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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 20, 2022 15:38:20 GMT -5
Welcome blunder8,...Unfortunately yes, we have all been where you are today. Many members in the staying group unfortunately will be there for decades to come. You have had numerous talks with her with no positive results. Have you approached her about opening the marriage so you can have a FWB, or does that not interest you? Who knows, she may be willing to look the other way in a "don't ask, don't tell " arrangement.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 18, 2022 8:48:18 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 17, 2022 7:30:51 GMT -5
welcome to the forum celibateinphilly....you don't state your ages or length of the marriage but reading between the lines I get the feeling you are somewhere in the 50's or 60's. It isn't unusual for women to lose their desire for sex at this time. That often leads to a shunning of all forms of intimacy because they may be a prelude to an attempt at sex. A lot of us have experienced the feelings of disrespect from our partners and it is disheartening to have one's true feelings of love and desire kicked to the curb because one's partner no longer desires intimate contact. We are not therapists but here you will find a wealth of info and experience that may be of use to you. You are choosing to stay at this time so I suggest you start reading from that topic from the general fields. I would suggest you share more information it you feel comfortable doing so. The more you share the more tailored the responses you will get in return. again, welcome to the forum.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 16, 2022 11:22:05 GMT -5
Interesting article. I did meet a woman on POF who initially appealed to me. I have been talking with her for about a month. She has recently had knee surgery and has been dealing with a # of issues following that. I commented to her that just like the old POF I get likes from women who are far away. I am off the site but I keep getting likes. So far in a month I have over 70. My new lady friend says she has over 400. What does that say about the ratio of men to women? Neither of us are paying members so we can't see who it is that "likes" us or how far away they are. One thing in the article I definitely agree with is that a man is much better off looking for a connection in real life. I have been far luckier meeting women while shopping than from the time I spent on dating sites. Grocery shopping seems to offer the best opportunity in my opinion. I may do as you have done and look at the local Senior center or county Recreation Dept to see if any dance classes are being offered. Never hurts to know your way around a dance floor.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 14, 2022 15:38:26 GMT -5
- I don't really worry too much about whether people like me or not initially. I pay attention to their body language and energy levels during conversation and mirror that. I do try to let my personality show in that context - My #1 priority when getting to know someone is not impressing them but instead try to asssess emotional availability and compatibility. If these things are not there, you are wasting time. Its fun to get to know people and I don't turn down an opportunity, but I'm also realsitic once I see its not a fit. Ive made great friends this way. But not everyone may want to be friends/acquaintances -Once I know I am interested in someone and I suspect the interest is mutual, I escalate the flirting and innuendo. This moves things forward in no uncertain terms. I feel like a lot of the guys, from what I can tell, in the dating pool fail at this and women can sniff it out and move on. Really thats what it boils down to. There are details about wardrobe and being a good conversationalist, but if you don't have the basics down, those details won't matter. These are good points to remember. I have become reasonably good at reading body language. From checking if their pupils are dilated, to how relaxed or nervous they are. Some early trepidation is to be expected but after 5-8 minutes both parties should be starting to relax, and the conversation should flow easier. Eye contact is important. Women often say men do not make good eye contact. Evading eye contact and looking away are signs of deception. I also pay attention to how they have dressed for the 1st meet. Even if it's just a coffee date if they show up in old blue jeans and a loose-fitting shirt it reads like the meet is not really a high priority for them. I may not be in a suit and tie, but I will be in a cleaned and freshly ironed pair of slacks. The same for my shirt and I may be in a sport coat or leather if it's a little nippy out. No sweatshirts or hoodies allowed on the 1st meet. Once I have sensed some interest on her part and if I too am feeling some chemistry, I like to ease the conversation more toward romance. If she doesn't initiate the conversation about sex then at some point, I will bring it up. If she has no interest in intimacy or she dodges the subject or I get a negative vibe, it's a red flag. Then I wind down the conversation and gradually end the meet. If I get a favorable response, I will ask some specific questions about likes and dislikes. I want to see where the boundaries are or at least get a feel for where they might be. After that it is decision time. Do I ask her for a real date or are we done.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 13, 2022 11:38:24 GMT -5
Terrific walks in the park?I like meeting face to face, and being introduced better than on line. There's just too much dishonesty out there! far too many women ( and men) who are either still married, lying on their pics, and profile, want a sugar daddy ( or mamma) or aren't interested in dating/ a relationship at all! They are just playing the field to get a moral boost to see who likes them. Side note: How can these woman say; I love to travel! Love being on a yacht. Play golf, tennis, pickle ball. Fine dining . Dancing. I Am well traveled to 40 different countries. My family is my life. I love my dogs. I exercise 5 times a week. I own my own business. I am divorced and want a man in my life, I'm a great cook, I can drink you under the table,,I enjoy a quiet evening at home.No one has that kind of time for all those things! Then I got far too many women who live 1 1/2 drive away from me interested in dating. Distance is a built in barrier. A barrier commonly used by a commitment phobic. I did the math. if you figure 3% of the population near me are women who are within 50 to 60 yrs old, divorced or widowed, and live within 10 to 15 miles the number is 4500! That's enough fish in the sea to choose from greatcoastal you have nailed on-line dating to a T. I have lost track of how many profiles describe their current state as "living life to the fullest". If that's the case, I won't be knocking on that door. Clearly there's no room for me or really any other male in your life. And you are definitely dead on when you speak about women just there for the ego boost from being pursued. Lots of women probably do like to travel. But they want to do it on your credit card. Lots of women looking for a sugar daddy. When I was on POF 6-7 yrs. ago I was often messaged by women who lived 100 to 200 miles away. It took me a while to figure out why. It's so they really don't have to worry about actually dating. They know the distance is going to prohibit that 99% of the time. And 4500 potential ladies in the pond. WOW ...I live in a really rural area. I doubt there are anywhere near that number of widowed, divorced women who might actually be available. And far fewer who are still interested in intimacy.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 11, 2022 18:16:31 GMT -5
Those of us poor suckers would have been overjoyed had our SO's been as upfront and honest as this new spouse.... Maybe there should be a law requiring "full disclosure"..... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 6, 2022 11:52:22 GMT -5
Hope everyone came out okay. www.nature.com/articles/s41467-022-30884-6Compared to those vaccinated five months prior to the outcome period, on August 2021, relative protection against infection waned from 53.4% a month after vaccination to 16.5% three months after vaccination.
Anyone considering the booster, make sure it's the newer version with added Omicron spike protein component. I never found out which variant my grandkids came down with. Don't suppose it matters at this point. Everyone has recovered from the mild symptoms. Thank you for asking about them.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 5, 2022 13:45:26 GMT -5
Also STI's. Did you know that some crazy amount of the population has HSV. Even worse, many people are not aware. Even worse it doesnt show up on a standard STI exam. You gotta ask for it. If that doesn't scare you off casual sex, have at it! I am slowly making my way back into the dating pool. It's pretty difficult living where I do as the pool of ladies in my age demographic is really tiny. But on the off chance I get lucky, I am going to get a panel STI test for the 1st time. If the opportunity presents itself, I don't want uncertainty about my sexual health to be a question mark. My research tells me the panel will cost a couple hundred dollars, (more or less) but if it helps get me laid it will be money well spent.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 5, 2022 8:37:21 GMT -5
I have been on this forum since 2018 and was never a part of EP. I came to ILIASM knowing I needed to leave my M so it took very little convincing, although it did take a bit of tough talk to help me understand that hope was in fact dead and I wasn't being selfish. The guidance and support I received was invaluable. Although firm, the guidance was also respectful and compassionate. I will be honest, we lost a great deal of compassion on this site during the Covid years. We also lost our benevolent administrator who "reminded" us to keep things polite and made sure we stayed on topic. This forum should only focus on ILIASM issues. Topics like politics and the endless disection of Covid treatment strategies have no place here. I would be happy to come back (and contribute) on a routine basis as long as the membership sticks only to the reason we are here, an administrator actively ensures no-one strays, and we work together to welcome the newbies and make them feel comfortable contributing. We need an active administrator- any ideas? Honestly speaking, if the site only allowed postings specific to SM I probably wouldn't be around long. I log on most every day looking for something new. Postings by new members is somewhat infrequent now. I'm guessing a new SM post only appears every couple of weeks now as an average. That means there isn't a lot to respond to. My thoughts are that the current membership seeing even less traffic would gradually drift away since there would not be much to see. I'm thinking that would lead to the end of this forum pretty quickly.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 3, 2022 10:29:47 GMT -5
I am still here after 6yrs or so. Before that I was on EP for a couple yrs. And then that site closed the doors. It was at the EP site that a couple members gave me the tough love I needed to realize there was little chance of fixing my SM. And they were right. I am now divorced for what will soon be 7 yrs. I think Drycreek hit aa lot of the right notes in the difference between the two sites. I would add that perhaps the people who mostly visit and sift for answers to their own SM are changed from the members that were on EP. When ILIASM get a new posting, it seems that OP doesn't hang around long. A couple 2-3-4 posts and then they are gone. It took me much longer to recognize the intimacy was over and would not be back, except for the quarterly reset. I doubt there is much that we can do other than perhaps post on other boards so people will know this site exists. I did that a couple times On Similar Worlds, but I don't think it has a SM section anymore. If this site is sinking, I will probably go down with the ship. Where else can I post my jabs at liberals and progressives and the occasional bit of Dark Humor?
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 2, 2022 10:57:55 GMT -5
I'm leaning toward escorts, but as we're basically never apart, it'll be next to impossible. I guess I feel the escort option is less likely to blow up the marriage. It's tough to be my age and in reasonably good health and able to achieve normal erections and here I sit jacking off like a teenager. Good luck I feel your pain. I recently did some investigation on escorts and costs in my neck of the woods. Turns out probably 95% of them are in their mid to later 20's. Didn't see a one over age 33. And they are really expensive. Anywhere from 200 to 500 an hour. So I am ruling out escorts unless I win the lottery or something. I agree it's quite frustrating not to have access to women our age. Reading the most recent surveys doesn't offer any encouragement. (Most recent I found are still between 8 and 15 yrs in print) Only about 20% of women over age 65 are still sexually active. Then consider maybe half of them are married and that cuts the potentially available to only 10% of our age demographic. Not very good odds.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 1, 2022 19:42:22 GMT -5
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 1, 2022 19:34:02 GMT -5
Liberals and progressives no longer support strong, independent women following election of conservative mother Giorgia Meleni Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Sept 30, 2022 9:32:23 GMT -5
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