This is how it works for me. Others? Jul 11, 2020 1:49:17 GMT -5
Post by jamesbonding on Jul 11, 2020 1:49:17 GMT -5
I wonder if it would help if you said, in a non-confrontational, non-accusatory way, something like "It seems like we haven't had sex as often in the last month as in previous months. Is there some reason for that?"
Have you tried establishing a schedule for sex? Having a schedule can benefit both sides in a mismatched libidos situation. The LL person doesn't have to endure being constantly badgered for sex. And the HL person has some assurance that sex will occur at some specific future time without having to ask and risk another rejection.
I have long wanted to have a schedule, but have had difficulty bringing up the subject. Then, a few years ago, to my great surprise and delight, my wife spontaneously proposed a schedule of once every two days. I think that was too much for her, so that schedule didn't last long.
Then, maybe a year ago, she spontaneously proposed another schedule - every Wednesday and Sunday morning. That schedule seems to be more realistic for her. We've been following that schedule rather loosely. We usually have sex on Sunday, or it may get postponed to Monday or Tuesday. If it gets postponed, Wednesday is likely to be postponed as well, or cancelled. and if Wednesday is postponed to Friday, Sunday may get postponed or cancelled. So we've ended up having sex once or twice a week for the last year. Not ideal from my perspective, but so far mostly bearable.
It's pretty clear that my wife doesn't enjoy having sex with me, but does it because she wants to keep the marriage together. In that sense, I suppose I could say that I'm in the middle of a reset, too. It's just that my reset has lasted ten years!
I think that's funny, but I suspect most refusers would not understand the humor.
Refusers seem okay with the "til death do we part thing for their preference (celibacy) but not for ours. Our preference can be indulged temporarily. Perhaps I'll ask. "Would you like some celibacy? How long? Shall we reset for three months then resume sex?"