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Post by neonspace on Feb 13, 2018 16:16:26 GMT -5
I looked into that, I was very concerned about it. I’m following the advice that my lawyer gave me and have taken the necessary steps to make sure that isn’t an issue.
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Post by neonspace on Feb 12, 2018 15:14:26 GMT -5
I moved out on Friday and we told the kids. Telling the kids was the most awful experience. After a day though they seeed to be handling it as well as expected.
I got a P.O. BOX today. It felt liberating.
Most of my anxiety is around the kids, permanent housing, finances, and having to go to a laundromat to do laundry. My plan is falling into place and I’m sure those things will fall into place as I continue this new chapter.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 23, 2018 8:06:40 GMT -5
It appears you got your legal advice etc organised in October 2017 Brother neonspace and presumably are well prepped for this next phase of the process. Don't underestimate the pressure you are going to come under during this part of the process. It will be immense. I'm feeling that pressure and you are right that pressure is overwhelming. She was sad for awhile, then angry. But the one that has me really confused is that she started being nice, making meals, sending texts, admitting fault, agreeing to counseling. I told her you can't treat someone that way and just be nice for a couple of days and expect everything to be OK. I think that has put her back to angry. She said I need to admit my fault in all this too, which I have. Followed up by asking why I get to say we're done when she has had a list of faults of mine for awhile now and hasn't ever asked for a divorce. Headed to counseling tonight and back to divorce mediation next week. This sucks.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 16, 2018 18:11:46 GMT -5
I got legal advice back in October and checked in last week to make sure I was prepared. As prepared as I could be.
Yes, I'm already feeling some of the pressure. Mostly from myself and second guessing.
I made an appointment to see the lawyer together next week since she seems open to the idea of mediated divorce, at least for now.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 16, 2018 15:02:43 GMT -5
I told my wife this morning that I want a divorce. There were only three pictures thrown at the wall.
She tried to convince me all the ways my life would be worse if we got a divorce. Financially, quality time with the kids, being alone etc. I did a good job keeping the high ground and trying not to do or say anything to make an unpleasant conversation worse. I so wanted to say, yes all those are going to get worse, but what does that tell you about where me head is, if that seems like a good deal to me. But I didn't.
She was still able to make me feel like I could do more or I didn't try enough. But no matter how hard she is trying or willing to try, my feelings are my feelings right now and I'm not there nor do I know if I ever will be. I'm glad I was honest with her about it.
She said I have to do all the work if I want a divorce. I'm OK with that.
It sucked, but I do feel somewhat relieved, in that shitty feeling kind of way. Kind of like after you know you just failed a test, but you're just glad it is over.
I'm still processing all this, don't what else to say.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 10, 2018 15:27:57 GMT -5
She actually said that to me once.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 10, 2018 8:03:13 GMT -5
At some point my wife admitted to me that she uses sex to get me to do chores. As I thought about this, it seems like something that might be OK in a healthy relationship if done in a playful way, but seeing it now through the eyes of a SM shithole it just doesn't sit well with me.
Over the weekend I did major work on an outdoor project my wife had requested as a Christmas gift, we also took family pictures(yes, I see the humor) that went fairly well. Later that night my wife tried to reset me. The only thing going through my mind was that I was a good boy and did my chores and didn't misbehave at pictures so I was being offered sexy as a reward. Just a complete turn off and further confirming that this situation isn't working for me any longer.
I know this probably happens organically, I suspect a partner would naturally be turned on by seeing their partner do things for them, take care of them, or provide for them, but I just feel like there has to be a bit more there or it's just a business transaction.
I'm just curious what everyone else thinks about the exchange of sex for chores?
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Post by neonspace on Jan 8, 2018 18:03:28 GMT -5
I struggle with what my kids will think too.
I try to compartmentalize but I know my resentment, anger, and grumpiness spills over into their lives no matter how much I try to put on the happy face. I'm tired of my kids seeing me grumpy and pissed off all the time. I don't like the model of marriage, respect, and affection that my wife and I are giving them. I also don't want to set the example for them that it's ok to sit and eat a shit sandwich when I can stand up for myself, say I'm not going to let someone treat me this way and then leave. I want to teach my kids that they can control their own destiny.
Maybe that's just me trying to validate my own choice in my mind, but I think it is worthy of consideration.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 7, 2018 15:41:53 GMT -5
Thanks for the replies and advice.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 5, 2018 23:04:44 GMT -5
I feel exactly the way you do isolina. Our situations are similar and I share some of the same emotions you do. I'm sure that many others can relate also. These forums are good for that.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 5, 2018 10:45:11 GMT -5
Me too! I'm in the middle of the middle of Missouri. I'm in San Diego. The middle of the middle of Missouri sounds like Columbia. I have family there and visit a couple of times a year.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 4, 2018 18:00:17 GMT -5
My husband has made a lot of changes. He actually is interested in me, tells me he loves me and even wants to cuddle with me! We made a deal of sex at least every other week and he has kept to it and even wanted it more often than that at times. After over eight years of begging for this affection you think I'd be so happy! Unfortunately for me and him, it is just too late. Turn around is possible! It happened too late for my emotional state, but it did happen lol I find myself in the same situation and it makes me feel guilty. But feelings are feelings. It took me 25 years to get to this breaking point, I don't want to wait that long to see if I can come around. Someone here stated it perfectly. Be careful what you ask for, you might get it. I remember many many nights laying in bed awake before my wife came to bed. I'd lie there waiting and hoping to hear that magical sound. The sound of the door locking, which meant sex was going to happen. It rarely happened but I still had hope back then. Now I lay in bed dreading I will hear that sound and hoping it doesn't happen.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 2, 2018 22:47:45 GMT -5
I've seen other people post here for regional meet ups and coffee gatherings, so I thought I'd give it a try. It will be good for my introverted self to step out of my comfort zone.
I'll be visiting Seattle in early February and would be glad to share misery with others or maybe forget the misery completely and just have a drink.
Anyone interested? Post a comment or PM me.
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Post by neonspace on Jan 2, 2018 22:22:09 GMT -5
I find these forums so valuable and as a source of comfort. But at the same time, it isn't easy coming here and reading stories like this. It just makes me sad and sometimes I find myself not wanting to even be here because it is so painful and frustrating.
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Post by neonspace on Dec 24, 2017 10:18:57 GMT -5
I have decided I am done with my marriage. The issue I am having is allowing myself to be comfortable with that decision. As I imagine another conversation with my spouse about divorce I try to anticipate her arguments. She is making efforts, but it is too late for me. And that is where I struggle, allowing myself to be done while she still tries. I tell myself that the fact that I am unhappy is enough of a reason and it is ok to have hit the point of not wanting to go back. I suppose I just have trouble believing myself.
Anyone else struggle with this? Or maybe there is a hard truth there that I am just not allowing myself to see?
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