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Post by Handy on Jul 28, 2020 17:29:01 GMT -5
Saarinista
Yes, alimony. Can't these women get jobs? Or just stop spending money? Saarinista, some can do both but do not want to. I was reading a dating forum with mostly women on the forum. Some women didn't earn much. Some women were mostly stay-at-home folks.
After divorcing, some women were dating a man for 5 plus years and practically living with the guy but never married the guy during the "spousal support time" set by the judge that signed off on the divorce decree. When the spousal support ended, THEN most all of these women married the guy they were in a long term relationship with. Money often equals security and who wants to give up security or to have some extra "perks."? Some states are killers when it comes to spousal support. My W had the potential to earn more money than I did. She worked as few hours as possible while I worked as many hours as I could fit in to a day, evening, and sometimes past midnight. Sometimes good-nice guys take financial hits that were not apparent when they were working to pay the bills and have a few extra goodies.
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Post by mirrororchid on Jul 29, 2020 7:24:47 GMT -5
Saarinista
Yes, alimony. Can't these women get jobs? Or just stop spending money? Saarinista, some can do both but do not want to. I was reading a dating forum with mostly women on the forum. Some women didn't earn much. Some women were mostly stay-at-home folks.
After divorcing, some women were dating a man for 5 plus years and practically living with the guy but never marrieds the guy during the "spousal support time" set by the judge that signed off on the divorce decree. When the spousal support ended, THEN most all of these women married the guy they were in a long term relationship with. ... Some states are killers when it comes to spousal support. My W had the potential to earn more money than I did. She worked as few hours as possible while I worked as many hours as I could fit in to a day, evening, and sometimes past midnight. Sometimes good-nice guys take financial hits that were not apparent when they were working to pay the bills and have a few extra goodies. I was looking at which states were the least archaic in terms of recognizing women's alleged equality by limiting alimony. I came across this piece that did it's best to defend very long term alimony and fails in a way that's jaw dropping. Does she listen to herself type? www.cnn.com/2012/03/09/opinion/murphy-alimony-overhaul-con/index.htmlTo Saarinista, shopping is an addiction. Like video games, shopping is an easy way to get a reward (new shiny thing!) with minimal effort. Dopamine hits like that don't last long. Owning stuff isn't the goal. Getting stuff is the need. If a spouse has a drug addiction, that is part of teh lifestyle they've grown accustomed too as well, I guess. It may be a curious thing to present the lengthy receipts of unnecessary purchases to a judge when they come up with a figure the working spouse must hand over. The odd part is that the life a spouse is accustomed to included caring for someone. You ditch the primary responsibility of a "job" but expect no demotion or cut in pay? Nice gig if you can get it. "Hey boss, Mikey is gonna handle the burgers, fries, and shakes, clean the bathrooms and mop the floors. I'll ring up the customers and when we're slow I'll be reading the paper over in booth 15, okay? ...What's that? ...Yeah, a judge said Mikey hadda do it. I'm as surprised as you." |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 13, 2021 8:21:33 GMT -5
And now Barbie takes the lead in dealing with an her long time relation- ship with Ken....  |
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 13, 2021 10:24:50 GMT -5
This cartoon reminded me of when shopping decades ago with my sons they wanted to buy a couple Barbie dolls. Nervously I asked why they wanted dolls. They quickly said the Barbie's were to be girlfriends for their GI Joes.
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Post by worksforme2 on Mar 31, 2021 7:46:32 GMT -5
I'd like to know what kind of wine Jesus made...red or white  |
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Post by lessingham on Apr 1, 2021 3:33:54 GMT -5
The whole alimony thing is a mess from when divorce was rare and involved rich folk. It is easy to sort out but since lawyers grow fat on it, where is the enthusiasm amongst lawmakers?
Since most marriages seem to end these days, pre nups should be compulsory and enforcable. But hey ho, never underestimate the ability of a lawyer to wriggle out of a contract, for a fee nsturally.
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Post by mirrororchid on Apr 1, 2021 6:06:42 GMT -5
The whole alimony thing is a mess from when divorce was rare and involved rich folk. It is easy to sort out but since lawyers grow fat on it, where is the enthusiasm amongst lawmakers? Since most marriages seem to end these days, pre nups should be compulsory and enforcable. But hey ho, never underestimate the ability of a lawyer to wriggle out of a contract, for a fee nsturally. Thanks for making me look this up. www.forbes.com/sites/jefflanders/2013/04/02/five-reasons-your-prenup-might-be-invalid/?sh=1d784a1919a5Wanna keep yer shit? Don't marry. And we've seen rich people get successfully sued for palimony, so don't keep any relationship alive longer than two or three years. See Brad Pitt for the model. If you like a particular lover, you can go back as soon as everyone agrees you're split. If nobody can keep track of who you're with, you're doing it right. |
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Post by njsojourner on Apr 16, 2021 21:14:35 GMT -5
When our sexless marriage began, my wife offered to five me hand jobs. Maybe I was crazy but I declined because I was pissed off about not having real sex. As time went on the issue didn’t come up,again. Finally, I decided to outsource. As many have stated, the cost of divorce financially and otherwise, is too great for me. The risk/reward calculus led me to one conclusion: outsource and do my best to keep it secret. So far so good.. I have no illusions. Someday I may be found out and then the sky will fall but I will accept whatever comes knowing that I did what I did fully aware of the risks and the consequences.
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Post by shamwow on May 5, 2021 11:43:32 GMT -5
Saarinista
Yes, alimony. Can't these women get jobs? Or just stop spending money? Saarinista, some can do both but do not want to. I was reading a dating forum with mostly women on the forum. Some women didn't earn much. Some women were mostly stay-at-home folks.
After divorcing, some women were dating a man for 5 plus years and practically living with the guy but never marrieds the guy during the "spousal support time" set by the judge that signed off on the divorce decree. When the spousal support ended, THEN most all of these women married the guy they were in a long term relationship with. ... Some states are killers when it comes to spousal support. My W had the potential to earn more money than I did. She worked as few hours as possible while I worked as many hours as I could fit in to a day, evening, and sometimes past midnight. Sometimes good-nice guys take financial hits that were not apparent when they were working to pay the bills and have a few extra goodies. I was looking at which states were the least archaic in terms of recognizing women's alleged equality by limiting alimony. I came across this piece that did it's best to defend very long term alimony and fails in a way that's jaw dropping. Does she listen to herself type? www.cnn.com/2012/03/09/opinion/murphy-alimony-overhaul-con/index.htmlTo Saarinista, shopping is an addiction. Like video games, shopping is an easy way to get a reward (new shiny thing!) with minimal effort. Dopamine hits like that don't last long. Owning stuff isn't the goal. Getting stuff is the need. If a spouse has a drug addiction, that is part of teh lifestyle they've grown accustomed too as well, I guess. It may be a curious thing to present the lengthy receipts of unnecessary purchases to a judge when they come up with a figure the working spouse must hand over. The odd part is that the life a spouse is accustomed to included caring for someone. You ditch the primary responsibility of a "job" but expect no demotion or cut in pay? Nice gig if you can get it. "Hey boss, Mikey is gonna handle the burgers, fries, and shakes, clean the bathrooms and mop the floors. I'll ring up the customers and when we're slow I'll be reading the paper over in booth 15, okay? ...What's that? ...Yeah, a judge said Mikey hadda do it. I'm as surprised as you." One quick point on the list of receipts for "unnecessary expenses". In most jurisdictions alimony is used to "alleviate any unfair economic burdens that may befall the lower-wage-earning spouse or the non-wage-earning spouse after a divorce takes place." If course, this is a completely vague standard. It could be protection against starvation or it could mean one partner has to support the other's lifestyle years, decades, or longer after the marriage ends. It matters what judge looks at the receipts you present and what they had for breakfast that morning in many cases. Child support is better defined and usually is formula-based. It also has an automatic end (when the child is 18 and graduated from high school usually). I live in Texas and we don't have spousal support but have generous child support. I pay 20 percent of my salary to my ex and have for the past 4 years or so. It ends in a year when my son turns 18 and graduates high school. All in all I will have paid about $110k. It was all calculated in a formula with little deviation. However, in a state such as California, child support is pretty meager and spousal support can be quite generous. The child support is based on a formula like Texas but the spousal support is pretty much whatever the judge feels like. In fact it's illegal for the judge to use a formula. Different states, different rules. Glad I live in a state where I was able to go into my divorce knowing exactly how it would play out. Eliminates a lot of the drama and hostility. One last note...I do have a spreadsheet that outlines the support I've paid and how much I have left. In a year my child support ends and my ex will essentially take a 40 percent pay cut of tax free income. She hasn't done anything over those 5 years to date to improve her skills to earn more. Not my problem, but I have to confess I am watching wihh a bemused attitude. |
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Post by northstarmom on May 5, 2021 14:00:49 GMT -5
Saarinista
Yes, alimony. Can't these women get jobs? Or just stop spending money?"
I support alimony. Many women -- with their husband's blessing-- stayed home and raised kids or accepted lower pay jobs in order to be more available to do the many things that need to be done when one has kids -- things like volunteering in school, taking kids to extracurriculars. Such actions cause women to lack the job experience that would allow them to get higher pay. Also, if the women at the time of divorce are 50 or older, it's much harder to become employed or to move up on the job. Presumably their husbands benefited from the wife's being out of the workforce or not fully employed or employed in a demanding, highly paid job. If the husbands didn't benefit -- such as the many men here who say they do virtually all of the childcare, domestic chores even though their wives didn't work -- then I blame the husband for enabling his wife to live like that. Not having a backbone has costs.
I did sacrifice my career for my family. This included my not applying for jobs elsewhere in the country when I didn't get tenure (despite having a doctorate) in a college where my husband (who lacks a doctorate) had a tenured professorship in the same department that rejected me for tenure. (I could have sued over sex discrimination, but didn't-- because my husband was still working there and would have gotten backlash). When I divorced at age 60, I was working jobs far below my capabilities (because that's all I could get in the area where I was living although I had a national reputation), and I could have gotten alimony. Instead, with my husband's agreement, I got 60% of our assets. Meanwhile, because of how I supported him during our marriage, he is still working part-time (by choice, not necessity) and living an extremely comfortable life that includes building a new house.
BTW, in some states, including my former state, if married 10 years or more, the lower earning spouse is entitled to alimony. If you don't like your marriage and don't want to pay alimony, it's smart to get out of the marriage before you reach the 10-year mark. Because of their job prospects, it's also far easier for the unemployed/underemployed spouse to make it without alimony if they are under 50.
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Post by shamwow on May 5, 2021 14:13:49 GMT -5
Saarinista Yes, alimony. Can't these women get jobs? Or just stop spending money?" I support alimony. Many women -- with their husband's blessing-- stayed home and raised kids or accepted lower pay jobs in order to be more available to do the many things that need to be done when one has kids -- things like volunteering in school, taking kids to extracurriculars. Such actions cause women to lack the job experience that would allow them to get higher pay. Also, if the women at the time of divorce are 50 or older, it's much harder to become employed or to move up on the job. Presumably their husbands benefited from the wife's being out of the workforce or not fully employed or employed in a demanding, highly paid job. If the husbands didn't benefit -- such as the many men here who say they do virtually all of the childcare, domestic chores even though their wives didn't work -- then I blame the husband for enabling his wife to live like that. Not having a backbone has costs. I did sacrifice my career for my family. This included my not applying for jobs elsewhere in the country when I didn't get tenure (despite having a doctorate) in a college where my husband (who lacks a doctorate) had a tenured professorship in the same department that rejected me for tenure. (I could have sued over sex discrimination, but didn't-- because my husband was still working there and would have gotten backlash). When I divorced at age 60, I was working jobs far below my capabilities (because that's all I could get in the area where I was living although I had a national reputation), and I could have gotten alimony. Instead, with my husband's agreement, I got 60% of our assets. Meanwhile, because of how I supported him during our marriage, he is still working part-time (by choice, not necessity) and living an extremely comfortable life that includes building a new house. BTW, in some states, including my former state, if married 10 years or more, the lower earning spouse is entitled to alimony. If you don't like your marriage and don't want to pay alimony, it's smart to get out of the marriage before you reach the 10-year mark. Because of their job prospects, it's also far easier for the unemployed/underemployed spouse to make it without alimony if they are under 50. Just out of curiosity, what are your thoughts on permanent spousal support? And should the recipient of spousal support be required to work? |
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Post by Handy on May 5, 2021 17:40:17 GMT -5
Northstarmom
If you don't like your marriage and don't want to pay alimony, it's smart to get out of the marriage before you reach the 10-year mark.
Well, I am screwed.
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Post by mirrororchid on May 5, 2021 18:28:57 GMT -5
f the husbands didn't benefit -- such as the many men here who say they do virtually all of the childcare, domestic chores even though their wives didn't work -- then I blame the husband for enabling his wife to live like that. Not having a backbone has costs. Other than leave, what does one do to get effort from a lazy spouse? Noting that my own wife was a stellar stay-at-home mom, saucy vixen, and homemaker before her clinical depression, so I'm largely asking for others. |
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 19:06:13 GMT -5
The whole alimony thing is a mess from when divorce was rare and involved rich folk. It is easy to sort out but since lawyers grow fat on it, where is the enthusiasm amongst lawmakers? Since most marriages seem to end these days, pre nups should be compulsory and enforcable. But hey ho, never underestimate the ability of a lawyer to wriggle out of a contract, for a fee nsturally.
Depends on who you are divorcing from/with: my divorce cost in the order of $350 plus a few bucks stamp fee at the family court. It _can_ be done amicably.
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Post by petrushka on May 10, 2021 19:21:19 GMT -5
Northstarmom
If you don't like your marriage and don't want to pay alimony, it's smart to get out of the marriage before you reach the 10-year mark. Well, I am screwed.
Depends on your legislation. In NZ, if you have cohabited with a person, never mind whether married or 'common law marriage' (i.e. not married at all), they can ask for 50% after 3 years. Typically, there is no alimony.
So, I was living on a 750 acre farm worth several hundred thousand, I had built a house for my parents to retire in, my wife came in with 10,000 Euro.
Farming was in a slump and so were farm prices.
Had I asked for a divorce, after 3 years when she stopped having sex with me, I would have had to sell the farm at bottom of the barrel price,
evict my parents from their house and be left without a means of supporting myself, to pay my wife to bugger off. I would not have had enough money left over to pay back my parents for the money they loaned me.
Talk about sitting in a f'ing trap. I did consider driving the car over the edge of a cliff. I figured out that that was depriving myself of a future.
As it is, I struggled on for 6 years until I landed in the iliasm group on EP back in '09. Then I got to sorting things out with the wife, and really, we have not looked back in terms of the quality of the relationship.
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