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Post by mirrororchid on Apr 5, 2024 18:12:17 GMT -5
This is bringing into focus how critical it is to recognize the putrefying nature of loss of desire by the refuser (or loss of sympathy for adult appetites of romantic partners when desire does not exist, or never did). It may behoove refused spouses to recognize it early and take measures much sooner rather than later. Actions need to be taken towards restoring relations when erotic bids are getting consistently rejected and alternative plans constructed lest a death spiral ensue. Such alteration of strategy may more quickly uncover empathic ruptures or other causes of distancing before they are forgotten and only emotional memory places inexplicable gaps between spouses. mirrororchid,...this sounds good in theory, but practical application , at least on this forum, is often as not nearly impossible to put in place. Almost all of us have "why chased" ourselves until we are blue in the face. And many of us, myself included, have attempted and offered all manor of solutions and to our spouses. More often than not those attempts at fixes or compromises are rejected by the refusing spouse. And often, if a compromise is reached and agreed to it does not result in a permanent fix, but is of short duration with the previous state of celebacy once again becoming the norm. Only a hand full of members here have achieved success. So it can be done it seems, but the odds are relatively high on it not happening. No argument here. I think all I was going for was that one asks and investigates ("why chases") at the first sign of sexlessness. If you're typically twice a week and have missed for two weeks, ask what's the matter. The refuser may dodge the issue, but that is your best time to find out if there is one, because it will be forgotten and all that will remain is hurt feelings they will not be able to explain. Once that happens, "why chasing" is futile. It only has a shot when the reason (if there is one) is actually recent and capable of being recalled. Too late for most folk that show up here. Perhaps in time to warn refused spouses who divorce and get hit with a drought again in a new relationship and recognize it as a design of trouble. A sign they'd like to potentially recognize and implement a course of action. |
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