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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 24, 2017 9:13:46 GMT -5
My son is only 10 and I had been 'single' for almost two years after I split with my ex. (I had a fwb/ AP from my SM but my son never knew about him). When I told him I was dating someone and that I really liked him, he cried. He still had a dream about his parents reuniting. I started talking about my new boyfriend more and more, just causually and then kinda by accident THEY started texting and then my son started texting his kids (both boys, similar age). We never planned that, but it seemed to really help. They all met this summer and we've been feeling our way along since. My son doesn't like to back down from the position that he didn't want my dating, but actually he gets on very well with my boyfriend. It's actually, fingers crossed, knock-on-wood pretty much the family life I've always wanted with lots of laughing etc.
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 19, 2017 12:43:06 GMT -5
Mine liked to casually drop into conversation with other people that he wanted blow jobs, sex, etc but that I wasn't forthcoming. He made me look like the refuser. WTF? And yes I was complicit. When i stopped being complicit he stopped pretending he was the one who wanted sex.
As for whether refusal is emotional abuse.... no, it isn't. Not consenting to have sex with someone is never emotional abuse. However, my abuser used my normal and natural desire to have sex to control and humiliate me. He expected fidelity when he knew I was desperate for physical connection. That's the bit that was emotional abuse.
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 16, 2017 12:51:40 GMT -5
Yes do it!!! Make sure you're protected against pregnancy though. The last time I had sex with my refuser husband it was reset sex and it was a revelation! I lost interest halfway through and he got all upset and said he felt 'rejected' and accused me of doing it in retaliation. However, it wasn't I just realised how he was going through the motions and not having sex with ME and enjoying it as a mutual experience!! It took him a couple of weeks to get around to it after I issued an ultimatum. At that point I realised I never wanted to have sex with him again.
BTW - I'm not with him anymore and am in a NEW sexual relationship with a man who gets the look and follows through on it if it's at all physically possible to do! (i.e. no awake children, not illegal because we're in public, not walking out the door for other commitments!) I love our sex life!!
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 9, 2017 4:09:24 GMT -5
I think I'm more in favour of 'conditional monogamy' - so I would never, ever again feel like my sex life could be dictated by another person, nor would the end of my sexual desires mean the end of my partner's sex life.
The person I'm currently with - we started our relationship as open and we both had part time sex partners. As our relationship got more serious, both of our part time partners dumped us saying they felt we needed to concentrate on our relationship with each other and they wanted to get out of the way! (Wow!) We are currently in a monogamous relationship but I think it's quite likely he will stray at some point, it's not a deal breaker for me, I trust him to use condoms. Technical fidelity - which my ex had with me - is far less important to me than a partner who respects my need for a good sex life and helps me get it and who treats me right in all aspects of our relationship.
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 4, 2017 23:26:54 GMT -5
Not saying I never ghosted, but I'm sure she'd feel less guilty if she just said "I'm not that into you ..."
I had a lot of dates with guys who were perfectly ok, but who I didn't like. I was like "next". Until I had a date with someone who I thought "I definitely know I don't NOT like him. I don't know how much I do like him and I know I do want to have sex with him and I know that even if I hadn't wanted to have sex with him I'd want to cultivate a friendship so let's see where this goes."
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Post by elkclan2 on Oct 2, 2017 4:20:40 GMT -5
It's been two years since my husband left the house (hurray) still not divorced, still trying to pull my life together really, but I'm in a better place.
I had a period of depression as I realised what a shithole toxic relationship I was in and that really the sexlessness was a distraction. I continued with my affair partner for quite a while, including after the start of a new relationship (with knowledge of the new guy I was dating).
I have been in this new relationship for about 5 months and it's really good - with lots and lots of very nice, very hot sex. I'm actually having too much sex right now (probably!). And we just get along so well... we've rushed to this stage sort of, but not rushing cohabitation or anything further. We both have kids around the same age and that also seems to be going really well.
Is it really opposite land? Well, I dunno. But I'm so much happier and hopeful now.
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