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Post by itsjustus on May 18, 2016 16:03:05 GMT -5
I love it!! You not being afraid to ask leading questions! Hey, we all got burned, bad, for not doing that before. At least I did. I would love to meet people so forthright. I'm going to have to figure out how to do the same, without coming off as a creepy guy, but I think one of the other guys had it dead on by saying intimacy was important to him right in his profile. This really sounds good, and exciting for you. I'm happy for you!!! (And envious!!) The creepy guy thing also applies to women as far as not coming off as slutty girl. It really is a fine line and yes we got burned. If I learned nothing else from my failed marriage it's if something is bothering someone or if expectations aren't being met then one must speak up. I accept responsibility for enabling my refuser. Never again!Yes! This! Took the words right out of my mouth. When I looked down to the most elemental cause of my dysfunctional, now fortunately failed marriage, it was communication. Basic communication. We didn't talk about "you know....that" (code word for sex), intimacy, needs, want's...nothing. As you said, I let it happen, for way too long. That's on me. I'll be as careful as I can to not sound creepy, but I'm not going thru that ever again!!! There will be communication about "you know....that" SEX. (You are inspiring me now!!! I'm almost going to sign up on OKCupid tonight, maybe. Probably. I could. If I wanted. Might check what's on Netflix first....then I will. Maybe)
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Post by bballgirl on May 18, 2016 16:12:45 GMT -5
itsjustus - I agree and I love to talk about sex and I have a dirty mind and I like touching and kissing and being playful and creative. So I would encourage this with a future partner and based on their response or non response I would give them my two cents about what I expect in the future if they want to have a romantic relationship with me. Yes communication is key.
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Post by DryCreek on May 18, 2016 22:53:10 GMT -5
bballgirl ... a) I hope it's amazing and you have loads of fun; b) something seems off here, but maybe I'm just being distracted by the klaxon horns, warning lights, and fishy smell. ;-) Here's my conspiracy theory: micro-dick. Good or bad, this adventure promises to yield a good story!
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Post by bballgirl on May 19, 2016 6:27:34 GMT -5
bballgirl ... a) I hope it's amazing and you have loads of fun; b) something seems off here, but maybe I'm just being distracted by the klaxon horns, warning lights, and fishy smell. ;-) Here's my conspiracy theory: micro-dick. Good or bad, this adventure promises to yield a good story! Thanks for your response. I know something is off (but not in a dangerous way), I want to play this out and see just because we have a lot in common. |
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Post by petrushka on May 19, 2016 20:49:41 GMT -5
Hi bballgirl, .long time no see......I know it's different for women but, in my dating profile I say explicitly that intimacy is important for me in a relationship and that if a woman is only interested in conversation or is just looking for a companion "I'm not the guy she is looking for, we wouldn't make a good match". And in our 1st meet I make sure that we talk about how we both view intimacy. Having just left a SM I don't want to waste any time on a woman where intimacy is at the bottom of her priorities. Maybe you could come up with the female version of this. "He wants to go to a motel for fun, but not sex". Hmmmmm...I have to wonder what his definition of fun is. I can see taking a bit of time to get to know the other person as sex is usually better when you genuinely like the other person and want to be intimate with them from an emotional standpoint. Maybe you 2 will be like the couple(Pricilla Presley an ?) in Naked Gun 2 and 1/2 with the giant condoms covering you from head to toe. Maybe his idea of fun is to sit in the bar of the hotel and poke coins into their slot machines? Ok, so I'm being snarky :-D |
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Post by bballgirl on May 19, 2016 21:03:13 GMT -5
Hi bballgirl, .long time no see......I know it's different for women but, in my dating profile I say explicitly that intimacy is important for me in a relationship and that if a woman is only interested in conversation or is just looking for a companion "I'm not the guy she is looking for, we wouldn't make a good match". And in our 1st meet I make sure that we talk about how we both view intimacy. Having just left a SM I don't want to waste any time on a woman where intimacy is at the bottom of her priorities. Maybe you could come up with the female version of this. "He wants to go to a motel for fun, but not sex". Hmmmmm...I have to wonder what his definition of fun is. I can see taking a bit of time to get to know the other person as sex is usually better when you genuinely like the other person and want to be intimate with them from an emotional standpoint. Maybe you 2 will be like the couple(Pricilla Presley an ?) in Naked Gun 2 and 1/2 with the giant condoms covering you from head to toe. Maybe his idea of fun is to sit in the bar of the hotel and poke coins into their slot machines? Ok, so I'm being snarky :-D Funny! That was my ex's deal. He preferred a slot machine over me any day. Only one way to find out this guys idea of fun is.  |
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Post by DryCreek on May 20, 2016 0:07:29 GMT -5
Funny! That was my ex's deal. He preferred a slot machine over me any day. Only one way to find out this guys idea of fun is. Kill two birds with one stone - book your tryst at a hotel/casino. If he gets enamored by the gaming floor on the way up to the room, you can just leave him there and save yourself the drama. DC |
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Post by bballgirl on May 20, 2016 6:55:15 GMT -5
Funny! That was my ex's deal. He preferred a slot machine over me any day. Only one way to find out this guys idea of fun is. Kill two birds with one stone - book your tryst at a hotel/casino. If he gets enamored by the gaming floor on the way up to the room, you can just leave him there and save yourself the drama. DC Good idea! You are always thinking! |
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Post by nyartgal on May 22, 2016 20:32:44 GMT -5
Omg, I want to know what happened!!!
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Post by itsjustus on May 23, 2016 6:22:23 GMT -5
Omg, I want to know what happened!!! I know, right? We are breathlessly awaiting the report from bballgirl ! |
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 7:45:23 GMT -5
I am laughing at how you all are interested.
Ok something you should know about me is I'm very competitive and I like to be active.
So we met at the hotel and we had said that we were going to swim. I had suggested a race and the winner gets a massage. So first we went to the room, we were kissing and shortly after we went to the pool. He beat me in the race. After we did a backstroke race and I won but he would race again for best 2 out of 3. After the race we just kissed and hung out in the pool. It was romantic we obviously had the pool to ourselves. Oh yeah then we wanted to see who can hold their breath under water longer. I won every time!! Go me!!
After we went back to the room, got changed and went to dinner. Next we went to shoot pool, that was fun, I shot well but choked at the end both games. Game one sank the 8 ball with my purple still on the table then second game scratched on the 8 ball.
After we went back to the hotel went to the hot tub until the pool closed at 10 pm. Then back to the room. We fooled around, there was not any ED issues. However he didn't want to have sex yet which is fine. We will have to discuss this more to compare our belief systems and make sure that nobody is wasting anyone's time.
So we slept together and spooned and it was nice.
We were very intimate but no PIV sex.
Woke up next morning, went out to breakfast then back to the pool. We enjoyed each other's company very much.
He is a nice man. He seems to like me and we will just take it slow. Next weekend I can't see him because I have my kids and to some degree I want to take it slow.
It's funny when I left to go home I was so happy to be by myself. I think that in my marriage I was so used to doing everything alone that this is all something new and for me to get used to. Example: last night I was so happy to sleep alone in my bed. It's all a learning process with a lot of rewiring probably needed on my part because of the SM but I'm willing to challenge myself and put myself out there.
So in summary I had a great time and I would want to see him again.
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Post by Deleted on May 23, 2016 8:02:20 GMT -5
You're a celebrity!
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Post by DryCreek on May 23, 2016 8:27:36 GMT -5
bballgirl, I'm happy for you that the experience was positive and fun! His choice of boundaries is still puzzling, but you'll get that figured out. DC
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Post by bballgirl on May 23, 2016 9:11:34 GMT -5
bballgirl, I'm happy for you that the experience was positive and fun! His choice of boundaries is still puzzling, but you'll get that figured out. DC I agree with you about the boundaries thing and you can bet I will be very up front about it. Basically what's going through my mind and the point I would be making is: So why is my mouth good enough for your dick but my pussy isn't? To me there is no difference. To me they are equally as intimate. I wouldn't want to be with someone that did one bad not the other. As well with oral I had to tell him to do it, maybe he needed the invitation because it was the first time but I know me and I know what turns me on and it's a man that goes there and does that because he likes to. He did a good job with it so that's a good sign. This will probably play out for a few more weeks because I can't see him the weekends that I have my kids. Those weekends are precious to me and I like to focus on my kids. Time will tell and if nothing else I will learn something from the experience. |
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Post by greatcoastal on May 23, 2016 10:27:22 GMT -5
bballgirl , I'm happy for you that the experience was positive and fun! His choice of boundaries is still puzzling, but you'll get that figured out. DC I agree with you about the boundaries thing and you can bet I will be very up front about it. Basically what's going through my mind and the point I would be making is: So why is my mouth good enough for your dick but my pussy isn't? To me there is no difference. To me they are equally as intimate. I wouldn't want to be with someone that did one bad not the other. As well with oral I had to tell him to do it, maybe he needed the invitation because it was the first time but I know me and I know what turns me on and it's a man that goes there and does that because he likes to. He did a good job with it so that's a good sign. This will probably play out for a few more weeks because I can't see him the weekends that I have my kids. Those weekends are precious to me and I like to focus on my kids. Time will tell and if nothing else I will learn something from the experience. I'll take a quick stab at this ,with questions. Is he concerned about you getting pregnant? Giving you a disease? Getting a disease? Is he confused about what diseases you or he can receive from the vagina vs. the mouth.? Sometimes intercourse gets very sweaty, uncomfortable, short lived, too dry, lasts to long, less visual contact, etc... Definitely something to carefully, converse about. |
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