|
Post by neonspace on Jul 29, 2017 9:41:19 GMT -5
to think that it doesn't bother me. I still randomly cry over it. So I'm not the only one who sits in their car and cries?
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 28, 2017 19:00:24 GMT -5
😋I almost got excited I thought you were recruiting I thought the same thing. I got excited too, just the thought of someone among us, that share this very special kind of misery, getting laid is somewhat uplifting.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 26, 2017 14:41:30 GMT -5
Forget the refuser for awhile. Focus on ourselves, our needs, our happiness. At some point the refuser might notice. And if they dont, fuck 'em. You will probably have attracted half a dozen new potential partners by the time the transformation is done. Maybe the change starts within us. Of course it is possible if a Refuser wants to change. But that is the issue, the vast majority of refusers don't give a flying fuck in hell how their behavior affects their spouses. I have been trying to adopt these behaviors myself. It feels good to do what I want and not care what my wife thinks. And yes there is always that hope that maybe someone else will take an interest.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 16, 2017 22:52:28 GMT -5
Hi ggold, I didn't 'do' money and the household finances were in her hands. Same here, even more frustrating is that she is an accountant and still managed to run our finances into the ground.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 16, 2017 21:05:44 GMT -5
I just got back to reading most of these responses because it was difficult at the time. Thank you for all the feedback.
She has agreed to separate bank accounts as I requested.
She has also agreed to counseling if I am going to "make her go". Not all that excited about this, since I think it should be something she wants to do. I also don't really have much interest in going since she isn't willing to be honest with a therapist about the core issue of past abuse.
She is trying a little bit, but I think I'm so resentful and checked out that it doesn't matter. Now I'm trying to overcome the idea of having enough confidence to tell her it is too late and it doesn't really matter what she does. This is painful for me. I have been more active in my search for outsourcing. In the back of mind I think doing that and getting caught would force the issue and would allow me to avoid the difficult conversation. I feel like it is a weak move and a dodge and I'm not proud of it.
Even the tiniest things disgust me now, listening to her drink water repulses me. Is this common?
I mentioned the bead in the bowl activity when I thought sex was the real issue. She has agreed and we use a different variation. I've never used it and don't plan to, but she has used it once. I saw it there and dreaded the idea. Now I actually hope that it isn't there. She may have been able to fake it for all this time, but I don't want to.
One of my regrets is that I didn't communicate better my dissatisfaction and unhappiness over the past years. That is one area I think I may have failed her.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 16, 2017 20:14:11 GMT -5
A man with a vasectomy is very desireable!! Can you elaborate?
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 11, 2017 18:14:53 GMT -5
She tried to extort you?
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 10, 2017 14:51:55 GMT -5
Please tell me you're not desiring Martha Stewart in a bacon bikini...if so, we need to do an intervention. Are you kidding? This is a forum for sexless marriages, all options are on the table.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 9, 2017 2:31:30 GMT -5
I truly think it's just something he tries to push deep down and not think about so he never told me because he didn't want to face it. I can confirm. My spouse has told me that she pushes it deep down and that every time it is discussed the wounds are re-opened.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 9, 2017 2:22:35 GMT -5
I wonder how many couples got together with equally low to zero sex drive for whatever reason and are just humming along in wedded bliss?
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 7, 2017 20:12:23 GMT -5
I shared with a co-worker recently and was surprised to hear that he was in a very similar situation in his first marriage. The parallels were validating. He was very supportive.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jul 6, 2017 20:13:07 GMT -5
Is anyone here also dealing with a refuser who was sexually abused as a child? Or can anyone recall a previous poster who was? I'm interested to see what happened there. I'm in that boat. My wife doesn't want to go to counseling and when she does she won't talk about the abuse. She is willing to go because I had a talk that sounded familiar to the one you had. Everyone here is right though, you're being reset, I know because I was too. Now I find myself going to counseling because my spouse has wrecked my head so badly because she was unwilling to deal with her issues at the expense of our relationship.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jun 27, 2017 22:43:10 GMT -5
The past couple of weeks my wife has sensed something was bothering me and tried to talk a few times, but I put it off knowing it was going to be a long stressful conversation and it wasn't the right time. The kids are out of town this week so I decided I would talk to her on Monday and I had prepared what I wanted to say about how she rejects and disrespects me on financial issues, parenting styles, and compromise, etc. When I came home she had on lingerie. I told her we needed to talk and laid it all out. She was blindsided and had felt everything was ok. She was more upset that I had ruined her reset and recharge week and says I made her feel terrible. She said she is the same she has always been and that I was being over sensitive. I explained after 25 years of feeling mistreated I had reached my breaking point and I was tired of it. She claimed I had mistreated her too and she just overlooked my shortcomings and that this is what normal couples go through. She also said she did respect me and did nice things for me but I'm just focusing on the negative.
I'm starting to second guess myself. I'm so confused. Maybe I am just focusing on the negative.
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jun 16, 2017 19:50:12 GMT -5
LOL
|
|
|
Post by neonspace on Jun 15, 2017 20:23:06 GMT -5
I thought that letter was well written and I would like to plagiarize parts of it and give it to my wife.
|
|