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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:45:53 GMT -5
My W just call me a pervert....cause people who into sex are exactly that.... Classic defence mechanism. Label them as 'sex pest' or something else with a perverse connotation and they will immediately back down and back away. Works really well with me...now I totally stay away from her...
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:29:32 GMT -5
And even divorce isn't always possible. And yet divorce can cost you more than half of everything and a lifetime of seeing you children every other weekend. So as reasonable as it may sound in terms of the law, one person will always end up losing more than the other. If divorce would result in a reasonable outcome....I would have taken it...but it doesn't, and I, the refused would end up far the lesser....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:27:33 GMT -5
It is but there is a huge problem with it being publicly named as abusive. Unfortunately it is socially unacceptable to be pushy or even request more sex because the non sexual person can and will always throw up their hands and cry 'sex pest'. Their lack of comfort with having sex will always always supersede your lack of comfort without sex. If you say anything, you are applying pressure and if you bring it up more than once, you may even be labelled an abuser or a control freak. If you say nothing, it will be interpreted as 'you are fine with this'. If you leave you are a 'bitch' or an 'arse hole' who is sex obsessed. If you cheat you are the same as if you leave. Personally I believe before any marriage happens it should be obligatory to have 3-4 sessions with a sex therapist to find whether you are sexually compatible or not and then be given advice as to what to do if you aren't or if that compatibility diminishes. I would only guess that above 90% of affairs only happen due to a lack of sex. My W just call me a pervert....cause people who into sex are exactly that....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:26:20 GMT -5
Idk... is it abusive to make the other person in a relationship feel like shit, potentially send them into a depressive tailspin, deny them happiness and fulfillment in a relationship, minimize their feelings, and belittle them for thinking that sex was normal and ok? I think we all know the answer. Oh it's fine.... Your just not looking at from their point of view....!!! Who are you to force them to be someone they are not..... It works for them!!! Who are we to force unhappiness on them??? It's the very reason we are in this deadend pit....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 14, 2017 7:21:03 GMT -5
"I want to have a lifetime of experiences and adventures with you" This is both the same and different from what I want... I want those, but I want a nice sized chunk of those to be passionate and sweaty ones. Ahhh... To have a spouse who thinks you are the best life companion ever Exactly....our expectations of experiences and adventures is vastly different....and I need to be the one paying for all of it....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 13, 2017 22:24:37 GMT -5
The common thread....our spouses don't see vacation as a time to get closer to us....it's more about going places and doing other things....
When the honeymoon had one bad, quick one...I should have known I was in for a lot of sexless vacations....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 13, 2017 22:19:06 GMT -5
But when you are not well hung you die a little each day.....and a little more with each woman who is not impressed....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 10, 2017 10:46:08 GMT -5
Being here is not about hope for me...it's about understanding my reality...hope is not something to have with regards to righting my marriage. For that, hope is dangerous...my hope for everyone here is finding a peace with their lives.... whether they choose to stay, leave, or change their lives....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 8, 2017 20:45:52 GMT -5
I stopped wearing it years ago....no one noticed, no one asks....including the W.
It sits on my dresser....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 6, 2017 19:43:19 GMT -5
eHarmony, where you are matched based on 29 dimensions of compatibility. Except sex. 😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒😒 Boom.... But true romantic love, the kind that lasts forever, has nothing to do with sex right?...it's all about the glass slipper...right Cinderella??? Or so society tells us.... It's that 30th dimension that is the killer...look at all the couples together only BECAUSE of the sex.... (Glad I never had success on that site...)
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 6, 2017 18:44:51 GMT -5
Speed dating....she was won of a few women I said yes to... But I did stop and pause....should I check yes or no...I checked yes....and when the other girls dumped me...the rest was history....
I still think about that pause....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 2, 2017 10:07:51 GMT -5
I am writing this here because I know the wonderful people of this forum will encourage me and keep me accountable... The time is coming. I am preparing to have another big talk with my husband. I'm scared and sad and conflicted. A good friend mentioned that my actions and words reflect that I may be sliding into depression. This is extremely concerning to me, I know I am a powerless shell when I am low. So, it is time. I have to talk to him now and make myself as clear and exposed as I can to show him how serious this is for me. I plan to tell him that: things are not going as well as I make him feel they are I am still hurt HIs recent actions made me feel used and unimportant That at times I don't want to put the effort into him. My end goal is to have him go to counseling and/or see the doctor. If he is not enthusiastic about working with me to fix this, I will see it as my cue to start looking at my real options. The usual iliasm prep. As much as our sex life has increased nearly ten fold, I do not feel good, better, but not good. We have been talking about sex and sexual things one to four times a week. These talks are all discussion, no fighting, but some of the things that have been said make me feel doomed. That is not a feeling I want laying next to the person who houkd be my life partner. I do and do not want to go. My career, my daughter, my family (in so many ways tbh) I am feeling quite selfish but I know I need to say it all now. Hell, I am turning 27 in two weeks, I shouldn't be begging my spouse to eat me just once... Okay, end of (long and emotional and extremely raw) rant ...be gentle on me Wow...when I turned 27 I was still a virgin.... No one should be struggling at that point...certainly not in your young marriage... The weight of our situation always seems to bring us down, save your energy to charge up when you need to!!!
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 1, 2017 19:24:44 GMT -5
"Before the W, I was dumped by more than a few women who said "I don't feel anything"... I thought they meant emotionally and I was too much a nice guy.... Now I wonder if they meant physically since I never tried to have sex with any of them... " I don't see anything nice about not expressing sexual attraction for (or acting in sexual attraction) for one's romantic partner. By the same token, your wife may think she is being nice by rejecting your offers to have sex. She may think nice women have no libidos. I believe many of us ended up in SMS due to our own hang ups. We were afraid or ashamed of our own sexual feelings and therefore chose someone who would not be interested in sex with us. I was raised in the traditional way that boys are bad, aggressive, sexual beings while good girls don't want sex and have too much to lose...the traditional Catholic way...it never occurred to me when I was young that normal girls/women would desire sex...I was raised that emotional love must always come first (for any woman)... Look at the usual romantic stories we raise children with.... Cinderella, sleeping beauty, beauty and the beast...sex is not present... And in the usual catholic way, I have not been comfortable with my sexuality...only when I am alone am I comfortable. I was just starting to come out of my shell when the W showed up. And I do think she has some issues about what good girls do. She claims to never have masturbated, and seems to have spent the 8 years before she met me totally celebate. I think this puritanical society we live in says emotional love must come first, must be proven and committed before a woman would consider sex...and I bought that story growing up....while everybody else was fucking in the back room...even the preacher who told the story... As someone who embarrasses easy, I will probably never be comfortable with my sexuality and other people...I have felt judged too many times, even by W. Hence I stay in this SM because outside will bring nothing better....
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 1, 2017 12:00:44 GMT -5
I guess they can't be too separate.... Before the W, I was dumped by more than a few women who said "I don't feel anything"... I thought they meant emotionally and I was too much a nice guy.... Now I wonder if they meant physically since I never tried to have sex with any of them...
I was being a nice guy and not pushing myself on them.
Maybe they were looking for the physical connection as well as an emotional one....and I came up short...
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Post by solitarysoul on Aug 1, 2017 8:06:10 GMT -5
When your W is a nurse....the last thing she wants to do is come home and deal with a sick person....
Never marry a nurse, their job removes any empathy for sick people....you have to lose it to survive in a job like that...or never have it to begin with...
I once had an intestinal infection. The first day I came home with big bottom end troubles....and she got mad cause she wanted to go out for Mexican that night.... I didn't eat for a week, lost about 10 pounds, and didn't experience hunger for a month....I clearly was just trying to make her life more difficult.
No matter how bad I feel, it's always "you're fine". Until I die, that will be the response.
Nurses never want to play doctor either.
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