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Post by DryCreek on May 23, 2016 10:29:21 GMT -5
bballgirl , you've touched on one of the "benefits" of shared custody, as observed with my own friends... Periods of lots of family time, balanced with periods of lots of personal time. I'm sure we'll all be curious to hear where things go with your new guy. Living vicariously, and all that. ;-) On oral... simply comparing physical stimulation, it might compare to PIV for a guy, but mentally it's a different experience. I'd suggest that giving oral may be more intimate than PIV, but receiving is less so. (The "active partner" is doing all the work, and the recipient is indulging, perhaps even detached.) So, at least mentally from a guy's perspective I can see a difference, not that the difference explains his behavior. We shall see where this goes! ;-) (To GC's point, assuming he's not terribly confused about STDs, contraception may be an issue. I can appreciate a potential dislike for condoms.) DC
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 11:14:20 GMT -5
I agree with you about the boundaries thing and you can bet I will be very up front about it. Basically what's going through my mind and the point I would be making is: So why is my mouth good enough for your dick but my pussy isn't? To me there is no difference. To me they are equally as intimate. I wouldn't want to be with someone that did one bad not the other. As well with oral I had to tell him to do it, maybe he needed the invitation because it was the first time but I know me and I know what turns me on and it's a man that goes there and does that because he likes to. He did a good job with it so that's a good sign. This will probably play out for a few more weeks because I can't see him the weekends that I have my kids. Those weekends are precious to me and I like to focus on my kids. Time will tell and if nothing else I will learn something from the experience. I'll take a quick stab at this ,with questions. Is he concerned about you getting pregnant? Giving you a disease? Getting a disease? Is he confused about what diseases you or he can receive from the vagina vs. the mouth.? Sometimes intercourse gets very sweaty, uncomfortable, short lived, too dry, lasts to long, less visual contact, etc... Definitely something to carefully, converse about. I agree that a conversation is needed to answer those questions because those are all things to know before you have sex with someone. Right now I do not have the answer. Time will tell. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 11:18:38 GMT -5
bballgirl , you've touched on one of the "benefits" of shared custody, as observed with my own friends... Periods of lots of family time, balanced with periods of lots of personal time. I'm sure we'll all be curious to hear where things go with your new guy. Living vicariously, and all that. ;-) On oral... simply comparing physical stimulation, it might compare to PIV for a guy, but mentally it's a different experience. I'd suggest that giving oral may be more intimate than PIV, but receiving is less so. (The "active partner" is doing all the work, and the recipient is indulging, perhaps even detatched.) So, at least mentally from a guy's perspective I can see a difference, not that the difference explains his behavior. We shall see where this goes! ;-) (To GC's point, assuming he's not terribly confused about STDs, contraception may be an issue. I can appreciate a potential dislike for condoms.) DC Thanks for your response that all makes sense. I just have to let this play out. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 11:36:05 GMT -5
On a lighter note. How do you feel about who pays for things? I have heard sharing the expense, alternating. Food, gas, hotel rooms, gifts, etc... Then some have old school ways. ( men should pay) It's enlightening to hear how things are going in the present with someone our age.
How much of a gentleman do you expect him to be? Do you notice and appreciate them? ( I wouldn't be surprised that you do, and like it!) today's generation, my kids, struggle with that. My boys see no need for it, they now have to worry that a girl finds it offensive.
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 12:13:15 GMT -5
On a lighter note. How do you feel about who pays for things? I have heard sharing the expense, alternating. Food, gas, hotel rooms, gifts, etc... Then some have old school ways. ( men should pay) It's enlightening to hear how things are going in the present with someone our age. How much of a gentleman do you expect him to be? Do you notice and appreciate them? ( I wouldn't be surprised that you do, and like it!) today's generation, my kids, struggle with that. My boys see no need for it, they now have to worry that a girl finds it offensive. I'm very old fashion and very observant. I guess everyone is different with their expectations. If a man wants to take me out to dinner I expect him to pay. If we were just meeting for coffee for the first time and I got their first I would buy my own coffee if it was just a quick meet each other. I do notice and appreciate a man that opens doors and has other polite gestures. I was talking with someone on here about the young girls that sell themselves short and don't even make their boyfriends take them out. They just go to their house for a hookup. I think there is something to be said for the courtship process. I will say my ex husband totally romanced and courted me. He was very romantic and a gentleman things just changed shortly after marriage. Then after kids things drastically changed. I know for me to have feelings for someone their needs to be some courtship and they have to do things with me, it can't be just about sex. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 12:29:55 GMT -5
bballgirl , I'm happy for you that the experience was positive and fun! His choice of boundaries is still puzzling, but you'll get that figured out. DC I agree with you about the boundaries thing and you can bet I will be very up front about it. Basically what's going through my mind and the point I would be making is: So why is my mouth good enough for your dick but my pussy isn't? To me there is no difference. To me they are equally as intimate. I wouldn't want to be with someone that did one bad not the other. As well with oral I had to tell him to do it, maybe he needed the invitation because it was the first time but I know me and I know what turns me on and it's a man that goes there and does that because he likes to. He did a good job with it so that's a good sign. This will probably play out for a few more weeks because I can't see him the weekends that I have my kids. Those weekends are precious to me and I like to focus on my kids. Time will tell and if nothing else I will learn something from the experience. I'm as equally baffled, and yeah, curious. Maybe it's some kind of STD worry or concern, (both way's...), or perhaps a religious belief. (Or maybe the a past president's school of thought for plausible deniability....LOL) I would be very up front about it as well.
I love you're competitiveness! You're making me truly believe that it's actually possible to have fun with the opposite gender in a more than flirty way, that women find as much fun in joking around about the intimate and sexual side of life as men. I remember when I shockingly learned on EP that women actually LIKED sex, let alone best two out of three for who gets to get naked first!! LOL!!! (Mental image of a leg wrestling match in bed to see who goes south first.... LOL) Humor, playfulness, creativity...WHY NOT!! What's next? A woman whispering sweet nothings in MY ear, just to get in my pants?  God, I lead a sheltered life......and wasted a lot of time..... *sigh* I am sooooo following this thread. LOL.
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 12:36:42 GMT -5
On a lighter note. How do you feel about who pays for things? I have heard sharing the expense, alternating. Food, gas, hotel rooms, gifts, etc... Then some have old school ways. ( men should pay) It's enlightening to hear how things are going in the present with someone our age. How much of a gentleman do you expect him to be? Do you notice and appreciate them? ( I wouldn't be surprised that you do, and like it!) today's generation, my kids, struggle with that. My boys see no need for it, they now have to worry that a girl finds it offensive. I'm very old fashion and very observant. I guess everyone is different with their expectations. If a man wants to take me out to dinner I expect him to pay. If we were just meeting for coffee for the first time and I got their first I would buy my own coffee if it was just a quick meet each other. I do notice and appreciate a man that opens doors and has other polite gestures. I was talking with someone on here about the young girls that sell themselves short and don't even make their boyfriends take them out. They just go to their house for a hookup. I think there is something to be said for the courtship process. I will say my ex husband totally romanced and courted me. He was very romantic and a gentleman things just changed shortly after marriage. Then after kids things drastically changed. I know for me to have feelings for someone their needs to be some courtship and they have to do things with me, it can't be just about sex. I agree bballgirl I'm not necessarily old fashioned, but a romantic at heart. They go hand in hand I guess. I love to think about the courtship process and a part of that is being a gentleman and showing those "old school way's" . As someone who's about to take the (gulp) plunge back into the dating world, I'm glad greatcoastal asked these questions. I'm thinking about starting a thread called something like "Hey women of ILIASM! Help a dating guy out!!" for suggestions!! LOL!! |
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 12:45:15 GMT -5
@injustus - yes I agree with the fact of being a hopeful romantic it makes me notice and appreciate those type of behaviors. I'm glad you pointed out the part about being a romantic. That would be a good thread to start.
I will tell you as far as first dates limit it to 2 or 3 hours max.
One of mine was to a sporting event and it is impossible to keep up conversation with someone you just met.
Now I can laugh about it but it was not so fun going through awkward silence however the game we went to was AWESOME!!
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 12:46:34 GMT -5
@injustus - yes I agree with the fact of being a hopeful romantic it makes me notice and appreciate those type of behaviors. I'm glad you pointed out the part about being a romantic. That would be a good thread to start. I will tell you as far as first dates limit it to 2 or 3 hours max. One of mine was to a sporting event and it is impossible to keep up conversation with someone you just met. Now I can laugh about it but it was not so fun going through awkward silence however the game we went to was AWESOME!! sorry spelled your name wrong. I apologize. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 13:06:25 GMT -5
@injustus - yes I agree with the fact of being a hopeful romantic it makes me notice and appreciate those type of behaviors. I'm glad you pointed out the part about being a romantic. That would be a good thread to start. I will tell you as far as first dates limit it to 2 or 3 hours max. One of mine was to a sporting event and it is impossible to keep up conversation with someone you just met. Now I can laugh about it but it was not so fun going through awkward silence however the game we went to was AWESOME!! Thanks for the tip!! I'd not thought of that, but I can see that happening with a non-talker. That'd be awkward "So....uh....you're from where? Oh yeah, you told me already...Uh....) I'd be begging for a good game!!
(no problem on the name spelling. Though, that's another 1st date worry...thank you for a lovely evening...uh...Jane? Ugh!!!)
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Post by nyartgal on May 23, 2016 18:56:26 GMT -5
I'm glad it was fun! Wherever it goes it sounds like it was a good experience. Re: the boundaries, I wonder if he's a premature ejaculator? Could explain why PIV sex is too much pressure and not fun for him unless he feels more comfortable.
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2016 12:59:06 GMT -5
Maybe it's some primal evolution thing, but PIV gives sexual intimacy a sense of completion, like we said when we were horny teenagers, going "all the way." Burying your face in a woman's vagina is indeed quite an intimate act, but it still leaves some emotional headroom. Ejaculating into her vagina for whatever reason is qualitatively different than oral sex. The vagina is the channel to her rhythmic and sacred compassions, the inner sanctum of the ancient mysteries, the Temple of the ecstatic gnosis.
Or maybe you just need some pussy. Either way, it's different.
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Post by bballgirl on May 24, 2016 13:04:34 GMT -5
Maybe it's some primal evolution thing, but PIV gives sexual intimacy a sense of completion, like we said when we were horny teenagers, going "all the way." Burying your face in a woman's vagina is indeed quite an intimate act, but it still leaves some emotional headroom. Ejaculating into her vagina for whatever reason is qualitatively different than oral sex. The vagina is the channel to her rhythmic and sacred compassions, the inner sanctum of the ancient mysteries, the Temple of the ecstatic gnosis. Or maybe you just need some pussy. Either way, it's different. Thanks that totally makes sense. |
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Post by dancingbear70 on May 24, 2016 15:30:03 GMT -5
Maybe it's some primal evolution thing, but PIV gives sexual intimacy a sense of completion, like we said when we were horny teenagers, going "all the way." Burying your face in a woman's vagina is indeed quite an intimate act, but it still leaves some emotional headroom. Ejaculating into her vagina for whatever reason is qualitatively different than oral sex. The vagina is the channel to her rhythmic and sacred compassions, the inner sanctum of the ancient mysteries, the Temple of the ecstatic gnosis. Or maybe you just need some pussy. Either way, it's different. Thanks that totally makes sense. - I wish you all the best of luck with this. And I hope it turns out however you wish it to. That said, I really cannot figure out a scenario where this makes sense to me. Warning bells are coming from every direction. It like the late hit in football where every ref throws their flag. Something is definitely going on. @phinheasgage has a great point. I think he is on to something. A man who emotionally and physically healthy would want to achieve the finality. In primal terms, that is the conquest. In softer terms, that completes the connection. It's there. Be a man and take it! I have a lot of women friends. And this is usually the point that they dismiss me as a man with too much testosterone. But inevitably these early clues do mean something. Thread lightly. Keep your eyes open. And proceed with caution. And have fun!!! |
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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2016 16:34:19 GMT -5
Thanks that totally makes sense. - I wish you all the best of luck with this. And I hope it turns out however you wish it to. That said, I really cannot figure out a scenario where this makes sense to me. Warning bells are coming from every direction. It like the late hit in football where every ref throws their flag. Something is definitely going on. @phinheasgage has a great point. I think he is on to something. A man who emotionally and physically healthy would want to achieve the finality. In primal terms, that is the conquest. In softer terms, that completes the connection. It's there. Be a man and take it! I have a lot of women friends. And this is usually the point that they dismiss me as a man with too much testosterone. But inevitably these early clues do mean something. Thread lightly. Keep your eyes open. And proceed with caution. And have fun!!! I like this yin yang of conquest and connection. |
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God, I lead a sheltered life......and wasted a lot of time..... *sigh* I am sooooo following this thread. LOL. 
