|
|
Post by shamwow on Sept 27, 2018 13:23:32 GMT -5
The signature line on my posts is to figure out what you want figure out how to get it and do it. You may have addressed this, but what is it you are looking for? Straight up sex with no strings? A fwb? A friend? An ego boost to show you've "got it"? A long term relationship? A soul mate? Different goals require different methods. That's another good question. It's a bit hard to know what you want until you have experienced something. You can guess what the pros and cons are to each situation, but hands on experience is the best teacher. (no pun intended) As I stated earlier in this thread " I know what I want, and I don't know what I want". !) An NSA: My first relationship after the divorce. I thought I was getting an FWB, it ended up being more of a NSA, her decision. I think she is a borderline (BPD). My only other experience with a NSA was 28 yrs ago- no regrets. So I have no idea if I am really ready for that, would want that, how many times, and would it fill the "ego boost to show "I've still got it!"? There is something to be said about the NSA route. Whoever drinks of the things of this world,you are going to thirst again. It can be like chasing the wind. 2) To me a FWB and a LTR need to go together. Also how do you have a LTR without having a STR in the beginning? I guess it's all a frame of mind? An attitude adjustment? (all new ground) It's going to be years before someone will be moving in with me. I would prefer an independent woman near by or is willing to travel, not me do all the travelling. I look forward to sharing my own place and my own environment. ( I have yet to experience that to know what it's going to be like) 3) A soul mate is something I can have without sex and intimacy. Having the two together may never happen. I am not ready to dismiss the growing and learning potential that I still need by limiting myself. (talk to me 2 or 3 yrs. from now, by then I hope to have had enough experiences, good, bad and ugly, to better determine what HAS TO BE) After being locked away from the world in my little environment, I am more ready to learn more about others and myself. I lost my relatives, my neighbors, half my children, my church (which wasn't much anyways) and I am starting over. So given all that? My advice is to savor your freedom and take it slow. It doesn't sound like you should be in a rush. |
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Sept 27, 2018 15:09:41 GMT -5
“Her pics where from the shoulders up. She sent me a full body pic. right before arriving at the restaurant, she texted " you do know I am a big girl". I texted back " yes you know that I am a thin man". She replied "yes I thought so, one would never want to assume anything". ( that was a yellow/red flag.... My pics are from the waist up and a full body) “
She may not have wanted to assume anything because lots of people send pictures from years ago when they were younger and lots thinner. Lots also lie about their age and weight and are unrecognizable in person.
No prob from me if you weren’t attracted to her looks. We all have turnoffs and turnons.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Sept 27, 2018 21:50:40 GMT -5
So given all that? My advice is to savor your freedom and take it slow. It doesn't sound like you should be in a rush. Here's where my mind goes everywhere. Finally HAVING that freedom,and not having a partner/woman to enjoy it with. The week when I have the house all to myself, and time to myself. It's far too easy to think " this free time wont be forever", ( once I am employed full time) I SO want to be sharing this new freedom, this new confidence with someone. My own son said to me, " why don't you travel somewhere when you have the week to yourself?" The problem is I will be by myself. My mind thinks too much about the fact that I could be having someone to be sharing this with. Tonight I was in my living room having a very good heart to heart talk with my daughter. I love the trust that she gives me. Meanwhile right behind her is the big living room window and a full moon rising right over our palm trees ! I am glad she is here, it's a priceless time! If not I know where I would be, sitting on the front porch in my adirondack chair watching and enjoying my peaceful, romantic, calming hours of solitude, and my thankfulness for my freedom to do so! (normally with my computer) That's not enough. There is still that empty part of me that needs filling. The need to share it with someone else. I also remember the times when I would be with my now ex in such environments and feel totally alone, and prefered to be alone. Now that I have my freedom it's different. There has to be a level of patience. meanwhile I fear doing nothing and expecting Mrs Wright to just fall into my lap? So I continue to press forward, and go places, on line and to groups, hoping for the future times when I can share such moments with the right person. All new ground. |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Sept 27, 2018 23:05:15 GMT -5
So given all that? My advice is to savor your freedom and take it slow. It doesn't sound like you should be in a rush. Here's where my mind goes everywhere. Finally HAVING that freedom,and not having a partner/woman to enjoy it with. The week when I have the house all to myself, and time to myself. It's far too easy to think " this free time wont be forever", ( once I am employed full time) I SO want to be sharing this new freedom, this new confidence with someone. My own son said to me, " why don't you travel somewhere when you have the week to yourself?" The problem is I will be by myself. My mind thinks too much about the fact that I could be having someone to be sharing this with. Tonight I was in my living room having a very good heart to heart talk with my daughter. I love the trust that she gives me. Meanwhile right behind her is the big living room window and a full moon rising right over our palm trees ! I am glad she is here, it's a priceless time! If not I know where I would be, sitting on the front porch in my adirondack chair watching and enjoying my peaceful, romantic, calming hours of solitude, and my thankfulness for my freedom to do so! (normally with my computer) That's not enough. There is still that empty part of me that needs filling. The need to share it with someone else. I also remember the times when I would be with my now ex in such environments and feel totally alone, and prefered to be alone. Now that I have my freedom it's different. There has to be a level of patience. meanwhile I fear doing nothing and expecting Mrs Wright to just fall into my lap? So I continue to press forward, and go places, on line and to groups, hoping for the future times when I can share such moments with the right person. All new ground. Completely natural and understandable feelings. |
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Sept 29, 2018 10:40:42 GMT -5
GC says: "
Here's where my mind goes everywhere. Finally HAVING that freedom,and not having a partner/woman to enjoy it with. The week when I have the house all to myself, and time to myself. It's far too easy to think " this free time wont be forever", ( once I am employed full time) I SO want to be sharing this new freedom, this new confidence with someone.
My own son said to me, " why don't you travel somewhere when you have the week to yourself?" The problem is I will be by myself. My mind thinks too much about the fact that I could be having someone to be sharing this with."
You won't be by yourself if you take a group tour. There are plenty -- all kinds of interest tours for all types of people. Cruises are another option: lots of interesting things to do and gregarious people to do things with. Friend of mine, a divorced woman, 53, has gone on 3 solo vacations in the last year: a group tour to Viet Nam, a winter solo trip to Egypt and a recent solo trip to France and Lenningrad. She had a blast. She was supposed to go on the Vietnam one with a guy she had been seeing for 6 months. She was deeply in love. He abruptly ended their relationship -- by text! She still went on the tour and had a great time including interacting with the other people on the tour. She also continued doing things in her life that she enjoyed -- acting, taking up painting classes, taking dance classes. Shortly before going to Paris/Lenningrad, she got into a new relationship. She still went alone to Paris and Russia. She doesn't wait for a partner to do what she wants. She also doesn't put her dreams on hold when she gets a partner. She's one of the most vibrant, interesting people I know.
I know several people who have met romantic partners while solo traveling. This includes a woman who met a longtime partner when she was traveling alone in Switzerland. The man she met there lived near her in Florida. I'm not suggesting viewing traveling as the way to meet partners. But it can happen. And if it doesn't, at least you got to travel while you could. Good health, the ability to travel aren't guaranteed. Travel while you can. A family crisis or personal illness could end your freedom.
|
|
|
|
Post by surfergirl on Oct 1, 2018 13:00:43 GMT -5
Hi GC, I use Tinder, and I have a date with seven different guys, starting tonight. (It's my week off from the kids.) It's a numbers game. You have to have the numbers to have the choices. I do a lot of initial screening - phone calls, texts, etc. -- and then I set up an in-person meet. Tonight it's a judge; tomorrow it's an engineer's 4th date with me; the next night, it's a financial planner; etc. I know Tinder is supposed to be a hookup site, but I make it clear what I'm looking for. I've met a lot of GREAT people, just not the one for me. The reason I use Tinder is because the numbers are there. Last week, I hit it off GREAT with a chemical engineer, and he was HOT. But he told me a story during lunch that let me know he was a player. So I hit the NEXT button swift and fast. (No, I'm not a player myself....I'm not sleeping with these men or even kissing them. It's a meet and greet.) I'm looking for a LTR, because I did the FWB and decided that I wanted THE WHOLE COOKIE.  And surprisingly, Tinder has evolved. There are men on there looking for the same thing I am. Good luck out there! |
|
|
|
Post by northstarmom on Oct 1, 2018 14:18:45 GMT -5
Gc, some cruise lines will let middle aged and older men cruise for free if they are willing to dance - and not get romantically involved— with the many middle age and older single women who love dancing and take cruises. What could be a better way to practice your charm skills?
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 1, 2018 16:21:38 GMT -5
Hi GC, I use Tinder, and I have a date with seven different guys, starting tonight. (It's my week off from the kids.) It's a numbers game. You have to have the numbers to have the choices. I do a lot of initial screening - phone calls, texts, etc. -- and then I set up an in-person meet. Tonight it's a judge; tomorrow it's an engineer's 4th date with me; the next night, it's a financial planner; etc. I know Tinder is supposed to be a hookup site, but I make it clear what I'm looking for. I've met a lot of GREAT people, just not the one for me. The reason I use Tinder is because the numbers are there. Last week, I hit it off GREAT with a chemical engineer, and he was HOT. But he told me a story during lunch that let me know he was a player. So I hit the NEXT button swift and fast. (No, I'm not a player myself....I'm not sleeping with these men or even kissing them. It's a meet and greet.) I'm looking for a LTR, because I did the FWB and decided that I wanted THE WHOLE COOKIE. And surprisingly, Tinder has evolved. There are men on there looking for the same thing I am. Good luck out there! Good luck to you too ,my friend! Do not settle. It certainly is a "learning experience" isn't it? my limited experience so far has been ,LTR = MONEY. Fortunately (and hopefully) I will meet woman closer to my age where money is not a deciding factor , instead ,trust, honesty, communication, and love languages are far more important. I too have had my share of knowing both male and female, doctors, lawyers, and engineers. (not that I will rule them out) but knowing what you want, what IS the most important, and where you will be more open minded, is such a refreshing change from all those years of being stuck serving someone who gave you (us) zero in return! |
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 2, 2018 12:31:42 GMT -5
I recently heard back from Nurse UNICEF. As predicted, not a single mention about nursing, instead it was all about her needing food to eat. How her "food stuff' had run out. How she is really broke, how she will be paid when she gets back home, how the local food makes her sick, etc...I gave her the same answer as the other one, that I have no money to give. I don't expect any more responses.
I did put my foot into the Tinder dating pool. Very little info. Location, age, name, what I am looking for (men, woman, men and woman) I said "woman" and posted a pic from the waist up.
Tinder does allow you to set a distance search. I like that. I was not inundated with 28-35 yr olds, instead I had a much larger selection of woman between the ages of 44 and 60. I did the left and right swiping.
I was pleased, and surprised, to hear from 3 woman my same age who live within 20 miles of me in under an hour.I responded with small talk. We will see what happens. I have not paid any money, yet.
|
|
|
|
Post by choosinghappy on Oct 2, 2018 17:47:03 GMT -5
GC I understand that feeling of being with your ex and feeling more lonely than you would if you were alone. I try to remember those feelings now that I am often actually alone. It’s not all roses but it’s still better than in my SM.
|
|
|
|
Post by greatcoastal on Oct 2, 2018 18:19:40 GMT -5
GC I understand that feeling of being with your ex and feeling more lonely than you would if you were alone. I try to remember those feelings now that I am often actually alone. It’s not all roses but it’s still better than in my SM. AMEN! I have to remind myself to listen to my own advice! (pathetic sounding, but I do begin to go backwards some) " I'd rather live in an empty house, than in a house with an empty spouse!" it's like being alone by the lake compared to being alone in a room filled with 3000 people. Which is easier? |
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 11, 2018 6:46:55 GMT -5
Hi GC, I use Tinder, and I have a date with seven different guys, starting tonight. (It's my week off from the kids.) It's a numbers game. You have to have the numbers to have the choices. I do a lot of initial screening - phone calls, texts, etc. -- and then I set up an in-person meet. Tonight it's a judge; tomorrow it's an engineer's 4th date with me; the next night, it's a financial planner; etc. I know Tinder is supposed to be a hookup site, but I make it clear what I'm looking for. I've met a lot of GREAT people, just not the one for me. The reason I use Tinder is because the numbers are there. Last week, I hit it off GREAT with a chemical engineer, and he was HOT. But he told me a story during lunch that let me know he was a player. So I hit the NEXT button swift and fast. (No, I'm not a player myself....I'm not sleeping with these men or even kissing them. It's a meet and greet.) I'm looking for a LTR, because I did the FWB and decided that I wanted THE WHOLE COOKIE. And surprisingly, Tinder has evolved. There are men on there looking for the same thing I am. Good luck out there! It is interesting to see how people describe the people they meet while dating. Men typically do it by appearance. Women do it by career. It does seem, however, that for a successful LTR, it would not matter in either of these things. Appearance fades and it is what you do outside of your vocation that counts in a relationship. Look for someone who is kind, funny, and with whom you share a mutual chemistry with. You will likely have more success in a LTR with a kind and funny plumber than with a hot judge/engineer/financial planner with whom the most important LTR characteristics are secondary (or not mentioned at all). |
|
|
|
Post by surfergirl on Oct 11, 2018 9:25:15 GMT -5
shamwowTotally agree with your points. However, I've never run into a simple, normal guy who wasn't intimidated by me having a "better" career/job/status. (If I had a dime for every time I've been called 'intimidating'....) The ones who can "handle" me have their own thing going on. That's not to say that I'm not OPEN to one. I dated the carpenter that worked on my house, and in the end, he left saying that he "knew" I was out of his league. I tried to argue that character and love and warmth were the things I wanted -- and WTF-- after all these months, did he not see that about me now? Still. He bailed. Went back to his overweight, jobless ex-wife, who he said he had no respect for. This dating thing sucks.
|
|
|
|
Post by shamwow on Oct 11, 2018 10:56:53 GMT -5
shamwowTotally agree with your points. However, I've never run into a simple, normal guy who wasn't intimidated by me having a "better" career/job/status. (If I had a dime for every time I've been called 'intimidating'....) The ones who can "handle" me have their own thing going on. That's not to say that I'm not OPEN to one. I dated the carpenter that worked on my house, and in the end, he left saying that he "knew" I was out of his league. I tried to argue that character and love and warmth were the things I wanted -- and WTF-- after all these months, did he not see that about me now? Still. He bailed. Went back to his overweight, jobless ex-wife, who he said he had no respect for. This dating thing sucks. One of the things that kept me married, mogonamous, and celibate for all those years is fear of the whole dating scene. I had terrible luck with women when I was younger. I despaired what it would be like as a middle aged balding man. I got unicorn-level lucky with ballofconfusion though. You'll find yours too. |
|
|
|
Post by surfergirl on Oct 11, 2018 11:03:33 GMT -5
shamwowThere are days I *seriously* sit back and think, "I lost half my net worth and broke the kids heart for THIS?" My husband ignored me. If I end up loveless, how am I better off? Yes, I do enjoy an empty house than someone in it who ignores me. That's why I concluded that at least this route there was HOPE. In my marriage, there was zero chance of being loved. HOWEVER, had I jumped in the dating pool first? HELL NO. I don't think I would've left..... I don't think I would've had hope of finding someone. It is BAD out there.
|
|
And surprisingly, Tinder has evolved. There are men on there looking for the same thing I am. 
