Life after death part 2. (my profile)

My retired college prof ex is living in Hong Kong with a 20 years younger waitress from Thailand who barely speaks English.

GC wrote: “No one seems to be able to answer my concern, "where do all of our rejectors in a SM go to find a new victim after a divorce?"

My ex put her name on meetup groups, but doesn't go anywhere.”

Why do you care about her love life or how other refuser fare romantically after they divorce?

For his sake, I hope my ex is savvy enough not to be with another scammer like the affair partner he had at the end of our marriage who had tricked him into supporting a child that wasn’t his. Alzheimer’s runscin his family and it would be sad if he ended his life being exploited on the other side of the world far from our sons and his other relatives. . But otherwise, whether he dates, had sex, falls in love isn’t something that into think about much. I’m much more focused on living a life that fulfills me. I wish him well. I’m glad to be no longer married to him so we each can create our own paths.

Okay, let me reword it, ALL the ex's, of a SM in your 20 mile radius, your dating area. The ones you are going to run into in the dating world, whatever that may be, -meetup groups, volunteering, walking your dog, church, H.S. activities, bars, single groups, work, online dating,- the rejectors will be out there too. Where do you think they would go to start over?

I have met them at meet up groups, and church. I have not tried dating sights ( I have posted recent experiences from other people about the top dating sites) I don't expect to find SM rejectors on a hook up sight. This is my first experience.

I did not say I care about her love life, there probably will never be one. I used her as an example of where they go. I want to avoid others like her. That is what I meant.

"How true, and yet these woman go to meetup groups for singles. To talk with and meet other woman. "

When it comes to, at least, middle aged and older people, a meetup group for singles is not going to be a hook-up group. It's going to be a group for people who are single who like to do things with other people instead of hanging out by themselves. Some may be looking for hook-ups or romantic partners. Some may want to meet people who can be friends. For instance, some joining such groups are new in town and want to have people to hang out with.

During my divorce, i went to a singles meetup group for those 40 and older. I was interested in possible romantic partners as well as men and women who could become friends. One meeting was the day before Thanksgiving and was a potluck hosted by a single woman completing her doctorate. Most of the people who attended didn't have Thanksgiving plans. They were new to town, divorced, living far from their hometown, etc. It was a fun time with interesting people.

Next meetup I went was a cocktail party hosted at a friend's house. She was a single woman in her 50s. Going was part of my quest to find a guy for a monogamous FWB. Anyway, several of the men looked appealing but their conversational skills were lacking. They were quite willing to talk about themselves, but they never asked me about myself. For instance, when I asked one man if he hobbies, he told me he enoyed bicycle racing and then he embarked on a long monologue about bicycle racing, a subject that I have only superficial interest in. Nevertheless, I politely nodded, smiled, asked follow up questions and he continued to stay on that subject. Not one time did he ask me anything about myself. I excused myself to get a drink and then got into a conversation with another guy who did the same thing -- embarked on a monologue.

What ended up happening was the women ended up clustering together and having real conversations that included expressing interest in each others' activities.

I guess the guys felt ignored because they ended up heading to a bar together.

Later, my friend commented that every single woman had, upon entering her home, asked her about the unusual photographs on her walls. Not one man did. My friend had taken the photographs and it was interesting to hear her describe what she was attempting to capture.

Bottom line was that the men seemed to think that a meetup was their chance to snag a woman by talking about themselves. What that did was turn the women off because the men seemed narcissistic.

Anyway, GC, you have said that when you meet women, you do ask them about themselves. So, your experience at singles Meetups may be very different from your friends'.

THANK YOU For that polite response. I agree with much of your stance and what you say. I too had 25 yrs. of marriage. I do want to clarify this, I did not compare you to my ex. I did not use the word " hated" you put that in there. You call it defensive, I meant it as an example of my previous experiences  concerning " generalizations" and what I no longer settle for, just like you posted about what you won't settle for.

The advice on what to look for? That's all very nice, very simple, just be prepared and wear your waist high waders and your teflon hat!

I encourage you to continue to have boundaries and enforce them.  I  hope I can support you on your journey .

I see a huge flag. Ask her if she’s ever given a patient a catheter. She will gladly send you a pic. Video chat first. And if she mentions money, run!