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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 10, 2022 21:17:29 GMT -5
holdstrong, have you sat down with your W and had a definitive conversation about how her actions and her seeming aversion to intimacy is affecting you and the marriage? If not, then that is where I would advise you to start. I am not saying to be condemning, but rather seek to have her explain (if she can) why has gone off sex with you. What has happened or not happened on your part that has turned her away from the woman she once was. You need to be as honest and open as possible with her about how she makes you feel when she rejects you. You don't state how long you 2 have been in a SM. And that is something to bear in mind. She is also in a SM. Before I would give any additional advice, I would ask you to fill us in on how the SM situation has gone on. And if you have any idea as to why her attitude toward you might have changed. The more you share with us the more specific will be the replies.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 10, 2022 6:54:04 GMT -5
If you can find a yoga class or even better Ta Che for fitness, balance. Yoga classes are usually mostly populated by women.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 7, 2022 6:24:37 GMT -5
Interesting item in the book, women will have sex with lovers but not providers. Men in sexless marriages turn themselves more into providers and make things worse. Ie, doing more chores, working harder and so on. The book says turn yourself into a lover, get healthy, get secure in your masculinity and stop using your partner as a mirror of approval. And if it fails, hell you look good for the new woman in your life! Most books I have read say the opposite, do more chores, be more attentive etc. When I was trying to "fix" things I also read the books and articles that advised doing "chore play" and being "present" for your spouse. So I did that. It had zero effect toward improving the sexless state of the marriage. If fact I believe it led to even less respect in how my W saw me. When I had the talk about having a FWB for me she came around to rekindling the intimacy and we were intimate a couple times a week for the next 3 months or so. Then she reverted back to her old refusing ways. Don't put any faith in the chore play nonsense. Helping around the house is something a man should be doing as a matter of the normal maintaining of the household. It should not be a barter arrangement for sex. Losing weight, boosting your fitness program, becoming more physically attractive will probably go way farther in bringing about an improvement in the amount of intimacy you see in your life. If not from your W, then from another woman who appreciates having a fit male between her legs.
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Post by worksforme2 on Nov 6, 2022 6:19:18 GMT -5
Lessingham, you not only deserve sex but more importantly, you deserve the respect that most spouses give instinctively to their mates. In my own deal, this played an important role in ending the SM. The lack of respect my X wife showed to me was pivotal for me in ending the relationship. Your W has by her actions repeatedly shown she has no respect for you. Her attitude towards sex isn't the important aspect in your most recent post. It is her ordering you about without regard of what is your right in a free society. I agree with Jim 44444 that you need counselling for your lack of self-confidence and self-respect. I also would encourage you to seek such counselling, not for your marriage, but for yourself going forward. A woman rarely f*cks a man she does not respect. And no woman respects a man who has no respect for himself.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 30, 2022 6:37:22 GMT -5
What happened ? I woke to read that sleepy Joe was speechifying about democrats campaigning in 54 states...I only slept for 7 hours and now there are 54 states? Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 30, 2022 6:27:31 GMT -5
It's good to see you again lessinham,... I went back and reread a # of your posts. what I am seeing in this post is the recurring draconian rules she imposes on you daily. Her endless need to control every facet of your life and her seeming need to squash anything that might provide you with a moment of pleasure or happiness. In the many years I have spent on this and the old EP forum I don't think I have seen a relationship so one sided as what you endure. You once described your W as funny and otherwise amiable to be around. I don't see any of that in your posts. She seems to be anything but fun to be around.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 29, 2022 17:58:08 GMT -5
greatcoastal , yes that seems to be true. I’ve read tales of people who use online dating more for personal validation and as a social filler, and never have an intent to actually meet the person they’re talking to. DC I have experienced this any # of times on a dating site. Right now I think I am having this happen to me. I began talking with a woman almost a month ago. At 1st she talked a good game of meeting for a walk in a park or grabbing something and having a meal at one of the picnic tables. But every time I suggest it's a good time for me she has an excuse not to be able to meet. Mostly her declines center around a physical aliment of which she seems to have a # of issues. But when I told her I would not wait 6 months for her to be able to meet she seemed fine with me seeking a relationship with another woman until she is healthier. But she let it slip that a platonic relationship for us is perfectly fine with her. Looks like she is just looking for a pen pal. And that is often the case with a woman lurking about on a dating site. Time to put her in the distant friend zone I think.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 29, 2022 12:27:01 GMT -5
It seems to me almost all relationships start off with a talking phase. Even meeting IRL requires saying "hello" and following up with sufficient conversation to see if there is any basis for pursuing things further. If things fizzle out in the talking phase, then it never gets into the dating stage. This author seemingly is promoting somehow meeting and immediately entering the dating/relationship phase. I don't think I have ever seen that done before, unless we are talking about just hooking up for a ONS.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 27, 2022 14:24:00 GMT -5
One overwhelming challenge seems to be that the family court math does not account for the expenses of the primary breadwinner. That is, child support is a percentage of income, and spousal maintenance is a percentage of income. But nowhere in the mix is there a factor that looks at whether the breadwinner can also survive after what’s left. It’s not infeasible that they can end up with much less than 50% of their earned income. I have no doubt this creates some very hopeless situations and contributes greatly to the higher suicide rate among men. You are correct. In my first divorce the W got half of everything, though she had not contributed on thin dime to the costs of building our new home. And I had a child support payment of $1000/month This was almost 30yrs. ago. I ended up living with my mother again until I could save enough to purchase a 50 yr. old house that needed a lot of work. I also was required to maintain health insurance on my children as well as provide dental care. What was left was way less than 50% of my take home pay.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 26, 2022 11:16:31 GMT -5
Covid19 passes over man's house after painting doorway with Chick a Fila sauce.... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 24, 2022 17:30:30 GMT -5
blunder8 and worksforme2 you both referenced This is a line used in "Conversation with the Devil" Ray Wylie Hubbard. Not germane to this post just one of the innumerable pieces of useless information between my ears. Are you a member of "The Keepers of Odd Knowledge"? I myself am a member in good standing.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 23, 2022 13:53:06 GMT -5
I disagree with a lot of what this article says with regard to being pertinent to a SM. In my case I initiated conversation about me having a FWB, since my then W had no interest in being intimate with me. She would not go along with a FWB for me, but not because she loved me, and the marriage was important to her. Seeing herself as an Alpha woman, I think her ego would not allow for another woman taking her place between the sheets. In the end she preferred divorce. She preferred rejection to replacement. In a SM if a spouse takes a lover exactly who is being cheated? How can someone be cheated out of something they do not want? If anyone is cheating it is the refusing spouse.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 23, 2022 5:01:47 GMT -5
Stacy Abrams reminds parents that groceries would be a lot cheaper if they had aborted their children.... Attachments:
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 22, 2022 12:33:59 GMT -5
Thinking about your recent posts and I recall a poster from long ago who wanted to get a divorce. He was delaying the filing because his wife's elderly parents were in poor health and they were rich. He was waiting for that pay day. Could it be that your wife is waiting for her payday from your future inheritance? Keep in mind that she is also in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. I thought about that a long time ago. For every bad thing I ever said or thought about my wife I truly do not believe that is in her makeup. Honestly, she is a very fine woman, just a lousy wife. I do not believe that would be in her DNA. That said, I have no reservations about doing everything in my power to preserve my inheritance. I used to describe my X the same way. A good person, just not a good wife. Then I recently learned she is far wealthier than she led me to believe. She never told me she was sitting on the kind of wealth she has. Feeling sorry for her when she left, I gave her a tidy sum toward the purchase of a house. Turns out she had way more money than me.
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 21, 2022 9:19:52 GMT -5
Thanks for the perspective and the laugh ... i definitely need some humor in my life. I admit I'm a bit naive about what other couples are doing or what is common. I do know 3 times per year, and 5 month dry spells ain't cutting it. After decades of this neglect, I'm still trying to plot a course that takes care of me but doesn't drag me down to a vindictive level. I really do want to *try* to remain a positive person and not die a bitter, nasty old man. That said, I know the odds of her suddenly seeing the light are just a tad above zero. I'll continue to be a cordial person while pulling away emotionally and pursuing my own goals. I read somewhere that people don't change when they see the light, they change when they feel the heat. I don't know why I like that saying, but I have no idea what that means in my situation. I'll update in a regular forum. Thanks again for the welcome and support. "They don't change when they see the light. They change when they feel the heat".....I am going to borrow this for future use. We have a term here.... Reset sex....It is a ploy often used by refusers to keep their spouse quiet about sex for a while. After a reset the refusing spouse goes back to refusing until he/she thinks things might be approaching a train wreck like separation or divorce. Then they reset you again. If you have read much you have probably seen the 3 choices everyone has in a SM. Stay, leave or stay and outsource. At some point you will have to choose which one is for you. Unless your spouse makes the choice for you. The stories about refusing spouses who do a turnaround are few and far between. Most often a member here outsources or divorces. In real life what happens is a SM is hidden from view and both spouses live their lives in quiet desperation or misery.
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