I completely understand and this may be just a stage or phase you are entering. I think when you meet the right man for yourself you will only want to be with him. Finding that man is not easy either but that's part of the purpose of being non monogamous. I think you will go through a few different phases but enjoy and embrace the phases for the experiences and wisdom that they will bring to your life. Enjoy honey! Xoxo
Something that I have been thinking about too. I have had a few friends with benefits and a few trial and errors. The FWB I have had for the longest time was married and his wife knew about me and approved it. Their relationship was strong enough to know that I wasn't going to disrupt that. She had had a FWB too for a long time, but after many years she didn't want that for herself anymore and told her husband she wouldn't mind if he'd find someone. And since they own a business together, she didn't mind a day for herself now and then when he was meeting me lol.
I don't know yet what I want for myself in the long term. I expect that it is not very likely to find a long term non-monogamous relationship that works. I'd want a relationship to spend my life with. And even if not all my needs would be fullfilled, it would be better than the relationship I have had with my husband. I suppose in a healthy relationship monogamy would be best to keep a strong connection. Much more difficult with 'competition'.
Post by misssunnybunny on Oct 8, 2017 14:55:05 GMT -5
I am still interested in a monogamous relationship. I am not a one night stand kind of person, or one who could deal with an open relationship. Being married again? Probably not, but I would like a long-term relationship again someday
We're all stories in the end. Just make it a good one.
One man is enough to be dealing with, let alone two or more. I can't stretch my mental and emotional state that thin, and once I'm in love with a man, it's him, and only him. I'm very loyal. Then again, chance would be a fine thing to even find a man that I like.
Post by GeekGoddess on Oct 8, 2017 22:35:40 GMT -5
I enjoy the idea of non-monogamy. Seems I’ve come to learn that I have a lot to understand about me first though. I don’t really believe I could have a “good” non-monogamous relationship. I am very loyal, once attached to someone. I think I would be spreading my energy too thin to try with more than one person at once. Even if I managed to not feel cheated, then I would end up concerned about the one I was leaving out. I’m going to keep working on me for now. I’m not really even in the dating universe at this point. I’m trying to practice patience about it. That’s not easy for me. But I believe it will be worth it for me. Or - I sure hope so.
I have given this a lot of thought in the past and also more recently as I meet different people and have contemplated affairs in the past year or so.
If it makes any sense, I find it hard to disagree with any of the differing views posted here.
While one partner would be ideal for all the practical reasons. I have found that maintaining multiple "connections" can be very gratifying if complex. Certainly a great deal of compatmentalization is essential and that without question can be emotionally draining. The need to be non-monagamous might have to do with the way we are wired or the various differing needs we feel.
As I engaged in some emotional affairs over the course of the last year, I found I could be very sexually liberal with some people while not so much with others. Yet it seems that an emotionally in-depth relationship with those APs that I am most sexually compatible with, might seem to be a stretch for any number of reasons. Some APs I found needed contact throughout the day and I enjoyed the constant connection. While with others, we could go a number of days without contact and pick up the converstion again like time stood still. There was an AP I found so intellectually engaging that I could only handle it for a few days at a time lest I become consumed by the discussion. Some APs I really enjoyed talking to, could see myself being intimate in the sense of holding hands or embracing/kissing, but didnt feel overly sexual towards them. Just very strong feelings of "connectedness".
What I do find is that meeting someone new who you have chemistry with can be intoxicating. And can provide validation if you feel you have been starved of it.
I think I'm more in favour of 'conditional monogamy' - so I would never, ever again feel like my sex life could be dictated by another person, nor would the end of my sexual desires mean the end of my partner's sex life.
The person I'm currently with - we started our relationship as open and we both had part time sex partners. As our relationship got more serious, both of our part time partners dumped us saying they felt we needed to concentrate on our relationship with each other and they wanted to get out of the way! (Wow!) We are currently in a monogamous relationship but I think it's quite likely he will stray at some point, it's not a deal breaker for me, I trust him to use condoms. Technical fidelity - which my ex had with me - is far less important to me than a partner who respects my need for a good sex life and helps me get it and who treats me right in all aspects of our relationship.
Post by hopingforachange on Oct 9, 2017 7:30:44 GMT -5
I use to think monogamy only and "cheaters" were the scum of humanity. Now, my whole way of thinking had been turned upside down. Some cheaters are just horrible people that are cheating on partners. Others are outsourcing thier needs that thier partners refuse to forefill and I see those that drove thier partners to outsource as the scum of the Earth.
While my marriage has improved, I still have a lot of resentment towards my wife. I'm not sure I will be able to fully forgive her, her rejection lead me to suicidal thoughts and that is not something you do to someone you love.
But in the end I still believe in monogamy but I'm not sure it will be for a lifetime with my wife.
I can understand a partner outsourcing from the relation but I would want to know that she is thinking about before it happens. I would atleast deserve that much respect to have the conversation to know why the partner needs or wants to outsource and be given the chance to forefill those needs. The hiding of the outsourcing if more damaging to me because the other person doesn't feel that I are worth having that intimate conversation with, she assumed that I didn't want to forefill hey needs.
Post by awakeforthedance on Oct 9, 2017 10:00:13 GMT -5
What bballgirl said. There are phases in life as we figure things out, learn about ourselves, etc. I prefer monogamy when it's good and right now with my husband, it's good and everything I want and need. When I was single I did explore a bit and had more than one partner. I didn't know if monogamy would really be for me, either, back then. But I like loyalty. I like sticking together. I like sexual possessiveness (lol.. saying that laughing because I heard that term a few weeks ago and it made me chuckle, but that's kinda what it is). It's a wild world - life is full of choices, challenges, and we are ever changing as we go. Good luck and enjoy the journey!