Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2017 7:51:44 GMT -5
Yet, those of you with such callous refusers, may end up having to take care of your spouse permanently if they develop a disability or chronic disease. Think about it. If you think it's difficult to leave our spouse now, it would be even more difficult to divorce if you were their caregiver. Also, think about whether you'd want them to be responsible for you if you became ill or disabled. When I was married, I realized I'd be better of being care for by strangers than my spouse. I have a girlfriend, about 15 years my senior, in this situation. She was too afraid to divorce when her kids were at home, even though the marriage was over. So she stayed and now her husband is an elderly, sickly alcoholic and she is his caregiver. He can't work or drive, he's almost totally dependent. She hates it but sees no way out and feels too guilty to leave. She's always warned me to leave while I can. My refuser doesn't take care of me for more than a day if I'm sick. Same thing if there's an emotional crisis or a health scare, and there've been some of those too over the years. He'll literally leave me to cry alone on the couch. Or worse, to cry in bed while he rolls the other way. I'm over it. He's the last person I'd want caring for me if I were terminally ill. I'd rather have my mom or one of my best friends. |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2017 8:03:53 GMT -5
Yet, those of you with such callous refusers, may end up having to take care of your spouse permanently if they develop a disability or chronic disease. Think about it. If you think it's difficult to leave our spouse now, it would be even more difficult to divorce if you were their caregiver. Also, think about whether you'd want them to be responsible for you if you became ill or disabled. When I was married, I realized I'd be better of being care for by strangers than my spouse. I have a girlfriend, about 15 years my senior, in this situation. She was too afraid to divorce when her kids were at home, even though the marriage was over. So she stayed and now her husband is an elderly, sickly alcoholic and she is his caregiver. He can't work or drive, he's almost totally dependent. She hates it but sees no way out and feels too guilty to leave. She's always warned me to leave while I can. My refuser doesn't take care of me for more than a day if I'm sick. Same thing if there's an emotional crisis or a health scare, and there've been some of those too over the years. He'll literally leave me to cry alone on the couch. Or worse, to cry in bed while he rolls the other way. I'm over it. He's the last person I'd want caring for me if I were terminally ill. I'd rather have my mom or one of my best friends. My wife is also a little too callous on sickly issues and, like oh so many things, I know exactly why. Her father is a lifelong member of the selfish and manipulative club along with a merit badge in anger issues. Now that he's 82, he uses his health to continue to manipulate and control all those around him. It's made my wife suspicious of motives when people are sick. So far it's not an issue because i've never had anything other than the occasional cold or flu but I have been giving some thought to how this might play out. As always, the ILIASM forum is full of sage advice no matter the topic. In the future, I think i'll just come here for everything. House paint brands, used car advice, etc. |
|
|
|
Post by solitarysoul on Aug 1, 2017 8:06:10 GMT -5
When your W is a nurse....the last thing she wants to do is come home and deal with a sick person....
Never marry a nurse, their job removes any empathy for sick people....you have to lose it to survive in a job like that...or never have it to begin with...
I once had an intestinal infection. The first day I came home with big bottom end troubles....and she got mad cause she wanted to go out for Mexican that night.... I didn't eat for a week, lost about 10 pounds, and didn't experience hunger for a month....I clearly was just trying to make her life more difficult.
No matter how bad I feel, it's always "you're fine". Until I die, that will be the response.
Nurses never want to play doctor either.
|
|
|
|
Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Aug 1, 2017 8:10:26 GMT -5
This is disappointing. I cant imagine not caring enough for another's well being.
Im still relatively young. I dont get sick often fortunately. Probably a flu once every 2 or 3 years. But when I do, I usually go down hard for a few days. I become miserable and I like to be left alone to sleep it off. I guess I am in the minority but my wife does come into the room to check on me. I can tell because in my sickly stupor, between bouts of sleep, she'll change my drinking water or leave some tea by the bedside or make soup if Im feeling up to it. Maybe this is because Im not sick that often.
The big but in this is, things have started to change these past few years between us relationship- wise. Perhaps if I get sick now the same treatment wont apply.
|
|
|
|
Post by DryCreek on Aug 1, 2017 19:48:01 GMT -5
I'll give W props here... she's good about this, even though she's not really the nurturing type. But she's a lousy patient, in that she keeps me in the dark on her health except for obvious flu symptoms. Kinda in line with not being willing to be vulnerable.
|
|
|
|
Post by h on Aug 1, 2017 19:57:30 GMT -5
Disagree. I'd rather have sex than a bowl of chicken soup. I want the bowl of chicken noodle soup and oral! Then I could pass out and get my rest. But if I had to choose between the two of those, I'd pick the oral (or any kind of activities at all) and to hell with the chicken noodle soup! |
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Aug 2, 2017 17:26:09 GMT -5
lol. you guys are silly.
I could do with a nice booty rub when I'm sick. hair stroking. forehead kisses. warm up a can of soup, make me tea.
|
|
|
|
Post by warmways on Aug 4, 2017 10:55:24 GMT -5
No, not at all. Even with surgeries etc - never helped.
|
|
|
|
Post by bran127 on Aug 4, 2017 23:49:42 GMT -5
We have always been good about taking care of eachother when we are sick. I actually think about that a lot now, but the question is, is it enough. I am lucky. I am not sick often and his care for me doesn't replace the connection I long for every day.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Aug 5, 2017 5:31:42 GMT -5
No, not at all. Even with surgeries etc - never helped. These are the kind of things that give me HOPE. When people tell me, " you will be so much better off away from him/her. You have so much to offer someone else. There are so many woman/men who would love to be with a person like you, and would treat you so much better" Realizing what you tolerated for so long and understanding that you deserve way better! |
|
|
|
Post by hopingforachange on Aug 5, 2017 7:45:17 GMT -5
lol. you guys are silly. I could do with a nice booty rub when I'm sick. hair stroking. forehead kisses. warm up a can of soup, make me tea. Your telling me you wouldn't want your booty rub to slowly become a gental and slow lip massage? |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 5, 2017 16:48:23 GMT -5
we take care of each other.
I have had to take care of her more because of hospitalizations. I never laft her side for 4 days during one hospitalization. (yes that is true)
When she was in for 2 week, I was there for 18 hours every day, in the ICU. (yes true)
I have not needed such care, but she is concerned about my health and will help or care as needed.
|
|
|
|
Post by darktippedrose on Aug 6, 2017 3:33:00 GMT -5
lol. you guys are silly. I could do with a nice booty rub when I'm sick. hair stroking. forehead kisses. warm up a can of soup, make me tea. Your telling me you wouldn't want your booty rub to slowly become a gental and slow lip massage? I'm lucky if he'll shake my hand to be honest |
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 22:16:00 GMT -5
Just curious. Does your partner do a good job of taking care of you when you're sick or out of commission? I personally don't need to be taken care of much when I'm sick. I will do things for myself. Where I get upset though is when I'm not feeling well and my partner asks ME to do things. That's where I struggle. All I need is her to kind of cover me for a while as I'm not quite able to do my part to my usual level. My wife is pretty good at taking care of me ...for about a day. After day 1, it's like I'm expected to be magically better. It concerns me because someday I may be seriously ill and I wonder if she'll even be able to handle it. I see this stuff with others too. I saw an instance between an older couple just recently that made me a bit sad. The guy had been having health issues for years and was going through a rough month physically. One day at a party, his wife was giving him a hard time about not installing her new kitchen floor for her. She said it in front of all these people and i felt bad for him. No joke, he passed away months later. He was that sick. It just kind of makes me angry. I just worry about that stuff. I can take care of myself, but when I'm sick I can't handle being asked to do things for others. I just can't. It just gives me the impression that my partner is selfish and uncaring when that goes on. How about you? Does your partner actually seem to adequately take care of you when you're not feeling well? Short answer: no. Longer answer: He took me to the ER once during the early years. My mom (retired nurse) took me to the hospital when I gave birth, when I had food poisoning, and she brings me stuff sometimes when I have stomach flu and can't get off the couch. |
|
|
|
Post by mypaintbrushes on Aug 7, 2017 22:19:00 GMT -5
we take care of each other. I have had to take care of her more because of hospitalizations. I never laft her side for 4 days during one hospitalization. (yes that is true) When she was in for 2 week, I was there for 18 hours every day, in the ICU. (yes true) I have not needed such care, but she is concerned about my health and will help or care as needed. This gives me hope! |
|
