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Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2023 10:57:31 GMT -5
Know what another "red flag" is for me. When on a dating site and I see a female, I find initially attractive. Then I read a couple long paragraphs in which the woman says she is looking for her soulmate. And at the same time, she says she is living life to the fullest. The two seem incompatible to me. If she is living life to the fullest how will there be room for anyone else in the mix. When I see this, I immediately swipe left.
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Post by northstarmom on Jan 20, 2023 11:10:53 GMT -5
worksforme: "Then I read a couple long paragraphs in which the woman says she is looking for her soulmate. And at the same time, she says she is living life to the fullest. The two seem incompatible to me. If she is living life to the fullest how will there be room for anyone else in the mix. When I see this, I immediately swipe left."
I think that soulmate is such a silly concept that I'd swipe left on any man who mentioned he was looking for that. In my opinion, there are no soulmates. There are billions of people in the world and I don't think there's only one in which I could be very compatible. I also don't think that any people perfectly match each other. Compromises always are needed.
But I would not see a person's living life to the fullest as meaning they aren't ready to have a partner. "Living life to the fullest" while solo to me means they aren't sitting home obsessively looking for a soulmate instead of going out into the world and pursuing activities and friendships that interest them. It doesn't mean they have no time for a partner. It means they are living to the fullest the life they have now. If they get involved in a relationship, they'd make room for that. I was living life to the fullest when I started dating my now partner of almost 10 years. I still am. We do some things together, some things apart. Living life to the fullest to me doesn't mean pursuing all of my activities and interests with my partner. I like it that he has some interests that don't involve me just as I have interests that don't involve him. That means we have interesting things to talk about with each other. I like friendships and relationships with people who live life to the fullest whatever are their circumstances. I am not attracted to people who basically do nothing except wait for a partner or friend to do things with. Life shouldn't stop just because one is single.
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 22, 2023 7:26:10 GMT -5
"Side note: New years night one of my friends from the dance community had a severe stroke at the dance studio. He's only 66 yrs. old in great shape, single, an avid dancer and wonderful guy to be around.
it was SO unexpected!! It happened at 11:40pm. He's not going to make it....  ( another , not so great , holiday memory)"
Very sad. Also a reminder to all of us to take advantage of the life we have. Sad as it is that he died, it does sound like he died while living a life he enjoyed instead of waiting for the future to do things he loved."
Great news!!!It's a miracle! Our friend is off his breathing tube, moving his hands and legs, trying to stand up,responding to everything and speaking a little! All within an hour! Thank you God!! We will find out in the next few days how well his brain is. All seems good for now!
I jokingly told him" now you've got a heart with a warranty! LOL! A new and improved model !" I got to hear some of his story. He was one of those who received the very first COVID shot by Johnson and Johnson. The one that was quickly banned and taken off the market because of it's deadly affects on pregnant women. My friend had a heart attack 3 months after receiving this shot, along with similar side affects immediately when he received it. He has now been diagnosed as having his recent heart attack ( this new years night) due to his immunization. He also fears it could happen again. So glad he's back with us!!
( No politics please) |
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Post by greatcoastal on Jan 22, 2023 11:53:33 GMT -5
But I would not see a person's living life to the fullest as meaning they aren't ready to have a partner. "Living life to the fullest" while solo to me means they aren't sitting home obsessively looking for a soulmate instead of going out into the world and pursuing activities and friendships that interest them.
This could easily describe my date Ava ( the one who's an hour late, dating/dancing with men 30 yrs. older than her, always too busy socializing. Has a vocabulary of - might- maybe- possibly-not sure-hopefully- later-could be- I'll see- another time- I'm busy)
There's a lot that has been said about " when a person tells you these things, believe them".
Someone who buries themselves in work, family,socializing, etc...most likely has issues with fears of intimacy,fears of commitment, self esteem issues, trust issues etc..
Then their are those who just need time.
They are still healing from a SM? A divorce, a relationship with violence, etc...They will change their schedule to make room for a relationship, or they all ready have room, just not a relationship....yet ( that's me)
Then there are those who are content with a life of socializing, remaining single and using, playing others for their entertainment, jollies, financial gain, sex, lying, manipulating, vengeance, etc... They have members of the opposite sex in their life like the wind... commitment is no where to be found in their vocabulary! swipe left and choose wisely. Dating is a job in itself, like going for a job interview.
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 9, 2023 10:36:59 GMT -5
More days,and experiences in the dating field!
One of the older ladies I dance with has offered to be my "wing girl" by inviting me dancing at bars/restaurants where live bands/singers perform. She's been at this for 20yrs.and claims she wants to keep dancing till she dies!
She tells me " I'm going to get you out there dancing, and going to new places".
last night I was at a restaurant on the river sitting one table away from where I've had dinner with my now ex girlfriend Rafaella. There's a new group of people there who like to dance, all of the women are older than me. I'm kinda fortunate that I look more like I'm 45 yrs old instead of the 59 yrs old that I am! I dance like I'm in my 40's too!)
My wing girl knows one of these ladies and they post on line where they will be dancing every day of the week. I get an ear full about several of them- that ones married, and she's always out dancing, you'll never see her H. The tall one with the big ____and the beer in her hand,stay away from her,the musician won't go near her, etc...
Most of them only free style dance and I find many eyes on me when I dance several of my line dances and ballroom dances with my 'wing girl' or one of the ladies from their group. ( I get asked -are you an instructor? How long have you been dancing?) I go home alone.
Tonight I'm going to bar/dance club, that has a 'reputation' for the dance floor being crowded with people who can't dance, always have a beer in their hand, ( the floor gets sticky with beer-I've been told " that's why we don't go there very often") and spill it all over you. Same musician playing ( that's why we're going there) if you go early the crowd is small and less drinkers.
I have 3 valentines dinner/dances to go to, all wearing red. All part of meeting people, socializing, and putting my leg, ( not just a toe or my foot) into the dating pool!
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 9, 2023 11:27:08 GMT -5
I met a woman on the dance floor recently who I like very much. There's the first 5 minutes of "wow ...nice body! smaller frame,gorgeous hair,pale skin (like mine) younger than me? but in my age range, arrives alone, sits alone, is happy and social,a good knowledgeable dancer".
I ask her to dance,we dance several different dances. She compliments me, my dancing, I do the same back to her.
Then,days later one of the men tells me " I saw you dancing with Ann the other night, she seems nice"-- meaning, she's single you should ask her out!
( Funny- it sounds like H.S. all over again!)
In the following days ( more dancing , talking while sitting between songs ,at other locations) comes the next 15 minutes of "getting to know someone and deciding-do I want to know more about this person? And do they show the same feelings?"
People give you "hints". Strong hints! And yet, I'm still new at de-coding them! I give hints too weather I know it or not... some, I'm getting better at. I ask "Are you going to any of the valentines dances? Do you have plans for Valentines day?" Hopefully a pretty strong sign that I'm available and want to be with her!
I get told "well...I didn't want to mention this, but... my birthday is on valentines day!. I don't have any plans..I'm working that day, I'll probably just stay home with my daughter".
I used a cheesy line " wow! You'll be legal!" she laughs and says " yea,right, a little older than that!!" We both agree that Valentines day is way over rated, a sales gimmic, and that the restaurants will be way overcrowded. I tell her " you should celebrate the day before or the day after!"
Now comes the down side: I still need to know more about her ,but so far she sounds " not ready for dating". ( hopefully I'm wrong- but i don't know her story)
1) Ann wears a face mask all the time. ( no one else does anymore) She says her only adult daughter is home living with her and is very sick and can easily be infected ( so she's not a COVID freak- it's so she won't go home and infect her daughter) Hmmm...not sure what to make of that? I can tell you that I don't like the mask covering her facial expressions. You learn a lot about someone by reading their face( and, yes, I'd like to be kissing it !!)
2) She told me she works a 12 hr day sometimes. She's been busy at work, and only goes dancing on a Sunday,but used to go dancing more and wants to in the future.
3) I don't know exactly where she lives, yet, but It sounds like another town over. A distance barrier.
4) I found her on Facebook,she gives little info,but friended me. I have very little way of communicating with her, for now. Until I see her at a dance night. (I did invite her to go dancing tonight via Facebook messenger)
Just an example of the -job interview- dating process! I try to keep it light so it's easy for both of us to say yes or no, but it's difficult when you're still new at it. learning from my experiences. taking risks, putting myself out there, and doing better with not taking rejection personally and knowing that the other person has their own 'personal' reasons
I heard back from Ann already ( impressive!)
" Hey GC ! Hope you are doing well! Thanks for the invite, but I don't think I will be able to make it. My daughter is so sick so I will have to play everything by ear (it gets tricky with her condition) we take it day by day. I'm also in my office in Lake Mary (1 1/2 hrs away) (ugh) today, not knowing when I will get home. ( I have a double header this week with everything ..LOL) Anyway, thanks for the invite, I hope to be back dancing, as soon as she is doing a bit better. Have fun! And anytime with the dances!!
So... sick daughter living at home first. Commuting to work, long hours second, living 1/2 hr away third, dancing occasionally fourth when available. Sounds like a man and time for dating would come 5th?
Another person for the "friend zone- nothing personal- maybe someday?" makes you wonder why she got divorced in the first place?
Another lesson in " when people tell you" they're too busy" believe them......and then they start texting you daily...and when they do see you in a group setting they try to guilt you and say " hey, I was over there the whole time but you where with other people? I thought you where gonna dance with me? ...Meanwhile they where dancing and talking with other people!!
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Post by greatcoastal on Feb 12, 2023 21:15:28 GMT -5
Greetings!! Happy super bowl Sunday!!
I stuck my leg in the dating pool the last few nights by going out dancing!! No I don't drink ( ever) but for some reason I was drunk on energy! to take risks and not fear rejection.( part of it was because I had 2 female dancing friends to return too at my table if rejected).
There was the 'youngest, latino, birthday girl there' and I was the first to dance with her ( never met her before) we danced 3 dances in a row! Then another woman grabs me by the shoulder, 2 more dances (really fast Hustle dances) then I dance with a lady who has her right arm in a sling ! ( I intentionally asked her to dance, since no one else was) Very different because I need her right hand to lead with my left. Everything was backwards but I made it work! We where both very happy!
When I returned to my table after all that dancing, my friend Sherry asks me " are you having fun yet?" my response: " I'm workin' on it!" ( as I'm out of breath!)
I then continued to 'work the room' and appeared to be one of the few men willing to do that. I went up to a table of 3 women and asked if any of them wanted to dance? One of them was celebrating her B.D. I wished her a happy B.D.! They told me they didn't know how to dance .... I told them " that's okay!! I can show you the basics, or you can free style" They where thankful but declined my offer. I said " no worries! I'm here with a whole group of dancers! I then went out on the dance floor with my friend Sherry and danced a Cha-Cha.
I saw the only black woman in the place, alone at the bar, I asked her to dance. I told her of the many dances that I know and what dances you could do to the song that was playing. I found out she was from "out of town passing through". I welcomed her to our town and then told her " honestly, I've never been to this place before, and it's my first time dancing here". She said " she wanted to watch and maybe later?"
I went back to my table and asked Elizabeth to dance with me. I walked beside the lady at the bar, and said to her " we're going to dance an East Coast Swing." She later left the bar/restaurant without dancing with any one.
Back at my table. Sherry says to me " you see that woman over there? she's been dancing by herself all night?" I said " I'll go see if she wants to dance with anyone!"
She accepted my offer, she could not keep up with me, so I changed course and kept up with her. ( I think she had a lot to drink) One dance and, then the same woman who grabbed me by the shoulder wanted another dance!
As fun as it is, I still go home alone, step outside to a warm Florida night by the ocean and would rather have one on one time like my 3 past years! All a learning process, but better than spending to much time being home alone.
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Post by northstarmom on Feb 12, 2023 21:30:37 GMT -5
GC: Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I'm impressed by your venturing out to have fun, and how you also made a point of talking to and asking to dance a variety of women including those others were ignoring. Kudos!
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 29, 2023 9:41:31 GMT -5
Greetings and happy Halloween!
It's been a year now since I took up Ballroom dancing, private lessons, group lessons,La Blast exercise dancing. I still enjoy it, and plan on continuing my lessons, there's still so much to learn!
I'm frustrated with the " friend zone" mentality of the women I meet and being their DPO ( Dance Partner Only). and , for some reason, I'm the youngest in the crowd wherever I go?
last night I changed things around a bit and went to a new group, called Brevard Christian Singles. They where having a fall/Halloween dance at a members house.
I had been to this group 5 years ago right after my divorce. It was very boring. I felt like I had walked into a retirement home ( this is Florida) the few people that where there was like a room full of grandmothers, all wanting to pray about someones cancer, or aches and pains.
So, I had low expectations. It turned out like I expected. 7 men, 15 women. I danced with over half of the ladies there. I did a lot of " teaching/instructing".
I won't be returning any time soon.
Now don't get me wrong... I'm not an angry, grumpy person! On the contrary.... I had a good time, a pleasant time, a wonderful evening!
I continue to learn to socialize, meet people, good people, very kind, nice people! I get to give and receive! far better to experience that, instead of many nights of being isolated at work or home.
I'm normally a follower, not a leader, I wanted to go and observe... however, I ended up being the star of the show. ( does anyone else experience this?)
For example: I had my name broadcast-ed as 'the new person" I then went around the tables and introduced myself to everyone! No else had to do that! ( why me?)
I went to a dance. Naturally I ask the one woman I'm seated next to if she likes to dance? What's her favorite dance? before I know it I have two tables full of women asking me all about where do I go to dance? what kind of dancing? Then I over hear the ladies telling each other " we have a dancer with us! him, over there!"
Dinner is over it's time to start making room for the dance. One of the ladies asked me to help her with a table. I've had years of experience volunteering to move thousands of tables and chairs at churches. I ended up doing 90% of it, while the other men stand and watch. I've never been here before, why does this happen? ( guess I'm becoming more 'extroverted' since my divorce than I realize? More of a 'take charge' person!)
The first dance was a lesson from the homeowner, he taught us a line dance. The next few songs where hustle- one of my favorites- I'm the only one standing, ready to dance, one of the ladies walks over to me and says " I'll try" I put on a nice show for everyone.
I'm okay with it ( she followed half my lead, I showed her the rest. I also slowed down my rhythm , not everyone dances 5 times a week like I do!, I'm used to it by now, whenever I go dancing. It's a good giving/receiving experience.
Side note: Having to be the mind reader. Midway through the dance i ask the homeowner/DJ "the woman over there, does she like to do any other dancing ? other than a line dance? "
He says " Oh yeah, she would love it ,she's waiting for you to ask her for a dance".
I'm thinking... she hasn't looked over my way once, or danced with anyone else? She's been sitting there talking with one of the other ladies.
So.. I do just that, ask her for a dance,I also get asked about myself, "how long have I lived here? where do I live?" She tells me about her children, their ages, that she is Spanish, how many grandkids she has! I mention that I raised 6 kids.
She did not know the names of any of the dances , but followed my lead very well, and was giddy happy about it!!!
At the end of the evening I went around the room and thanked everyone for the opportunity to meet them, and tell the women " thank you for the dance"
I move over to the next lady sitting there and I say " I'm sorry that I did not get to dance with you?" She says, " I was waiting for you to ask me for a dance!" I tell her, " I was waiting for you to look over my way !".
I then asked her " what dances do you like to do?" she said " line dancing". I'm thinking...okay, you don't dance those with a partner!? Again, another example of " she's interested in you, but you have to make all the moves." ( 3 other women came up to me and asked for a dance, I'm very used to that at a dance studio)
All in all, a good experience of socializing, meeting very good, nice people, and staying away from the toxic news of the day. Hope in dating? it's still there... I just want a younger crowd, not a " retirement" group. I plan on 10 more years in the workforce.
side note: I purchased a box of 100 motivational/ encouragement cards. I hand them out daily during my travels across the state, to fellow workers, executives, neighbors, cashiers, customers, strangers, people at parks, fellow dancers etc... it's a win win!!
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m76
Full Member
Posts: 416
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Post by m76 on Oct 29, 2023 9:45:53 GMT -5
Oh man, I am so not looking forward to dating if I escape my current situation.
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Missingout
Full Member
Posts: 244
Age Range: 46-50
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Post by Missingout on Oct 29, 2023 16:23:25 GMT -5
Oh man, I am so not looking forward to dating if I escape my current situation. I think it sounds great. Keep it going and something will pop up. Best of luck. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Oct 30, 2023 20:29:33 GMT -5
Oh man, I am so not looking forward to dating if I escape my current situation. When that time comes, give yourself a time for self healing. A year or longer is not that un-common. Divorce recovery groups are full of such useful information. |
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 12, 2023 18:30:08 GMT -5
last night I was at a local restaurant by the river where a group of dancers meet for dinner, and dancing to a live band. I arrived a bit late and took a seat after a dance, next to the two full tables of dancers.
My back was up against the railing by the restaurant. Their was a woman standing behind me, as people do to watch the dance floor and listen to the band.
She walked past me and lightly ran her fingers through my hair and across my neck! She then asked me to dance with her!
I had a few seconds to look at her and realize - she had a cigarette in one hand and a drink in the other ( I don't drink or smoke-and don't date girls that do!) she has very attractive hair, an average face and a bit of a chunky frame, My BMI is healthy, ( she appeared to be 10 -15 yrs. younger than me.)
I had to tell her to put down the cigarette, then to put the drink down, you're going to spill it.
I felt like I was giving her a charity dance....not to brag, but it happens. I dance with many women who are much older than me, it's just proper, polite dance etiquette!
She struggled a lot to keep up with me, yet she was very happy and acted totally turned on by the whole thing! ( always glad to do my part!)
I then continued to dance with one of the ladies who's my regular dance partner,I needed to take a break and cool off when this new woman asked me to dance again.
I politely declined and told her the truth " I need to cool of some!"
Shortly after, the band played a slow song, many of the couples headed for the dance floor, the new woman with the long dark hair remained standing in front of me close-by, I asked her for a dance.
I never asked her for her name- there's little time for talking when you're dancing, and the volume of the band makes it all that more difficult!- I also did not want to mislead her.
That's when she put her arms around me and gave me FULL BODY CONTACT through the entire dance!
By now others where watching me, laughing, smiling, acting surprised, since I always dance ' properly" keeping my distance- one of the ladies leaned over and said to me " what do you call that kind of dance!! LOL!
I will admit that I kinda liked it!! She had her hands moving on my back, I returned it back to her, and ran my fingers through her hair, lightly touching her neck and her ear.
I glanced over at my regular dance partner and said " watch this"- pointing to my cheek,I put my cheek along side hers, she had her head on my shoulder and was dancing with her eyes closed, she seemed to be heavily enjoying all of it!!
I then gave her a slight nose rub, and looked over at our hands clasped together, I let go of her hand and lightly stroked her arm and her fingers!
I was quite sweaty afterwards...that woman gives off some immense body heat! LOL!
What can I say? For that brief moment I felt like I was back in my old relationship again, things we did naturally and often.
She said " she loved it!" and thanked me for the dance" I thanked her too...however, I made sure that was our last dance for the evening. I watched her from a distance, and saw that she was there with two other women, they all left together in one car.
I have no idea how much this woman had been drinking? She stood pretty well and danced well with one of her friends.
I was introduced to one of the other women's friends and found out they live 30 miles in the other direction. I traveled about 15 miles to get there, I probably won't see her again!
The friend of the woman I danced with must have been observing the whole thing and was more than happy to tell me her name, all the different dances she knows and likes,and that she would most likely be back with the group again! I found her to be much more to my liking, more attractive , and politely informed/asked her to ' please come up to me and ask me for a dance next time!! I'll be glad to! And I hope to see you again Pam! and ask you for a dance!
All part of the dating , single life experience!
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 12, 2023 19:03:20 GMT -5
greatcoastal: You don't date women who drink at all? Why? That certainly cuts down your prospects in places where dancing occurs. It's not hard now to avoid smokers but it's far harder to avoid drinkers.
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Post by greatcoastal on Nov 12, 2023 19:25:51 GMT -5
greatcoastal: You don't date women who drink at all? Why? That certainly cuts down your prospects in places where dancing occurs. It's not hard now to avoid smokers but it's far harder to avoid drinkers. You're correct, and I should rephrase that. I won't have a long term relationship with a woman who is an alcoholic, but instead is a moderate controlled drinker. ( my last relationship liked wine with her dinner- she grew up on a vineyard!) Most of the people I know in the " dance community" do not drink at all, are into exercise and eating healthy, me included. |
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( another , not so great , holiday memory)"
