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Post by bballgirl on Apr 10, 2020 16:52:03 GMT -5
It depends on the person but it is the only thing that appears on Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs TWICE!
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 3, 2020 14:15:23 GMT -5
Red pill mentality is good. I would have a conversation with her and inform her of what you expect from the marriage. There needs to at least be a compromise of once a week. If she is not going to give you the parts of marriage that you want then why should she receive the parts that she wants?
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Post by bballgirl on Jan 3, 2020 14:05:51 GMT -5
When I was married I used Ashley Madison to find someone to outsource with. As far as being discreet - I paid for nothing, I called in sick and met during day while I was supposed to be at work and kids were at school, or I said I was meeting a particular girlfriend who does not use social media.
I never got caught but I was at a point in my marriage that if I got caught I was prepared for the consequences of divorce. Eventually I initiated a divorce.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 8, 2019 15:31:18 GMT -5
flashjohnFirst let me congratulate you!! I’m so happy for you that you have remarried and are enjoying your life again! Second - Don’t be so hard on yourself, hindsight is 20/20 and at the time you thought you were doing the right thing. I believe in Khama so I know for sure all the crap you put up with in the first marriage - the universe will reward you in this marriage tenfold!! Wishing you all the best!
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 15:03:36 GMT -5
stillhopefulRUN. RUN NOW!! I am so sorry you have found yourself here. I was married 23 years in a SM. I divorced in 2016. Do not have kids it will only complicate things. He will never be the lover that you want. It is up to you to either accept that or decide what you want for yourself. It sounds like you have more than once let him know that you are not happy with the marriage. Perhaps laying your cards on the table and telling him that if he can not permanently change and meet your expectations of (xyz) at least twice a week then divorce is eminent. You are so young and you have soooo many good years ahead of you. Go after the life you want for yourself!!
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 14:16:49 GMT -5
Luckily, I have never really been handsome Um, so who is that VERY handsome man in your profile picture?! If that is you then you need to know that when I first saw it (and okay yes every time since then) I have leaned in a little to get a closer look and daydreamed about meeting you in real life. There, I said it. True story. [To admin/mod - Hope this comment is not a banning offence; I'm not hitting on anyone, I swear!] "Never really been handsome", my foot. Seriously man, you are very easy on the eyes. @tooyoungtobeold2 I second that! Trust me you are handsome!! Your wife is clueless! (With all due respect)
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 11:20:46 GMT -5
I called it a solution, but it’s never entirely complete: it can’t be - we’re wounded creatures, after all. In the War on Sexlessness, it’s only ever an armistice and not a treaty. Yes, though it feels more like an abject surrender to me, rather than any kind of armistice. Along with being a prisoner of war under intermittent torture. And yes, I definitely feel wounded. Crippled. Actually,I admire anyone who's able to really give up why-chasing. It always seems to nag in the back of my mind in some form -- that and wondering if she EVER desired sex with me. Because if she didn't...I've only had three sex partners ever, and two of them were only once. There are days I walk around depressed for no particular reason other than my entire fucking life. I had so many years of why chasing to the point that when I finally outsourced after our first time together I was asking my AP if I wasn’t tight or if I didn’t give a good blow job, etc. Nothing was wrong with me. So how did I get to the point where I could stop why chasing? I just said there is something wrong with him. He just doesn’t like sex and I think that would be the case with any woman. Just realize it’s not you it’s her. Our only problem was we were too nice and did not cut bait when we were young. Put yourself out there and don’t let her control your sexuality. Life is too short and it’s your life to enjoy!
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 11:12:29 GMT -5
nyctosIf you don’t have the marriage you want then consider not giving her the marriage she wants. Think about the things that you do to make her life easier and stop doing it. Years ago I remember telling Mr Bballgirl that since he doesn’t have sex with me then I will not do his laundry. I still don’t and it’s decades later. However I got to the point in 2014 I never wanted sex with him again and found a lover. If she’s not interested in your sexuality then your sexuality is none of her business.
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Post by bballgirl on Aug 7, 2019 10:57:31 GMT -5
solodriver I’m going to start with giving you a cyber hug! Gosh my self esteem was so bad but I put myself out there and met a lot of new people in both conventional and unconventional ways. I also exercised a lot I lost a few pounds but I will always struggle with my weight however I no longer look at myself as undesirable because of the extra weight. My AP helped a lot in that department. Everyone is beautiful because they are uniquely who they are. Again put yourself out there in whatever way is your interest or what will make YOU happy. Hugs
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 29, 2019 13:27:52 GMT -5
I think acceptance of loving someone for who they are and how they show their love is key to staying. I have been with Mr Bballgirl for 29 years. We were married for 23 then we divorced and lived separately for 2 years. During those 2 years I learned about myself and what I wanted. I wanted my family together. I moved back to our home and today I’m not married and I’m not sexless. Divorce fixed a lot of financial problems we had. Mr Bballgirl is my best friend, he is who I want to go to the movies and dinner with. We still have young kids to take care of and enjoy activities with. I outsource with a great guy too, we are good friends and very sexually compatible, sex is so fun for us. So what I need for MYSELF I get from two different men and I’m happy. Happy Birthday bballgirl! Aw thank you so much that means so much that you remembered I hope things are going well for you and you are finding some happiness:)
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 25, 2019 14:21:01 GMT -5
I think that the whole time I played along with the pretense of a happy marriage, he was able to tell himself all was OK. When I finally realised nothing was ever likely to change I asked him to stop pecking me on the lips every five minutes and started getting changed in the bathroom. He finally woke up to the reality that ours is not a happy marriage in any shape or form. Up til then he had been kidding himself. The constant pecks was really important to him in building the pretense of a happy marriage and it clearly shook him to the core when I stopped it. I won't allow him to hide behind the facade any longer and I feel stronger and more in control of the situation since. Good for you in setting boundaries!! He doesn’t get to have the marriage he wants if you don’t get the marriage you want!!
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Wow.
Jul 24, 2019 18:24:18 GMT -5
via mobile
JMX and obobfla like this
Post by bballgirl on Jul 24, 2019 18:24:18 GMT -5
JMXI’m so sorry to hear this and if you need to talk you know I’m here. He is a child - get rid of him! If the payments were automatic then he stopped them, that’s intentional. His priorities are in the wrong place and then when you came home he was playing video games? Girl, I would have poured a cup of water down the back of the video game system. Honey you deserve better and maybe not having him in your life is better. Big Hugs to you
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 12, 2019 8:03:39 GMT -5
I’m so happy for you and your family. Any relationship is never perfect but it says a lot that after reading everything you wrote he stepped up and wanted to change to get you back. That’s love! Also good for you getting your education and don’t let your mother guilt you on the mom thing. As Mother’s we have to learn to do for ourselves first kind of like putting on the oxygen mask. I had both my kids in daycare at 4 months old and continued to work and I do not regret that I put those years into my career because it will enable me to retire with more money. Kids grow up fast too and then you don’t see them when they get older as much. You gotta make a life for yourself!! Bravo to you on that!! Best wishes for your future!!
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 4, 2019 18:35:23 GMT -5
I do not need consent whether it’s implied or not. Nobody has control of my body. . . Funny, this is exactly what the refusers say about their reason to refuse us..
Gotta fight fire with fire! Lol
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 3, 2019 19:45:39 GMT -5
Next Cut bait quick
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