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Post by neonspace on Sept 29, 2017 7:18:31 GMT -5
I did a double take when I read you took hormones to reduce your drive. You are normal and just stuck in a shit situation. I also have the kids in the picture so I understand. Things are complicated when you are living it. You came to the right place. There were several times I have googled "chemical castration" as an option. anything to ease the pain. Then I realized that wasn't what my pain was really about.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 27, 2017 14:51:44 GMT -5
"I'm all in favor of letting her know that she's on the clock, and that if she wants to continue, not do a reset, but a whole change. " Can you make yourself want to have sex with a person you find unsexually appealing? That's what you are trying to get your wife to do. The deadline may force her to have sex with you in order to stay married. But it can't make her sexually desire you. Starfish sex may be the most she will be able to offer. If what you want is passionate, mutually enjoyable sex, you'd need a different partner. This. As I read these posts suggesting timeboxed ultimatums I can't help but think, is there anything a spouse could do at this point that would turn things around? I don't know if there is. I'm so hurt and turned off that I'm just done. I don't see her suddenly desiring me after 25 years of considering me a chore. Those wounds go deep and not sure if I can forgive. I can probably forgive eventually, but probaly couldn't continue a relationship always wondering if she really changed or was just better at manipulating me.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 27, 2017 14:31:18 GMT -5
I'm glad you found this forum, but am sorry you had to go looking for it.
Lots of good stuff to read here. Keep reading and post if you feel comfortable. I know Just reading and learning that I wasn't alone in my circumstances was very helpful.
I am totally with you on the anger thing. And like you, my emotions oscillate back and forth between anger and sadness.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 14, 2017 20:27:24 GMT -5
Great advice to tone the letter down. I wrote a letter that I used for a guide for the talk in case the talk fell apart. It was pretty harsh and basically came across as an airing of grievances. At the time I was angry and resentful, and still am, and wanted her to know why. It made me feel better but didn't make things better. A toned down letter would have served me well and I'll do that when I write another one.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 11, 2017 10:00:53 GMT -5
I told my narcissistic cunt of an aunt, who told me to just leave him and move back home. Yeah. Not that easy, bitch. Go back to your golden bubble of privilege. This made me LOL and cringe at the same time. People suck. I'm a sucker for caustic comments that are true and well articulated. Good for you.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 6, 2017 5:54:38 GMT -5
Isn't pushing the kill switch the hardest part?
That's exactly how I feel. I feel like I'm done but actually following through is difficult. My threshold for discomfort may not have reached the point where it is bad enough that I am willing to press the button, despite being extremely uncomfortable.
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Post by neonspace on Sept 3, 2017 17:18:41 GMT -5
Run!
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Post by neonspace on Aug 31, 2017 15:02:54 GMT -5
I can identify with quite a bit here too. I used to chew my nails and cuticles like it was a meal. My fingers were disgusting and it was embarrassing. It has been about four weeks now and nails and cuticles are looking great and I don't ever plan on going back. Before I would do these things to try to get my wife to notice, with my nails I did it for me and to get ANYONE to notice.
After reading your original post I realized I probably fall into the high strung category too. I have recently taken a more mindful approach to life and try to find ways to live in the moment. It has been helpful.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 21, 2017 14:35:23 GMT -5
I'm curious how people compartmentalize the rejection from their spouse and any associated resentment from any other relationship?
I know that I have become overly sensitive to rejection and sometimes very basic rejections that happen to all of us every day I find challenging and frustrating when I probably shouldn't. I try to be mindful and remind myself that these interactions and relationships aren't my marriage and shouldn't bother me, but it still happens sometimes.
I could also see it making a relationship with an AP or future romantic relationships difficult if this isn't something that is addressed.
How do you compartmentalize and separate out the SM rejection from normal everyday rejection or rejection in a healthy relationship?
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Post by neonspace on Aug 18, 2017 18:22:41 GMT -5
I bet any one of us could have written some or all of that original post. I can relate about feeling lonely, yet surrounded by family. It is a terrible kind of pain and torture.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 18, 2017 18:15:57 GMT -5
I like a good workout. I've enjoyed my gym membership for more than just the endorphins a harsh workout will provide, though. The classes are fun, and, mostly filled with women. I have fun, chat with them before or after class, and get more positive reinforcement there than I do at home. I agree on this. If you're going to pour yourself into something to numb the SM pain, might as well be something has a large upside like fitness.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 8, 2017 18:23:05 GMT -5
"It hurts too much to wear" "It is uncomfortable"
Nobody can ever say you lied about that. Perfect answers!
I love this forum. I had just been thinking about my wedding ring last weekend.
My W doesn't wear hers, she has gained too much weight. I even offered to get it resized for her. If we go out she manages to make it fit. I still wear mine. I've been thinking about "misplacing" it though, maybe in a large body of water like baza. I certainty don't want any of my kids to have it, wouldn't give that kind of bad luck to them.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 6, 2017 7:54:41 GMT -5
Re-Wedding Crashers. LOL. The ILIASM edition.
I like it.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 5, 2017 16:03:45 GMT -5
Our 25th is coming up in 8 months or so and about a week ago W was suggesting destinations and activities and said she would like to renew our vows. LOL! She was willing to negotiate on destinations and activities but the vow renewals were the one thing she insisted on.
I'm not sure if she wants to do it for the audiences benefit so she has pictures to post on Facebook to keep the facade going or if it is just part of the continued mindfuckery or if she has herself believing things are just great.
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Post by neonspace on Aug 1, 2017 14:37:30 GMT -5
I don't know why my wife refuses. I have a few ideas about things I could have done to cause it. I've spent as much time chasing the whys as I have correcting those things trying to be a better person, in the hopes it would make me more attractive. It didn't work.
I can tell you why I counter-refuse. I'm just completely turned off. Through all my why chasing I realized there was never much respect for me. I finally came to the conclusion that having sex with someone who doesn't want to have sex with me and doesn't respect me is disgusting, self-defeating, and just not a fun experience.
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