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Post by jamesbonding on Nov 18, 2018 19:57:39 GMT -5
Well, darn! I will miss him.
Yes, keeping in touch with former APs can be upsetting for the spouse. Voice of experience (cough)!
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Post by workingonit on Nov 18, 2018 21:16:54 GMT -5
😢
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Post by misssunnybunny on Nov 18, 2018 21:21:02 GMT -5
Oh, wow. Sad to see you go shynjdude. I hope all goes well for you in the future (if you're seeing this at all...)
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 18, 2018 21:27:14 GMT -5
Oh, wow. Sad to see you go shynjdude. I hope all goes well for you in the future (if you're seeing this at all...) Ditto. He’s a good man and deserves all possible happiness. |
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Post by solodriver on Nov 18, 2018 23:26:44 GMT -5
Wow he had a lot of good stuff to share, I hope it's still here for others to see
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Post by jamesbonding on Nov 18, 2018 23:32:44 GMT -5
Since shynjdude deleted his account, so won't be posting any more questions of the day, I'll ask one:
Do you think Mr. and Mrs. shynjdude will be happily married (to each other) 5 years from now?
Since I'm generally optimistic, and because I think his marriage, recently, has been pretty healthy, I'm betting YES.
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Post by baza on Nov 19, 2018 0:36:01 GMT -5
I think that if @shynjdude and his missus continue on the "no bullshit" policy they adopted a few months ago, then their outcome is highly likely to result in them both being happier in 5 years time.
That may, or may not, mean they are still together at that time.
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Post by choosinghappy on Nov 19, 2018 7:41:34 GMT -5
“Do you think Mr and Mrs shynjdude will be happily married (to each other) 5 years from now?”
I will just say that if shydude is still married to his wife 5 years from now, I hope it is because he is happy.
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Post by workingonit on Nov 19, 2018 9:55:49 GMT -5
I believe they can be happy. I think his letting go of this site is a new level of committment to her and them. I think if she keeps up her self work they will make it work.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Nov 19, 2018 12:54:09 GMT -5
Wait...What? Oh geeze...Im at a loss for words. I hope that you find happiness. You have made quite the contributions here. I just wish that your account was not removed as you made a lot of great contributions All the best to @shynjdude. It is time for me to say goodbye to ILIASM. I had stupidly kept in touch with my AP even after my wife and I were fixing things. I thought since I would not even let those interactions come close to anything beyond basic checking in and certainly nothing romantic, I wasn't doing anything wrong .But deep down I did know it was wrong. Last week my wife asked me if I kept in touch with my AP, and I answered honestly. She was indeed very upset. Given that she was just starting to trust me after my infidelities, this really hit her hard and she was crushed, not sure if she can forgive me this time. Of course, in retrospect, I should have realized that this was a very bad idea. I need to fix things. I want the marriage to work and that means 100%, not 99%. Part of the 100% is to make sure that I stay away from doing anything like that again. Given that my other ex-AP is still on this board, it is not possible for me to stay here either. And as things have progressed in the marriage, I have been feeling less and less like I belong here anyway. You guys are all great, and I'll miss hanging out here. Good luck to all of you in your journeys through life. |
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Post by Handy on Nov 19, 2018 13:36:22 GMT -5
This whole shynjdude thing is so unexpected but I understand. I didn't see any clues as to what female member was an affair partner other than the woman across the ocean. I also think shynjdude has the potential to be very good husband material to his current wife with some work. I think they can have a good marriage because I think shynjdude can tow the line in the future if the marriage continues as it has. If the no-sex returns I see shynjdude moving on to greener pastures.
shynjdude has the intelligence to be in a good place in the future.
Best wishes to Mr and Mrs Shynjdude.
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Post by ironhamster on Nov 20, 2018 9:08:57 GMT -5
I am skeptical, but he has my best wishes. They both do.
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Post by northstarmom on Nov 20, 2018 12:19:54 GMT -5
What he did was so boneheaded and unempathic that I wonder how many of the refused could have had a sexually fulfilling marriage but also did something so insensitive that their partner sexually and/or emotionally withdrew. I certainly know I'm a much better partner including sexually to post SM lover than I was to my husband. I had a lot of growing up to do to become a really good partner. I also had to let go of my own guilt/shame about sex. I am not blaming the refused for all of their sexual problems. I do think, however, that individual therapy and other means of gaining insight into oneself can be helpful whether or not one stays in one's marriage. Odds are that once one lands here in ILIASM, one's marriage is beyond being able to become mutually sexually fulfilling. But taking a close look at oneself may lead to sexual fulfillment in a new relationship.
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Post by TheGreatContender -aka Daddeeo on Nov 20, 2018 14:39:39 GMT -5
<Raises hand> What he did was so boneheaded and unempathic that I wonder how many of the refused could have had a sexually fulfilling marriage but also did something so insensitive that their partner sexually and/or emotionally withdrew. |
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Post by tamara68 on Nov 23, 2018 5:47:37 GMT -5
I hope it will work out well for @shynjdude
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