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Post by heelots on Oct 21, 2022 14:28:27 GMT -5
As most regulars here know from my prior posts, based strictly on my 401K savings, SS, and several other retirement streams if I stay married, when I retire we could make it though our lifestyle would be on the modest side. No lavish trips or vacations and the like. As I have said before if I divorce, available resources would in no way cover retirement costs once half would be handed over to her which is what I would anticipate losing in a divorce.
Now for the wildcard. My parents lived conservatively and amassed enough for a fairly well funded retirement. In recent years dad died and mom sold their home which had and banked a healthy profit which enhanced her very conservatively invested savings. By that I mean CD's which do little to grow money I am aware, but are great for preservation of the nest egg. Funeral expenses were planned for and paid years ago by my folks, and long term care insurance is in place for if and when the time comes such care is needed.
Life comes with no guarantees I am totally aware of that fact. However, if per chance her savings are not drained by the time mom passes there could be a possibility that my sister and I stand to inherit several hundred thousand dollars each when mom passes.
Here is where I am asking for opinions. I have invested many hours researching this issue for the state I reside in KS. I know the right answer is to consult an attorney which I absolutely need to do. That said, the following is what I have found in my research regarding inherited money in my state.
1) Any money I inherit I must take great care to not place in any joint account, further, any account I open for the purposes of placing the inherited funds must not be opened with community property money acquired during the course of our marraige, even money I might earn from my job while we are married.
2) I am thinking that I could take an inheritance check issued solely in my name and open an account in my name only with that inheritance check and it would be exempt from having to give her half if we were to divorce.
3) The entire thing hinges on making sure that not one dime of money acquired while married to her in any way is connected to a shared account or to assets accumulated while we are married which includes any account I put even a dollar of my money from my earnings into (such as opening an account for the purposes of later adding my inheritance check to)
If my understanding is correct ( obviously I will check this with an attorney should what I have described be the case when my mom does pass)
What say you? Has anyone else ever experienced such a situation and how did it play out? Every state is different I already know. What I shared to the best of my understanding of how it would work in my state.
If that inheritance does come to fruition it is the only chance I will ever have financially to escape this prison of a marriage I put myself in and still maintain a decent standard of living. So, I am very curious about your opinions.
Thanks and I hope to hear your feedback.
BTW: Mom thankfully enjoys great health and just turned 90. I have every hope to have her with me for many more years so this might be as much as ten years or more if I am fortunate enough to have her with me that long.
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 21, 2022 18:30:27 GMT -5
Definitely sounds like a lawyer question. Your mom might be able to setup a trust fund for her estate that could bypass probate and show that your heritance is not a joint asset. Yep, time to lawyer up.
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 21, 2022 19:07:01 GMT -5
You need to check with a lawyer. In Florida, where I used to live, inheritances are NOT joint assets. Unfortunately, I learned that after I put part of my inheritance into the bank account I held with my future ex.
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Post by heelots on Oct 21, 2022 21:39:32 GMT -5
You need to check with a lawyer. In Florida, where I used to live, inheritances are NOT joint assets. Unfortunately, I learned that after I put part of my inheritance into the bank account I held with my future ex. Which is how it is supposed to be in KS. |
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Post by heelots on Oct 21, 2022 21:43:29 GMT -5
Definitely sounds like a lawyer question. Your mom might be able to setup a trust fund for her estate that could bypass probate and show that your heritance is not a joint asset. Yep, time to lawyer up. There is a will and has been for years and sister is the executor. Mom is in Missouri and I am in Kansas, but ya, for sure it is an attorney question. |
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Post by jim44444 on Oct 22, 2022 6:54:07 GMT -5
... There is a will and has been for years and sister is the executor. Mom is in Missouri and I am in Kansas, but ya, for sure it is an attorney question. Thinking about your recent posts and I recall a poster from long ago who wanted to get a divorce. He was delaying the filing because his wife's elderly parents were in poor health and they were rich. He was waiting for that pay day. Could it be that your wife is waiting for her payday from your future inheritance? Keep in mind that she is also in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. |
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Post by heelots on Oct 22, 2022 11:49:09 GMT -5
... There is a will and has been for years and sister is the executor. Mom is in Missouri and I am in Kansas, but ya, for sure it is an attorney question. Thinking about your recent posts and I recall a poster from long ago who wanted to get a divorce. He was delaying the filing because his wife's elderly parents were in poor health and they were rich. He was waiting for that pay day. Could it be that your wife is waiting for her payday from your future inheritance? Keep in mind that she is also in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. I thought about that a long time ago. For every bad thing I ever said or thought about my wife I truly do not believe that is in her makeup. Honestly, she is a very fine woman, just a lousy wife. I do not believe that would be in her DNA. That said, I have no reservations about doing everything in my power to preserve my inheritance. |
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Post by worksforme2 on Oct 22, 2022 12:33:59 GMT -5
Thinking about your recent posts and I recall a poster from long ago who wanted to get a divorce. He was delaying the filing because his wife's elderly parents were in poor health and they were rich. He was waiting for that pay day. Could it be that your wife is waiting for her payday from your future inheritance? Keep in mind that she is also in an unhappy dysfunctional marriage. I thought about that a long time ago. For every bad thing I ever said or thought about my wife I truly do not believe that is in her makeup. Honestly, she is a very fine woman, just a lousy wife. I do not believe that would be in her DNA. That said, I have no reservations about doing everything in my power to preserve my inheritance. I used to describe my X the same way. A good person, just not a good wife. Then I recently learned she is far wealthier than she led me to believe. She never told me she was sitting on the kind of wealth she has. Feeling sorry for her when she left, I gave her a tidy sum toward the purchase of a house. Turns out she had way more money than me. |
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Post by heelots on Oct 22, 2022 22:00:08 GMT -5
I thought about that a long time ago. For every bad thing I ever said or thought about my wife I truly do not believe that is in her makeup. Honestly, she is a very fine woman, just a lousy wife. I do not believe that would be in her DNA. That said, I have no reservations about doing everything in my power to preserve my inheritance. I used to describe my X the same way. A good person, just not a good wife. Then I recently learned she is far wealthier than she led me to believe. She never told me she was sitting on the kind of wealth she has. Feeling sorry for her when she left, I gave her a tidy sum toward the purchase of a house. Turns out she had way more money than me. I stopped trusting my wife where money is concerned for the most part when I figured out that she opened an account at another bank and has the statements sent to her moms house across town. Though I no longer trust her where money is concerned I doubt she is waiting for a payday. However, if she is that will come to light if this inheritance ever comes to pass. We have had words about this account of hers many times and I told her she knew every dime I made and had and she had free access through our joint account. I told her when I found out about that account that I no longer trusted her where money is concerned since hers is an account that I have no clue as to the balance. If the inheritance ever comes to pass and she is stupid enough to bitch about that not being a joint account, the first thing I will tell her is she sowed the seeds of distrust that resulted in the situation with her secret account and my distrust of her and money as a result of those actions. |
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Oct 23, 2022 9:46:06 GMT -5
heelotsIf there are significant sums involved, talking to a lawyer AND a financial advisor with specialization in estate planning and possibly divorce seems like a worthwhile investment.
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Post by heelots on Oct 23, 2022 13:54:25 GMT -5
heelotsIf there are significant sums involved, talking to a lawyer AND a financial advisor with specialization in estate planning and possibly divorce seems like a worthwhile investment. I do not see divorce in the near future, though I would not rule it out if I ever come into significant money. I do not see our marriage ever improving, if anything I would expect it to follow the downhill trajectory that it has been on for most of 25 years. I probably should consult an attorney sooner than later. Who knows, maybe the way things work if I inherit a significant amount then decide to divorce that inheritance might mean losing 2/3 of our joint assets instead of say 1/2. That would be just my kind of luck. |
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Post by northstarmom on Oct 23, 2022 14:28:05 GMT -5
Talk to an attorney.As I stated before, in the state where I divorced, inheritances were not eligible to be part of divorce settlements.
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Post by heelots on Oct 23, 2022 16:45:15 GMT -5
Talk to an attorney.As I stated before, in the state where I divorced, inheritances were not eligible to be part of divorce settlements. Ya, I know I won't know anything until I do that. |
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Post by mirrororchid on Oct 24, 2022 8:06:56 GMT -5
As most regulars here know from my prior posts, based strictly on my 401K savings, SS, and several other retirement streams if I stay married, when I retire we could make it though our lifestyle would be on the modest side. No lavish trips or vacations and the like. As I have said before if I divorce, available resources would in no way cover retirement costs once half would be handed over to her which is what I would anticipate losing in a divorce. ... If that inheritance does come to fruition it is the only chance I will ever have financially to escape this prison of a marriage I put myself in and still maintain a decent standard of living. So, I am very curious about your opinions. decided to divorce when she decided she'd be happier alone, in poverty, forever, than to stay married. Ha! She met a guy shortly after who had his own money and they were soon able to live just as comfortably as before, with a partner and lover. Possibly, forever? You worry about poverty but so many here at ILIASM seem to picture finding love with someone who is destitute or in staggering debt or something. No one says these are the people you must pair up with. Perhaps you can find a platonic roommate of acceptable compatibility to share expenses with who will not be upset if you seek intimacy outside your home. May even high five you if you succeed. If you stay married, that 401k you're concerned about is going to be paying for TWO people's expenses. If you get half, it has to pay for one. And you control just how that money gets spent. Living on Mac and cheese, rice and beans, but sleeping naked with a woman every night? Maybe it's a tough call for you. It wouldn't be for me. I risked blowing everything apart to end sexlessness. Maybe that's unwise/insane, but it was my reality. What's the worst part about living poor for you? Maybe facing that fear is key? What numbers have you actually crunched? Why do you think a modest existence is out of reach? Divorcing now would likely make any claim to your inheritance get laughed out of the courtroom. Divorces take time, death is immediate. Will legal costs eat some of that money if your STBX makes a play for it? Your STBX would be unlikely to accept, but divorcing does not require you to move out, or change your life in any single way. It only separates your lives and finances in any obligatory way. You can even choose to share your inheritance with your ex-wife if you choose. No more poverty than you have right now. She may find it advantageous to not have to deploy funding to two domiciles. Can she become your roommate entirely and nothing more? It'd be weird, but practical. If you'd rather risk a technicality losing you some inheritance by staying married, might I suggest opening that account with a birthday gift check from your mother for the minimum balance allowed by the bank? As you've already observed, a lawyer would have to verify this is a viable bit of groundwork to lay. Come to think of it, if it's a substantial check...thousands of dollars...your wife's reaction to your having a substantial amount of money she can't touch may be telling about how she'd react to your inheritance. Might your mom be willing to float that trial balloon? On a paranoid note. Gift taxes kick in at $22,000. If she offloads some of her wealth to you now, any estate/inheritance/death taxes won't get paid on that amount. Federal estate taxes are not an issue, but could change later, and not in your favor. Even right now, state taxes can take a chunk. Do you have those numbers handy? Is your mom aware of them and has she considered the possibility the government will get her money and not you? How much? Good information to have to make sound decisions. |
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Post by heelots on Oct 24, 2022 10:47:55 GMT -5
You and I come from polar opposite perspectives.
1) I don't even know that I would spend any time looking for another woman if I was ever lucky enough to get myself shed of the one I have now. I think I might have learned my lesson after a twenty five year prison sentence.
2) I can only assume you never spent many years financially strapped or you would not so readily embrace the idea going back to that simply for the joy of getting your stinger wet.
3) Our view of splitting income and assets differs as well. I see an income stream that supports one household in a modest fashion as insufficient to fund two households, two utility payments, and two of everything else it takes for people to live independent of each other.
4) I did not get your intended message about getting laughed out of court regarding the inheritance money thing.
5) The potential inheritance money is tied up in CD accounts so access to any of those funds for reasons such as the ones you suggest is beyond consideration.
6) Taxes on inheritance money will be what it is for the most part and the only way I am aware to possibly change that would be through a trust AFAIK which would require some pre-planning that may not be possible since my mom might actually need that money before her passing. I am going to have to check that with an attorney.
I think your and my expectations and plans for post marriage are far different and as such our perspectives of the situation are far different as well.
All that said, I do appreciate your ideas and input because that was exactly what I asked for so I thank you for that.
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