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Post by unmatched on May 17, 2016 21:25:05 GMT -5
Oh god I knew that guy in college. The preserve-your-virtue guy. Turned out to be gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. There is everything wrong with that if he is trying to date you! |
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Post by unmatched on May 17, 2016 21:27:00 GMT -5
Okay, I don't want to get off topic at all here, so I hope this is a good question. At our age, with our past, how SAFE do you feel being alone with someone in a hotel room? I would feel very unsafe. The chances of me being able to maintain control in the face of temptation are next to nothing, and I fear for my status as a gentleman. |
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Post by JMX on May 17, 2016 21:36:21 GMT -5
Definitely a mind fuck - but not sure if I would call it that based on the hotel or the past SM feelings...
You like this guy. One date. My gut tells me you do need to get to know him a little better before the sex. I know - this sounds prudish, but hear me out - a FWB is for fucking - I mean, have at it without abandon!
A date is getting to know someone on all levels for a bit to see if you fit. Not sure the time limit I would put on that, but second date just feels too fast to me.
But... WTAF on the hotel suggestion? Maybe he wants to round some bases with Bballgirl and tease her.
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 21:56:17 GMT -5
What if he just wants companionship and not crazy hot sex? What if this and what if that? He wants to go to a hotel this weekend for some fun but not sex. In my book hotels are for fucking! I'm a little confused however so far I like him. No good answers for you. All I can say is," I can sure relate to all those questions, doubts, concerns." You only get one chance to make a good first impression! Does he he know about a SM? How do you feel about bringing it up? who goes to a hotel on a second or third date, without getting laid? Would you show him a sex test? I'm not comfortable yet to tell him about my SM. Sex test is more of a playful thing to do after you know you're compatible just to keep it fresh. Not as a predictor for compatibility. Thanks for the response. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 22:05:05 GMT -5
Definitely a mind fuck - but not sure if I would call it that based on the hotel or the past SM feelings... You like this guy. One date. My gut tells me you do need to get to know him a little better before the sex. I know - this sounds prudish, but hear me out - a FWB is for fucking - I mean, have at it without abandon! A date is getting to know someone on all levels for a bit to see if you fit. Not sure the time limit I would put on that, but second date just feels too fast to me. But... WTAF on the hotel suggestion? Maybe he wants to round some bases with Bballgirl and tease her. That's it he wants to play some fun games. Strip poker type stuff. We'll do oral but he want to take it slow. I've been texting him while everyone is responding. I asked him why he wants to go slow. He said he really likes me and that's why. Time will tell. We do have a lot in common and you're right it's not a FWB situation. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 22:15:46 GMT -5
I was with him until that second to last line. Personally, if I were trying to be a gentleman, I wouldn't allow myself anywhere near a woman and a hotel room. Crap bballgirl. I'm sorry. But, there is a positive side to this. You're going to go on that date next week and tell us how that went. And if you get bored, you can just try to work Homogenizer into the conversation. You crack me up thanks for responding. Only one way to figure this out and I'll have to let it play out. Honey if I get bored I'm going to work in the other thread about things to say to get rid of a bad date. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 22:20:38 GMT -5
but then WHY a hotel? Other woman is my thinking. Why not his place? Or a late night but without overnight. As you say though - this is probably due to our SM mindfuck - - I really don't know what is "normal" dating at all. He's divorced. He just wants a playful atmosphere and to take it slow I guess. He wants to get a little more intimate. Time will tell but not too much time. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 22:22:18 GMT -5
That's a tough one. How odd that he already suggests going to a hotel, as you and everyone else have already said. That doesn't seem like a let's-go-slow second date activity even if you don't have sex, sharing a room seems pretty intimate. Hopefully this is just a quirk and not a red flag. I agree. We shall see! Thanks for responding. |
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Post by bballgirl on May 17, 2016 22:25:11 GMT -5
Hi bballgirl, .long time no see......I know it's different for women but, in my dating profile I say explicitly that intimacy is important for me in a relationship and that if a woman is only interested in conversation or is just looking for a companion "I'm not the guy she is looking for, we wouldn't make a good match". And in our 1st meet I make sure that we talk about how we both view intimacy. Having just left a SM I don't want to waste any time on a woman where intimacy is at the bottom of her priorities. Maybe you could come up with the female version of this. "He wants to go to a motel for fun, but not sex". Hmmmmm...I have to wonder what his definition of fun is. I can see taking a bit of time to get to know the other person as sex is usually better when you genuinely like the other person and want to be intimate with them from an emotional standpoint. Maybe you 2 will be like the couple(Pricilla Presley an ?) in Naked Gun 2 and 1/2 with the giant condoms covering you from head to toe. You are funny with the Naked Gun 2 He wants to fool around everything but intercourse. I can't imagine holding back when you're caught up in the moment. We will see. |
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Post by itsjustus on May 17, 2016 23:44:15 GMT -5
But... WTAF on the hotel suggestion? Maybe he wants to round some bases with Bballgirl and tease her. That's it he wants to play some fun games. Strip poker type stuff. We'll do oral but he want to take it slow. I've been texting him while everyone is responding. I asked him why he wants to go slow. He said he really likes me and that's why. Time will tell. We do have a lot in common and you're right it's not a FWB situation. No....wait.....what!?!? I'm lost here... He wants to take you to a hotel, to play strip poker, and have oral sex with you. For the second date......And you agreed. This is not a judgment. This is me not knowing such things were possible!!!! Omg!! I've got to get my profile up on OKCupid....tonight!!!
(I like his answer by the way. And that you asked...Good luck with it though....I'm not sure I could behave) |
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Post by baza on May 18, 2016 0:43:16 GMT -5
"What if he just wants companionship and not crazy hot sex? What if this and what if that?"
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These are theoretical questions at the moment.
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After (and "if") you see the bloke, then you'll have some answers.
And "if" it turns out he's avoidant, you know *now* what you'll need to do *then*.
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Post by obobfla on May 18, 2016 1:09:36 GMT -5
Bballgirl, I think if you want some, you'll get some. Hard to read this one. Is he acting this way so you will make the first move? That sex is what you want? Or does he have some personal issues? One of my best friends is a female who I have a strictly platonic relationship with, but we tell each other everything. She is drop-dead gorgeous, but has has dated two men who never made the move on her. Turns out, both men had some serious issues. Good news is, that you will probably find out enough to know if you want a third date.
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Post by obobfla on May 18, 2016 1:09:46 GMT -5
Bballgirl, I think if you want some, you'll get some. Hard to read this one. Is he acting this way so you will make the first move? That sex is what you want? Or does he have some personal issues? One of my best friends is a female who I have a strictly platonic relationship with, but we tell each other everything. She is drop-dead gorgeous, but has has dated two men who never made the move on her. Turns out, both men had some serious issues. Good news is, that you will probably find out enough to know if you want a third date.
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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2016 7:29:30 GMT -5
Definitely a mind fuck - but not sure if I would call it that based on the hotel or the past SM feelings... You like this guy. One date. My gut tells me you do need to get to know him a little better before the sex. I know - this sounds prudish, but hear me out - a FWB is for fucking - I mean, have at it without abandon! A date is getting to know someone on all levels for a bit to see if you fit. Not sure the time limit I would put on that, but second date just feels too fast to me. But... WTAF on the hotel suggestion? Maybe he wants to round some bases with Bballgirl and tease her. JMX, you're SPOT ON with this response. Most stuff I write here is total goofball monkey business. I think saying things like "I'll fuck the homogenizer out of you" is funny. Heck, I laughed when I wrote that. But the real truth of the matter is real relationship does have a foundation, and sex is not that foundation. It's the very special and unique component of one very specific relationship. I often wonder if sex isn't the relationship component that I got out of order that led me to this mess I'm in. Actually, I don't wonder, I know it is. When I'm fucking, I'm not thinking. If bballgirl were my sister, my real counsel would be to see if you can't get to know this guy and have real fun with normal local date activities. I think those less threatening, less sexy conditions are more conducive to thought and communication. I'll say something else: I would be more apt to trust a well reasoned explanation of a person's thoughts and expectations of sex in a relationship than infer them from how well and how often they perform in bed. If I were to list the effects of the sexless marriage mind fuck, the first item on that list would be total over emphasis and obsession over sex. I wasn't like this when I was single. Back to the homogenizer. Gotta make the Duck Butts. |
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Post by wewbwb on May 18, 2016 7:42:32 GMT -5
Oh god I knew that guy in college. The preserve-your-virtue guy. Turned out to be gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. There is if he's your boyfriend - or worse husband. |
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