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Post by northstarmom on Sept 26, 2018 15:51:12 GMT -5
GC wrote: "Just to change the subject slightly, in case you are wondering what some of these conversations between these 35 yr old woman are like I will paraphrase the latest and edit it. I get sent an email from a woman age 35 who lives 70 miles from me. Her pics are clean (no nudity) she looks like Jaclyn Smith. She is currently with UNICEF in Nigeria West Africa. She is coming home next week. She calls herself nurse___ but has not said one thing about any nursing background or experiences. "I have passed through a lot being in a relationship, and wouldn't allow the past to ruin me again. I believe failure teaches success and building my future with the experience I had.I believe inside looks will determine if couples are compatible, though attraction is part of it, but the most important, that does it all, is personality traits. I am looking for a man that's caring and understanding for NSA or LTR." " I will be home next week are you able to pick me up?" ( We have had 2 email back in forth to each other that is it) "My dad is dead, and my mom left me after dad's death and got married to another man which I don't get to see her again....I was raised by my aunt who is now caught up in drugs and alcohol. I really love her and it pains me that she chose to live that way. That is why I decided to stay alone and work with my team, because I did not feel comfortable living with her anymore. I just had to tell you about my personal life. I wanted you to know what I am facing in life. I'll never allow that to pull me down/back in life.I just have to be strong and move on with my life. I pray the lord guides and protects me and leads me on through the right path. I am new at this online thing, A friend of mine introduced me to it at camp. You are the first person I am meeting on line. Do keep in touch. I will send you an email when I get off duty." How about that? Not quite what I was expecting. I have a lot more questions. "The come and pick me up part Seems like a big RED flag." If I was going to travel or have her come visit me, I am going to ask for a pic. of her drivers license and offer mine." Yes, I see HUGE red flags. "Come and pick me up" either she's a scammer, robber or she lacks good sense or she's a police officer trying to find a serial killer or rapist who has been preying on women on that site. No one with good sense would ask a complete stranger to pick her up like that. I wonder if she's an undercover police officer because what she's offering you would be a perfect setup for a serial killer or rapist. For instance, she appears to have no money, no relatives and no friends who'd her. Otherwise, she'd be paying for transportation home or having a friend pick her up. Her claiming to be new at on-line dating makes her sound naive, another potentially good victim for a serial rapist or killer. She also could be posing as a naive person in order to rob or otherwise trick you. "She is currently with UNICEF in Nigeria West Africa. She is coming home next week." Sounds highly unlikely. She seems too unsophisticated to be working for a major organization abroad like UNICEF. Plus, if she were, they'd pay for her transportation home. "I have passed through a lot being in a relationship, and wouldn't allow the past to ruin me again. I believe failure teaches success and building my future with the experience I had.I believe inside looks will determine if couples are compatible, though attraction is part of it, but the most important, that does it all, is personality traits. I am looking for a man that's caring and understanding for NSA or LTR."" Makes no sense. If she were that concerned about character she would need far more info than you provided on that site. She appears to be trying to appeal to your sense of yourself as a good person. It'sa more sophisticated version of the scam my naive, unsophisticated brother got into when he thought that due to his trustworthy character, a dying Nigerian woman was going to will him $6 million to distribute to the poor. "My dad is dead, and my mom left me after dad's death and got married to another man which I don't get to see her again....I was raised by my aunt who is now caught up in drugs and alcohol. I really love her and it pains me that she chose to live that way. That is why I decided to stay alone and work with my team, because I did not feel comfortable living with her anymore. I just had to tell you about my personal life. I wanted you to know what I am facing in life. I'll never allow that to pull me down/back in life.I just have to be strong and move on with my life. I pray the lord guides and protects me and leads me on through the right path. I am new at this online thing, A friend of mine introduced me to it at camp. You are the first person I am meeting on line. Do keep in touch. I will send you an email when I get off duty." She created a sob story to appeal to your kindness including the fact that you're religious. My advice: Run! Block her! You are being setup. I also think that something is off with any site in which ordinary middle aged men looking for hook-ups get messages from gorgeous much younger women. Those women either are hookers, scammers or bots. This man thought he had a date for sex. He ended up dead. "WASHINGTON (ABC7) — Marty McMillan Jr., 22, of Landover, Maryland, was last seen alive by his family in April of last year. He told his father he was going on a date with a woman he met on an online dating website.mIt is believed that McMillan walked into an apartment building on Martin Luther King Avenue in Southeast Washington alive on April 22, 2017. Hours later, according to court documents, he was dead." wjla.com/news/crime/court-docs-woman-arranges-date-with-man-online-boyfriend-kills-him-hours-later |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 26, 2018 16:40:58 GMT -5
That's why I posted it. A good example of what's out there. I asked her to send me pictures of her "nursing" I asked her what college she went to? I asked her have you ever given a patient a catheter? She told me in her last response she would be coming home next wed. (could I pick her up) I said nothing else about that in my response.
The response I received today answered none of my questions, and told me "we don't have a date yet for coming back home, but according to the schedule we are almost done here".
I am waiting for the request for money.
I have been emailing with another 35 yr old who had the same similar stories about her upbringing, only she went into greater length about her career and that she is on a business trip to Nigeria, how she has shows to do when she gets back home etc... and can't wait to get home and cook for me and get to know me.
Then came the pictures of her bruises and stitches from getting robbed and beaten. Sure enough came the request for money.
I returned an email to her with a business only tone,"money is something I am unable to loan out or give out at this time. Not like in the past. I have numerous debts of my own (and future expenses for my teens)
I would look forward to speaking with you more in the future after I learn more about you. Please take a picture of your driver's license and send it to me. I can do the same for you. This way I can do a background check and verify. You can do the same."
Think I'll here back from her? I don't expect any reply.
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 26, 2018 16:51:24 GMT -5
GC, why even bother corresponding with people who obviously are scammers? It's just a waste of your time.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 26, 2018 17:01:46 GMT -5
GC, why even bother corresponding with people who obviously are scammers? It's just a waste of your time. That's a good question. I am learning from it. I want to be knowledgeable of their lines and tactics for future reference. I also get to practice my " tell me all about yourself, your desires, what you are looking for in a woman" thoughts. After being married for 25 yrs, these things just don't roll off my brain! They take time and practice. After a few trial and errors I can just cut and paste my answers. It's only been two weeks. It's new to me. I asked for some examples on here, and the most I receive are comments like " you have to go through a lot". |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 26, 2018 18:00:05 GMT -5
GC, why even bother corresponding with people who obviously are scammers? It's just a waste of your time. That's a good question. I am learning from it. I want to be knowledgeable of their lines and tactics for future reference. I also get to practice my " tell me all about yourself, your desires, what you are looking for in a woman" thoughts. After being married for 25 yrs, these things just don't roll off my brain! They take time and practice. After a few trial and errors I can just cut and paste my answers. It's only been two weeks. It's new to me. I asked for some examples on here, and the most I receive are comments like " you have to go through a lot". Honestly, brother I got a good chuckle out of the Nigerian sob story scammer. I was also happy you recognized it. On my way to the airport a few trips ago, I found myself talking with a lady on the parking lot shuttle on the way to the terminal. I told her that I was on my way to see ballofconfusion. I'm in a relationship and didn't want this woman to get the wrong impression. She continued to talk and it turns out she was also flying to San Diego. After we got to the gate she said that she hates flying and was going to the bar for a couple drinks. She invited me to join her. As a recovering alcoholic I simply told her I don't drink. She gave me her number so I could text her so she won't miss the flight. She had me text her to make sure I had it right. I thought it was weird that this woman could dress and pack a bag and drive to the airport but need a reminder to get back to the gate. I texted this to ballofconfusion and she laughed at me. She said "baby, that woman was hitting on you". I was honestly surprised. I even argued. "baby, I told her I have a girlfriend and I'm on my way to see her". BOC laughed again at my naivatee. Apparently telling someone you are in a relationship isn't some sort of amulet to ward off people hitting on you. I blocked the number and boarded the flight. As she passed me on her way to her seat she "casually" brushed past me. So now BOC and I joke about my airport girlfriend and we joke about her basil boyfriend (getting hit on in the store). It happens. My point here is that when in a SM (especially if you didn't outsource) the idea of identifying signals is an atrophied skill. In my case they barely existed before the SM. So don't be hard on yourself. You're just off the block. Take your time and stand ready to laugh at the situation as well as yourself from time to time. Chicks dig laughter 😏 |
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Post by ballofconfusion on Sept 26, 2018 18:11:05 GMT -5
That's a good question. I am learning from it. I want to be knowledgeable of their lines and tactics for future reference. I also get to practice my " tell me all about yourself, your desires, what you are looking for in a woman" thoughts. After being married for 25 yrs, these things just don't roll off my brain! They take time and practice. After a few trial and errors I can just cut and paste my answers. It's only been two weeks. It's new to me. I asked for some examples on here, and the most I receive are comments like " you have to go through a lot". Honestly, brother I got a good chuckle out of the Nigerian sob story scammer. I was also happy you recognized it. On my way to the airport a few trips ago, I found myself talking with a lady on the parking lot shuttle on the way to the terminal. I told her that I was on my way to see ballofconfusion. I'm in a relationship and didn't want this woman to get the wrong impression. She continued to talk and it turns out she was also flying to San Diego. After we got to the gate she said that she hates flying and was going to the bar for a couple drinks. She invited me to join her. As a recovering alcoholic I simply told her I don't drink. She gave me her number so I could text her so she won't miss the flight. She had me text her to make sure I had it right. I thought it was weird that this woman could dress and pack a bag and drive to the airport but need a reminder to get back to the gate. I texted this to ballofconfusion and she laughed at me. She said "baby, that woman was hitting on you". I was honestly surprised. I even argued. "baby, I told her I have a girlfriend and I'm on my way to see her". BOC laughed again at my naivatee. Apparently telling someone you are in a relationship isn't some sort of amulet to ward off people hitting on you. I blocked the number and boarded the flight. As she passed me on her way to her seat she "casually" brushed past me. So now BOC and I joke about my airport girlfriend and we joke about her basil boyfriend (getting hit on in the store). It happens. My point here is that when in a SM (especially if you didn't outsource) the idea of identifying signals is an atrophied skill. In my case they barely existed before the SM. So don't be hard on yourself. You're just off the block. Take your time and stand ready to laugh at the situation as well as yourself from time to time. chicks dig laughter 😏 - at least airport girlfriend has good taste, despite lacking in subtlety. You should enjoy a bit of swagger (and a good laugh). |
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Post by Handy on Sept 26, 2018 20:10:12 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, the two 35 yer olds were setting up the story so you would buy in to their next situation, which might have gone like the following, the short version:
I am at the London Airport and someone took my ticket, could you advance me the air fare to xyz destination?
Things have more value if there is a good and longish story that goes along with an item or event.
A baseball is only a couple of dollars at Walmart. A baseball kit by Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth goes for thousand of dollars.
The ladies could be men sitting in a back room full of scammers with decent writing and story development skills to suck you into believing they are real characters doing what is in the story.
I could say I was an inverter and had several money making patents. All I would have to do is look on Wikipedia and use that information in my introduction and other places on this forum. I don't and admit I am a handyman with several usable talents.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 26, 2018 20:23:22 GMT -5
Greatcoastal, the two 35 yer olds were setting up the story so you would buy in to their next situation, which might have gone like the following, the short version: I am at the London Airport and someone took my ticket, could you advance me the air fare to xyz destination? Things have more value if there is a good and longish story that goes along with an item or event. A baseball is only a couple of dollars at Walmart. A baseball kit by Mickey Mantle or Babe Ruth goes for thousand of dollars. The ladies could be men sitting in a back room full of scammers with decent writing and story development skills to suck you into believing they are real characters doing what is in the story. I could say I was an inverter and had several money making patents. All I would have to do is look on Wikipedia and use that information in my introduction and other places on this forum. I don't and admit I am a handyman with several usable talents. I could smell the stench about half way through. It was helpful to be emailing multiple ones at the same time, and seeing the similarities. Once the money issue comes up, it's over. when the travel issue comes up, I want ID conformation and a background check. Now I did meet up with a woman on this same sight for dinner. Things were quite different. She is 50 yrs old, has 3 kids, works two jobs, divorced, lived 7 miles away and was able to meet me in person, in a public place. She too sent me texts back and forth, but they were not loaded with crazy love bomb compliments! |
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Post by Handy on Sept 26, 2018 23:10:51 GMT -5
Meeting in person is good. A person local is good. A person with reasonably common job is also good. Someone close to your age is possibly doable if both have things in common. It sounds like meeting the 50 yr old was a good choice. My son tried eHarmony for a while. First woman 300 miles away got to 3 or 4 internal emails. Second woman 500 miles away, 1 or 2 internal emails. Third woman  miles away from him, no emails, why bother. |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 27, 2018 5:31:01 GMT -5
“
Now I did meet up with a woman on this same sight for dinner. Things were quite different. She is 50 yrs old, has 3 kids, works two jobs, divorced, lived 7 miles away and was able to meet me in person, in a public place. She too sent me texts back and forth, but they were not loaded with crazy love bomb compliments!”
Sounds like a good choice of person to connect with. I’d love to hear more about your date. Any follow ups?
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Post by shamwow on Sept 27, 2018 6:35:04 GMT -5
Meeting in person is good. A person local is good. A person with reasonably common job is also good. Someone close to your age is possibly doable if both have things in common. It sounds like meeting the 50 yr old was a good choice. My son tried eHarmony for a while. First woman 300 miles away got to 3 or 4 internal emails. Second woman 500 miles away, 1 or 2 internal emails. Third woman miles away from him, no emails, why bother. Eharmony doesn't have a distance filter? |
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 27, 2018 7:23:32 GMT -5
“ Now I did meet up with a woman on this same sight for dinner. Things were quite different. She is 50 yrs old, has 3 kids, works two jobs, divorced, lived 7 miles away and was able to meet me in person, in a public place. She too sent me texts back and forth, but they were not loaded with crazy love bomb compliments!” Sounds like a good choice of person to connect with. I’d love to hear more about your date. Any follow ups? I enjoyed speaking with her, and sharing my own stories with her. Now here's the part where I will offend someone........ Her pics where from the shoulders up. She sent me a full body pic. right before arriving at the restaurant, she texted " you do know I am a big girl". I texted back " yes you know that I am a thin man". She replied "yes I thought so, one would never want to assume anything". ( that was a yellow/red flag.... My pics are from the waist up and a full body) She is a very big woman , not curvy. Bigger and broader than my ex. We are not a good match. She seems to have little time for dating with her two jobs, and family. She didn't say it but I am probably not what she is looking for physically, and the same goes for me. She reminds me of another woman I know. A woman who has a son the same age as one of my boys, we met at a homeschool get together on the beach. She too is a "big girl". It was easy to be a good friend with her over these last 12 yrs. I was married and she was struggling with being a single mom. WE would mostly get together as families. Me and my sons helped her move 6 times with my truck and trailer. You do get to learn a lot about a person that way. She finally has a condo of her own and a steady boyfriend. A good example of what I consider "lets be friends". |
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Post by shamwow on Sept 27, 2018 8:18:39 GMT -5
The signature line on my posts is to figure out what you want figure out how to get it and do it.
You may have addressed this, but what is it you are looking for?
Straight up sex with no strings? A fwb? A friend? An ego boost to show you've "got it"? A long term relationship? A soul mate?
Different goals require different methods.
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Post by greatcoastal on Sept 27, 2018 9:24:13 GMT -5
The signature line on my posts is to figure out what you want figure out how to get it and do it. You may have addressed this, but what is it you are looking for? Straight up sex with no strings? A fwb? A friend? An ego boost to show you've "got it"? A long term relationship? A soul mate? Different goals require different methods. That's another good question. It's a bit hard to know what you want until you have experienced something. You can guess what the pros and cons are to each situation, but hands on experience is the best teacher. (no pun intended) As I stated earlier in this thread " I know what I want, and I don't know what I want". !) An NSA: My first relationship after the divorce. I thought I was getting an FWB, it ended up being more of a NSA, her decision. I think she is a borderline (BPD). My only other experience with a NSA was 28 yrs ago- no regrets. So I have no idea if I am really ready for that, would want that, how many times, and would it fill the "ego boost to show "I've still got it!"? There is something to be said about the NSA route. Whoever drinks of the things of this world,you are going to thirst again. It can be like chasing the wind. 2) To me a FWB and a LTR need to go together. Also how do you have a LTR without having a STR in the beginning? I guess it's all a frame of mind? An attitude adjustment? (all new ground) It's going to be years before someone will be moving in with me. I would prefer an independent woman near by or is willing to travel, not me do all the travelling. I look forward to sharing my own place and my own environment. ( I have yet to experience that to know what it's going to be like) 3) A soul mate is something I can have without sex and intimacy. Having the two together may never happen. I am not ready to dismiss the growing and learning potential that I still need by limiting myself. (talk to me 2 or 3 yrs. from now, by then I hope to have had enough experiences, good, bad and ugly, to better determine what HAS TO BE) After being locked away from the world in my little environment, I am more ready to learn more about others and myself. I lost my relatives, my neighbors, half my children, my church (which wasn't much anyways) and I am starting over. |
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Post by northstarmom on Sept 27, 2018 9:52:02 GMT -5
Gc said:
!) “An NSA: My first relationship after the divorce. I thought I was getting an FWB, it ended up being more of a NSA, her decision. I think she is a borderline (BPD). “
Did you have any concerns about having a sexual relationship with a BPD? I wouldn’t want to deal with the drama and chaos that can result from any kind of intimate relationship with a BPD.
Another question: Do you fear the diseases you might be exposed to in a NSA? Confirms don’t prevent everything, that’s why when I divorced, I wanted a monogamous FWB with a stable, trustworthy person.
GC said: To me a FWB and a LTR need to go together. Also how do you have a LTR without having a STR in the beginning? I guess it's all a frame of mind? An attitude adjustment? (all new ground) It's going to be years before someone will be moving in with me. I would prefer an independent woman near by or is willing to travel, not me do all the travelling. I look forward to sharing my own place and my own environment. ( I have yet to experience that to know what it's going to be like)”
To me, a FWB is a friend one has sex with. Emphasis on friend meaning a trustworthy person one likes. Post sm lover and I started as Fwb. I used to go over once or twice a week and have sex. I was almost out of my divorce and wary of getting into anything serious after finding out my refuser had been hiding from me a child he thought he’d fathered. My fwb was someone I’d known for years. He was trustworthy, had similar values. I also thought I wouldn’t fall in love with him because he was very different than anyone else I’d ever been involved with. I tried to keep things at a fwb by not spending the night with him and continuing to spend lots of time with other friends and hobbies. He had other plans. He invited me to dinner on the other side of town on our sex night. I drove myself there. Then he plied me with margaritas and gallantly drove me to his place which was on the side of town where we both lived. We had wonderful sex and of course I spent the night because cuddling was more fun than going to get my car. In the morning I realized that this different kind of guy was exactly the right guy for me.
GC said “ A soul mate is something I can have without sex and intimacy. Having the two together may never happen.”
I believe in romantic love which for me includes sexual as well as other kind of comparability and intimacy and love. The soulmate concept though is nothing I’ve experienced, aspire to or believe in.
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miles away from him, no emails, why bother.
