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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:20:42 GMT -5
I guess you know where this is probably heading right? I do. I think she does too. She told me last weekend that at times she wonders if she's fighting so hard because she wants "us," or because she doesn't want to be a 35 year old divorcee. I might suggest to her it's better to be a 35 year old divorcee than to suffer another 15 years and be a 50 year old divorcee. Or pick your own number of course  |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:25:35 GMT -5
I think she is letting go of the relationship with the picture turned and her remark about you missing her is probably a guilt move. I am pondering about the idea of mismatched love languages. Oh, they're very, very mismatched and I think have been since we started dating. She claims that I've never "gotten" her, and I think honestly she's never really "gotten" me either. It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 14, 2016 12:33:56 GMT -5
I guess you know where this is probably heading right? I do. I think she does too. She told me last weekend that at times she wonders if she's fighting so hard because she wants "us," or because she doesn't want to be a 35 year old divorcee. Hello? Where's the husband in her selfish, me only, statement? She keeps the "us" for herself only. |
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 14, 2016 12:35:51 GMT -5
Oh, they're very, very mismatched and I think have been since we started dating. She claims that I've never "gotten" her, and I think honestly she's never really "gotten" me either. It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. I'm actually not- we both make about the same amount, and her long-term earning potential is actually possibly higher than mine right now (Until I also do a Master's). We both work on the house and in the yard. If anything, I feel like I'm around as a roommate and sometimes companion when she doesn't want to do things alone. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 14, 2016 12:41:02 GMT -5
It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. I'm actually not- we both make about the same amount, and her long-term earning potential is actually possibly higher than mine right now (Until I also do a Master's). We both work on the house and in the yard. If anything, I feel like I'm around as a roommate and sometimes companion when she doesn't want to do things alone. I didn't necessarily intend you to take that literally. However, divorce is still a 50% pay cut and one less handyman around the house. Or whatever it is that you add value to her life. If you're the one that wants out and she's the one fighting to keep you- on her terms of course, it doesn't matter much what the specific love language is. It's decidedly not touch or anything remotely related |
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Post by Deleted on Oct 14, 2016 13:36:34 GMT -5
I can't even begin to count the number of times I told my refuser, "I miss you, I miss us," etc.
At least I can't be faulted for failing to tell him what I wanted....
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 15, 2016 10:03:08 GMT -5
I'm actually not- we both make about the same amount, and her long-term earning potential is actually possibly higher than mine right now (Until I also do a Master's). We both work on the house and in the yard. If anything, I feel like I'm around as a roommate and sometimes companion when she doesn't want to do things alone. I didn't necessarily intend you to take that literally. However, divorce is still a 50% pay cut and one less handyman around the house. Or whatever it is that you add value to her life. If you're the one that wants out and she's the one fighting to keep you- on her terms of course, it doesn't matter much what the specific love language is. It's decidedly not touch or anything remotely related You know, you make a good point about the handyman bit- since her love language is for me to do things like rewire the kitchen when she didn't ask me to. Which is what I do for friends on weekends in exchange for beer, not what I expect to do every day in exchange for sex. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 10:08:09 GMT -5
cagedtiger : What the book probably says about the acts of service love language (I haven't read it): if you rewire the kitchen without being asked she will fuck your brains out What we know about that love language: You ain't getting any even if you remodel the entire house...
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 15, 2016 10:28:12 GMT -5
cagedtiger : What the book probably says about the acts of service love language (I haven't read it): if you rewire the kitchen without being asked she will fuck your brains out What we know about that love language: You ain't getting any even if you remodel the entire house... Yes. Yes, that's true. |
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Post by deleted on Oct 15, 2016 11:12:10 GMT -5
It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. Thanks for reminding me. I need to go to the bank and clean the garage. |
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Post by beachguy on Oct 15, 2016 12:38:24 GMT -5
It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. Thanks for reminding me. I need to go to the bank and clean the garage. When you're done you need to see a lawyer |
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Post by JonDoe on Oct 15, 2016 12:52:44 GMT -5
It's always hard to "get" the idea of being an ATM machine and household handyman. Thanks for reminding me. I need to go to the bank and clean the garage. Better yet, clean out the bank account and pack the garage. 😂 |
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Post by cagedtiger on Oct 18, 2016 0:18:54 GMT -5
Couples counseling session in a few hours, and I'm still writing. I've been writing for days now, trying to condense what I need to say, but every time I open my journal and put pen to paper, more words flow out onto the page.
This is me airing my grievances, detailing everything I've hinted at here these last few months, and so many more other things that are tumbling out of the back of the closet every time I think I've hit the back wall.
Thank God I'm not working today after this session.
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Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 18, 2016 6:33:18 GMT -5
I guess you know where this is probably heading right? I do. I think she does too. She told me last weekend that at times she wonders if she's fighting so hard because she wants "us," or because she doesn't want to be a 35 year old divorcee. Honesty there. Honesty is good. |
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Post by Dan on Oct 18, 2016 9:57:39 GMT -5
Couples counseling session in a few hours, and I'm still writing. I've been writing for days now, trying to condense what I need to say, but every time I open my journal and put pen to paper, more words flow out onto the page. This is me airing my grievances, detailing everything I've hinted at here these last few months, and so many more other things that are tumbling out of the back of the closet every time I think I've hit the back wall. Thank God I'm not working today after this session. How did it go??? Here's how it would have gone with me, if I was on the cusp of what you were doing: - I would come fully prepared to tell all, and be looking forward to the relief it would bring. - However, it soon would become clear that neither my wife or even the therapist was really ready for this barrage. - Somewhere during the explanation of "Item 2" or "Item 3", it would become clear I was being too intense, and my wife was unable to process what I've said so far, let alone have the emotional stamina to work through the whole list - Even if she did have the stamina, it was clear I wasn't going to have TIME in a single session - So I would begin to waiver. Lighten up. Pull back. Cherry pick a few things from down the list. Then take a breath. - Sitting back, and watching the therapist try to make SOMETHING constructive out of this barf I just put on the table, I would begin to realize my wife is NOT getting my points. - Which would then be quickly followed by the realization how I am NOT more satisfied. - Which would make me wonder WHY I thought this would work. - Which would make me wonder why I think the marriage could ever work. How close are you to my script? |
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