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Post by bballgirl on Feb 6, 2019 17:32:29 GMT -5
I’m glad you have found peace. Our situations are similar. I will be with my lover 5 years, I accept Mr. Bballgirl for who he is, and I’ve forgiven him for the years of neglect. This may sound crazy but I’m actually thankful now because that neglect finally gave me the courage and led me to my lover and we are very compatible. On a side note - I always said hope was a waste of time. Again I’m happy for you!
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 6, 2019 17:20:39 GMT -5
I remember making that phone call was tough for me too. I wish you all the best in creating your happy future!
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2019 19:51:19 GMT -5
I would go after whatever you are entitled to. Tell Mr Paintbrushes to think of it as restitution for your vagina and he should have been a better husband. There is a price for poor behavior.
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2019 19:44:40 GMT -5
That’s great!! Age is just a number and you prove that!!
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Post by bballgirl on Feb 4, 2019 19:42:01 GMT -5
I find this video perplexing. The question of "should women have sex with their husbands?" should be unasked. Instead, there should be a simple, forceful statement that in marriage, there is an expectation both partners desire sex with each other. I you aren't down with that maybe marriage isn't for you... Regardless of your gender. Personally I found this video sexist as fuck (pun intended) I like the way you worded that-“in marriage, there is an expectation both partners desire sex with each other” - that is exactly 100% spot on! Also it’s expected that you should make your spouse FEEL wanted and desired! If they can’t do this then they shouldn’t be your spouse.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 20:21:55 GMT -5
This is the reason whey I've taken so long to ponder, plead my case with my refuser and other things to not have to go down the road I will be going down. I've never threatened to do anything with her, I've just expressed numerous times over the years that I'm very unhappy and disappointed in the relationship and that something has to change. I made suggestions to help change things and improve the relationship, each one rejected.
So now my thinking is, she had her chance! No amount of pleading, tears, promises are going to make me come back to the table. If it wasn't important in the past, it won't be important in the future. She will only be trying to protect herself and still not give a shit about me. That's the way I see it.
I'm using the vision of a happier time in my future to keep me motivated. Being in loving arms trumps her needs at this point. Game over.
Call me an asshole I guess. There is nothing about anything you wrote that is bad or warrants being called an asshole. You are a kind and patient man and good things come to those who wait. You will find your happiness I know it!
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 17:16:35 GMT -5
To give too much of myself and try to fix or help others with their problems. Sometimes it’s exhausting but most times I thrive on it. I enjoy it. I do control myself to not take on problems that aren’t mine but I actually have to talk myself off the ledge.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 15:34:53 GMT -5
So as baza would wisely remind you: in being firm each time about not taking it anymore and then subsequently ripping up those papers again and again, you have “shred your cred” with your h. You have threatened multiple times to take action but have gone back on it every time. He goes right back to the behaviors you keep putting up with. So why would he be motivated to change beyond just enough change for a short enough time to continue to make you stay? It’s worked every other time so why wouldn’t it again? (Just trying to illustrate how he might be thinking, whether consciously or not.) So what is the straw that would actually break the camel’s back for you? It seems you thought you already reached that multiple times, yet here you still are. You’ll need to figure out your actual boundaries, clearly communicate them to him, and not just threaten to take action but actually do it (and follow through!) if he crosses those boundaries. But first you need to decide if you actually WANT to follow through or not. So far that answer has been no. And that is ok! But if you honestly don’t want to leave him you need to figure out what you WILL put up with and a way you can truly be ok with it. (Not just kind of ok until the next time you can’t take it anymore.) I know that this is not easy and I’m sending you hugs. Maybe take a look at @elle ‘s story in case it could give a little clarity. You are absolutely 100% correct and I do not disagree with you at all. No, I do not want to end my marriage, which is why I am trying so many things and being so patient. No, I can't live like this though either. The hurt and resentments are just building. What DO I want? I want my husband to get his head out of his ass and come to counseling with me so we can work thru this, but he refuses. My therapist said I am the one doing all the work and my husband is doing the bare minimum to nothing at all. My therapist says it's ultimatum time, that if my husband won't participate and work with me, there's nothing more I can do on my own. I agree with this, but just haven't been able to bring myself to that point yet. 😢 Thank you for your words of honesty and support. I know I have a hard decision ahead of me. This sucks!! 😞😞 My H refused to go until I announced that I was getting a divorce. Then he wanted to go but too little too late - I no longer wanted to be his wife. We went to one session at the end the therapist told him to get a lawyer. Ultimatums can work.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 15:28:06 GMT -5
Yup same here. I once asked ‘why am I celibate again’ to my H, who replied, ‘oh come on it’s only been a few days’ I was speechless as the truth was 11 weeks. I agree with shamwow time flies for refusers when all is well in their world. All is fine in the eyes of my husband, too. Kinda makes me feel the the bad guy, like I'm the one who is never happy. But isn't it supposed to be a partnership? Both parties getting their needs met? So frustrating .... Think about how his needs are met. How he gets the marriage he wants but you don’t get the marriage you want. I’m not saying to make any hasty moves but maybe his life shouldn’t be so comfortable. Example: You don’t want sex with me anymore and I don’t want to do your laundry anymore. You don’t want sex with me anymore and I forgot how to cook your favorite dinner. I would also say focus on yourself and reach out to old friends and make new friends - there is almost nothing I like better than meeting for brunch with my girlfriends.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 11, 2018 15:07:03 GMT -5
@whynotm3 To add a little to baza ‘s comment I was finally nice to myself. I think the refusers take our kindness for weakness but really they are weak. We are the strong ones to put up with a dysfunctional marriage for so long. We just have to channel that kindness towards ourselves to find our happiness.
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Post by bballgirl on Dec 7, 2018 16:05:39 GMT -5
So happy for you!! You certainly deserve so much happiness!!
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 27, 2018 19:03:43 GMT -5
So happy for you both! Great looking couple!!
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 22, 2018 18:23:16 GMT -5
I’m glad you have hope towards a better future with whatever the outcome will be. Nothing wrong with trying again and family is a great reason. I wish you all the best! Hugs
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 13, 2018 18:37:20 GMT -5
In my opinion Jeremy should try to work through the guilt. It sounds like he is committed to his wife and her health issues. Jeremy’s wife is not interested in Jeremy’s sexuality therefore his sexuality is none of her damn business. Jeremy should not have to live like a monk because he is choosing to stay married. So woohoo! Go Jeremy!! Hopefully one day Jeremy will find ILIASM and he’ll give his wife the boot!
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Post by bballgirl on Nov 13, 2018 15:21:24 GMT -5
Ha! Honey you have no idea!! When you start this thread I want to read it. It sounds very entertaining and I might want to join 😂 The more the merrier!!
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