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Post by Chatter Fox on Jul 31, 2017 14:48:07 GMT -5
Just curious. Does your partner do a good job of taking care of you when you're sick or out of commission?
I personally don't need to be taken care of much when I'm sick. I will do things for myself. Where I get upset though is when I'm not feeling well and my partner asks ME to do things. That's where I struggle. All I need is her to kind of cover me for a while as I'm not quite able to do my part to my usual level.
My wife is pretty good at taking care of me ...for about a day. After day 1, it's like I'm expected to be magically better. It concerns me because someday I may be seriously ill and I wonder if she'll even be able to handle it.
I see this stuff with others too. I saw an instance between an older couple just recently that made me a bit sad. The guy had been having health issues for years and was going through a rough month physically. One day at a party, his wife was giving him a hard time about not installing her new kitchen floor for her. She said it in front of all these people and i felt bad for him. No joke, he passed away months later. He was that sick. It just kind of makes me angry. I just worry about that stuff. I can take care of myself, but when I'm sick I can't handle being asked to do things for others. I just can't. It just gives me the impression that my partner is selfish and uncaring when that goes on.
How about you? Does your partner actually seem to adequately take care of you when you're not feeling well?
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Post by bballgirl on Jul 31, 2017 15:18:36 GMT -5
That's a valid concern. I think it's ridiculous that when you are sick she asks you to do things. She sounds selfish.
As well we get treated the way we allow people to treat us.
Next time you are sick and she asks you to do something tell her you'll get to it when you feel better.
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Post by h on Jul 31, 2017 16:15:33 GMT -5
Not even a little bit. It's all I can do to get her to make me a bowl of soup when I'm not feeling well. I've been injured several times and she still expected me to do all the housework that I normally do. If I end up seriously sick, I'm better off in a nursing home. I'd volunteer to go.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 16:25:52 GMT -5
My refuser was terrible about this. If I was sick, she would accuse me of faking. If I was injured, she would tell me that I was just lying around. However, if she was sick or hurt, she expected everyone to cater to her every need.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 31, 2017 16:30:56 GMT -5
No, we take care of ourselves with cold/flu. We're a "suck it up buttercup" household. If you can drag your ass to the medicine cabinet, then you don't need help : )
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Post by darktippedrose on Jul 31, 2017 17:53:57 GMT -5
Hell NO. The only time he does anything is getting medicine/prescriptions from the grocery store. Other than that, NOT a thing. NOT a thing.
I have had back pain sooo bad I could barely walk and I still had to cook the kids some dinner.
I've had surgery and the next day I was upstairs washing the laundry.
So yeah, I totally understand.
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Post by shamwow on Jul 31, 2017 18:58:03 GMT -5
We would both put forth the same effort we would if it were a stranger we wanted to help.
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Post by northstarmom on Jul 31, 2017 19:11:17 GMT -5
Yet, those of you with such callous refusers, may end up having to take care of your spouse permanently if they develop a disability or chronic disease. Think about it. If you think it's difficult to leave our spouse now, it would be even more difficult to divorce if you were their caregiver.
Also, think about whether you'd want them to be responsible for you if you became ill or disabled. When I was married, I realized I'd be better of being care for by strangers than my spouse.
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Post by novembercomingfire on Jul 31, 2017 19:34:35 GMT -5
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. But i could never anticipate which one i would get.
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Post by baza on Jul 31, 2017 20:36:11 GMT -5
One of the big differences between my ILIASM deal back then, and my reality today is that Ms enna actually seems to give a shit when I am ill.
And for my part, I don't find it terribly challenging to look after her when she is ill either.
It is a very different situation to what once was.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jul 31, 2017 20:42:27 GMT -5
This was another one of those game changers.
When I had a blood clot on my lung, a near death experience, my W spent about 15 min. In the hospital with me. ( I received longer visits and multiple visits from friends at church. Platonic friends, people I barely know) It took 7 days to recover. When I got home I was lectured about ALL the responsibility SHE HAD to do!
I remember telling her," The kids can miss a game, the kids can miss a few practices, the kids don't have to go to every event. YOU chose that, none of that had to be done!." Needless to say she didn't like that.
Then there's the other side of the coin. Let her dad who lives with us get up at 11:30 at night feeling sick, and she is instantly running to his side. Wide awake. Ready to run him to the hospital. The same person who at 8:00pm is always to tired to do anything.
I also see how much more the kids help out grandpa compared to his own daughter.
Not to dig into the "why" to much, but her love language is "acts of service". Rarely does she give "acts of service" to others. but she certainly expects to receive it.
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Post by brian on Jul 31, 2017 20:58:46 GMT -5
Not even a little bit. It's all I can do to get her to make me a bowl of soup when I'm not feeling well. I've been injured several times and she still expected me to do all the housework that I normally do. If I end up seriously sick, I'm better off in a nursing home. I'd volunteer to go. If the nursing home is like this joke, I'm all in! Ethel was a bit of a demon in her wheelchair, and loved to charge around the nursing home, taking corners on one wheel and getting up to maximum speed on the long corridors. Because the poor woman was one sandwich short of a picnic the other residents tolerated her and some of them actually joined in. One day Ethel was speeding up one corridor when a door opened and Kooky Clarence stepped out with his arm outstretched. "STOP!" he shouted in a firm voice. "Have you got a license for that thing?" Ethel fished around in her handbag and pulled out a Kit Kat wrapper and held it up to him. "OK" he said, and away Ethel sped down the hall. As she took the corner near the TV lounge on one wheel, weird Harold popped out in front of her and shouted "STOP! Have you got proof of insurance?" Ethel dug into her handbag, pulled out a drink coaster and held it up to him. Harold nodded and said "On your way, Ma'am." As Ethel neared the final corridor, Crazy Craig stepped out in front of her, Butt-Naked, and holding his "You-Know- What" in his hand. "Oh, good grief," yelled Ethel "Not that Damn Breathalyzer Test again.!!!" |
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Post by jim44444 on Jul 31, 2017 21:15:17 GMT -5
I feel sorry for those whose spouse will not take care of them during an illness.
My W is always attentive when I am ill or injured. Sometimes a bit overly attentive. She has been that way since day one. Maybe that facet of her pesonality is why she went into nursing. I have learned to implicitly trust her assessment of a symptom. If she says go to urgent care I go.
But on the flip side I take care of her when she is ill or injured. I never aspired to learn about sterile technique on a PIC line or how to flush an abdominal drain but I have.
In my mind not taking care of your partner when they are sick is worse then being a refuser.
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Post by h on Aug 1, 2017 4:45:59 GMT -5
I feel sorry for those whose spouse will not take care of them during an illness. My W is always attentive when I am ill or injured. Sometimes a bit overly attentive. She has been that way since day one. Maybe that facet of her pesonality is why she went into nursing. I have learned to implicitly trust her assessment of a symptom. If she says go to urgent care I go. But on the flip side I take care of her when she is ill or injured. I never aspired to learn about sterile technique on a PIC line or how to flush an abdominal drain but I have. In my mind not taking care of your partner when they are sick is worse then being a refuser. Disagree. I'd rather have sex than a bowl of chicken soup. |
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Post by hopingforachange on Aug 1, 2017 7:17:00 GMT -5
I feel sorry for those whose spouse will not take care of them during an illness. My W is always attentive when I am ill or injured. Sometimes a bit overly attentive. She has been that way since day one. Maybe that facet of her pesonality is why she went into nursing. I have learned to implicitly trust her assessment of a symptom. If she says go to urgent care I go. But on the flip side I take care of her when she is ill or injured. I never aspired to learn about sterile technique on a PIC line or how to flush an abdominal drain but I have. In my mind not taking care of your partner when they are sick is worse then being a refuser. Disagree. I'd rather have sex than a bowl of chicken soup. I want the bowl of chicken noodle soup and oral! Then I could pass out and get my rest. |
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