|
|
Post by worksforme2 on Jan 20, 2023 10:57:31 GMT -5
Know what another "red flag" is for me. When on a dating site and I see a female, I find initially attractive. Then I read a couple long paragraphs in which the woman says she is looking for her soulmate. And at the same time, she says she is living life to the fullest. The two seem incompatible to me. If she is living life to the fullest how will there be room for anyone else in the mix. When I see this, I immediately swipe left.
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Jan 20, 2023 11:10:53 GMT -5
worksforme: "Then I read a couple long paragraphs in which the woman says she is looking for her soulmate. And at the same time, she says she is living life to the fullest. The two seem incompatible to me. If she is living life to the fullest how will there be room for anyone else in the mix. When I see this, I immediately swipe left."
I think that soulmate is such a silly concept that I'd swipe left on any man who mentioned he was looking for that. In my opinion, there are no soulmates. There are billions of people in the world and I don't think there's only one in which I could be very compatible. I also don't think that any people perfectly match each other. Compromises always are needed.
But I would not see a person's living life to the fullest as meaning they aren't ready to have a partner. "Living life to the fullest" while solo to me means they aren't sitting home obsessively looking for a soulmate instead of going out into the world and pursuing activities and friendships that interest them. It doesn't mean they have no time for a partner. It means they are living to the fullest the life they have now. If they get involved in a relationship, they'd make room for that. I was living life to the fullest when I started dating my now partner of almost 10 years. I still am. We do some things together, some things apart. Living life to the fullest to me doesn't mean pursuing all of my activities and interests with my partner. I like it that he has some interests that don't involve me just as I have interests that don't involve him. That means we have interesting things to talk about with each other. I like friendships and relationships with people who live life to the fullest whatever are their circumstances. I am not attracted to people who basically do nothing except wait for a partner or friend to do things with. Life shouldn't stop just because one is single.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jan 22, 2023 7:26:10 GMT -5
"Side note: New years night one of my friends from the dance community had a severe stroke at the dance studio. He's only 66 yrs. old in great shape, single, an avid dancer and wonderful guy to be around.
it was SO unexpected!! It happened at 11:40pm. He's not going to make it....  ( another , not so great , holiday memory)"
Very sad. Also a reminder to all of us to take advantage of the life we have. Sad as it is that he died, it does sound like he died while living a life he enjoyed instead of waiting for the future to do things he loved."
Great news!!!It's a miracle! Our friend is off his breathing tube, moving his hands and legs, trying to stand up,responding to everything and speaking a little! All within an hour! Thank you God!! We will find out in the next few days how well his brain is. All seems good for now!
I jokingly told him" now you've got a heart with a warranty! LOL! A new and improved model !" I got to hear some of his story. He was one of those who received the very first COVID shot by Johnson and Johnson. The one that was quickly banned and taken off the market because of it's deadly affects on pregnant women. My friend had a heart attack 3 months after receiving this shot, along with similar side affects immediately when he received it. He has now been diagnosed as having his recent heart attack ( this new years night) due to his immunization. He also fears it could happen again. So glad he's back with us!!
( No politics please) |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Jan 22, 2023 11:53:33 GMT -5
But I would not see a person's living life to the fullest as meaning they aren't ready to have a partner. "Living life to the fullest" while solo to me means they aren't sitting home obsessively looking for a soulmate instead of going out into the world and pursuing activities and friendships that interest them.
This could easily describe my date Ava ( the one who's an hour late, dating/dancing with men 30 yrs. older than her, always too busy socializing. Has a vocabulary of - might- maybe- possibly-not sure-hopefully- later-could be- I'll see- another time- I'm busy)
There's a lot that has been said about " when a person tells you these things, believe them".
Someone who buries themselves in work, family,socializing, etc...most likely has issues with fears of intimacy,fears of commitment, self esteem issues, trust issues etc..
Then their are those who just need time.
They are still healing from a SM? A divorce, a relationship with violence, etc...They will change their schedule to make room for a relationship, or they all ready have room, just not a relationship....yet ( that's me)
Then there are those who are content with a life of socializing, remaining single and using, playing others for their entertainment, jollies, financial gain, sex, lying, manipulating, vengeance, etc... They have members of the opposite sex in their life like the wind... commitment is no where to be found in their vocabulary! swipe left and choose wisely. Dating is a job in itself, like going for a job interview.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 9, 2023 10:36:59 GMT -5
More days,and experiences in the dating field!
One of the older ladies I dance with has offered to be my "wing girl" by inviting me dancing at bars/restaurants where live bands/singers perform. She's been at this for 20yrs.and claims she wants to keep dancing till she dies!
She tells me " I'm going to get you out there dancing, and going to new places".
last night I was at a restaurant on the river sitting one table away from where I've had dinner with my now ex girlfriend Rafaella. There's a new group of people there who like to dance, all of the women are older than me. I'm kinda fortunate that I look more like I'm 45 yrs old instead of the 59 yrs old that I am! I dance like I'm in my 40's too!)
My wing girl knows one of these ladies and they post on line where they will be dancing every day of the week. I get an ear full about several of them- that ones married, and she's always out dancing, you'll never see her H. The tall one with the big ____and the beer in her hand,stay away from her,the musician won't go near her, etc...
Most of them only free style dance and I find many eyes on me when I dance several of my line dances and ballroom dances with my 'wing girl' or one of the ladies from their group. ( I get asked -are you an instructor? How long have you been dancing?) I go home alone.
Tonight I'm going to bar/dance club, that has a 'reputation' for the dance floor being crowded with people who can't dance, always have a beer in their hand, ( the floor gets sticky with beer-I've been told " that's why we don't go there very often") and spill it all over you. Same musician playing ( that's why we're going there) if you go early the crowd is small and less drinkers.
I have 3 valentines dinner/dances to go to, all wearing red. All part of meeting people, socializing, and putting my leg, ( not just a toe or my foot) into the dating pool!
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 9, 2023 11:27:08 GMT -5
I met a woman on the dance floor recently who I like very much. There's the first 5 minutes of "wow ...nice body! smaller frame,gorgeous hair,pale skin (like mine) younger than me? but in my age range, arrives alone, sits alone, is happy and social,a good knowledgeable dancer".
I ask her to dance,we dance several different dances. She compliments me, my dancing, I do the same back to her.
Then,days later one of the men tells me " I saw you dancing with Ann the other night, she seems nice"-- meaning, she's single you should ask her out!
( Funny- it sounds like H.S. all over again!)
In the following days ( more dancing , talking while sitting between songs ,at other locations) comes the next 15 minutes of "getting to know someone and deciding-do I want to know more about this person? And do they show the same feelings?"
People give you "hints". Strong hints! And yet, I'm still new at de-coding them! I give hints too weather I know it or not... some, I'm getting better at. I ask "Are you going to any of the valentines dances? Do you have plans for Valentines day?" Hopefully a pretty strong sign that I'm available and want to be with her!
I get told "well...I didn't want to mention this, but... my birthday is on valentines day!. I don't have any plans..I'm working that day, I'll probably just stay home with my daughter".
I used a cheesy line " wow! You'll be legal!" she laughs and says " yea,right, a little older than that!!" We both agree that Valentines day is way over rated, a sales gimmic, and that the restaurants will be way overcrowded. I tell her " you should celebrate the day before or the day after!"
Now comes the down side: I still need to know more about her ,but so far she sounds " not ready for dating". ( hopefully I'm wrong- but i don't know her story)
1) Ann wears a face mask all the time. ( no one else does anymore) She says her only adult daughter is home living with her and is very sick and can easily be infected ( so she's not a COVID freak- it's so she won't go home and infect her daughter) Hmmm...not sure what to make of that? I can tell you that I don't like the mask covering her facial expressions. You learn a lot about someone by reading their face( and, yes, I'd like to be kissing it !!)
2) She told me she works a 12 hr day sometimes. She's been busy at work, and only goes dancing on a Sunday,but used to go dancing more and wants to in the future.
3) I don't know exactly where she lives, yet, but It sounds like another town over. A distance barrier.
4) I found her on Facebook,she gives little info,but friended me. I have very little way of communicating with her, for now. Until I see her at a dance night. (I did invite her to go dancing tonight via Facebook messenger)
Just an example of the -job interview- dating process! I try to keep it light so it's easy for both of us to say yes or no, but it's difficult when you're still new at it. learning from my experiences. taking risks, putting myself out there, and doing better with not taking rejection personally and knowing that the other person has their own 'personal' reasons
I heard back from Ann already ( impressive!)
" Hey GC ! Hope you are doing well! Thanks for the invite, but I don't think I will be able to make it. My daughter is so sick so I will have to play everything by ear (it gets tricky with her condition) we take it day by day. I'm also in my office in Lake Mary (1 1/2 hrs away) (ugh) today, not knowing when I will get home. ( I have a double header this week with everything ..LOL) Anyway, thanks for the invite, I hope to be back dancing, as soon as she is doing a bit better. Have fun! And anytime with the dances!!
So... sick daughter living at home first. Commuting to work, long hours second, living 1/2 hr away third, dancing occasionally fourth when available. Sounds like a man and time for dating would come 5th?
Another person for the "friend zone- nothing personal- maybe someday?" makes you wonder why she got divorced in the first place?
Another lesson in " when people tell you" they're too busy" believe them......and then they start texting you daily...and when they do see you in a group setting they try to guilt you and say " hey, I was over there the whole time but you where with other people? I thought you where gonna dance with me? ...Meanwhile they where dancing and talking with other people!!
.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Feb 12, 2023 21:15:28 GMT -5
Greetings!! Happy super bowl Sunday!!
I stuck my leg in the dating pool the last few nights by going out dancing!! No I don't drink ( ever) but for some reason I was drunk on energy! to take risks and not fear rejection.( part of it was because I had 2 female dancing friends to return too at my table if rejected).
There was the 'youngest, latino, birthday girl there' and I was the first to dance with her ( never met her before) we danced 3 dances in a row! Then another woman grabs me by the shoulder, 2 more dances (really fast Hustle dances) then I dance with a lady who has her right arm in a sling ! ( I intentionally asked her to dance, since no one else was) Very different because I need her right hand to lead with my left. Everything was backwards but I made it work! We where both very happy!
When I returned to my table after all that dancing, my friend Sherry asks me " are you having fun yet?" my response: " I'm workin' on it!" ( as I'm out of breath!)
I then continued to 'work the room' and appeared to be one of the few men willing to do that. I went up to a table of 3 women and asked if any of them wanted to dance? One of them was celebrating her B.D. I wished her a happy B.D.! They told me they didn't know how to dance .... I told them " that's okay!! I can show you the basics, or you can free style" They where thankful but declined my offer. I said " no worries! I'm here with a whole group of dancers! I then went out on the dance floor with my friend Sherry and danced a Cha-Cha.
I saw the only black woman in the place, alone at the bar, I asked her to dance. I told her of the many dances that I know and what dances you could do to the song that was playing. I found out she was from "out of town passing through". I welcomed her to our town and then told her " honestly, I've never been to this place before, and it's my first time dancing here". She said " she wanted to watch and maybe later?"
I went back to my table and asked Elizabeth to dance with me. I walked beside the lady at the bar, and said to her " we're going to dance an East Coast Swing." She later left the bar/restaurant without dancing with any one.
Back at my table. Sherry says to me " you see that woman over there? she's been dancing by herself all night?" I said " I'll go see if she wants to dance with anyone!"
She accepted my offer, she could not keep up with me, so I changed course and kept up with her. ( I think she had a lot to drink) One dance and, then the same woman who grabbed me by the shoulder wanted another dance!
As fun as it is, I still go home alone, step outside to a warm Florida night by the ocean and would rather have one on one time like my 3 past years! All a learning process, but better than spending to much time being home alone.
|
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Feb 12, 2023 21:30:37 GMT -5
GC: Sounds like you had a wonderful time. I'm impressed by your venturing out to have fun, and how you also made a point of talking to and asking to dance a variety of women including those others were ignoring. Kudos!
|
|
( another , not so great , holiday memory)"