARVO-ed up the wazoo for years with this one. P.S. - and she has never been more content! "she has never been more content!" - You mean you are still with this W in the SM? I dont mean to judge but should not already be divorced now and moved on? A reset 5 months later and now 4 years ago with no sex? True I waited over 10 years to address this, but now I am "awake" of the problem and conscious of its misery. Maybe I am Mr hard boiled tough guy (in theory not practice) but I think if this latest "reset" in my marriage is not for real there will be no more resets for me and we are talking months. My heart goes out to you if it really has been over 4 years of a conscious awareness of the SM and still no improvement - very tough if so. |
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