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Post by celibateinphilly on Oct 16, 2022 17:43:20 GMT -5
VERY “happy” (at least relieved) that others find themselves in this “involuntary celibacy” state. For me, my stress/ anxiety/ frustration/ anger is really about respect. Is she passive aggressive withholding anything & everything? Or just a “partner” who wants to be married… like a roommate. Very very hurtful. Deliberately. Cant change her. Have changed myself a thousand times. Takes two to tango. ALL MY LIFE, i just wanted to share my life with a life-partner. Intimacy in any form is rejected as “all men are obsessed w/ their 🍆s” (her words). Its truly ridiculous how selfish, self-centered, insulting & demeaning. Partnership and caring-sharing-doing-growing-living TOGETHER was all ive wanted all my life. I’ve seen waaay too many lives lost in my circles. Does mine end next? And does my “partner” ever change before then? I never realized how many of “us” are out here, intentionally ignored & disrespected.
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Post by petrushka on Oct 16, 2022 18:23:00 GMT -5
VERY “happy” (at least relieved) that others find themselves in this “involuntary celibacy” state. For me, my stress/ anxiety/ frustration/ anger is really about respect. Is she passive aggressive withholding anything & everything? Or just a “partner” who wants to be married… like a roommate. Very very hurtful. Deliberately. Cant change her. Have changed myself a thousand times. Takes two to tango. ALL MY LIFE, i just wanted to share my life with a life-partner. Intimacy in any form is rejected as “all men are obsessed w/ their 🍆s” (her words). Its truly ridiculous how selfish, self-centered, insulting & demeaning. Partnership and caring-sharing-doing-growing-living TOGETHER was all ive wanted all my life. I’ve seen waaay too many lives lost in my circles. Does mine end next? And does my “partner” ever change before then? I never realized how many of “us” are out here, intentionally ignored & disrespected. Hi there.
Dictum 1: you can never change another person. They can only change themselves if they want to. And if they don't want to? SOOL. The problem here is, generally the intimacy~ and sex-adverse see no reason why they should want to change, after all, they get their minimal needs met. (not including the psychos here - as you said, 'deliberate'). Fact of life is, some people just don't want it or can't be bothered to get their arse into gear to put any effort into a thing that does not give *them* much of a reward. And lets face it, you have to make an effort for good sex.
My personal version of dictum 2: intimacy is not the same as the friction of mucous membranes. A good sex life can enhance a relationship and make you happy, for a while at least, but intimacy has a much wider meaning than that. sharing thoughts, emotions, sorrows, delights, succor ...
“all men are obsessed w/ their 🍆s” (her words) That's dictum 3, kinda. Yah, that one. I was wooing a girl once, and when I gave her a hug and a kiss to thank her for folding my washing, I got hit over the head with that little gem and pushed away. 1- I was not feeling sexual at that moment, and 2 - I really don't like being painted with such a broad brush - and get rejected as a consequence. She didn't stay the week. Seriously, I had thought her to be a bit more conscious than that.
)* SOOL: shit out of luck
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Post by celibateinphilly on Oct 16, 2022 18:56:35 GMT -5
Thanks friend. Intimacy in ANY form, including your non-physical examples, would be fine! I’m happy making her happy. And i understand that she isn’t the same way. Was. Not now. But life is increasingly short. No self-pity. Not a bitter martyr. I’m reading every post here. And encouraged to hopefully find a path forward. Your words helped already! I value my life married to her. I’d value more a marriage in more than name only. Again, forget no-sex. Intimate caring & sharing in ANY form. But i’m running out if runway. Certainly not here to keep her changing me, and demanding from me, and taking my help/ support/ sincerity, only to keep getting ignored & demeaned. Some people just change. Some people are just selfish & self-centered? Some people are angry-bullying-obtuse? Some people rather live alone… even when “together”??
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 16, 2022 22:52:52 GMT -5
celibateinphillyWelcome to the club nobody wants to be in. You have my sympathies that you had to find your way here. We hope you stick around. You will find a lot of experience here in the threads. Some advice too if you need it.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 17, 2022 7:30:51 GMT -5
welcome to the forum celibateinphilly....you don't state your ages or length of the marriage but reading between the lines I get the feeling you are somewhere in the 50's or 60's. It isn't unusual for women to lose their desire for sex at this time. That often leads to a shunning of all forms of intimacy because they may be a prelude to an attempt at sex. A lot of us have experienced the feelings of disrespect from our partners and it is disheartening to have one's true feelings of love and desire kicked to the curb because one's partner no longer desires intimate contact. We are not therapists but here you will find a wealth of info and experience that may be of use to you. You are choosing to stay at this time so I suggest you start reading from that topic from the general fields. I would suggest you share more information it you feel comfortable doing so. The more you share the more tailored the responses you will get in return. again, welcome to the forum.
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 18, 2022 6:15:05 GMT -5
Intimacy in any form is rejected as “all men are obsessed w/ their 🍆s” (her words). Well, yeah. She didn't know that when she married one? Crikey, lady. That's on page one of both the manual and the "Quick Setup" guide!
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Post by angeleyes65 on Oct 18, 2022 20:45:03 GMT -5
celibateinphilly Glad you found us. You are in good company here. Sorry for your situation.
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